The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Twenty
Looking at The Port Adelaide List it's not hard to see them kitted out in Eighteenth Century gear, starring in a BBC adaptation of something by Jane Austen or Charles Dickens ; Barnaby French, Toby Thurstans, Fabian Francis and the rest wouldn't be out of place in Hornblower's crew.
Choose a club and draft their list into the cast of characters from a work of fiction or drama.
Email your entries to
competition@coodabeens.com.au
Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2001 13:28:25 +1000
From: Bill from Bendigo
Romeo and Juliet, also known as Romero and the Contessa and the
Doggies
ROMERO, ROMERO, wherefore art thou ROMERO. Thus was the faint whisper
from the CONTESSA as she sat CURLEYing her WIGgins. She was
blissfully unaware that ROMERO had travelled from the WEST on his
trusty steed stopping off to see HARRIe'sSON Gene the blackSMITH.
GIANSIRACUSAme, can you add an EAGLET-ON the coat of arms on my
shield. "Tis an honour that you GRANT me the opportunity to do so."
"Are you travelling far sire?" ROMERO replied "I am travelled from
afar searching for my intended to give to her this DIMATTINA ring in
the hope that she will be my bride and wear it to HARGRAVE."
"The work will takest some time Sire, would you like me to open the
BAR-T-LETT you have a drink, perchance a GILBEE's gin or perhaps a
HAHN ale?"
"Nay" replied ROMERO, I'd end up FULLER than a boot, but I may SCURRIE
around the back to the LIBERATORIE as I have to spend a PENNY." "Since
it is also cold where I am going I must put my BROWN long JOHNS-ON. I
shall also shave and put some BRUTON so that I smell better. I do so
with some trepidation as my razor is not keen and has a few BIRSS on
the edge. ALVEY back soon, by the way good fellow, DOOLEY serve food
here?"
"Art thou hungry sire?" asked Gene, "Nay replied ROMERO, I have
partaken of some KRETIUK sausage with some GARLIC bread." "The fare
aboard the ship was excellent. The galley chef was HUDSON shoulders
above others I have experienced. The SKIPPER was most generous
offering me the service of his COX'n who continuously kept lookout
from the BOWDEN the stern."
"When I HUNTER down I DARCY she will tell me why she no longer lives
in her CROFT. WILLSee if there is good reason ELLIS I shall be CROSS
and shall COLLINSome favours. If SHEAHANded it over without good
cause I'll raise mcMAHON tae her and have God have MURPHY on her
soul." WALLACE E what we shall see.
Best Regards,
Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2001 21:52:00 +1000
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
Dear Simon,
All is forgiven. I never thought I'd say this but I hope you're never
absent from judging the comp again. Richo just doesn't cut it! As a mark
of my raised level of esteem for you after hearing the alternative,
I'll even avoid the simple joke that St Kilda are comparable to a
Shakespearean tragedy such as "The Scottish Play" with Rod Butters as
Mac and Grant Thomas as Lady M.
Instead, I think the literary work that is most exemplified by a playing
list is Geelong. Covey will understand that against the Kangaroos they
played like The South in "Gone With The Wind", especially Scarlett! As
Covey said when opening his quiz last Saturday, "When it comes to
football, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
Greg Hoysted
Mon, 13 Aug 2001 12:15:48 +1000
From:
Cheryl Harvey
The scene is set in a courtroom drama with Henry Fonda's role reprised by
Grant Thomas trying to convince a jury of '12 Angry Men' starring:
that the sacking of Malcolm Blight was not an indictment on the game but a
true and honest appraisal of a man in a state of turmoil.
Cheryl Harvey(who also wrote Calder Cannons Club news; being a
statistician at club!)
Mon, 13 Aug 2001 17:19:41 +1000
From:
David
As an ardent Richmond supporter, I have often felt like I've been watching a
horror movie over the past few seasons (thankfully this year has been a
little bit different so far).
Therefore I have decided that the players could star in the following series
of scary films......
1. Ghost.....starring Darren Gaspar.
Thanks for a great show.
Regards David Moss.
Mon, 13 Aug 2001 17:55:03 +1000
From:
Glenn
If we have to go for a classic period theme then certainly we could get
Romeo and Juliet happening down at St Kilda. Rod Butterss would be the
tortured "Romeo" and his only one true love "Juliet" would be played by
Grant Thomas.
"Two board members, both alike in dignity,
Welcome to Linton Street, a sexy, violent other-world, neither future nor
past, ruled by two rival families, the Montagues (played by the St Kilda
supporters) and the Capulets (played by the media)...Wealthy, selfish,
ruthless and powerful, the boardmembers (and a couple of senior players)
share an enmity that has become the birthright of their offspring.
Also starring in WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S ROMEO & JULIET are Alan Jeans as
Romeo's father, Ted Montague; Malcolm Blight, as Tybalt, Juliet's cousin and
Romeo's sworn enemy; Peter Everitt as Father Laurence; and Robert Harvey and
Nathan Burke as the sovereigns of the Capulet empire.
Here's how it ends....
In despair, Thomas consults with Peter Everitt. He advises him to agree to
the coaching job, but on the morning of the game, Thomas will select a team
that Peter prepares for him. The team will make it look like Thomas is
hopeless and he will be put into the Capulet (Media) coaching box. Then,
Peter will send Butterss to rescue him. Thomas does as Everitt says and is
put into the coaches box by Alan Jeans.
Bad news travels fast. Before the Everitt can tell Butterss of the hoax,
Butterss hears from someone else that his beloved Thomas has been crucified
by the media. Overcome with grief, Butterss selects a team and goes to the
coaches box to be beside Thomas . At the door of the coaches box, Butterss
is forced to fight Molly Meldrum and Michael Gadinski, whom he swiftly
kills. Nothing will stop him from joining his love. Inside the coaches box,
Butterss presents his team and takes his last breath next to the fumbling
Thomas.
Moments later, Thomas gets off the phone to see his CEO's dead body. He
learns what has happened from Peter Everitt who has just arrived and
accessed the scene. With no reason left to coach, Thomas resigns. The
tragedy has a tremendous impact on both the Supporters and the Media. The
families are hurt so much by the death of their coach and CEO that they
agree to never fight again.
Glenn From Newport
Mon, 13 Aug 2001 18:47:09 +1000
From:
David Pool
Coodabeens,
Composers Kevin Puccidi and Harverdi.
Will this do? Keep up the good work,
David Pool
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2001 20:42:19 +1000
From: scottnjo
THE GODFATHER
ROBINSON CRUSOE
HAMLET
THE 3 MUSKETEERS
THE INVISIBLE MAN
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Scott Boutcher Newport
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2001 22:40:15 +1000
From: Mark Smith
Dear Simon, (remember Gilligan)
The show I have chosen is that ol' favourite "The Sullivans". The team is
Essendon
Based in and around a tasteful federation style house, the likes you find
around Windy Hill on the left of the freeway around Moreland road exit.War
scenes requiring a beach will be filmed at Colonial.
Characters: Dave Sullivan:-Kevin Sheedy-strict disciplinarian who didn't
"really" want his sons to follow in his footsteps off to the "big one"
-war-grand final. Regrets not being of the correct age to continue fighting but
occasionally threatens to "pull the boots on"
Grace Sullivan: James Hird-graceful captain of the "family" who when the
pressure is on really lifts his game. Can bring other characters in to the
game. A veritable rock on whom all can rely.
Tom Sullivan: Jason Johnson-dashing hero with a devil may care attitude. Gets
"plenty of it" and not afraid to take a risk
John Sullivan: Mark Mercuri- Quiet, urbane man of letters who always gets the
girl. No matter what the situation is never ruffled and offers words of
encouragement to all. May go on to play a "young doctor" as he knows lots about
injuries.
Terry Sullivan: Mark Johnson-hard as nails younger brother of Tom. Always
looking up to his brother (played by Jason)
Kitty Sullivan: Mark McVeigh - Attractive, ineffectual presence only in show to
provide eye candy for the ratings. Never really grows up and continues to
baffle with hairdos that change weekly.
Uncle Norm: (Take your pick) Johnny Barnes- Knockabout bloke that everyone
loves to have a beer with. Denied a chance to participate in a "winning big
one" until late in his career. Can get on people's nerves but a heart of gold.
Magpie:(remember Tom's mate)Damian Hardwick- Tough unrelenting soldier of the
highest calibre. Occasionally goes over the top in his endeavours to "do his
duty"
German Milk Bar Owner:(interned during the war) Judd Lalich- only used in the
early episodes of the season.
Reg behind the bar: Mark Harvey-Loves to tell stories about how tough it was in
"his day". Loves a beer but always behaves himself when Dave (K.Sheedy) comes
into the bar.
Mark Smith
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 12:20:46 +1000
From: Matthew Wakefield
Dear Coodabeens
When hearing of you competition this week I couldn't help thinking of the
St Kilda Football Club, the characters, also recent event and those
similarities to a classic period comedy, namely Jane Austen's Pride &
Prejudice.
I've always loathed Jane Austen and convinced her on claim to fame is that
she was the first women to write a book. I've found however that women love
her work.
I'm convinced Austen's work is the quintessential GIRL/BOY thing.
So I dedicate this entry to all men forced under duress to study this work
at school. Later finding it to be a favorite of their wife. To all of us
who have traded summers of suffering through Austen's work, so we can watch
footy Friday nights and Sundays over winter. This entry is for us all.
Pride & Prejudice
This is a historic comedy/drama of five sisters from the seaside resort
borough of St Kilda. Now the girls have grown up and are coming out, their
meddlesome mother seeks out the most eligible suitors for the boroughs
favorite girls. Whilst their well meaning father quietly moves to assure
their continued happiness. The novel follows the trials and tribulations as
they all try to make good in big town AFL society.
Staring;
Rob Butterss as Mr Bennet
He knows he must let them go.
Robert Harvey as Jane Bennet
She surprises everyone down the sea side borough by attracting the
attention of the most eligible Mr Bingley (Wayne Britan). Despite some
unwelcome interference by Mr Darcy (Peter Schwab), eventually contracts are
signed and the new Mrs Bingley joins here husband at down town blue
bloodsville at Mr Bingley "Carlton Chambers".
Peter "Spider" Everitt as Elizabeth Bennet
She smites Mr Darcy (Peter Schwab). At first Lizzy finds Darcy detestable,
but as the season progresses she warms to Darcy's advances. Much to the
delight of Mrs Bennet (Brian Waldron).
Stewart Loewe as Mary Bennet
Will she be Mr Collins' (Grant Thomas) last chance to marry into borough
society or will she prefer a lesser suitor from East Gippsland, Ballarat
or Bendigo District?
Arron Hamill as Lydia Bennet
Her character is threaten to be irrevocable besmirched, before the kind
intervention of Mr Darcy (Peter Schwab). He facilitates arrangements which
allows for the marriage of Lydia to Wickham. They settle on Wickhams new
beachside estate of "Fremantle". Far enough away to hide the awful truth.
Nathan Bourke as Kitty Bennet
Grant Thomas as Mr Collins
Mr Collins expects to have his choice of the five daughters. He is,
however, progressively white anted by more eligible suitors and eventually
misses out all together.
Malcolm Blight as Mr Wickham
The evil Wickham then threatens to besmirch her publicly by telling all,
unless his gambling debts are covered. Mr Bennet (Rob Butterss) with the
help of the kind Mr Darcy (Peter Schwab) swaps draft choices and make
arrangements to satisfy the bounder.
At the 24th hour Wickham marries Lydia, which rights all. Lydia plays out
her days at "Fremantle", the country estate purchased by Wickham with his
newfound wealth.
Is Wickham a cad or just misunderstood? Readers are left to form their own
opinions.
Peter Schwab as Mr Darcy
Darcy, however, is smitten by Lizzy's fresh manner and eventually wins her
prized hand by a serious of selfless acts and gentlemen like behavior. He
gets the long coming approval of Lady Catherine De Bourgh (Peter Hessian)
and Miss Bingley (David Parkin). Elizabeth and Darcy proceed with the union
and Lizzy joins him at "Hawthorn", his family estate.
Brian Waldron as Mrs Bennet
Wayne Briton as Mr Bingley
Peter Hessian (or any Player Manager as understudy) as Lady Catherine De
Bourgh
At first she disapproves of Mr Darcy's (Peter Schwab) intentions for
Elizabeth Bennet (Spider) believing her to be beneath him. In the end,
however, she knows not to stand in the way of true love and consents to the
union.
She does however demand an extra 5% of the dowry in this circumstance. On
top of her usual 20%. So as not to encourage such actions.
David Parkin as Miss Bingley
Matthew Wakefield
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 22:26:03 +1000
From: Julian Toohey
this week, it is pure irony that the year 12 novel i am reading at school,
Angela's Ashes, is a dead set ringer for the stkilda football club.
for those who have read the book they may understand where i am coming from.
The main family in the book, the Mc courts, are poor, so are stkilda
the mc courts are really into saints, because they are catholic (SAINT
kilda)
Malachy Mc court the father of the family, promised to go out and get a job
so the family can do better, malcolm blight sure as hell didn't do a good
job, and like malachy skipped town and won't be heard of again.
Uncle Pat was dropped on his head as a child and is rather slow and inept,
tony delany is a good match for him, he must have been dropped on his head
aswell, because he is inept at making a good decision in a game, usually
just kicks to the opposition ten out from goal
Frank mc court is fed up with ireland and shoots through to america, peter
everitt is fed up with stkilda and shoot through to collingwood.
the place in which the live and operate out of is a dive (limerick) probably
match the moorabbin change rooms for quality of life and health risks
associated with being there.
the family is heavily influenced by alcohol, as was the st kilda football
club late saturday night after a home game in the 1980s at the disco.
not many people lived past 60, not many coaches at stkilda get past 100
games.
Quote " the rich childhood wasn't worth living" how true if stkilda didn't
have such troubles, life would be boring. GO SAINTS
Julian Toohey
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 13:10:01 +1000 (EST)
From: WEBSTER William
"The Wizard of Oz".
Dorothy (convincingly played by Danny Frawley) and Toto (played by Matthew
Knights) find themselves in the middle of Pagan's Paddock. "I don't think
we're at Punt Rd anymore Toto" says a frightened Dorothy. Luckily the Good
Witch of the South (played by Caroline Wilson) appears and tell Dorothy that
she needs to find the Wizard.
Bemused and bewildered the voices of the munchkins (played by the Kellaway
brothers) tell them to "follow the centre corridor". As Dorothy and Toto
venture down the centre corridor they team up with some other characters.
The Lion (played by Wayne Campbell) who is in search of courage, The Tin Man
(played by Nick Daffy) who is in search of a heart and The Scarecrow Man
(played by Matthew Richardson) who is in search of a brain. Together they
head down the centre corridor. However they run into the Wicked Witch of the
West (played by Mick Martin). The Wicked Witch briefly terrorises our merry
band before tearing a hamstring. After 100 minutes Dorothy, Toto, The Lion,
Tin Man and Scarecrow enter a room to find the Wizard (played by Tom Hafey).
The Scarecrow asks the Wizard for a brain, the Tin Man asks the Wizard for a
heart, The Lion asks for courage and Dorothy asks how to get back to Punt
Rd. The wise old Wizard looks at these characters and says they will have
all these things if they can play in the finals.
And then Dorothy wakes up and realises it was all just a dream.
"If I only had a brain" (with apologies to the original creators of the
Wizard of OZ)
I could take a big mark,
I'd slot them through the middle,
The coach he'd never drag,
Oh I could fly up on high,
I would not be just a nuffin,
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 19:17:55 +1000
From: Jac & Pete
Brevity is the name of the game, so
Essendon is the greatest team,
Shakespearean characters playing for Essendon include Alessio, Rioli, Mercuri,
Misiti & Caracella
Some famous lines include:
"Alas poor Peverill we knew him well"
"Ramma, Ramma, whereforth art thou Ramanaskas"
"Lloydie , Lloydie & Hird in trouble
Jac & Pete
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 19:56:19 +1000
From: Darrell Nash
In the literary tradition of 'John & Betty' we present "The Bombers (or the
World According to Kevin)" -
This is Kevin. He is the coach. Kevin talks to his players.
The martian bounces the ball.
The martian in the coat waves one flag.
Joe passes to Jason who passes to his brother Mark.
Darrell Nash
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 22:36:56 +1000
From: Cheryl Critchley
Hi guys, here's a few suggestions:
FREMANTLE: The Teletubbies. With Brendan Fewster as Tinkie Winkie (the
Purple one with the handbag), Leigh Brown as Dipsy, Paul Hasleby as La
La and Ben Allan as Po. Wouldn't require much dramatic range but they'd
look the part.
BULLDOGS: You might not think so by the way they play on the field, but
The Holy Bible (which many regard as a work of fiction). Starring Jose
Romero and his disciples Matthew Croft, Mark Alvey, Luke Darcy, Luke
Penny, Paul Hudson, Paul Dimmattina and Paul Dooley.
WEST COAST: With those names, suntans and surfie looks, Chad Morrison,
Jaxon Crabb (dunno if he still plays but had to use that name), Brandon
Hill, Kasey Green, Kane Munro, Callum Chambers and Josh Wooden could all
get a gig on The Bold and The Beautiful (you know that tedious soap
before the Channel 10 news with characters called Ridge and Thorne).
CARLTON: You can just see Stephen Silvagni sitting there, hair greased
back, face screwed up, fag hanging out of the mouth, ordering the latest
hit as Don Corleone in The Godfather. Would have a great support cast
in Anthony Franchina, Scott Camporeale and Brendon Fevola. The whole
thing could be filmed in Lygon St.
ADELAIDE: Led by Darren Jarman, the whole team could star in yet
another remake of Planet of the Apes, saving millions in production
costs because no makeup would be needed.
Go Tigers,
ps We don't do ROAR for the Tiges any more cos I've got two little Tiger
cubs and no time at the moment. But there is another great fanzine
called Paper Tiger (I've written for them) run by Gavin and Paul.
Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 14:48:45 +1000
From: Maree
Dear Simon,
I think the Hawthorn players should star in Little Women. They look like a
pack of girls and just think, they wouldn^³t even need to buy wigs!
Cast of characters:
Maree from Brunswick
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 09:16:26 +1000
From: "Anniss, Angela (VIC)"
Intro: American cult surfy book & movie 'Endless Summer'
showed a bunch of young good looking guys, carefree, travelling the world,
in search of that perfect wave.
Of course there is a ready made A.F.L. team with the
right names & looks that could take the leading roles.
Starring:
Story line:
Movie Rating: "G" ------- not General --- but for 'Girls
Only'.
Steve Anniss
Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 23:58:39 +0000
From: Travis Bull
Here are some ideas for this weeks comp:
Fantasy Island - Western Bulldogs
The Smurfs - West Coast Eagles
The Flying Nun - Collingwood
A Mom for Christmas - Freo
Lifestyles of the rich and famous - Melbourne
Harvey - Adelaide
Travis Bull
Ph: 9830 1901
Address: 4/206 Union Rd Surrey Hills 3127
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 12:50:13 +1000
From: Bob Crain
My team the AAA Kangaroos can only be described by the definitive classic of
life in the late Sixties, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson.
A strange concoction of struggling misfits and ageing war heroes trying to make
it in the high flying corporate world of AFL Football. As in the novel where
the events, happening and sidetracks along the road between LA and Las Vegas,
our team of would be, could be finals aspirants have been betrayed by the Hume
Highway that long and mysterious stretch of asphalt between Melbourne and
Sydney.
Fabled "road trips" to Canberra the political heartland have provided the
underlying current of this AFL novel. Unmitigated disasters on back roads and
byways leading to Adelaide and Brisbane have proved chapters of woe for our
travellers as they battled weird creatures, phsycadelic encounters and gun
toting maniacs who shot their Cadillac full of goals.
Will our Dashing Dans finally make it to the "finals fountain" in the centre
square one will have to read the final chapters to know for sure as the crystal
ball of finals calculations is still to cloudy to see through clearly but our
heroes are bound to succeed in their future political careers as they meet
again at Manuka Oval in the next Hunter S. Thompson classic Where the Buffalo
Roam a story of political intrigue on the campaign trail.
As Reviewed by
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 14:12:25 +1100
From: Paul Hughes
Star Wars is definitely a work of fiction, and I could easily see
Essendon as the 'evil Empire'...
The scene...
Carlton Rebel v Essendon Empire Grand Final.
In the dying minutes, Essendon is five points up with the ball at
half forward, when Brett "Han Solo" Ratten puts on warp drive and
comes in for a tackle on Lucas.
Darth Sheedy: "I feel a disturbance in the force".
Sheedy uses his powers of the 'force' to drag Alessio of the ground.
Alessio holding neck in vain. comes off.
Back on the ground...
'Obi' Craig, however avoids Stormtrooper Hird, kicks to 'Whitnall the
Hut'. Wellman attempts tackle but bounces off. Ball spills free.
40 seconds to go, Essendon gains possession and does short kicks and
marks... Crowd groans at inevitable defeat for Blues.
But wait... a voice... "Use the force Kouta, use the force".
The ball inexplicably changes trajection in mid-air, into the hands
of Jedi Koutawalker.
Paul Hughes,
Ps. I know Darth Vader says "Luke, I am your father"... but it didn't fit!
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 14:06:56 +1000
From: Darren_Wharton@tac.vic.gov.au
New TV Series;
Collingwood 90210
Jarrod is a somewhat disillusioned young chap living a long way from home.
By a mirculous twist of fate he finds himself in the sleazy open all
hours night life of inner suburban Collingwood.
He is tempted to stray but receives some fatherly advide from a
distinguished, grey haired, moustached gentleman of whom everyone is
afraid.
He hooks up with a bunch of short haired, well dressed yong men in flashy
cars and Armani suits. Their names are Brody, Chad, Tarkyn, Ryan, Josh
and Rupert. Together they hang out at the mens club, go to night clubs,
pick up girls all the while Jarrod bustles his way through various night
club ques creating a path for his pals to follow.
They all hope that if they do the right thing, portray the right image and
say the right things they'll catch the attention of the local hero, the
man known as "Eddie" and brought into his inner sanctum.
Meanwhile they have to contend with the constant beratings and verbal
lashings from the local bully and fierce protector of the inner sanctum,
the man known only as Bucks.
Follow the trials and tribulatons (of which there are many) of this group
of "yuppies" and watch them all eventually fall out as they fight over the
affections of Kelly and Brenda.
Regards,
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 15:13:26 +1000
From: Matt Laing
Hi Simon,
You guys should check out "The King and I." A tale of intrigue starring David
King and Wayne Carey. I couldn't work out who actually was the king at the end
though. (boom boom)
Matty Laing
Luke Gillies
The resent upheaval at St Kilda involving the Sacking of Malcolm Blight
strikes many similarities with the Shakespeare classic
Julius Caesar.
The conspirators, Butterss, Thomas and co, while happy with the Blight
reign eventually bring about his downfall. Ken Hinkley in the role of
Mark Antony, stands by the conspirators only in order prevent them from
throwing him to the sharks (by offering him the coaching position)
however eventually stands by his long time mentor Blight, and leaves the
club. St Kilda falls into a bitter state of crisis.
Some memorable quotes from the play would include;
Beware the ides of Moorabbin
Malcolm to Patsy after the round one win over the
Bulldogs
Et Tu Harvey? Then fall Caesar!
(Blight when he sees Robert Harvey
sitting at the press conference with the Conspirators)
Butterss (in the role of Marcus Brutus);
Thanks to this compeittion my former
English teacher has finally convinced me that learning Shakespeare at
school does infact have a purpose in the real world.
Luke Gillies
Yarra Valley Old Boys, Under 19
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 15:23:41 +1000
From: mpo@terangcollege.vic.edu.au
When I Look at the AFL today I see two distinct factions. On the one hand we
have an organisation that is devoted to niceness and goodness and trying to
keep everything under CONTROL -( the AFL commission and Powerful media
interests) and on the other hand we have people devoted to selfishness, evil
and total KAOS (club presidents and coaches). I^³m not sure which is funnier,
the goings on in the AFL or the greatest sitcom of all time ^÷ GET SMART. On
the side of CONTROL I see Andrew Demetriu as Maxwell Smart with his sidekick
Caro Wilson as 99. (Andrew spends lots of time in the cone of silence).Wayne
Jackson is the chief with Ron Evans as Laraby and the faceless commisioners as
agents 34, 44 and 13.On the side of KAOS we have Malcolm Blight as Siegfried,
Kevin Sheedy as Shtarker, David Smogan as Pfister(with a silent P), Mick
Malthouse as Groovey Guru , Eddie MacGuire as Harry Hoo, Kevin Bartlett as Craw
and Craig Braddley as Simon the Likeable.
Special Guest Star : Steve Bracks as Hymie
Martin Porzig at NOORAT
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 04:01:59 -0400
From: John Clements
Scene: On a heath in Scotland with Heath Scotland.
Mick Malthouse as Duncan
Malthouse about Buckley : "He was a man on whom I built an absolute trust"
just before buckley misses another set shot for goal
Buckley: "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from
day to day to the time I eventually get into the last quarter of the grand
final. Out out brief candle life is like the poor player who struts and
frets his hour upon the stage and still can't kick a set shot.
Neil ,allen and gubby. "double double toil and trouble.
win again to burst that bubble".
from 33/66 John Clements and Paul Russo
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 18:02:32 +1000
From: "Treseder, Peter"
Simon,
It has taken 20 odd years, but now I know why I should have paid attention
when at school when we were studying such literary classics as "1984",
"Catcher in the Rye", Survive the Savage Seas" and "Antigone". If I had
paid attention, I may have been able to put in an entry this week.
What the heck, let's give it a go from what I remember or fromwatching the
movie.
"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"
Starring Malcolm Blight as Randle Patrick Mc Murphy
As for the plot and what happened I can't remember. So now I amwiser that I
do know that there is a purpose in English Literature. As for Matricies,
German and Ancient Egypt I am still waiting.
P.S. Looking at the website entries last week. Was there a conspiracy
against Matt Cronin's entry because he dare poke fun at Parliamentarians and
their allowances. Was this too close to the bone for "Coves" and the entry
was vetted? Simon, we needed you there, to use your usual even handed
approach to all entries. Only to not read the worthy entries, so Matt's
entry wouldn't have been read out any way, QED.
Peter Treseder
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 21:44:00 +1000
From: Trevor Newcombe
As time goes along and TV shows become a little bit long in the tooth, we need
to revamp the flagging ratings of our beloved Blue Heelers and who better to do
it than the blueboys.
The new cast for this TV soap would be played out by some of the dearest of the
old navy blues, (and of course remembering their light blue day, the wardrobe
department won't have that much work to do to make the police uniforms that
they require.)
Of course there is only one person who is qualified enough to play the lead
role as seasoned copper Tom Croydon. Naturally enough that role falls to Craig
Bradley. He's seen it all before, all of the comings around the place, the new
young, dumb recruits, the older veterans from other stations (Recruit Constable
Mansfield), people who have left the force to trade for the opposition (eg:
Constable Sammy Hammill) and he knows his way around the paddock like it was
his own backyard.
Playing in the role of Inspector Falcon-Price and Monica Draper, we have of
course Big Jack. He's the boss, he's the man, just like Monica.
In the local watering hole we have the only person who can rule a rough,
rugged, testosterone filled environment like a local pub. MOS-SOS (Mother of
SOS and Spouse of Serge). Who else can make sure that all of those drunken
revelers of Mt Thomas are kept under control, Rosa has been doing it now for
Longer than Chris Rielly ever could. Of course, because of the huge flocks of
red hair that would be needed, MOSSOS would be ably assisted by Lance Whitnall,
Adrain Hickmott and little Jimmy Plunkett.
Scott Camperorale would fit perfectly into the role of PJ. Replacing the
Lebanese lover with the smooth, silky and sometimes boyish charms of Campo.
Kouta gets a light blue shirt as well, of course playing the resident hunk,
Senior Ben. Got the bod, got the looks, got the blonde locks. Of course there
needs to be a good looking female copper, and is there no one better (despite
all other supporters saying that anyone at Carlton could play like a girl -
they've been doing it for years) than the other SOS. Spouse of SOS. Jo
Bailey. Got the looks, got the talent and is a dead set cert for the Silver
Logie for Best Supporting Actress.
For one of the many walk on roles required for some episodes, we need a Clancy.
Well, there are quite a few lining up for this one, but without a doubt it
goes to the big Percy Jones. He wouldn't even have to try and get into
character. The town also has to have a Vet, the blueboys have already got one.
They will need some regular drunks in the pub, well
........................... where do we start. They also need to have someone
who is a bit different, a bolt from the blue so to speak, Glenn Manton. They
also need the man who play Compo, always crook, always off work. (Editors
Note: my beloved Cats wanted this role for themselves - anyone who has
captained the club for the past 20 years; eg: Bourky, Bewsy, Buddha, Bazza,
Turkey etc, etc.) But this role goes, and somewhat unfairly, to Ang Cristou.
So with this new talented line up, how could Blue Heelers not climb back up the
ratings.
Big Trev from Grovedale
Bill
Peter 'Spider' Everitt (jury forperson)
Barry Hall-psychological problem child
Aaron Hamill-the reluctant hero
Robert Harvey-cameo role
Nathan Burke-cameo role
Stuart Loewe-cameo role
Fraser Gehrig-the outsider
Max Hudgton ( in for his emotional portrayals!)
Austinn Jones-nice guy
Matthew Capuano (has to get a role in something)
Cayden Beetham (just sounds like a star!)
Rod Butters - much maligned business magnate
Don't miss the back room stabbings in the back and gut wrenching decisions
of so few to defend the honour of one man left standing.
2. Godsziller.....starring Steven Sziller.
3. Frankensteinfort.....starring Pat Steinfort.
4. Count Dragicevicular.....starring Marc Dragicevic.
5. The Hand.....starring Duncan Kellaway (instead of The Glove).
6. Halloween.....starring Ray Hall.
7. King Kong.....starring Clinton King.
8. The Knights Stalker...starring Matthew Knights.
9. Proctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....starring Lionel Proctor and Chris Hyde.
In fair St Kilda (where we lay our scene)
>From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where players blood makes players hands unclean
>From fourteen the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take control of a football club.
I've always thought that the multicultural Essendon side reminded me of a classic Italian opera. Picture the following
scenario and characters:-
The Gods that have seemingly ruled the world for eons are suddenly brought down to Earth with a bang, much to the chagrin
and amusement of the populace. Down for the count they manage to win with the last spear chuck of the battle and go on to
regain their place on top of Mount Pleasant Road Olympus.
Main Singers Misiti, Mercuri, Allesio and Caracella.
Music John Barnes (He always seems to be facing it)
Token Hungarian Ramanaskas
Compulsory Fat Lady Dunno, but she certainly won't be taken to Brownlow Night by any of the players.
Lighting S Lucas (Hint - they make car headlights)
Venue Princes Park (Previous experience, and surely the last home for suburban opera in Victoria).
Advertising Posters only (They seem good at that)
John Elliott Don Vito Corleone
Anthony Koutoufidis Michael Corleone
Ang Christou Santino "Sonny" Corleone
Andrew Mckay Tom Hagan
Vinny Cattoggio Sollozzo "The Turk"
Wayne Carey Robinson Crusoe
Hamlet Wayne Campbell
Yorick Matty Knights
Nathan Burke Athos
Robert Harvey Porthos
Stewie Loewe Aramis
Barry Hall D'artangion
John Barker The invisible man
James Hird Atticus Finch
Michael Long Tom Robinson
The Johnson boys Jem & Scout Finch
Gary Moorcroft Calpurnia
Kevin Sheedy Arthur "Boo" Radley
Kevin sheedy Willy Wonka
James Hird Charlie Bucket
Brad Sholl Violet Beauregard
Matt Richardson Veruca Salt
Jason Akermanis Mike Tevee
Dustin Fletcher Grampa Joe
Featuring thespians of the
St Kilda Football Club
He has watched his lovely daughters blossom and enter society circles. He
is the protective father figure who doesn't care to see his daughters get
hurt by big town society politics and wants only for their happiness. Yet
deep down the proverb plagues him; "if you love something you must let it
go".
Once a great beauty and having received many honors over the years at the
Assembly Ball, many now think that Jane Bennet is past her prime and no
longer suitable for marriage.
By far the most presentable of the daughters, the borough society is
concerned that her anti-social mannerisms may prevent her from being
seriously considered by any suitors.
Can play a bit and once considered one of the best prospects of the sea
side borough. Her late teens, however, have not been kind to Mary. Now that
she has come out, she is a bit of an ugly duckling. She can play the odd
good tune, but favors practice in the parlour. She can no longer handle the
pressure of the ballroom.
Young and dizzy Lydia Bennet falls for the improper advances of the
villainous Mr Wickham (Malcolm Blight). She agrees to travel with him
un-chaperoned, blind to the social uproar this could potentially cause in
the borough.
Who cares. She is the daughter everyone forgets about anyway.
Mr Collins is to inherit the Bennet seaside estate and boasts he has the
patronage of Lady Catherine De Bough (Peter Hessian) and Mr Bennet (Rob
Butterss). The borough is convinced he is a great leader of women.
A villainous type who attends only the social functions of his choosing. He
begrudgingly attends the Assembly Ball were he attracts the attention of
young Lydia Bennet (Arron Hamill). He convinces Lydia to travel with him
promising her "one hell of a ride".
He is from a fine big town family and considered one of the most eligible
suitors of that season. It is soon evident that he also has a fetish for
tall girls with sound limbs and he is immediately attracted to Elizabeth
Bennet (Spider Everitt). Darcy's stiffness at their first meeting, however,
doesn't leave him in good favour with Elizabeth.
Unlike her husband, she is keen for her daughters marry off into big town
society clubs. She hopes for large dowries and lavish draft favors. This
will position her better in the society of the local borough. It will also
assure her of good connections if ever she and Mr Bennet (Rob Butterss)
decide to return to the big smoke.
A most eligible blue blood with prime big town chambers called "Carlton".
His mentor and sister (David Parkin) oversees the courtship.
Although not educated, Lady Catherine's breeding has passed her the best
meal ticket in town. A hard-faced stalwart for societies class system. She
freely attends any social function, frequently calling un-annouced.
The sister of Mr Bingley. She is a close confidont of both Bingley (Wayne
Britan) and his friend Mr Darcy (Peter Schwab)
Kick a goal at Footy Park,
Play with an ankle sprain,
And my head I'd be scratchin',
At the marks I'd be catchin',
If I only had a brain
Not be an individ'le,
In sunshine or in rain
We could even win the flag,
If I only had a brain
And kick a winning score,
I could play like I've never played before,
And next week I'd kick some more
My head all full of stuffin',
The coach's heart all full of pain,
I would lead and I would chase,
Punt Road'd be a happy place,
If I only had a brain.
SHAKESPEARE is the greatest writer.
"The quality of Mercuri is not strained
He droppeth not marks, & flies on the shoulders of those beneath"
They'll come back and burst your bubble"
"Play well boys"
says Kevin.
"We will" they say. Kevin smiles.
"They're good boys Kevin"
says Terry.
"Yes"
says Kevin,
"They are good boys."
Barnsey jumps and grabs the ball.
"Pass it to me"
says James.
Barnsey passes to the other team.
"Oh you're a funny fellow Barnsey"
says James
"next time pass it to our team, Kevin would like that."
Lucky Barnsey!
Dustin kicks to Sean.
Sean passes to Joe.
"That always works well"
says Kevin.
Mark passes to Matty.
Matty trys to mark but falls over.
Poor Matty!!
"Have a free kick Matty"
says a martian
"you deserve it. That nasty Todd (Curley) must have pushed you."
Matty kicks another goal. "
He's a good boy Kevin"
says Terry.
"Yes he is a good boy Terry"
says Kevin
"They are all good boys."
"All but Barnsey Kevin"
laughs Terry
"he's a funny fellow."
"Yes he sure is a funny fellow"
Kevin laughs.
Kevin is very happy.
Cheryl Critchley
Ben Dixon as kind, beautiful Meg
Shane Crawford as impulsive tomboyish Jo
Trent Croad as gentle Beth
and Daniel Chick as vain little Amy
Danny.................(Chick)
Luko ..................(McCabe)
Jade...................(Rawlings)
Billy.....................(Nickolls)
Raydon.................(Tallis)
Trent.....................(Croad)
& Shane................(Crawford)
This team of fun loving guys, happily
travelling around the country, surfing by day, partying all night are
looking for the perfect ride - without a care in the world. But the plot
thickens when their older bus driver Pete..........(Shwab) is struck down
with a mystery heart condition, this sets off a chain of disasters with a
great young surfer 'Trent" having an identity crisis and revealing he
doesn't believe he is a natural surfer and may quit the team to pursue a
Real Estate career. 'Shane' is accused of foul play when some of the team's
underwear is found to be missing. Even the teams travelling mechanic is
unhappy, with 'Mark' ..............(Graham) wanting more recognition for his
work.
Mr Rouke - Terry Wallace
Tattoo - "Libba" "de plane, de plane boss"
Papa Smurf - Ken Judge
Smurfette - Ben Cousins
Gargamal (the evil human wizard) sorry smurf purists I know the spelling is
wrong - Victorians
Sister Bertrille (the flying nun) - Nathan Buckley
Mother Superior - Lou Richards
Spanish Playboy - Eddie
Guest staring Terry Wallace
Hosted by David Neitz, same nasal tone as the original host
Neil Kerley - The guy that is the only person who can see a giant rabbit, no
that's to close to being real, I'll have to think of another one for
Adelaide.
Bob The Yank
for Readers Indigestion
Commander Harvey: "Shall we send in the tie-fighters"
Darth Sheedy: "No wait. That could give away a 50."
Commander Harvey: "This has happened before, I really suggest
the tie-fighters."
Darth Sheedy: "I find your lack of faith disturbing. Rioli
on, Alessio off".
Ratten's tackle is effective.
'Lando' Camporelli finds the ball, and the weak point in the Essedon
backline. Handball to 'Obi Craig' Bradley. However there is an
Essendon stormtroop closing down.
Bradley hears voice of Stormtrooper Hird taunting, "You're powers are
weak old man."
Using his Jedi powers Koutawalker takes possesion, handballs to 'Han'
Silvagni, who has appeared out of nowhere... kicks... goal!!!
Siren sounds, though a lone voice coming from Blues V.I.P.'s... "Han,
I am your father"...
Darren Wharton
(Patsy trying to warn Malcolm of the future)
Malcolm; The ideas of Moorabbin have come
Patsy, Ay, Malcolm, but not gone
If then that friend demand why
Butterss rose against Blight, this is my answer; not that I loved Blight
less, but that I loved St Kilda more (Butterss at the presidents lunch,
Butterss breaks down in tears)
Nathan Buckley as Macbeth
Rupert Betheras as himself
Tarkyn Lockyer as himself
Shane O'Bree as the fool
Neil Balme, Allan Macallister and gubby allen as the three witches
Rod Butters as Nurse Ratchet
Spider Everitt as "The Chief"
and Grant Thomas as Billy Babbit