The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Thirteen
As Bobby 'Woofa' Davis said at the Cat's Team of the Century night: "who knows what sort of team we'll put together in 3000".
Meanwhile, in 2002, Clubs are going to have to come up with something to replace the ToC concept for the now-traditional mid-season lavish function.
Your suggestions please to
competition@coodabeens.com.au
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001 16:36:31 +1000
From: Julian Toohey
gday,
this weeks competition immediately triggered in my mind a use for the
crown palladium or similar venue.
this event would occur inbetween round 11 and 12.
the event would be a light and stage show specatcular and done to
recognise those players who have been, as the term puts it, "recycled".
the award would done on the basis of a 3-2-1 basis awarded by "experts",
mike sheehan and caroline wilson.
the best recylcled player, who has accumulated the most votes by round 11
will be deemed winner, in an award yet to be named, (T Francis/D
Monkhorst award????) but along with the trophy, the player will be
awarded with the jumper of their previous club/s, as after about half way
through the year and on, that recycled player shows his traits that lead
him to be dumped. as before too long, supporters will be yelling at him
to return to his old club, amongst otherexpletives which question his
sexuality and pleasure activities.
go saints!!
Julian Toohey
Date: Sat, 23 Jun 2001 19:12:13 +1000
From: Mark Smith
How about a whiz bang motivational/investment/turn your life around
"guru" from the states to address the lads from all clubs on where to
eat/invest/get a sun tan/ buy white shoes/do deals on property/cars/Gold
Coast Real estate/minimise tax etc.
The AFL could have the big screen on the go and the videos/tapes/after
shave etc on sale after the show. Players would have to attend and
conglomerates could be formed. A thorough understanding of the stock
market could be explained and a competition amongst players could be set
up to be awarded the next year on who makes the best investments (All
start with a weeks pay....($10,000). No points for community work or
visiting hospitals etc.
The highlights could be on the footyshow and players who have taken a
bath on dodgy dot coms or one tels would get the opportunity to make
amends through those ridiculous photos that channel 9 plug during the
cricket.
Mark Smith
Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2001 13:48:30 +1000
From: Sue Hoysted
Thanks for sorting out the name Simon.
To answer Tony's question, yes I'm a member of the horse racing family,
but no I'm not personally involved in the industry. (Being born with an
allergy to horses doesn't help when you're a Hoysted!) Nevertheless, his
question did give me a clue to the answer to this week's competition.
No Hoysted got a gig in the racing hall of fame. I thought that was a
bit hard given the number of Hoysteds in the industry and the influence
some of them have had.
I'm sure there must be lots of footballers left
out of teams of the century who feel equally miffed (e.g. Swan McKay and
the Nankervis brothers) so I thought in this enlightened and politically
correct era, all clubs and the AFL could run Gala "Sorry" dinners to
apologise to those they have offended over the years. Apart form the
team of the century apologies, Kevin Sheedy could apologise to Derek
Kickett, Neil Balme to Geoff Southby and various other perpetrators to
their victims.
Undoubtedly, the highlight of all the sorry dinners would be the AFL/VFL
umpires and tribunal dinner, where we could hear apologies from the 1967
Grand Final goal umpire, the 1979 Grand Final boundary umpire and the
"Kerry Good" night grand final field umpires and time keepers.
On the tribunal front we would see apologies to Chris Grant and Corey
McKernan for lost Brownlows and Phil Carman for missing two Grand
Finals.
The "Sorry" dinners would give all concerned a rare opportunity to get
ahead of public opinion. Perhaps the Coodabeens could follow their
competition winners dinner with a sorry dinner for competition losers?
Greg Hoysted
Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 08:35:50 +1000
From: Jamie Sanderson
Why get rid of the TOC concept at all! Produce some sequels.
Following the tradition of movies, if something is financially successful,
no matter how bad the script or acting a sequel will always follow.
There is no reason why the same cannot be applied to the TOC. Have TOC II
next year with the next best 18 and TOC III the year after and so forth.
After all there were at least 7 Police Academy movies!
Not only will this provide a lavish function for each club for many years to
come it will also provide great 'water cooler' conversation such as:
'Gee, I thought Mark Majercjak was a bit stiff not to get into Carlton's TOC
III side!'
It will also have the effect of gruntling any disgruntled ex-players who
just missed out on previous TOC's.
cheers,
Jamie Sanderson
Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 09:33:23 +1000
From: Peter O'Sullivan
Dear Simon,
I'd like to see AFL clubs honour their
DISCO RANGERS OF THE SEVENTIES / eighties
Clubs could recognise those players
whose achieve fame and glory on the dance floors
of Melbourne discos and nightclubsin the 1970's / 80'S
Of course St Kilda would dominate the evening
with such superstars as
Trevor Barker
George Young
Michael Roberts
Geoff Cunningham
Gary Sidebottom
Each person honoured as a DISCO RANGER
would be awarded a framed drink card
in memory of their performances.
Kind Regards
Peter O'Sullivan
Date: Mon, 25 Jun 2001 14:35:24 +1000
From: Peter O'Sullivan
The demise of the AFL reserves
has left a bitter taste in many people's mouths.
No longer are we rewarded for arriving at the game early
to get a look at the new young blood and the doubtful draft choices
providing a curtain raiser to the main game.
I believe we should revive the spirit if the AFL reserves.
In keeping withCoodabeen Traditional Values
AFL teams should be able to nominate their
RESERVES TEAM OF THE CENTURY.
Some stand out selections may include:
Hawthorn STEVE MALAXOS capt. / ruck rover
RANDALL BONE centre half back
Geelong BRIAN PEAKE capt. / centre
Collingwood FATOOI ATTATA centre half forward
WES FELLOWES ruck
Carlton: FRANK MARCHESANI half forward flank
STEVEN DA RUI full forward
North Melbourne DARRYL SCHIMMULBUSCH rover
DARRYL SUTTON full forward
Kind Regards
Peter O'Sullivan
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 03:41:00
From: stuart mcarthur
Dear Simon,
The next AFL lavish function at Crown Palladium should target REAL
theatre-goers by putting on dinner and a show.
eg. The 1970 Grand Final On Ice,
starring Torvill and Dean as Hopkins and Jezza, Tonya Harding as Jerka
Jenkins, and special guest star Barrass as Barrass.
The first Act opens in a mood of vibrant expectation as Blues and Pies skate
around each other with joyous vim. The Blues then become forlorn and
wistful. A siren sounds, pregnant with foreboding, and the Blues leave the
ice, heads bowed, whilst the Pies sweep around them in majestic bliss.
The lights then dim to a solitary blue spot which highlights the troubled
soul of Barrass as he enters the arena. He cuts a lonely figure as he
slowly glides to a corner where he huddles, head in hands, bemoaning the
tragedy that awaits.
Suddenly a small duck enters the arena and skates playfully up to Barrass,
teasing him.
But his words strike a chord. Barrass suddenly straightens his back.
"Short game," says he. "SHORT GAME!!" he cries, and springs to his feet,
inspired. He arabesques across the rink and exits.
The lights rise to the frenzied re-entrance of the Blues as they swamp the
bewildered Pies. Torvill (playing Teddy Hopkins) skates a merry dance among
the cast, triumphantly punching air, then all the cast freezes as she stops
and bows solemnly to Dean (playing Jezza). On cue, Dean leaps gracefully
and, using wires, hovers motionless over a crestfallen Tonya Harding
(Jerka), while in the distance, the fat lady (Rex) begins her fateful song.
stuart mcarthur
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 15:45:20 +1000
From: "Pescod, David"
Hi Simon,
considering the frequency with which AFL players fall foul of the law,
the traditional mid - season ToC could be replaced a team of the
penitentiary ToP.
Cheers
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 13:25:28 +1000
From: Jeffrey Ferguson
Congratulations on the Ratings
What Geelong (and other teams) need are new team TOTC where each month
they have a special dinner and celebrate the team of the century (TOTC)
consisting of those players who only wore the number 1, then next month
number 2 etc. Just think! Essendon could keep this up for about 57
months!! Once these are completed you could start on TOTC with only
players whose name begin with A, then B etc. Bingo! Another 26 months of
special dinners! Then TOTC where the players are only left footers, right
footers or both!
In the case of Geelong they could have a TOTC comprising entirely of
players they let go who became champions at other clubs and another team
consisting entirely of Bobby Davis's adopted children (Under the
father/son rule). Geelong could also have a TOTC comprising of players
who wore white boots, players who throw pies at Melbourne players,
players notorious for car accidents and have played 300+ games, playerss
who bag Geelong in the media etc.
Regards
Jeffrey Ferguson
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 20:09:50 +1000
From: Michele Blight
The function to be held next year will be "Back to VFL Park– A
70’s Retro Experience"
The Stadium’s still there so we might as well use it for something
Vital ingrediants of the night will be
* Brown Velvet Dinner suit or alternatively a Bright Blue Safari Suit
Michele Blight
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 10:28:55 +1000
From: Mike Honeychurch
Simon,
In 2002 clubs should book out the palladium at Crown for the black tie pie
night of the century.
No lobster, no rack of lamb, no Chardonnay, no champagne, just four n'
twenty pies and VB.
cheers
Mike Honeychurch
Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2001 22:52:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: jack .
AAAKangaroos - Denis Pagan re-strategise meeting
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 07:16:49 -0000
From: Phil Valoppi
Due to football becoming a business these days, as seen by the money
making venture of 'teams of the cenury', I think clubs should adopt the
idea of many fast food joints, being EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. Now this may
seem trivial at first, but I think we need to recognise the efforts of
players who's star shone so brightly they burnt out after a month or two,
including the likes of Darren Cuthbertson, Adrian McAdam and of course,
the Troy Wilson experience. An induction ceremony could therefore be
held every month, keeping the supporters interested and the money flowing
in. In the years to come, players such as Dermott would be introduced as
5 time premiership player, 7 time employee of the month.
This would allow the younger clubs to get on board the gravy train as
they have yet to reap the financial winfall of a team of the century.
The ideal merchandising opportunity from EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH is of
course a calender the following year with a pin-up shot of the winners.
This would mean that Andrew McLeod would get the nickname Mr September,
Collingwood would have noMr June for the last few years and West Coast
would release the Ben Cousins calenderwhen no other nominees
arise.This accolade would create great debateamongst supporters, and
provide the clubs with a regular function tofill the void left by the
team of the century.
Phil Valoppi
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 21:08:19 +1000
From: mitchy babe skelly
in replacement for the team of the century dinners
clubs should just have a dinner about nothing. it worked for Jerry
Seinfeld and who wouldn't want to celebrate nothing. at least there
would be no controversy.
mitch skelly
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 21:16:00 +1000
From: PETER MILES
My suggestion is obvious, it is a bit retro, a bit grass-roots, but is
that a bad thing?
My "team of the pie night" is as follows
PS during the function, that pie stand in the outer at pricess park
should burn ceremoniously
Peter Miles
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 21:49:08 +1000
From: Andrew McKie
Some suggested functions for the Geelong Football Club for season 2002.
Vote Count/Presentation Dinner.
As the Cats traditionally start the season with a succession of promising
victories, followed by an alarming collapse, The Geelong Football Club
will hold its Vote Count and Presentation Night for 2002 on the Monday
Evening after the completion of Round Five. This is traditionally the
time of the season when the Cats’ ladder position is at its highest,
most of its players are in their best form, supporters' (false) hopes are
at their apex, and the Geelong Advertiser isn’t having to strain too
hard to come up with its usual fare of incredibly trite, parochial back
page nonsense. Therefore, maximum supporter enthusiasm (and therefore
attendance) is guaranteed.
Geelong Falcons Guernsey Presentation. (O.K., it's not a
Mid-YearFunction but could it be adapted?)
The traditional pre-season issuing of jumpers will be scrapped and
replaced by an end of season function which will take place shortly after
the National Draft. It will include elements such as edited individual
player highlights, interviews and an informal geography lesson. Pained
Cats supporters will be forced to sit through an evening of not only
finding out how talented these local kids are, but to which other club
they will be heading next season. (Representatives from the otherclubs
would be in attendance to present the departing Falcons with their new
guernseys.) The‘ entertaining’ and fund raising part of the
evening will involve the“ grilling” of Falcons and Cats
Administration, Recruitingand Talent Scouts as to“ Who the hell let
him go, and Why?”, at which time the familiar‘ dunking
tank’ of cold water (with the seat which drops when the target is
hit) would be produced. Given the wealth of Falcons talent at other
clubs, and the angst this causes amongst Geelong supporters, the
opportunity for frustrated fans to attempt to‘ drown a few
scapegoats’ will surely tempt them to open their pockets and provide
a major injection of funds for the struggling club.
Andrew McKie (Simon- it's pronounced like the former Carlton champion;
not the @#$%! Collingwood ruckman!!)
Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 11:59:24
From: Damien Joyce
Maybe clubs could have what I call "Jon Anderson" events, i.e a team of the
greatest left foot players who parted their hair to the right but played an
odd number of games. Surely with "Ando's following in the little paper and
with the breakfast boys on AW this sort of format would be a hit.
"Picture it Simon, the announcement at the Palladium (where else?) of the
greatest red headed, hypen-named, private school educated, studied English
Literature in Year 12, own a Range Rover and the lodge up at "bulla" players
to play for the Melbourne football club......
Cheers
NORTH OLD BOYS
28. D.Joyce Previous Clubs: Ararat, Willaura
Damien Joyce, Brunswick
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 09:26:07 +1000
From: Jac & Pete
Traditional club with traditional values having a traditional black tie
"gourmet quiche and pie night".
Event may include the latest in "kosher" pies and be held midweek,
subject to presidential preference.
jac & pete
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 10:10:24 +1000 (EST)
From: "ARTAVILLA,Pino"
Every club should hold a Stephen Silvagni testimonial night.
Pino Artavilla
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 11:38:05 +1000
From: "Bridge, Bill"
I have been thinking long and hard about this. After reading that St Kilda's
financial plight was lessened by $300,000 due to ToC celebrations it struck
me that this was an important event.
I thought that maybe Wayne Jackson could call in a favour from the man
upstairs and have the space time continuum altered to advance 100 years per
year. So we can have the team of the century celebrations every year. But
that would give us the problem that in the next four years Essendon would
have 400 new players with the surname Johnson come through the ranks and win
400 premierships in the same period. I must point out that as a Carlton
supporter could we possibly endure 400 more years of John Elliot's foot in
mouth disease.
So my solution is a new Calendar. A Calendar I hear you say, scoff, scoff,
it's been done before!! But wait there is more, the function to launch the
calendar would raise funds as would the sale of the aforementioned Calendar.
But this one is different.
This would be "THE MEN FOR NO REASONS" calendar. No longer would this be the
domain of the pretty boy muscular types of the AFL, but the ordinary looking
types that the average supporter can relate to, it is sure to be a hit and a
major boost to the clubs coffers.
Here are my nominations for the first of these Calendars.
1. Carlton - You couldn't go past Matthew Lappin for both his physique and
his stark resemblance to Quasi Modo of Notre Damme fame in all team photos.
Cheers
Billy Bridge
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 15:33:26 +1000
From: jcult
The way forward, I believe is for clubs to start homouring a lot more
of their past players. I propose a "Guernsey Number Team of The
Century". Beginning next year, with guernsey number 1, each club can
honour their champion No. 1's of the last 100 years. For example,
Collingwood may look something like:
B: G. Anderson, J. Regan, R. Gabelich
INT: D. Monkhorst, F. Tuck, G. Hocking, L. "Neon" Davis
Coach: M. Weidemann
I'm sure there will still be a lot of controversy and debate, but
that's gotta be good for football.
Love the show,
Jan Cult
Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 18:20:59 +1000
From: "Salton, Jeff"
G'day Simon,
Obviously, my whingeing about not being considered worthy of airplay
recently has fallen on deaf ears, however, it has prompted to craft this
week's entry around the subject. My 'night of nights' replacement for
the Team of the Century would be the annual:
Annual have a whinge night -
Venue:The biggest pokie club you can find where some of the money goes
back into the club's coffers - (Melbourne supporters get limo to Crown)
Dress: Smart casual - no thongs. (Melbourne supporters - lounge suit)
Host/MC: A member of the Board with the biggest chip on his shoulder,
or the current cheer squad leader (Melbourne - stick with a Board member)
Kick off: Start by whingeing about how goodyour team would be if it
weren’t for all the injuries this year. Then go back over the years
and name all the grand finals you would have won if you’d had 18 fit
blokes on the paddock. (lots of cheering, raising cans in agreement,
etc). Melbourne - chants of 'kill Jim Stynes' and 'bring back Barrass'.
Move on to how you’re being crucified by umpires. Where you’d
be on the ladder now if you’d been given yourfair share of frees.
(If you team is leading the free-kick table,emphasise that it’s not
how many you get but where you get them). If your team is not AAA
Kangaroos or Port Adelaide, rage about how you can't touch Carey or
Wanganeen and if your team's champion got the favouritism from the umps
that they'd get, they'd kick 10 goalseach game and you'd be sitting four
games clear on top by now. (crowd now becoming increasingly
enthusiastic). Melbourne supporters slap their legs vigorously with the
hand not holding the cigar or brandy snifter.
Bag every ex-player who ever did any good at another club. (lots of
boos). Demon supporters express shock that anyone would ever leave THE
club - Robbie Flower never left!
Whinge about how the membership figures are down because of the price of
a ticket togo to the footy. Reminisce about how it used to cost
threepence to get into the footy andhow it was a family game and how the
corporate dollar hasruined footy while mysteriously eluding your club
and how worse off everyone is. (crowd definitely disturbed by trend and
suggest more raffles to raise money). At Melbourne function, sound of
silver spoon hitting the ground breaks long silence.
Get into ground rationalisation and how your club has lost its grass
roots‘ identity’.
Speaking of grass roots, whinge about the impending demise of the
father-son rule and the ridiculous salary cap and reduced player lists.
Discuss what champions you would missed out on in the past and how the
sons of current champions could one day be forced to play for (insert
most hated team here).
Compare glory days of recruitment‘ zones’ and how it only took
six shirts, a cooked breakfast dailyand free board to get a champion
like Royce Hart to sign up for Richmond. (supporters wipe tears from
eyes). Melbourne - ah, you just can't import a good cotton shirt
nowadays, can you.
Whinge abouthow player managers are treating players like the 'boy in
the bubble',keeping them out of reach of today's kids, who can't run on
the ground at the end of each game and grab their favourite player's
autograph. Don't forget how these managers have instructed players not
to sign anything they can't resell for under a grand. (supporters
getting outraged at this fact). Melbourne - chap with leather patches on
his elbows at table 51 complains how he had to pay $18,000 this year just
to get the team bus to detour past his house in Brighton on the way to
Tullamarine to play the Crows, so that his son could 'cheer on' the lads.
And the boy's croquet lessons have increased to $55 an hour with this
blasted GST.
Complain about the need to have 15 blokes on the bench because the
grounds are too hard andthat Colonial faces the wrong direction anyway.
Supporters threaten boycott. Melbourne - threaten to send team of
gardeners to correct problem.
Curse the invention of pay TV. Conjure up memories of leavingLakeside
Oval after a win and racing home to watch the replay on Channel 2, then 7
then 9 with fair dinkum commentators like Tony Charlton and Mike
Williamson.(curse Murdoch and Packer). Melbourne - curse the break in
transmission last week when an electrical storm caused chaos with the
satellite dish on the roof.
(Melbourne-based only clubs)
Get stuck in about how the national competition has favoured all the
interstate clubs to the point where the Melbourne-based clubs are going
broke and how it's only a matter of time before another one bites the
dust.
(Interstate clubs)
Whinge about the favouritism shown to Melbourne-based clubs who
can’t scratch a dollar together and are holding back the competition
from going‘ international’.
(Everyone again)
Whinge about how much a pie costs– if you can get past thebrightly
lit racks of baguettes and sushi rolls. And don’t get me started
about the BEER… Melbourne crowd moves to Mahogany Room and bemoans
Coles-Myer predicament.
Remember when you could turn up to the ground and stand on top of your
Esky in the outer and drink full strength Carlton cans all day and drive
home and not get butchered by the‘ boys in blue’ who
aren’t really coppers, they’re just glorified tax
collectors…
Then pick holes in every other club's team of the century and incite the
crowd to riot when you thunderously explain how your team of the century
would kick their teams of the century's butts.
Around 11pm hold traditional auction, raffle etc and kick everyone out
around 1am.
Each year you can add another category or expand on others
JeffFrom Kilsyth
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 00:20:59 +1000
From: Doug Long
Why cannot clubs unveil a team of the century in 2002 (an "UNSPECIAL"
year numerically)?
This is discriminatory and downright NUMERIST!
Let the clubs have their "Team of the Century" events each year… but
with EVER-CHANGING THEMES.
For example, in 2002, The clubs could announce their team of MVPs (Most
VERBAL Players!)– where the BIGGEST and LOUDEST MOUTHS of the last
century would be duly acknowledged.
Then, in 2003, the game day medical support staff can be honoured. A
modern day awardee can be given a mounted roll of tape (representing his
ability to clean up a bleeding player and have him back on the ground in
a minute– even if the said player does look like something from an
EGYPTIAN HORROR MOVIE!) Support staff of earlier days could be presented
with a can of "MAGIC SPRAY". And the real old time trainers could be
immortalised with "THE WET TOWEL" award.
2004 could be the year to celebrate players who OVERACHIEVED DURING END
OF SEASON TRIPS!
2005– Those who "SHONE" at club player revue nights as FEMALE
IMPERSONATORS.
2006– A tram of teetotallers (impossible for some clubs?)
2007– Most trips to the tribunal as a victim
2008– Player who went for the most number of unsuccessful speccies
ETC ETC
Some clubs may wish to tailor awards to their own special areas of
interest.
EG: Player with biggest collection of mocassins
Player with the best share portfolio yield
Surely this would work!
Finally, the Crows SHOULD create a "TEAM of the Century" by pretending
that they had been in the AFL 100 years and assuming that every great
player who was born in S. A., lived at any time in S. A. or ever once
visited S. A. was a Crows player. This combination would have, according
to the unbiased Croweaters, won over 50 flags and this LAVISH FUNCTION
would be the GALAH (did I spell this word correctly?) EVENT TO BEAT ALL.
May I end with my theory: that it will be 2100 at the end of this
century; not 3000.
Doug Long
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 09:10:33 +1000
From: "Anniss, Angela (VIC)"
We've all seen player's attractive loyal partners giving their support on
such glamorous occasions as Brownlow night . Next year I suggest we
recognise the ladies behind the stars in the AFL past and present with
"The AFL Partners Hall of Fame Awards".
Some nominations could include :
Jo Bailey ..... Sam's 1st wife ..... Leanne Capper ..... Sheryl Barrassi
.....
The captain of the Swannettes ..... Lyn Hunt ..... Helen from Healsville
.....
Jimmy Stynes dad ..... Sam's 2nd wife ..... Dermott's mum ( with the bread )
.....
Lilian Frank ( she's in everything else ) ..... Trent Croad's red BMW
.......
Sam's 3rd wife ......
Special Hardship Award goes to Kenny Judge's long time partner ............
Peter German.
Hall of Fame Legend award goes to Edna Richards.
Night to be hosted by "Kerry Anne Wilson".
Steve Anniss
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 11:52:07 +1000
From: Mccaffco
My suggestion for the the lavish mid season function to replace the TOC
night would be to institute an annual Girlfriends of Footballers
evening. The GOFevent would generate great controversy and thereby great
publicity .The media would promote it as the NIGHT OF BLONDS and the AFL
would lend its support to the cause provided all references to itbeing
known by the acronymn NOB NIGHT were dropped.It could serve as a prelude
to the Brownlow and the event would have the support of the majority of
the participants as they would have the opportunity to wear their gowns
twice in the one year.
Date: 28 Jun 2001 19:51:51 MDT
From: michael hogg
the west coast eagles could have an award where 20 of the nation's fashion
desginers make there idea of a new wce away jumper and this will be awarded at
a gala night at the burswood. orange numbers on orange backs not allowed
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 12:06:36 +1000
From: "Mitchell, Darren (AU - Melbourne)"
Now that the clubs have soothed the players egos with the ToC functions its
time to honour the true backbone of each of the clubs - THE PRESIDENTS.
Its become clear of late that the prez's are angling for the spotlight so
stand by for The Presidents of the Century Dinners.
And what a battle royale it would be - as Bruce (he'll need a new gig) -
gives the run down of each prez before the voting takes place and the winner
announced....
Carlton - now this will be a tight contest with Big Jack taken on by Big
George and maybe Ricey
The battles at the other interstate teams may not be as fierce and they may
need to resort to the President of the decade.
Darren Mitchell
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 13:08:47 +1000
From: paul russo
Some possible events for next year :
1. Essendon - Team of the Century (for this century - 21st). Just announce
the current team.
2. Umpires of the Century - invite back some of the best/worst umpires over
the years and let supporters all boo and abuse them at the same time in the
one room.
3. Dud players of the Century - Each team can form a useless recruit/dud
player team of the century. Give supporters the chance to have closure and
boo/abuse them one more time.
>From Faction 3366 - Paul Russo/John Clements
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 13:02:37 +1000
From: Matt Cronin
To enable each team to exploit it's membership, sorry raise funds, I believe
the following event should occur.
The (insert team name here) Football Club's greatest ever marks.
Each team would be able to drag out video footage and grainy old black and
white stills from the past and somehow try to put them into some kind of
order. This will give you controvesy, with questions like, "Was Bob Pratt's
grab better than Warwick Capper's.
Each club would probably have a least one "token" mark from the early 1900's
that someone like "Digger' would remember, when any "grab" taken with both
feet off the ground and arms outstretched was seen as something spectacular.
Speaking of which did Peter Hudson ever take a mark with both feet off the
ground?
Now marketing begins with a "limited" print run of each mark as well as the
"very limited" print run of all ten marks mounted together. These of course
would be advertised during channel 9's football presentation "a la" the
myriad of cricket photos they have flogged in the past.
A further way to take advantage of members, sorry raise funds, is to also
produce photos of selected players best marks. Now, with someone like
Ablett the possibilities are endless and I am sure you could even produce
something for any player, however the famous exploits of "Diamond" Jim
Tilbrook or Steve Malaxos could be difficult.
Once the marks have been done you then go to any other feature of football,
goals, tackles, clashes etc. Remember the AFL's view of football, you don't
really know what you want till we tell you what you want, even if you don't
want it, too bad, your getting it.
Matt Cronin
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 13:43:55 +1000
From: Matt Laing
The Carlton Football Club should run with an old fashioned traditional
Pub Crawl around the streets Fitzroy and Carlton. $20 all you can drink,
hosted by Matthew Lappin and Brenden Fevola.
The Fremantle Football Club should run surfing clinics for all the
Western Australians who really believe that surfing is now the future and
not football. A day out in the waves with Mods, Macmanus,Bandyand all
the other boys.(whose names just happen to escape me)
The Geelong Football Club will run a huge Treasure Hunt and maybe even
find Gary.
Matty LAing
Yarra Valley Old Boys
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 13:53:32 +1000
From: Bill Hall
MID YEAR DO:
You'd reckon* it was obvious, and I'd be surprised if this hasn't already
been suggested, but it can only be:
where you can catch up on old friends, and relive memories of that once
in a lifetime occasion.
and so on.
*"You'd reckon" is the AFL-approved phrase used during commentary by
Bruce McAvaney todistinguish between speculation and statement of fact,
as in: "...and HE'S DRILLED IT! Gee, Fish, you'd reckon the Crows are
home now..."
Richard Hall
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 16:51:14 +1000
From: "Treseder, Peter"
Simon,
I may have won already but I aim to be a household name, aka Stuart
McArthur.
The new function to be held by clubs will be as follows
"Great Memories for You to Keep"
Held of course at the Crown entertainment venue the night will focus on
selling "classic" memories of the team involved. This ranges from
equipment, to photos to photo opportunities.
Clubs could sell "limited" print photos of great marks, goals and moments
from the past. These photos could be as classic as the Coleman's marks,
Skilton's blackeyes when winning the Brownlow, Pluggers record breaking
goal. The rarer the photo the more value. What value would the following
photos have :
Kevin Bartlett handballing in front of goal
No matter how much was sold, it would always be possible to run this event
every year as new "classic" moments would occur each year and new momentos
from the past would be found. It could even get a bit on the "Sick" side.
Regards,
Peter "Trash" Treseder
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 17:11:49 +1000
From: "BULL,TRAVIS (HP-Australia,ex2)"
The new annual function will be the "Classic Coaching comedy at Crown".
Each year the coach at each club will have his night of nights. He will be
required to do a stand up comedy in front of his teams faithful.
Imagine it:
Dennis Pagan reliving some memorable lighter moments from the coaches box.
Like the time the siren sounded 10 seconds earlier and they had the ball in
the forward line and were only down by 3 points. Very funny stuff
Sheedy spinning some sensational one liners and giving a rather humorous
translation of sign language
Ben Allen laughing his way through his season, the crowd especially liked
the one about the board, the journalist and the coach.
Daniher recounting several of his humorous antidotes about Schwarta. "He's a
really funny guy sometimes"
Rodney Eade explaining the flood.
Mick Malthouse will let everyone know how sad he was to see his side crush
the eagles, a very black comedy night indeed
And of course the greatest comic Malcolm blight will give his perspective on
his team in the way only blight can. You should hear some of the practical
jokes he has pulled, very funny like the time he left the coaches box early,
made all the players sit out on the empty ground, once again a true master
of comedy.
What a night full of laughs it would be.
Travis Bull
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 17:53:23 +1000
From: KyselaO
Simon
Idea for functions are as follows:
1. Pub Golf
Taken from the VAFA function database, adapted to AFL specifications.
v
Have 1,200 fans, players and officials at the Paladium for the 3 course
meal, then proceed on foot in groups of 100, each with a designated captain,
to 18 selected pubs heading from Young & Jacksons and ending up at The Swan
or PAs in Richmond. The Captain must carry a whistle and sound the whistle
after 15 minutes, upon which the journey to the next tee must commence. All
holes are Par 3s, and a skull without stopping is an eagle. Smart players
will lay up early with birdies, and come home with a rush of eagles. The
Leader of each group must wear a Yellow Jersey.
Carlton appear to be the first club trialling this idea at the minute, with
mixed results.
2. Supporter's Scapegoats of the Decade
On a members voting basis, compile a team of the decade of players the
supporters loved to belittle. The scapegoats, the much maligned, the
heckled, the big reputations that didn't deliver. More often than not
unfairly, from people who have never played an AFL game themselves. As each
member is named, the 1,200-strong fickle crowd at the Paladium can stand up
and hurl abuse and heckle the recipient one last time. For instance,
Hawthorn Scapegoats Team of the 90s:
B: Paul Sharkey Austinn McCrabb Steve Malaxos
Oliver Kysela
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 18:14:43 +1000
From: Darren Brookes
The next team of the century team should be called the "Team of Time
Itself". It is composed of the key players from the backline
Full Back: Charlie Chaplin: Quiet, shy footballer who silence leads you
to believe "what happens on the field, stays on the field"
Centre Half Back: Noah: the cause of the modern day flood. The "flood
gates have opened" originated from his worst performance when one of
each type of goal was kicked.
HBF: Genghis Khan: Tough, dependable, loves a bit of agro. Dependable
and loves creating opportunities by pushing forward
Wing: French Foreign Legion - they love the wide open spaces. At home in
on the sandy wings at Colonial
CHF: Alexander the Great: Conqueror of this position, although a heavy
drinker, trained well on the track during the week. Overcame his
weakness for the good life by becoming a leader of the side.
v
Full Forward: Isaac Newton - loves to take a hanger. His theory:" what
goes up must come down"
v
Ruck: Sampson - long, sleek, fully skilled individual with long flowing
hair. His hair is long which excludes from the current day Hawthorn
squad
Rover & Captain: David of David and Goliath fame, loves the games
against the bigger and better performed sides and always believes he can
win. He is usually correct
Ruck Rover: Napoleon: even though hit hard with injuries he pulls the
team together
Interchange: Nelson Mandela: came of the bench late in the last quarter
to thrill the crowd.
Interchange: Ghandi: on the bench despite his years of experience
v
Umpire: Pope John Paul II - nobody has argued or would dare to argue
with his decisions
From
An Amalgamation between Chris Hardie and the Steven O'Dwyer Fanclub
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 18:32:20 +1000
From: John and Diane Lyon
Dear Coodabeens, How about a post-team-of the-century "warm down" pie
night? Every club could do it, and to minimize costs, hold it
immediatelyafter a game! Subject to AFL approval, of course! Each club
would need to invite a number of well known imbeciles, dingbatsand jerks
as guest speakers, which is not a problem because, let's face it, they're
on every street corner...
John Lyon
Date: Fri, 29 Jun 2001 23:03:50 +1000
From: Ben Davies
In this era of cash-strapped Victorian clubs when everything has been
tried to raise a buck, it's time for the more desperate clubs to cash
inon the very concept of desperation itself. Therefore, my proposal is
as follows:
The Mid-Season footy club "Survivor" show -
Clubs can jump on the band wagaon of 'reality' TV by creating their own
highly lucrative, high-rating "Survivor" show:
- After Round 11, all of the players on the team list with medium or
long-term injuries get selected for the "Survivor" series, in which they
spend two weeks having their character tested and facing near death
experiences. They must live off their wits and survive a series of
potentially fatalsituations, such as the Animal Enclosure at Moorabin,
the showers in the Away team rooms at Victoria Park and driving a car
with Victorian plates through the Football Park car park after a Port
Power loss.
The highlights of these hair-raising experiences will be packaged into a
five-episode series to be shown at a lavish mid-year function at the
Casino, with the TV rights then on-sold to Cable TV in a lucratice
pay-per-view deal. At the end of each episode, club members will get to
vote on who they wish to see eliminated. To make things more interesting,
votes need not be cast only on the basis of their performance in
"Survivor" but also on thatof their on-field performance over the years,
thus bringing true supporter participation back into footy by giving the
fans a genuine role in team selection.(The Richmond episodes should be
particularly interesting...)
To ensure that the players have genuine incentive, the last remaining
"Survivor" will be offered a lucrative 3-year, $1 million contract by his
club, whilst the one who gets voted off first will be traded to Fremantle
at the end of the year.
Benalla
"Oh small duck," sings Barrass in sorrowful baritone. "Thou art nothing but
short game."
David Pescod
* Long sideburns & hair
* Courage Beer
* Scanlen’s Footy Cards
Adelaide - Gary Ayers night (if Adelaide have been winning: re-signing,
if Adelaide have been losing: resigning)
Brisbane - Surfing Contest
Carlton - Premiership cup unveiling ("we're better than Essendon because
we have more premierships")
Collingwood - Channel 9 television special "How Eddie McGuire saved
Collingwood" Hosted by Eddie McGuire
Essendon - Count our money night
Fremantle - see Brisbane
Geelong - Members / Players teaparty involving handbag comparison
Hawthorn - All team members go to the hair dressers to get their blonde
streaks re-done
Melbourne - Members weekend away at Mt. Bulla
Port Adelaide - Save Alberton Oval fundraiser
Richmond - Team of the Millenium night
St. Kilda - "Kick further than the Coach" contest
Sydney - Mardi Gras preperations
West Coast - see Brisbane
Western Bulldogs - Terry "Hollywood" Wallace movie night
The AFL surely needs a massive pie-night to take functioneering to the
next level.
Backs : Richards, Dyer and Davis(for the recipes)
HB: Barry Round, Whitten, Skilton (for the singing)
C: Jerker Jenkin, Barrott (who else), Watters (pie-evasion skills at
Victoria Park getsScotty the nod)
HF: R. Kink (selects himself) Newman & Schwartz
F: Lockett, Hudson Biffin (piggy Dunstall a bit unlucky here)
Ruck :M.Nolan (I saw him fall on a rover once, the poor man was enveloped
by Mick)
Ruck Rover:Serge Silvagni
Rover: Georgie Bisset
19th man Peter Johnston (willprobably be called up late and arrive with
a pie & milkshake already in stomach)
20th man Whale Roberts (not likely to arrive with a milkshake already in
his stomach)
Emergencies, Gerry Connolly, Ron Blaskett, Gerry G
Team Mascot : Massive Merv
Committee: George"chopsticks" Harris, Ron Evans,
President: Ranald MacDonald (make a great m.c. for this lot)
Croydon
LICENCE TO MAKE MONEY, CHING CHING, HEAR THE REGISTER RING!
Features-
-the traditional meat pie plus new varieties including "Zebra & Zucchini"
(in honour of the 3 zeds - Neitz Schwarz & Yze), and "Ox & Cream".
-traditional free can of drink for all members
-some plates and glasses provided for less traditional traditionalists
-free parking for 4WD vehicles.
Bendigo (formerly Cobram)
2. Essendon - On sheer physique you would have to say Dustin Fletcher, or is
it Dustin Johnson?
3. Nth Melbourne - Mick Martin, enough said.
4. Collingwood - Anthony wins by a nose!
5. Richmond - Steven Sziller's rotund frame and tortured looks win him the
spot here.
6. Bulldogs - Tough choice, so many to choose from, Libba Wins.
7. Melbourne - Maybe an Anthony Ingerson, but tough to choose.
8. Adelaide - Riccutio's brick like physique and matching head wins the
spot.
9. Fremantle - Do you know any Frematle players?????????
10. St Kilda - Nathan Burke for that custom shaped nose.
11. Hawthorn - Luckily they recruited Shaun Rhen this year otherwise you'd
struggle to find one in all of their "pretty boys".
12. Geelong - Budha!!!!!!! Enough Said.
13. Sydney - Schwattttaa for that single eyebrow or maybe Kell!
14. Brisbane - Darryl White, wiry and with some more hair growth could
resemble Joe Cocker.
15. West Coast - Who??????? Sorry, probably Scott Cummings for that caved in
forehead of neanderthal man look.
16. Port Adelaide - Meeeeeaaaaaaaddddddeeeeee!
HB: B. Andrew, M. Twomey, J. Beveridge
C: R. Barham, W. Richardson, A. Pannam
HF: M. Richardson, M. Weidemann (c), H. Collier
F: N. Mann, A. Kyne, T. Waters
FOLL: L. Thompson, D. Tuddenham, l. Richards
The selection process wouldinvolve a test of Player and club loyalty
and there may even be curious interpretations of the father son (mother
daughter )rule when final team positions are settled upon
JOHN MCCAFFREY
Collingwood - Eddie up against Ranald
Essendon - Ron Evans and David Shaw both got to the commission but can they
hold out Macca or even Hirdy Snr Snr
Fitzroy - a Weigard I guess
Footscray - Smorgo up against Gordo
Geelong - was Reg Hickey ever president
Hawthorn - Ian Dicker lead them out of the merger but Ron Cook lead them
through the golden era
Melbourne - maybe this could be just combined with the election
North - The Doc maybe although Case will get a lot of the grassroots votes
Richmond - Bondy (oops) - Big Nev would be a shoe-in if they bring back
those adds of him falling off a roof
St Kilda - not many standouts - Butters hasn't got the runs on the board yet
- so it has to be the '66 prez.
South/Sydney - might have to be the owner of the century - the Doc up
against Willesee and Wheat
THE 'TEAM OF THE CENTURY DINNER' REUNION DINNER
And of course, the following year you can have
THE 'TEAM OF THE CENTURY DINNER REUNION DINNER' REUNION DINNER
Peter Hudson marking with both feet off the ground
Ronnie Wearmouth kicking left foot
A team photo of the Saints or Hawks during the 80's or 90's where no player
has blonde hair
Get your photo taken with an VFL/AFL legend before they hear their final
siren. (Jack Dyer, Lou Richards and Crag Bradley spring to mind)
HB: Nathan Chapman Greg Madigan Justin Crawford
C: Leon Higgins Darren Baxter Shane Stevenson
HF: Paul Hudson Randall Bone Chris Wittman
F: Shannon Gibson Dominic Berry Paul Harding
R: Simon Crawshay Craig Treleven Jon Hassall
I: Tim Hargraeves Alex McDonald