The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Eight
Last week at the Hawthorn v. Saints game, Simon got into an altercation with a smug, Hawthorn supporting relative after the siren. Struggling, reaching, Si went with
"Well we've played in a Grand Final more recently than you!"
For this week's comp., send us your lame, pathetic, twisting of statistics or obscure facts, riposte in the face of defeat.
Send your entries to competition@coodabeens.com.au
Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 11:53:52 +1000
From: Jamie Sanderson
Most pathetic statistical reason for your teams superiority
I barrack for Carlon and have used this one on any Essendon supporter this
year that mentions we are now 16 premierships each. All I say is
'Well Carlon is better because we actually have 16.4 premierships because
the North Melbourne AAA Kangaroos have won two premierships while we have
owned 20% of them, so there!'
There you go pathetic and statistical.
cheers,
Jamie Sanderson
Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 22:17:51 +1000
From: John Little
Richmond is better than Collingwood because its supporters have more
teeth.
Richmond supporters 2,105,342.5
Collingwood 86
I rest my case
John Little
Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 16:17:28 +1000
From: Julian Toohey
Being a teenager following stkilda, i am often at the end of many
sour jokes at the expense of stkilda, but over the years i have built up a
few little comebacks, which have had mixed results.
the main comment i have to comeback at is, when was the last time stkilda
won a grand final, quite simply the answer is 1996, when stkilda mauled
carlton in the night grand final.
the old chestnut to someone having a go at stkilda is how many brownlow
medalists have your club had???? besides swans i think stkilda is close to
top of the brownlow count
one i have worked on for a while, is"if your club had had as little success
as stkilda , they wouldn't exist anymore... saying all the success other
clubs have had, is the only reason they still exist
also when people talk about tony lockett in high regard as a great sydney
player, that is wrong he kicked more goals at stkilda than sydney, so he is
a stkilda champion who also played at stkilda
also a bit of nostalgia doesn't hurt, so mentioning events like the lights
going out at waverley or a 1 point grand final win, or the saints disco, it
doesn't win an arguement, in fatc it makes you sound even stupider
anyhow, see you later
Julian Toohey
Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 14:49:58
From: stuart mcarthur
I fondly recall using the following 4-move-checkmate on many a misty Monday
morn from the past -
Me: Er!! we thrashed youse on Saturday
Also...
(to 'Love Potion Number Nine')
I took my troubles down to Madam Ruth.
I told her that the Tigers ALWAYS miss.
She dabbed at my tears and said "y'know what I'll do...
I didn't know if it was day or night.
Regards,
Stuart McArthur
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 10:48:54 +1000
From: Anderson Michael
Subject: Pathetic Comeback line
A line which I know to be pathetic I have used to some surprising effect at
Kardinia Park is to respond to the Deakin Uni students, timber workers and
assorted provincial city types is to say "yeah, well at least we've won a
premiership in the last 30 years"! This statement usually requires a
follow-up explanation in order to smooth those puzzled expressions "You know
the '96 Night Grand Final"!
Kind Regards
Michael Anderson
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 08:19:59 +1000
From: "Bouras, John"
In light of our loss to the 'pretend' Magpies this week, it's worth
remembering a few Port Adelaide facts.
1. Port Adelaide existed as the Magpies before Collingwood came along
cheers
John Bouras
Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 21:31:04 EDT
From: PeterCHolman@aol.com
Being a Port Adelaide supporter I have come up with some of the comebacks we
use against the opposition weather it is related to their comments or
not.Many start with Yeah but and most of the time it gets the opposition
going or leaves them bewilded.
ADELAIDE..................Yeah but you are only in the competition because of
us.There are many with the Crows but the two flags is hard to come back
against.
BRISBANE..................Dont get down at least you can go to the rugby and
see the Broncos win.
CARLTON...................You have only 16 premierships and we have won 35.
COLLINGWOOD..........Yeah Buckley is good but only cause we taught him.
ESSENDON................Yeah Hird is good but if we were in the AFL back then
we would have drafted him before number 78.
FREMANTLE...............Nothing needs to be said.
GEELONG..................Yeah but at least we dont give away grandsons of
legends.
HAWTHORN...............Why dont you go home to see if your dog had pups so
you can improve your membership.
KANGAROOS.............Yeah but at least we will be in the competition in 5
years time.
MELBOURNE.............You should have merged with Hawthorn at least you would
be top now.
RICHMOND.................Dont feel bad when you finish 9th again it means
your better than 7 other sides.
ST.KILDA...................Yeah but come October we will have the same amount
of flags as you.
SYDNEY....................Go back and prepare for the Madi Gras you
freak."You freak" is only said depending how many you have gone to the footy
with and who you have directed it to.
WEST COAST.............We are still laughing that a club took Scotty Cummings
in a trade.
WESTERN BULLDOGS............Apart from the one premiership jibe similar to
St. Kilda not much is said because all spare time is spent looking for the
boy who gave Chris Grant 20 cents of his pocket money so the boy can be
lynched and made an example of.
Regards,
Peter Holman
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 11:52:55 +1000
From: Tim Goddard
Thanks for serving up this half volley outside off which will be despacted to
the ropes poste haste.
Being a long suffering Cats fella for for years, I can thank Billy Brownless
for the finest point ever kicked. I use this one as regualrily as I push the
roast spuds 'up and right' and save them for last.
"Well, we have kicked the HIGHEST SCORE EVER, and you can't take that away from
us"
Long may Geelong reign over us.
Go the cats, go the seagulls.
Tg
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 12:44:44 +1000
From: Matt Laing
Last Friday Night the following occurred,
10 minute mark third quarter - Adelaide trail and look gone.
"Matty, your Crows are gone they're hopeless"
I replied "Oh yeh. well how many premierships have the Tigers won in the
last 4 years......huh ..huhİİ NONE... and we've won TWO"
(one to me)
20 minute mark, Crows hit the front.
Crows player Richardson (surely related somehow to Troy Wilson) goes near
the ball.
My mate the Tiger supporter is forced to go with "Well at least our
Richardson is better than your Richardson."
(fair point, one all)
Three quarter time. Crows by 28 points.
My mate gets up begins to walk out when he turns and says "See ya
tommorow, and ahh that Mcleod goes alright doesn't he?"
(victory, two one)
Fourth Quarter. I had no-one to talk to so nothingİvery interesting
happened.
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 13:34:45 +1000
From: Bill Hall
Opposition fan says:"Your side is useless."
Adelaide fan to St Kilda fan: "we've won 2 flags and you've only won 1".
St Kilda fan: "well ours was WORTH 2 because it's twice as hard to get
into a final 4 as it is to get into a final 8. Now come to think of it
mate, our flag was worth heaps MORE than 2 because we beat Collingwood
by ONE POINT!!!"
Adelaide fan: (confused for a moment because it sounded quite good)
"hang on a minute mate, that's not right cos we came top out of 16 teams
and you only came top out of 12".
Fremantle fan: "oh get a life you two, who cares about all that finals
statistics stuff anyway - we've got nicer jumpers and we won the
America's Cup".
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 14:36:38 +1000
From: Glenn
This is an actual conversation which took place after Geelong's loss to
Melbourne a couple of weeks ago.
Geelong Support (Glenn from Newport) "We were robbed! Rotten umpires are
ruining the game as a specticle!!"
Melb Supporter "What are you on about?"
Geelong Supporter "We didn't get a free kick all day. All the 50/50's went
your way. I'd love to see the free kick count."
Melb Supporter " Melbourne got 15 frees"
Geelong Supporter "See, what did I tell you?"
Melbourne Supporter " Geelong got 17 free's"
Geelong Supporter "Yeah..... but all on the wing or down back. You guys
kicked three goals from free kicks on your forward line. The only free kick
we got inside fifty was a deliberate OOB 49 metres out. Great scoring
opportunity!!"
Melb Supporter "We got two frees inside 50 and kicked a goal. Geelong got
three frees inside 50 and kicked two goals"
At this point Geelong Supporter realises the statistical argument isn't
working; time to change tact -
"BLOODY MURPHY!!! Why on earth we ever got him, he's hopeless!!!! Bet
Richmond were glad to get rid of him and that Mitchell White bloke. We
recruit two has beens and five dodgie knees!!! Why on earth we ever let
Hickmont and Biddiscombe go, and why haven't we got both the Clarke and
Houlihan brothers? No wonder we can't win a game....."
Glenn from Newport
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 15:49:33 +1000
From: Jac & Pete
Melbourne supporters (like us) to Essendon supporters:
You may have beaten us by six points BUT - your percentage dropped by 5.6% and ours only dropped by
0.5% AND
- you only won because yu have more 'untouchables' (eg: Hird, Lloyd
etc) than us, and we have more 'touchables' (eg: Schwarz, Neitz and now
Simon Godfrey) than you.
Peter Kilgour
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 16:17:48 +1000
From: "Wilson, Karyn"
My favourite riposte and the one I always pull out at the appropriate time,
ie when North are trailing by about 8 goals late in the last quarter "Show
them your 2 premiership medallions Duck" or Arch or Kingy or whoever has the
ball at that particular moment! (it doesn't work too well with Essendon
though).
I have also been known to yell "Show them your bank balance Duck" when some
jerk in the crowd has said something particularly hurtful about the "King".
Roo Girl aka Karyn Wilson
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 13:26:52 +1000
From: Tim Goddard
Being a long suffering Cats fella for years, I can thank Billy Brownless for
the finest point ever kicked. I use this one as regularly as I push the roast
spuds 'up and right' and save them for last.
"Well, we have kicked the HIGHEST SCORE EVER, and you can't take that away from
us"
Long may Geelong reign over us.
Dale Callahan
Hi to all the Coodabeen Champions
I have pondered this question for my life time journey since first being
brain washed by my uncle to the colors of Black and White. The reason
that the Mighty Collingwood will always triumph over our opposition is
the Amazing Fact that no other Player from any other side, throughout the
history of our great game has ever come close to winning The Copeland
Trophy.
Now this fact although few people would know has always been awarded to a
Collingwood Champion even in our worst performed years. This is a feat
that no other club can even come close to, and might I add has unlike the
Brownlow Medal, we have had Champions from all walks of life and from all
positions on the field. I think that if you research this fact in
depth you will agree with me that from the likes of Gavin Brown, Phil
Carman, Collierİand Coventry Brothers, The Macedonian Marvel of Daicos,
the running Ray Gabelich, Champion fullforward of the era, Peter Mckenna,
Thorold Merrett, Our for ever burning light Darren Millane, Peter Moore
who won the double with the Brownlow, Bill Picken even won it and
couldn't kick, no opposition player was even a threat that year, add to
this Weideman, Richardson, Rose, Ray and Tony (Cabbage Patch) Shaw, and
if you add our Champions of today with Buckley etc, how could any team
challenge us for this honour. So great are some of our players that
they even won it in years they had a dispute with the club such as
Tuddenham and Thomson.
Surely that last fact must prove without doubt how sort after The
Copeland Trophy is and I am willing to state that I believe no other
player from any team will ever win or for that matter poll at all. You
only need to look at how well Port Adelaide are travelling at the moment
and look at what Mark Williams has for inspiration, yes you guessed it, 2
Copeland Trophies.
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 23:23:13 +1000
From: David Dickson
Sender : Dicko, Ballarat
Whenever I go to the football and haveİhave heard my team (Geelong)
harassed in a verbal manner I often retort with the following:-
1. Larry Donohue is our 7th alltime leading goalkicker. (I must add I
was somewhat disillusioned to see Bill Brownless at number 3. A lack of
depth which has been a problem for some years.)
2.İ We had the first back pocket player to win a Brownlow Medal (Bernie
Smith-1951). Ha Ha Chuckle Chuckle Hortle Hortle.
3. We were not always known as the Cats. We were also aptly named the
seagulls (I don't understand why this didn't stick- No offence to
Williamstown) & the pivotonians (dropped I belive as it was hard for a
railway sleeper as a logo to inspire, unlike a pesky seagull or a
malicious moggie.)
4 We were the only side to win premierships in 1925, 31, 37, 51,
52& 63. (No one can take that away)
5. Collingwood have never beaten us by 100 points or more. (My
favourite, but was never used at Victoria Park for obvious reasons to
those who have travelled there.)
6. Were the only side to have won more games against Pagans'İKangaroos
than we have lost. (Only use on David King-like supporters to gain
optimum response)
7. Brett Spinks was our equal leading goalkicker in 1998. (Where has
the gentle giant gone?)
8. We have a 57% win rate against University which has stood the test
of time & will continue to do so.
9. We had the great number 5. One of the greatest bookends of the
game, fearless,uncompromising,always a handfull for opposition players
with dashing play & an uncanny ability to win kicks in the goalsquare.
The great Gary Malarkey. What a full back. (Duffle-Coat
special)
Unfortunately I have never used full array of retortsİas I haveİusually
had my faceİintroduced to someones fist by number 2. (On hindsight I
should move the Larry Donohue comment down the list)
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 12:07:24 +1000
From: Fry Michael
Adelaide '98. We're so good we don't even have to win all our matches in a
finals series to win the premiership [Pumped by 55 points by Melbourne in
1998 and goes on to win premiership.]
Brisbane Have you got a video of all your premiership wins, because I have.
[Only club to have featured a video of the Reserves premiership.]
Carlton At least we still have a traditional home ground.
Collingwood Still got the best player in the league [No 5] Still gets most
on-air plugs [McGuire]
Essendon More premierships
Fremantle We should have been contenders. Look at the side we could have
had, if only the management/footy department one brain cell between them
[Lloyd, McLeod, Farmer, Bell (the good years), Woewodin, etc., etc, and of
course etc.]
Geelong the only team with god on their side - Abbeeelllleeeeetttttttttttt
Hawthorn two of the best full forwards of all time [Hudson and Dunstall]
Kangaroos Still got best player in the league [No 18, He who shall not be
named]
Melbourne The one, the only, Robbie
Port Adelaide Most premiership in a previous life
Richmond Best centreline ever, Clay, Barrott and Bourke]
St Kilda Ahh, the Party Boys, Winner of the Best Social Club award, 1967,
68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, ..................., 81, 82,.......98, 99.
Sydney Ahh, the glory days, pink caddy's, Leanne and Wokka (uh Geoffrey)
West Coast Eagles Still the team closest to England where boom recruits
were sent into hiding in the late 80's, to be resurrected with pick No 106
in the Draft.
Western Bulldogs While there's still teams like Fitzroy, [scratch them],
North Melbourne [uhh, AAA Kangaroos] South Melbourne [uhh, Sydney Swans] and
the Sainters around, nobody pays much attention to our tactics, B&F results,
etc.
Regards
Michael Fry
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 12:05:31 +1000
From: James Sorroghan
As a Bulldogs supporter
my insult is that if we counted VFA Premierships the bulldogs would have
9 VFA cups and 1 VFL cups meaing that we would move ahead of Sydney and
Stkilda etc.
It is all a conspiricy against the Bulldogs
James Sorraghan
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 12:32:29 +1000
From: "FURLONG, Mark"
Firstly, any true Richmond supporter should not have to justify anything to
anyone who supports a team with red, green, white and PURPLE on the jumper
with a song whose words include " HEAVE HO, HERE WE GO, WE'RE FREO".
Why even bother justifying yourself to a club whose accumulative winning
margin is one BLOODY point. That was against Collingwood anyway and anyone
can beat them in a grand final except for Essendon so we don't talk to them
either.
Also not required to talk to supporters whose clubs loose four grand finals
in 6 years such as Geelong.
Should not have to justify ourselves to supporters of clubs who will be
banished to the VFL, EFL or even the two Dollar Shop
at end of year such as Kangaroos, Bulldogs.
Blues and Melbourne are right royal toss bags whose only claim to fame is
that their presidents are more exciting than their style of play. Why the
hell would one want to talk to these Hyundai driving Quaffers.
Most other clubs are two-bit players cobbled together by the AFL to fill our
screens on Saturday night and Sunday arvo only to counter re-runs of Elvis
Presley's "kissing Cousins and "viva Las Vegas" because the Astor theatre
didn't need them that day. These include Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane, west
Coast and Port.
In closing we Richmond supporters have no need to talk to anyone else anyway
except the skirts calling themselves midfielders, and that is only to try
and get their drink cards off them or to get a bloody haircut.
Mark Furlong
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 13:22:13 +1000
From: Matthew Zappulla
The details might be a little sketchy on this entry, but I swear the
punchline was dead-set true.
Back in about 1981 I was in Grade 1 (ie. 6 years old) and already a mad
Carlton supporter. As a result, nothing gave me more pleasure than rubbing
it into my magpie loving classmates whenever Collingwood got done.
Anyway, you may recall that back in the days of the Escort Cup when the VFL
only had 12 teams they'd get some of the SANFL or WAFL teams to make up the
numbers for a 16 team knock out comp. One game I fondly recall Collingwood
getting done over by Port Adelaide. Because both Port & Collingwood wore
black and white stripes, on the night in question Collingwood wore a solid
black jumper with a white "V" ala Melbourne's design. In response to my
unending teasing at losing to a team that wasn't even in the VFL one of my
Collingwood supporting classmates gave up the following lame excuse for
losing:
"They weren't used to the jumpers".
Now this was said as a six year old twenty years ago - the sad part is that
the bloke in question would probably still use the same excuse today!
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 05:01:16 +1000
From: Paul
Scene: A Collingwood supporter walking to the tram stop with an Essendon
supporter after the 1990 GF...........
Collingwood supporter "....good old collingwood forever.....maaaate,
that win was worth the 32 year wait... it just about heals the pain of
Wayne harmes cheating Carlton to the flag in '79, and Kerry Goode along
with the umpires cheating North to that night flag... this my friend
is the sweetest moment in football..EVER!! Just remember who kicked 5
goals in todays granny - Essendon!! hehe They said Richmond was
going to be the team of the 80's, well we'll be called the team of the
90's. All these new interstate teams will never win flags as long as
Collingwood is in the league... Leigh Matthews will be coach forever..
atleast 5 flags i reckon. Essendon, what a team of duds! Sheeds' days
are numbered, cant see him staying much longer, you might as well give
up following Essendon and barrack for a REAL team.... (Collingwood
supporter goes on and on and on about how good Collingwood are and will
be, and how useless every other team in the league is...)
So what do you have to say about all this mate? (poking the essendon
supporter in the arm)
Essendon Supporter ... "Sorry mate, i was listening to my walkman!"
(as he pulls the earpiece out from under his beanie..)
No obscure stats etc here, but it would be fun to piss off (oops
annoy) a Collingwood fan with a comeback like that.
Paul Hutchins - Dandenong North
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 18:35:24 +1000
From: KyselaO
In a football argument, the Melbourne supporter, like no other, has the
capacity to draw on successes in other fields to maintain the upper hand in
the event the argument comes down to a photo finish. But all arguers can
make most statistics work for them by attaching a specific time frame to
that statistic.
Consider the Melbourne "supporter" vs Hawthorn "member", with Melbourne
staring in the face of defeat:
Melbourne Supporter: Head-to-head, we are still in front.
Oliver Kysela
Oliver Kysela
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 19:07:23 +1000
From: Chris Pezzimenti
In the game against Richmond earlier this year, a particularly verbose
Tiger kept hurling obsenities at one Nathan Buckley - and the game was
only 2 minutes old!!
After creating Collingwood's first goal with a sublime handball that
Diesel would have been proud of, I turned to this bloke and said "It's a
good thing he's so S$%t, otherwise he would have had to kick it himself"
to which Moron Tiger replied "Yeah, but he'll never play State-of-Origin
again, will he?"
I still laugh when I think about it.
Chris Pezzimenti
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 19:51:13 +1000
From: Joel Ford
Dear Simon,
I'll keep it short but sweet,
Joel Ford.
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 20:48:22 +1000
From: Kaylene Madden
My team is Geelong
Hawthorn v. Geelong, 1989 Grand Final, Hawtorn Cheated! They Blew the
siren tooooo soon!!
West Coast v. Geelong, 1992 Grand Final, West Coast Cheated.
West Coast v. Geelong, 1994 Grand Final, West Coast Cheated, AGAIN!
Carlton v. Geelong, 1995 Grand Fianl, Match fixing (or Carlton Cheated)
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 21:39:06 +0800
From: Andrew & Mariko
As a Geelong supporter I've had to have a pretty good stock of these over
the years.
Responding mainly to Hawthorn, West Coast, or Carlton supporters jibes
about the lack of premierships:
'Ah yes, but you are so focused on the form of recent decades - lets go
backİto the century before lastİwhen Geelong (then the Seagulls) were the
most powerful team in the Victorian Football Association with seven
premierships in 10 years between 1878-1887, making the current Essendon
team look like the St.Kilda of the 1980's'İ - that one usually confuses
people just long enough to slink away from the erupting onslaught.
Andrew Francis
Hong Kong
P.S. - love the show - listen to it every Saturday via audio streaming
Date: Tue, 22 May 2001 23:52:04 +1000
From: Russell McIntosh
Here are a couple of entries into "best comebacks" competition for this
week.
I am a Richmond supporter.
On receiving regular jibes from mates about my team finishing 9th all the
time, I have often come back with the "atleast we don't waste our time
getting into finals and then not winning the thing"
When being beaten by the leagues 'less financial' clubs (e.g. Kangaroos)
- "atleast we can afford to celebrate when we have a win"
When being beaten by Essendon - "Well where do you think your bloody
coach came from"
Thanks,
Russell McIntosh
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 09:41:12 +1000
From: Frank Woods
Simon, my first time entry to 'the competition' as for the past 10 years I
have listened to the Coodabeens in delay - 1 week delay - while the tapes
made there way via Aussie Post to Sydney. The web site and email now allows
me to enter in real time! Thanks.
All the best
Frank Woods
Turramurra NSW
Anyway the story.....
The Time: 'Twas in another time, a time of toil and strife, when Brasso was
the Coach and wins were hard to find.
The Venue: A near empty SCG on a sunny July Sunday afternoon.
The Clash: A fair to middling Richmond taking on a very lowly Swannies
The Cast:
DORIS (possibly not her real name) Tiger fan who had made the journey with
her best friend and fellow Tiger's supporter Madge (possibly not her real
name) to Sydney, no doubt via overnight bus, for a weekend of factory outlet
tours, pokies and footy. Doris is a fair dinkum about the Tigers. Cut and
she'd bleed...you know what mean, don't ya?
BIG ALEX, yep it's real name, Swans supporter all of his life but the twist
is BA lives in Adelaide and has done almost all of his life. (Born in Darwin
but that's another story). BA is in town to attend a conference for his
company (he is the SA State Manager and HO is in Sydney, as you'd expect)
and has come up a day early to watch his Swannies.
The Real Clash: Big Alex takes on Doris mid way through the second
quarter....the story goes like this....
The ball is on the HFF for the Swans, outer side now, going to the Randwick
end - just where we are all sitting (Doris and Madge a few rows in front of
Alex myself and our regular Swans addicts). Scotty Turner is over the ball
on his hands and knees waiting for the ump to call for a ball up when a
scrawny young Paul Kelly throws himself at the ball and Turner. An elbow or
bony knee might have collected Turner who doesn't seem to mind too much but
Doris is incensed.
Doris: "You dirty little mongrel 14?"
BA: "What are you on about he was just going for the bawlw."
Doris: "You're kiddin' he's been doin' it all day."
(note, at no stage has Doris turned to face her accuser - just staring our
at the ground)
BA: "I'll bet you wish you had a couple who go as hard as him?"
Doris: "He's a mongrel. (Methinks - not very imaginative Doris you've
already said that.)
BA: (Gaining in confidence) "Why don't you open both your eyes then you
might understand a bot about football!"
Doris: "What would you know about it, get back to your Rugby. You lot from
Sydney haven't got a clue!" (Methinks she's onto something here as the bloke
behind me asks his mate for the 10th time today "What did the Ref pay that
for?")
BA: (overflowing with confidence gathers himself for what he thinks is the
knock out blow....wait for it...he says...) "Well that's where your
wrong....I'M FROM ADELAIDE!"
Doris is speechless and suddenly Alex is friendless, (as we all moved away
from him on the bench) and can't understand why.
The Swans went on to cause an upset and when the last nail was hammered in
at about the 20 min mark of the last quarter we all looked for Doris but
she'd slipped the net - vanished, gone. Don't ya hate that?
True Story.
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 19:41:36 +1000
In the "Big Brother" household, which had beenİtaken over by a supporter
from each AFL club, a spirited conversation was taking place.
The Hawthorn supporter was loudly saying "we're on the top of the ladder,
we're on top of the ladder" Then replies started one after another
At this allİthe housemates nodded and agreedİ"yeah, that's pretty good"
All except the Melbourne supporter who had been sitting quietly in the
corner throughout. The room fell quietİand the Melbourne supporter said
"I have a large ski chalet, belong to the Melbourne Club and I drive a
Range Rover"
Michele Blight & Wendy Moore
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 12:04:25 +1000
From: MikeH
lame comeback for Melbourne supporters when they are getting belted:
antagonist: scoreboard!! ...you leather elbow, range rover driving, ski
lodge owning rich prick...
melbourne supporters: not only are you riff raff, you're a communist.
cheers
mike honeychurch
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 22:41:58 +1000 (EST)
From: John Kenneth Daykin
For this week's competition I have thought about some of the musty old insults
that
I and other North Melbourne/Kangaroos supporters have used (or could use).
I might add that many of these have re-emerged this year after many years in
mothballs marked "not required".
I have also scored them on a rating of 1 to 10 where 1 denotes a club that is
easy
to insult and 10 a club extremely hard to insult.
Essendon - 9.5 - a tough one, used to be able to use "Marshmallows" but now I'd
try
"You're only any good now coz we lent you Denis Pagan for a year back in '92"
Hawthorn - 6.5 (and rising) - anything about their awful colours tends to work,
how
about "Brown and Gold. Yuck!! Is that why Wynvale stopped sponsoring you?"
Adelaide - 6.5 - difficult after the events of 1998 but try "Funny how Jason
McCartney's down OK once he's come to a REAL football club"
Melbourne - 5.0 - gotta be cutting - "At least we never voted to merge"
Carlton - 4.0 - "Grand Final fodder"
Sydney - 3.5 - ditto
Western Bulldogs - 3.5 - "Tragic"
StKilda - 3.0 - ditto
Richmond - 3.0 (but rising) - "Crawl back into the woodwork" used to work when
we
beat them but last time we played I used "At least we never had Alan Bond for
president".
Collingwood - 2.5 - "Not a bad bunch of kids. You might make a good side one
day."
(Collingwood supporters still like to think their side and supporters are the
most
feared and disliked in the league).
West Coast Eagles - 2.0 - "Call that a football jumper?"
Port Adelaide - 2.0 - Having never beaten us in a match for premiership points
is good to use but "Is that your mascot?" followed by a laugh at the start of a
match
against them always works.
Brisbane - one could mention Carrara but "Come back and see us when you've won
a
preliminary final" always works considering events of 1996 and 1999
Geelong - 1.0 - Too easy, "Sleepy Hollow", "Handbags", "No wonder Garry
Sidebottom
missed the bus" are good but "You're only playing in the league now because of
North
Melbourne" always works but needs some explanation - After Geelong spent two
years
out of the league during World War II North Melbourne's support was
instrumental in
allowing them to get back in. Other clubs, particularly Essendon, opposed the
Cats
getting back in.
Fremantle - 0.001 - Not worth insulting but if one ignores their record in the
AFL
anything about their colours or jumper works, that is if there's any of their
supporters around to hear you.
regards
john daykin
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 22:47:06 +1000
From: Mark Giuliano
As a lifelong South Melbourne/Swans supporters I knew only too well that
my team had won a mere three premierships in 104 years (a 2.88% strike
rate).
So when the Swans lost to the AAA Kangaroos last year, a juvenile
Kanagroos supporter gave it to me :
We've won more premierships than you (4)
To which I replied (in an even more juvenile fashion) :
"Yeah !!??? Well we've played in more Grand Finals than you (12 versus
North's 9)
Mark Giuliano
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 09:38:48 +1000
From: Bob Crain
Dear Simon
The riddle of this weeks competition left me spellbound, I recorded the
segment of the show where you layed out the terms and conditions of the
following weeks competition. I listened to it several times in an attempt to
work out exactly what you were looking for (Simon are you some kind of
lawyer or something?). After much consternation and several trips to the
Funk and Wagnells the following is my definition of exactly what the
criteria is for this weeks competition.
"Provide statistically based one-liners which can be used to hurl at
opposition supporters when required to excuse your teams' current position
on the ladder" is that right?
If that is the question, then I only need refer to my personal experience
when leaving the "Other Stadium" in the middle of the 4th stanza of the
Kangaroos VS Richmond encounter of a few rounds ago.
Upon being confronted by abuse from a Richmond supporter (probably not a
member) as I sulked away to the carpark with several other Roos supporters,
I politely asked the loud Tiger supporter (who had obviously been into the
VB since lunch) "How many times has your team been in the finals in the last
10 years?". This outburst from me attracted loud applause from the other
Roos supporters around who witnessed the event. My question of course
attracted a spew of vulgar abuse from the Tiger faithful but very little in
the way of substance or statistical analysis. (I know I have to cut this
short or I won't even get a look in so the crux is and the real point of
this entry is.)
The Tiger fan could have easily come back with this after my little comment.
Na Na Na Na Na we've finished 9th three years in a row Na Na Na Na Na.
That would have shut me up.
Bob the Yank
PS. Please tell Champs to play the song I sent in or I won't be submitting
the massive backlog of material I've been holding on to!!!!
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 22:55:14 +1000
From: Mark Giuliano
I remember being at a Fitzroy v Essendon game a few year's back when a
feisty (and very unsympathetic) Bomber declared that "We won the first
Premiership"
To which an extremely knowlegable Royboy gave the double barrelled reply
:
"Yeah?? Well we won the first Grand Final AND won the wooden spoon and
the the Premiership in the same year"
Footnote : I just HAD to verify this when I got home.
(1) TRUE - Essendon won the 1st Premiership in 1897, but it was a
round-robin finals series with no Grand Final.İ e first Grand Final as
played in 1898 which the Gorilla's duly saluted in !!
(2) WW1 saw only 4 teams contest the season in 1916.İ Fitzroy finished
the season last but still played off in the Finals and improved to make
and win the Grand Final
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 11:54:37 +1000
From: "Liddicoat, Gregory A"
This was my pathetic response to a Kangaroos supported after their shock
defeat of Collingwood (my team) breaking a 2 week losing streak a fortnight
ago:
"That was nothing, Collingwood broke a much longer losing streak of 8 games
when we beat the Kangaroos back in 1996"
I have the name a game tape of this game (round 15, 1996) which is still on
high rotation.
Greg
From: skunkman@alphalink.com.au
When the Swans got beaten by St Kilda earlier this season and I was
copping it froma saint Kilda supporter, I came back with :
"Well we were the only team to have a positive Win/Loss ratio at the Lake
Oval"
Andrea Harding
THORNBURY
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:00:45 +1000
From: "Walby, Andrew"
Guess which team.
Since the final 8 was introduced, we have been the "best team outside the
8" on more occasions than any other team (3 times in the past 5 years).
We won the inaugural Coleman medal (1981).
We had the first Norm Smith medalist not to have played in the winning
team (1982).
We are the "Friday night specialists" as we play more Friday night games
than any other team this year (8, cf Essendon 7, North 6).
We are the "Monday night specialists" as we have won the only Monday
night game ever played (v. North at the "G" when we kicked 6 goals in the
opening 9 minutes, and never looked back).
We've had more coaches in the past 15 years than any other club.
We have the leading player with "contested marks" for the year to date
(unfortunately he pulled a hammie last week).
Andrew Walby
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:00:24 +1000
From: Brian Duffy
Being a Carlton supporter - any loss against Essendon I usually come back
with - well who let Collingwood win a GF IN 1990.
Any other loss - at least we have our own ground and a stand with the
potential of being listed by Heritage Victoria !!
Regards Brian
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:26:01 +1000
From: Craig Townsend
just a short and sweet Richmond perspective on the feeble
statistical riposte:
'...yeah, well we've had more pyrrhic victories than you'.
Regards,
Craig Townsend
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:42:28 +1000
From: Keith Payne
From KEITH PAYNE, Ferny Creek
I am a Kangaroos supporter, and at the minute, we are getting a lot of
mileage out of our "TEAM OF THE NINETIES" tag. It will be a few years (or
maybe only three Essendon flags) until that gets trumped.
Other pathetic lines used include:
HAWTHORN: No supporter of a team that plays in those colours has the
right to say anything.
ESSENDON: At least we didn't let Collingwood win a flag
BULLDOGS: Yeah, but what's the point? - you'll only go and lose in the
finals anyway.
RICHMOND: At least our supporters can spell the name of the club.
ST KILDA: Yeah, well done. The boys must haveİbeen off the grog
for a change.
MELBOURNE: You lot even blame the umpires when you win!
GEELONG: 1997!!!!!
FREEO: Not applicable
Keith Payne
Andrew McDonald
Last Saturday night at Football Park in Adelaide; it's late in the final
quarter and Josh Fraser has just booted a magnificent sausage from fifty
to nail tight Port Adelaide's coffin, in the Magpie Derby. As the home
crowd makes vocal its underwhelming generosity to a worthy opponent, a
stoked Collingwood supporter turns to his Port Adelaide supporting mate
next to him:
"Black and White and Teal .... what sort of namby pamby colour is
teal!?
Andrew McDonald
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 21:04:00 +1000
From: Andrew Carter
I think this is the best obscure fact in football. It concerns the
Fitzroy football club. In 1916 the number of teams was cut to four due
to the war and Fitzroy finished last on the ladder after the home and
away series but won all three finals games to win the premiership.
No other team can say that they finished last and came up to win the
flag!!!
Cheers
Date: Fri, 11 May 2001 02:52:34 +1000
From: Jason North
Being a Carlton member with a real true "WE ARE
SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU" attitude. I and my Blue
Blooded mates have polite rhetorical reply to all oppisition
supporters when facing defeat.
A few examples;
Western Bulldogs - How many flags have you won in the last 30 years? or
At least we have a home ground or maybe haven't you got a ship to unload
at the docks. (That one is generally reserved for the woman fans)
Geelong - How many flags have you won in the last 30 years? &
They are simply sheep shaggers. (No denying the facts!)
Essendon - Your personnel hygiene is quite atrociuos (dido to Richmond
fans)
Collingwood - Where do you start. 1970 is a good as anywhere. They are
generally
in tears by 1979. By the time you start talking about 1981, you need to get
the
police ready, just to push the last button and have them ejected you
mention
the centenary match.
Anyway, the major reason for the entry was to suggest a competition.
I was watching the 1981 grand final on Tuesday night as you do and
I really got caught up in the enormous banners that were draped over the
old southern stands & northern stands. Obviuosly back then the almighty
sponsorship dollar didn't pack as much punch as it does today, where
you can be ejected for draping a scarf over a Coca Cola sign.
Anyway, there were a couple of beauties. IE "COLLINGWOOD" This banner
took up a third of the grandstand. Carlton had a shocker like "OUR BRAVE
BATTALION OF BRILLANT BLUES" This also took up a third of the stand.
There were a few others but the best was all alone on the western
stand and I kid you not.
"THE MEN IN WHITE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT"
You could have great comp using this as a central theme perhaps with a
modern day twist.
Just an idea, I thought you guys might like?
All the best
Jason
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 23:22:59 +1000
From: Ben Davies
When it comes to Great Football Excuses and Rationalisations, it is hard
to match the Geelong era of 1989 to 1995. Four losing Grand Finals is a
most fertile source of excuses andİlimp come-backs. As a Cats fan, I
should know - I gurantee that I have used all of the following myself....
1989 - Geelong Loses Grand Final to Hawthorn:
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 10:11:21 +1000
From: Peter O'Sullivan
Here are someİreplies one might expect
from various opposition supporters.
Port: How are we supposed to steal a close win when Football Park is so over policed.
We would have won if it was at Alberton.
Richmond: Did weİlose? When isİRicho due back?
Carlton: We don't want to peak to early.
Sydney: We don't really care who wins We just want to see a good contest. So what if our last flag was in 1933 What about University? When did they last win a flag? Why doesn't anyone talk about that?
Geelong: İBobby Davis says there is this young boy running around at The Grammar..... It's theİangle of the sun at Colonial. Just a hint of Glomesh and BANG
the whole team is blinded.
Bulldogs: We just wanted to go into next week's game against Fremantle as the underdogs.
West Coast: Our players biorhythms are all out of whack constantly travelling
through time zones every second week.
Melbourne: How can our players focus when there is all this talk about increasing the lift prices at Mt Buller again this season.
Peter O'Sullivan
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 10:27:17 +1000
From: Adam Ellerton
when interstate you gotta say something.
Adelaide : "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 12:02:09 +1100
From: Paul Hughes
I tuned into the start of the Collingwood v Port game last week, to
hear the announcer emphatically state "This IS Finals Football".
So I guess at least when the Pies lose a game this year, their fans
can retort with a confident "Well, at least we're the only team to
win a final this year!"
They're different over there in Adelaide.
Paul Hughes.
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 12:18:52 +1000
From: "BULL,TRAVIS (HP-Australia,ex2)"
Due to the fact our organisation (Travis Bull from Surrey Hills) was not
read out last week turmoil has hit the commitee.
Many people in the organisation were not happy with the entry submitted.
Our president Travis Bull on Saturday afternoon asked for the responsible
parties to resign. This move was rejected and subsequently critised as
being poor timing as it was 7 weeks into the coodabeen comp and would affect
the callibre of future entries.
As a result our President Travis Bull himself has resigned saying he did not
feel he had the support of the organisation
Our President has resigned stating however that he will return.
So as a result here is the interium entry:
I had an argument with a Richmond supporter earlier this week
My team Melbourne has a more complicated corporation law than yours.
Entry By: The acting president of Travis Bull from Surrey Hills
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 15:24:55 +1000
From: "Treseder, Peter"
A list of pithy put downs follow, if none of them are any good you can
always resort to "Oh Yeah" or "Well my dad is bigger than your dad"
AAA Kangaroos - Yeah well, your coach is a masticator!
Adelaide - Does having a team named after a girl ever worry you?
Brisbane - At least we try to beat the opposition, not each other!
Carlton - Did you really think about that statement or have you borrowed
John Elliot's brain?
Collingwood - Did you choose to support Collingwood or did your parole
officer recommend it?
Essendon - Premierships are easy when you think a salary cap is the top end
of a green vegetable!
Fremantle - Winning isn't everything, but at least it is worth a try!
Geelong - Maybe Ablett would be in the Hall of Fame, if he played in winning
grand final team!
Hawthorn - Football is an endless struggle full of frustrations and
challenges, but eventually your players will find a hairstyle they like!
Melbourne - No wonder you have board problems, no flag for nearly 40 years,
I would be bored too
Port Adelaide - Don't give me pre-season premierships, even Collingwood win
them!
Richmond - It is easier to have expectations than to play to them
St Kilda - The people of St Kilda abandoned their island in 1930, when are
you abandoning the club?
Sydney -Your top players make over $300,000 and they still can't afford a
house.
Western Bulldogs - Well at least we have more members than premierships!
West Coast - The whole country is ahead of you! (very poor time zone
pun, my brain was getting tired)
Regards,
Peter "Trash" Treseder
P.S. At least with phone in quiz, there are right answers!
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 15:28:20 +1000
From: "Salton, Jeff"
Hair is always a touchy subject. Let's see if you blokes are 'big
enough' to read out my entry without going for your hats!
- Jeff from Kilsyth
In response to a typical Bomber taunt about "how many premierships have
you won in the last 20 years" (0), all Tiger fans should respond in the
following manner ...
"Yeah, well, how many awards have you won in the past 30 years inİthe:
Advanced Hair Studios/Godfrey's "Follicle Challenge?"
Since 1970, the Tigers have been the undisputed champions in the
following categories:
"Now how important do your lousy premierships look, eh?"
Jeff Salton
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 16:04:54 +1000
From: Doug Long
"How many flags have YOU ("you" said with an annoying whine in their
voice) won?"
This is the most overused and abused comment of all. And so irrelevant,
too.
The real question to be asked should be: "How many REAL FLAGs have YOU
won?"
(A REAL FLAG is one where there has been at least a 25 year drought
preceding it.)
You see a flag is ONLY TRULY APPRECIATED by the hungry, success - starved
fans who have lived through the hard times!!
Think of the so - called "GREAT" grand finals that come to mind:
1989: Rubbish; the Hawks went back to back; no REAL sweet taste of
victory there
1970: Similar thing; Blues had won in 1968
The REAL GREAT fLAGS were ones like the Hawks in 1961; Saints in 1966
where they won a lone flag after decades of failure.
In fact, teams like Carlton and Essendon have robbed their fans for over
100 years by NEVER WINNING A REAL FLAG in their TRAGIC HISTORY!
Some may respond to this last comment by suggesting that I am bitter and
twisted.
This is not possible– I am a Geelong supporter!
And MY TEAM WON THE FIRST REAL FLAG in 1925 followed by Melbourne (1926),
the Bulldogs (1954), Hawthorn (1961), and St Kilda (1966), North (1975),
Collingwood (1990).
The fans of these teams can truly rejoice when that elusive REAL FLAG
does come their way.
And with very few Johhny– Come– Latelys on the band wagon!
These seven clubs are acquainted with suffering.
Take Melbourne, for example. Who can forget that fateful day late in 1987
(Jim Stynes certainly cannot)? MANY DEES FANS WERE SEEN WEEPING openly
when "WALL STREET had their biggest one day downturn since the great
depression".
Of these seven teams, the Bulldogs, Geelong, Melbourne and St Kilda are,
once again, in a 25 year premiership drought. As such, they are best
placed to win a second REAL FLAG and become the greatest team of all, IN
REAL TERMS.
Its easy to get a champion team together and win a few normal flags; it
takes great skill and perseverence to win REAL FLAGS!
It is obvious that the Eagles and Adelaide have no clue whatsoever when
it comes to pleasing their fans. It will be decades before their
supporters can genuinely appreciate true success now, thanks to THEIR
STUPIDITY IN ATTAINING EARLY SUCCESS.
FREO– Now there is a team on the right track!
When they win their first AFL flag in about the year 2256, their fans
will really party hard.
Doug Long
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 16:47:13 +1000
From: Tim Fewster
I cant find one for Fremantle.
Well maybe there are one or two.
We've got the best web site in the AFL !
We can buy our merchandise the cheapest on sale
We can buy our memorabilia at very affordable price
We can plan holidays in September before any other AFL supporters
I am sure there are many more.
Regards
Tim Fewster
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 17:00:56 +1000
From: paul russo
Some retorts after your side has lost again and Essendon and Carlton have
won again:
From Swans supporter "Well, ahh, umm,errrr, at least we've given away more
champions than you have. E.g. Carey, Hird, the entire Daniher family etc,
etc."
From Saints supporter " There's more to footy than winning Premierships -
e.g. night Grand Finals, Brownlows, quality disco, getting number one draft
choices and adding to the general revenues of the state via the police "
From Faction 3366 - NOT A POSTCODE. Thanks to Doug Long for pointing that out.
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 15:51:29 +1000
From: Jeffrey Ferguson
Congratulations on the ratings!
The following pathetic repertoire can be heard being said by Richmond
supporters after a lose:
"We would have won if umpire 32 (Goldspink) had not been umpiring"
"At least they got closer than last year" - normally said after a
Richmond/Essendon game
"Gee we played well for the last 6 minutes of the second quarter"
" At least we outscored you in the 2nd quarter"
"At least we have Freo next week" - Normally followed by a 10 goal
shellacking by Freo.
"At least our little league team won"
" We would have won if the last quarter went for another 45 minutes!"
" At least we tired them out for next week"
" Our club song is better than yours!!"
Regards
Jeffrey Ferguson
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 19:01:40 +1000
From: PHILIP CROOKS
We of the Bomber faith have the exact opposite of the problem which you
encountered recently when you had to search for some statistical edge
over your opponent to prove a point to an opposition supporter. Having
won 50 of our last 57 games we have to search for a stat which highlights
any miniscule deficiency just so we can engage in anything that resembles
a conversation with a fellow footy follower. You may here us grumbling"we
only went inside 50 33 times last week" We usually omit the fact we
kicked 25 goals 8 behinds from those 33 entries and won by 86 points. If
we are down at 1/4 time, we can quickly trot out the stat that "we have
lost 75% of the games when we were behind at 1/4 time" leaving out the
fact that we have only lost 3 games in the last 40.
It is not easy being Black & Red
Philip Crooks
Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 06:38:44 +1000
From: g moss
As a long suffering Collingwood supporter I used to resort to the line
"well at least we have won more premierierships than you", but this is no
longer applicable in the cases of several teams that I cannot bring
myself to say the name of. Now I have joined the thousands of Mexicans in
South East Queensland and like many of my fellow bananna benders I follow
the Lions and go to most of the games. Our success at the Gabba
guarantees a good result on most occassions. If we happen to be losing
and a smart arse supporter from down south begins to mouth off I can
always use the line "at least we have more sunshine at our games".
Gary Moss
A hello to Tony the mug lair who used to be work associate of mine at
DAS. Hows this for a typical Qld saturday. Walk on the beach, Game of
gold at Royal Pines, Few beers, Watch the pies live on the Telly, A bet
on the internet, Few beers, Up to the Gabba to watch Brizzie, Few beers,
home to watch the replay of the game.
it would have been 2,105,343, but for an altercation with a Collingwood
supporter.
Acquaintance: Er!! yeah, well we had more scoring shots
Me: Er!! yeah ya missed coz our backs put more pressure on
Acquaintance: Er!! yeah but our forwards got the ball more
Me: Er!! yeah, only coz it was your home ground
Acquaintance: Er!! was NOT our home ground
Me: Er!! was SO! Just because your board wanted to avoid
live-against-the-gate by transferring the game to Colonial just to boost the
bottom line to cover inadequate membership recruitment..
You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth.
she KNOWS where each footy club'll be in four months time.
she said about the Tigers...
"I've a notion they'll come ninth."
It's been that way since 1996.
She looked at my palm - and she made a magic sign
but all it confirmed was...
Tiges down at number nine
I'll check out their fortunes in two thousand and two.
By then Danny Frawley's message might've got through."
I held my breath, I closed my eyes - what could I do??
I started seeing smoke and flashing lights.
Finally she turned and gravely looked me in the eye
and uttered very sadly...
"I've a notion they'll come ninth."
2. We average a premiership every 3 to 4 years
3. If all players that came from Port Adelaide currently playing in the AFL
still played there, we'd be undefeated at the top of the table. Remember
these players include Buckley, Macleod, Bradley, etc.........
You reply: 1) "You're telling me."
2) "You ain't kidding, brother."
3) "You think this is bad, you should've seen them last
week."
4) "Of course, the Storm are my first love."
5)"I'm sorry but I have a rare neurological disorder
which has robbed me of my short-and medium-term memory. Could you kindly explain
to me where I am and who are all these people and why am I wearing this
ridiculous scarf?"
Hawthorn Member: Not head-to-head in the last 10 years
Melbourne Supporter: How many premierships have you won?
Hawthorn Member: How many of those have you seen?
Melbourne Supporter: If it wasn't for Jim Stynes in 1987, we
would have won another flag.
Hawthorn Member: If it wasn't for Jim Stynes in 1987, you
wouldn't have got that far in the first place (or
Buckenara would have kicked it anyway)
Melbourne Supporter: When's the last time you made a Grand Final?
Hawthorn Member: Tell me, who ran 2nd in last year's Cox
Plate? Who cares? You don't win silver, you
lose gold.
Melbourne Supporter: At least our horse won at Caulfield
yesterday
Verdict: Melbourne Supporter wins argument because:
1) Started punchline with "At Least"., and
2) Hawthorn supporter's horse ran 4th in a Class 4 at Colac on a heavy
track.
" At least we've got more ex-Geelong Falcons than you!"
Tommymads
WestCoast "Well at least our jumpers aren't the colour of Poos & Wees."
Fremantle"Our jumpers have purple in them!"
Brisbane "Forget jumper colour, my tan is better than yours!"
Swans "My tan is pretty good and we have a bridge on our jumper and in
our town"
North "What do you mean your town! We play there and in Canberra. In
fact we have more home grounds than any of you"
Western Bulldogs "We not only have a song to run out to but anotherİone
if we win"
Carlton "We have our own ground that we own and even better we have our
own beer"
Adelaide "We have more members thanİany of you"
Collingwood "Forget members, we are the most popular club in the world"
Port Adelaide "You might be popular but we have more premierships than
any of you"
Geelong "What good are SANFL flags. We have more Dr McLelland trophies
than you"
Richmond "We have more supporters that turn on us"
Essendon "We have more Johnson's than any one else"
StKilda "Well we are the only ones to have had our one premiership win by
one point against Collingwood"
East Keilor
Lilydale.
Andrew Carter
* Well WE broke YOUR record for the most points kicked in a season
(Geelong kicked 3452 points in 1989; previous record: Hawthorn, 3162
in 1982)
* Well WE won three games in a row by one hundred points or more this
year. No team has ever done that before
.
* Well OUR player broke the record for most goals in the Grand Final
(Ablett, 9) Teams win flags EVERY year, but 9 goals in a Grand Final
has only happend ONCE in 93 years.
* YOUR team plays boring, efficient football. WE give the fans what
they REALLY want - exciting, attacking football.
1992 - Geelong Loses Grand Final to West Coast:
* Well WE kicked the all-time record score this year (37.17.239 v
Brisbane at Carrara). Teams win flagsİEVERY year, but the record
score only gets broken on average once every 11.5 years (Stan will
back me up on this; the previous two records were broken in 1979 and
1969)
* Well WE had the most players playing for Victoria this year; and
Victoria beat Western Australia.
* Well WE broke OUR OWN record for the most points kicked in a season
(3558). No other team has done that since South Melbourne in 1934.
Teams win flags EVERY year but a team has only broken its own record
for points scored in a seasonTWICE in 96 years.
* YOUR team plays boring, efficient football. WE give the fans what
they REALLY want - exciting, attacking football.
1994 - Geelong Loses Grand Final to West Coast:
* Well WE have the two-time Coleman Medallist (Ablett). OUR full
forward kicked more goals (129) than YOURS did when YOU lost the
Grand Final (Sumich - 111 goals in 1991)
* Well WE won three finals in a row to get to the Grand Final. EVERYONE
knows it's impossible to win the Grand Final after winning three
finals. All the other teams who made the Grand Final after winning
three finals lost by bigger margins than us (Collingwood, 81 pts in
1980; Essendon, 83 pts in 1983; Melbourne, 96 pts in 1988) so WE were
actually THE BEST performed team in such circumstances! (note: this
theory was subsequently B.O.O.T.W. (Blown Out Of the Water) by
Adeliade in 1997)
* Well WE won two finalsİthis year after the final siren. Teams win
flags EVERY year but winning two finals after the siren has only ever
happenedİONCE in 98 years!
* YOUR team plays boring, efficient football. WE give the fans what
theyREALLY want - exciting, attacking football.
1995 - Geelong Loses Grand Final to Carlton:
* Sometimes in life, there are performances and actions which are so
mediocre that no excuses or rationalisations are even remotely
plausible. Certainly not this one, which John from Brighton described
as "the most insipid performance I have seen by a Geelong football
side - EVER"
* After all those years making excuses, it finally dawned on me that
Yabbie Jeans'İwords of wisdom were true: "Success needs no
explanation; Failure accepts no alibi"
Gisborne
Brisbane : "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
Fremantle: "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
Port Adeliade : "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
Sydney : "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
West Coast : "so how many grand prix's do you have?"
Best Jex Head - Michael Mitchell
Best Comb-over - Kevin Bartlett
Best Beatle wig imitationİ- Mal Brown
Best Sharpie - Robbie McGhie
Best Mullet - Geoff Raines
Best Blond Mullet - Phillip Walsh, Alan Edwards (tie)
Best Perm - Dennis Collins
Best Coloured Perm - Wes Barrott
Best Rough Nut - Stuart Edwards, Craig McKellar (tie)
Best Hair Missing in Action - Rex Hunt
Best 'Perfect' Hair - Mervyn Keane
Best Hairy Lip - Tony Jewell
Best Worst Beard - Richo (that little surfie thing!)
Paul Russo/John Clements