The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Nine
Does anyone say anything funny at the football anymore? We're worried that they don't This week's competition required you to report some real, actual, did happen in real life, speech and/or dialog at the footy that was genuinely witty and amusing. No made up stories....
Send your entries to competition@coodabeens.com.au
Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 14:38:50 +1000
From: Michele Blight
Very disappointed Simon that you didn't at least read the punchline of
last weeks entry. How could you miss the opportunity to keep the
Melbourne stereotype going. In case you missed it the punchline was -
the Melbourne supporter said "I have a large ski chalet, belong to the
Melbourne Club and I drive a Range Rover"
I really needed to be cheered up because I was coming off a shocking
night before where I watched my beloved Kangas go down in the second
half. During that half after Carlton had kicked their 6th goal in a row
I said something that seemed to amuse those around me.. It was "Gee I
love coming to the football. It relieves all my stresses!"
However the funniest thing I have ever heard came from my mother during
the 96 Night Grand Final Geelong v Carlton. We attended the game with a
Carlton supporter and sort of barracked for them on the night. Therefore
we did sheer on the Carlton blokes although I couldn't bring myself to
cheer Greg Williams. Mother on the other hand did go part of the way
when she sang out when Williams was trying to get the ball "Go Williams,
I hate you"
Michele Blight
Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 19:09:01 +1000
From: paul jeffrey
Boys please excuse me, this is my first attempt at any of the comps but
this piece of sarcasm fromİone collingwood supporter still remains in my
memory and will do so for a long time to come .It was at the night
grandfinal between the Pies and the Roos [pre AAA].Remember Kerry
Good?
Paul Jeffrey
Date: Sat, 26 May 2001 20:17:13 +1000
From: Andrew Dynon
From a match in the Southern Football League I umpired today (Balwyn v
Parkdale)
As we were leaving the ground at half time, the Umpires' Escort announced
to the crowd "If anyone tries to have a go, they're in trouble."
To which a spectator replied: "So does that mean you're gonna run and get
help?"
Andrew Dynon
Date: Sun, 27 May 2001 15:38:59 +1000
From: Julian Toohey
this is a hard comp especially as i didn't view any footy this weekend,
but it reminds of a time at the amatuers about 5 years ago, in which the
team i went to watch was playing a certain university team. this uni
team had a full back who kicking was questionable to say the least, and
after numerous pathetic kicks, fell over during a kick out. only to be
yelled at, "you been on the pipes last night" it didn't register back
then as i was too young to understand university leisure activities and
why he may have had long scruffy hair .
this passing comment brought numerous laughs amongst the standing
supporters at the prefered viewing area of the school at which the game
was held, and was good way to finish what was a pretty boring game in the
end.
Julian Toohey
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 10:56:33 +1000
From: Glenn
Similarly to last weeks entry, this occurred at a Melb Geelong game. I
remember it vividly, it was the day the Olympic flame arrived at the G -
huge crowd.
It was late in the third quarter, Geelong looking comfortable. Glenn from
Newport, full of VB and arrogance, drinks the last mouth full from the
plastic cup, stands to his feet holding plastic cup out from extended arm,
and proclaims:
"I'm having a quick whip around ladies and gentlemen; see if we can't buy
Jeff Farmer a kick....."
And I really don't think you had to be there.
Regards,
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 14:24:53 +1000
From: David
It is no secret that Essendon's Scott Lucas had a poor start to the
season.
After another good piece of play from Scott, the guy sitting in front of
me turned around and said "Its amazing what a difference a HAIRCUT can make"
Cheers
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 13:34:05 +1000
From: Joe Kirby
A Tiger fan at Windy Hill to Laffy of
Richmond(after another one of his statless games)
"you couldn't get a touch at the mardi gras"
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 13:56:07 +1000
From: Mats Jonasson Australia
Sitting in the GSouthern there was a rather amusing incident. Being a
St.Kilda Support I point like to sit with my own type so we can commiserate
together. During the latter part of the 3rd quater, we were all siting in
disbelief of the capitulation that was occurring. A fairly beefy man,
sitting a row and 5 people to the left of us was taking the situation a
little harder than the rest. No one was spared, St.kilda player, Collingwood
players, Malcolm Blight. It was into this scene that a poor pie boy decided
to venture, calling out "Hot Pies, Hot Pies". Our gentleman, turned his head
with such speed I thought it was going to fly across the stand, Pointed his
finger and told this poor boy to "shut up, stop lying. we all know those
bloody things are cold". After which he sat down a was quiet until the 10
minute mark of the last when he, obviously had regained his strength.
Robert Hansen
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 14:05:37 +1000
From: AD
I laughed so hard my chest nearly exploded.
Carlton vs. Essendon
This has always been something that gets up my nose at the football for
the past twenty years or so.....
WOMEN that feel it's ok to scream and yell what every they like when ever
they like, and at times drop the odd magic word or two. Now if this was
done by a male at the footy we would be categorised as a drunk or
football thug.(and at time we are)
It was a always going to be a great game early in the year when Carlton
and Essendon gathered for another almighty fight for the four points. I
was standing in the outer with the Kids. And as everybody thought, the
game was a blinder. The one thing that spoilt it for all was the loud
mouthed, bad tempered and vulgar WOMEN throwing obscenities at who ever
she could. (Players, umpires and spectators )
Around 150 people in our area had just about had enough of this person
when what happened next would make me laugh for the rest of my life.
From about eight rows back a very large man (around 200Kg's, six foot 13
inches tall and three pick handles wide) put his arm across three rows of
people pushing them aside and screamed in a voice you could only compare
to a town cryer. " Hey women I've had a gut full of you, do you have a
husband I can belt" then as people broke in to laughter and applause her
husband escorted her from the ground and she has never been seen to this
day.
Regards,
Andrew Dale
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 14:52:28 +1000
From: David Downer
Simon,
As a suffering Saint like yourself, the Rd 17 clash with Geelong provided one
of
the very few highlights for us last year. We saw the emergence of young tagger
Steven Baker that night who managed to stitch up Garry Hocking - a real
favourite with the opposition supporters obviously...
I had picked this line up somewhere before from various wags and had wanted to
use it myself for years (so I can't really claim it !). The sheer joy of the
moment (along with some dutch courage thrown in for good measure), and of
course
an absolute loathing of Hocking, prompted this triumphant line as he trudged
dispondently from the ground after the game :
"YOU DON'T NEED A SHOWER BUDDHA COZ BAKER'S JUST GIVEN YOU A BAAAAAAAAAAAATH"
David Downer,
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 16:08:17 +1000
From: Adrian Connolly
On a cold and wintry afternoon out at arctic park in high scoring game
between St. Kilda and Sydney a wise and knowledgable member of the
public at the end of half time thought he would protect the players and
officials of both teams by telling those blokes in white....
quote..." hey you blokes with the numbers on your backs, spectators are
not allowed on the ground until after the second siren!"
Adsrian Connolly
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 15:27:29 +1000
From: Jeffrey Ferguson
Congratulations on the ratings.
Heard at the footy about 3 weeks ago.
Young daughter: "Mummy, whats a white maggot?"
Mother: " That's a kind of insect that causes your father to be such a
grouch all weekend "
Young daughter: " You mean like when grandma comes over?"
Mother: "That's exactly what I mean"
Regards
Jeffrey Ferguson
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 19:30:21 +1000
From: mitchy babe skelly
simon,
i have heard a lot of funny lines at various footy matches but
heres the best 3 i can remember.
*NOTE: no player or fan names mentioned.
at a match envolving fremantle and essendon a freo player who had not
done much got the ball, he had a shot but it went on a 45degree angle
and out on the full, a whitty bombers supporter made the call
"If You could play football, You'd be unco-ordinated!"
at the last state of origin game at the MCG it was a wet miserable
day, the only highlight being brent harvey and david kings great
combination for the big V.
this was in the 2nd quater I think, and a South Australian backman was
deep in the back line, he then tried to kick the ball but it was an
"airy"
the call on this occasion was
"that just proves tasmainians can swim"
This one has probably been heard by you guys before, a ricmond player
(the current number 10) got a rare possesion for the game, (it was
against the bombers so getting the ball is hard) when a essendon
supporter said "Are actualy you playing Daffy".
that got laughs at the time. but i geuss you had to be there!
from mitch skelly in eltham
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 20:48:02 +1000
From: Nev McDonough
This happened in the 1960's at the Warragul
Showgroudns(showies). Warragul were playing Heyfield in a Latrobe Valley
Footy League fixture. Supporters of both sides (all 70 or so of them)
were gathered at the entrance to the home straight of the greyhound track
which encircles the ground. Local wag George , aka "Gelignite George, the
Gippsland Gun," had been entangled in intense and persistent verbal
crossfire with a few female supporters of the Heyfield Roos. When George
was once more assailed by the acerbic wit of the femmes assembled, he let
go with "Aw, turn it up ladies, you're making me homesick!! At this, the
lasses became unsure of themselves and silent, a condition which was was
exacerbated by the spontaneous guffawing from the Warragul "boys" who yet
again were to marvel at the repartee of George Parkin Krygger.
Neville Mc Donough, Warragul
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 23:09:32 +1000
From: Jane Lewis
Round 8, Friday night at the M.C.G, Richmond versus Adelaide. At the end
of the first quarter my brothers and I had just witnessed one of the
greatest quarters ever played. Andrew McLeod's return to the venue he
had won two Norm Smith medals was sublime. Playing from the wing he
dominated the quarter and managed to have five shots at goal, all missing
the mark, for five points.
I asked my brother why it was that the competition's Rolls Royce could be
so brilliant in getting the ball and yet kick so poorly at goal. He said
"Look who he is playing on, he's caught Kellaway germs".
Being a true Richmond supporter I am not one to slag off at a player's
inabilities when things aren't going our way, it's not in our nature.
But the Kellaways have introduced a new style of kick to the league, the
forward rolling, floating, finger busta. Not that I'm complaining, last
year I actually marked a ball kicked by Kellaway. Which would have been
great if I was sitting behind the bloody goals, but Christ, I was ten
rows deep on the wing carrying a tray full of beers for my brothers.
Soaked in beer I remembered my departing words that morning "Yes, I know
dear, I'm not drinking today because I realise the importance of having
dinner at your sisters"
Back to the game, my other brother replied "As they say down at
Tigerland, there's only one bloke in the league who is a worse kick
than a Kellaway and that's his brother".
Dean and Jane from the Aspendale Riviera, swaying palm trees and pina
coladas on tap.
P.S. Say thanks to Footy Tours, we hadİa ball at Crown last year!
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 08:48:28 +1000
From: Graham Harkom
I was at the game on Saturday, where the 'Pies thankfully got up in the
end. It was a bit shaky there in the first half, so we were all praying
to the football gods to give us any available help.
In the first quarter, there was a St Kilda player whoİtook the ball over
the boundary across from their attacking half flank. He went on to kick
it deep into the Saints' 50m zone where it was marked. The boundary
umpire - only 20 metres behind the incident - saw nothing and the umpire
in the 50m area paid the mark. It took the central umpire to run across
and rule that the ball had actually gone out of play.
It was then, that a fellow Pie supporter bellowed from the bottom of his
beer-gut 'Where were you in the 1979 Grand Final?!', making reference of
course to the Wayne Harmes boundary tap in incident.
Graham
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 09:06:02 +1000
From: frank.traczewski@au.pwcglobal.com
Perhaps I am too easily amused, but I did have a chuckle when John Blakey
once received some inappropriate attention, resulting in a call of "I'll
get you, Butler", complete with accent.
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 16:39:36 +1000
From: "BULL,TRAVIS (HP-Australia,ex2)"
I heard this at the recent Melbourne V Essendon Game sitting in the
melbourne Members
"Hey Hird, you should go on big brother just so we can vote you off"
Travis Bull
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 16:57:48 +1000
From: Darren Brookes
Guys, this went back to the old days in 92 when Alan Jackovich was still
running around in the Magoos before his senior selection. We were behind
the goals at the Punt Rd end at the G when Jacko marked in the goal
square on his Richmond opponent, a number 59.
He then kicked the goal from 3 metres out directly in front and
proceeded to run around clapping himself like he'd banged through a
left-foot banana from the boundary-line 50. When he returned to the
square, a guy behind out of thin air yelled "What are you clapping for
idiot, my grandmother could have kicked that without her glasses on".
The whole front 20 rows erupted in cheers even getting a glance from
Jacko himself
Jacko did not touch the ball the rest of the day.
Never forget it
Darren Brookes form Armadale
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 19:45:08 +1000
From: KyselaO
My favourite topic. Just some that have stuck in my mind:
1) In the opening minute of last year's Hawthorn v North Kangaroos final, a
free kick was given against Hawthorn which prompted the line:
"You've been doing it all night you white maggot."
2) A few years back, Simpson from the Kangaroos ran through Essendon's Ben
Doolan in a night game at the G, and a bloke yelled out to the motionless
Doolan:
"Would you like a doona and hot chocolate with that."
3)In the same North and Hawthorn night final last year mentioned above,
Brent Harvey was running riot in the first quarter and was all over the
place, and a North mate yelled:
"Someone give him an e-tag"
4) I went to Princess Park with my dad in the mid-80s and Hawthorn were
killing Footscray. Simon Beasley and Chris Langford were standing next to
each other and talking as Dunstall put through his 10th or 11th at the other
end, and a Footscray supporter, feeling a bit disillusioned at the lack of
action up our end of the ground, stood up holding a thermas and a packet of
Lamingtons, and yelled to Beasely and Langford:
"Hey lads, want a lamington?".
5) At last Satuday night's fizzer, Ramanaskaus (I think) marked it on the
forward flank and Scotty Lucas accidentally cannoned into him with not a
Hawthorn player in sight. The players both sprawled on the ground with the
ball rolling away, the call came out from the crowd:
"Fifty"
There's no doubt good comedy at the footy can defuse or marginalise the
idiots that have to swear and carry on as if they were out there and could
have an impact on the result.
Oliver Kysela
Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 23:21:44 +1000
From: malpearce
My husband at last week's Carlton v North Melbourne game was disgusted
with the apparent lack of effort (although the term effort implies that
you are actually trying to do something)of one Brendon Fervola (who he
affectionately calls "The Pergola" because of its close association with
a lump of wood), who in a contest with Micky Martin, where a guy twice
his age baulked around him and even took a bounce and clearing the ball
yet again into the North forward line.
So disgusted was my husband (as too was the coaching panel) because at
the time "the Pergola" was making his way to the bench, my husband got
his car keys out of his pocket and offered them to Fervola (oops Pergola)
so that he leave the ground and drive himself home, saving the club and
himself from further embarrassment. He evenİgave him instructions as to
where the car was parkedİand what car it was next to.
Unlike all true supporters though, my husband failed to acknowledge the
goal kicked by the boy later in the game saying that it was an
aberration.
Regards
Sharon Pearce
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 10:46:01 +1000
From: Andy Gowers
Boys,
I heard a football story which may be of the type you seek.
Scene: Old Xaverians v Old Brighton at Toorak Park, last Saturday the 26th
of May.
Old Brighton receiving an early pasting from a seemingly vulnerable Old Xavs
unit searching for their elusive 7th A Grade flag in a row.
Old Xavs full forward takes his fourth mark in 5 minutes against a very
frustrated full back (number 36), who has vented his frustration way too
late on each occasion (much to the annoyance of a very vocal bunch of Old
Xavs supporters camped on the George Stone memorial wing).
36's fellow defender, number 54, has been copping plenty of abuse also for
cheap shots to the solar plexus and has had the audacity to give lip back to
the crowd.
Old Xavs stalwart, Maurie Plant, rises from the throng and spouts the
following verbal barrage during a quiet moment: "Hey 36 and 54. What are
your names? Neil and Bob? Or is that just what you do?"
The George Stone wing erupts with delight.
Andrew Gowers - Kew
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 09:51:34 +1000
From: Tim Goddard
Dear All,
Having kicked the aggott around during a long and diminished career with the
mob down Pearl Bay way, I had the fortune to play under a fellow Coodabeens
fan.
Teddy, our happy & balding coach of the Mighty Magoos was good at the pre game.
Being Coodabeens fans, I had to remind him (weekly) that all good football
speeches begin with a footy being used as a pointer. All players know when
the coach is serious when he has the TW thrusted their way. And so it was,
comedy up close, each and every week, with only a select few knowing and unable
to laugh.
I also had the fortune back then to write the club blurb in the Footy record.
I had the use of many gag laden names, with one special, Cabbage. I once wrote
that he played well in patches (of course). We all know the gag is fairly
obvious, but the humour occurred when he (Cabbage) came up and had a go at me
for questioning his consistency. He was serious.
I could also mention a time when I was really young (8 or 9) playing under
14's. My mob were being well and truly thrashed by the bigger twats from
O'Grove way. I was parked in the forward pocked and noticed that their ground
had some sand placed on it. Being bored, young, and not seeing any action, I
squatted and started crafting little mounds. Some may have called them sand
castles (still to this day) but I clearly remember building them as stepping
stones for the spekky I was going to take in the last.
Some people are cruel.
Lock 'n' load.
Timmy G
PS how good are the Cats. Go Cats, Go
Dear Simon
Last week i heard my entry (Fremantle winning the America's cup)
attributed to a Mr "Bill Hall" who may or may not have been impressed.
Never mind - must move on.
For sheer simpicity, my funniest moment came from a furious Carlton fan,
frustrated to the point of madness, who was sitting in front of me. He
suddenly screamed out "that's right Madden, don't you go anywhere near
it!!!!!!!!" as Justin continued his slow and aimless loitering around
the packs.
jane Harris
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 02:42:11
From: stuart mcarthur
Dear Simon,
I'm afraid it was a pretty average week this week for funny lines, although
I must say I did like the one from Nev in the Northern Stand, a regular
entrant, who, after Ottens was swung around 85 degrees for his shot AT goal,
shouted "Give him a pass-out ump - so he can get back in afterwards!"
mmm, actually I quite liked that one....maybe I should've made that one the
winner...
but anyway..
oh, and Barry at the bar, gee you were unlucky, a very funny line but just a
tad too long I'm afraid...
shorter wisecracks DO tend to get preference around here..
but, yes yes alright, I'll get on with it..where did I put the winner...ah
yes here it is...
the winner this week, the funniest funny line, the line so dry, pithy and
ironic that even those people who came running into the room to see what all
the laughter was about - even THEY found it SO funny they had to gasp back
breath - the line so amusing it even drew a wry smile from my ten year old
cat - came during the Richmond/Adelaide game, from my 8 year old son.
He sat down beside me as I watched Leon Cameron kick Richmond to a 5 goal
lead. He looked at the score, took a sip of his coke, and said, "Tiges are
looking safe Dad."
Regards,
Stuart McArthur
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 19:35:15 +1000
From: Luke Gillies
Si,
The funniest thing ive heard at the footy occured 5-6 years ago in a
match between Carlton and Richmond at the MCG.
I can't remember the score exactly but I do remember being forced to
listen to one loud mouth Carlton supporterİinfront of us, dressed in a
Carlton Footy Jumper, rubbishing the Tigers all day. A tiger supporter
behind us finally had had enough and let his opinion be known.
A heated verbal stoushİgradually gained momentum until finally the
Carlton supporter infront of us let go with the words "Come down here and
say that!" to whichİhis opponent replied "I wouldn't waste my time with
fully grown adult who still wears his football jumper to the footy!"
Luke Gillies
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 20:14:17 +1000
From: Tim Murphy
Here's a few things I've heard at the footy in recent years - all true -
that made me laugh.
Richmond v Essendon last year, standing at the rear of the bottom deck,
Great Southern Stand. A vertically-challenged bloke is pressed against
the wire fence watching intently when a very tall policeman walks into
the disabled area (in front of the fence) and unwittingly stands right
in front of the short bloke. Not realising the identity of the man
obstructing his view, short bloke yells "GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU F...ING
IDIOT", only to turn the whitest shade of pale when the "idiot" turns
around. Everyone around us laughed themselves silly as our hero and the
policeman departed for a brief chat before he returned, wearing a
sheepish grin.
Richmond v Carlton a few years ago, during the Koutoufides boot-contract
crisis. A Tiger fan yells out "Why don't you play in ballet slippers you
bloody girl."
Richmond v Brisbane earlier this year when Paul Broderick gathered the
ball in open space on the wing. "Burn them off with your speed,
Brodders," suggested a Tiger fan.
Cheers, Tim.
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 21:16:13 +1000
From: JASON ANDREW CAMPBELL
While at the football last year watching Essendon versus Melbourne with
my father and uncle, who had travelled from Cobram (northern Victoria),İ
Fletcher took a mark in the last line of defence, who of course kicked it
to Wellman, who in turn passed it on to Misiti. When my father said "Look
at all the Essendon backmen running out of defence looking for the ball,"
my uncle responded with "Yeah, they're like a bunch of scabs, all pealing
off." This attracted a chuckle from the crowd in our immediate area.
Regards, Jason Campbell of Prahran.
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 21:34:57 +1000
From: Russell McIntosh
At the Tigers vs Cats game last Sunday, Geelong supporter halfway through
the last quarter "That's it Tigers, back to ninth, where you belong"
At the end of the match, same supporter "No Dragicevic, No Richmond" -
Dragicevic was out with injury after we got to 5-1.
Bloke on the fence "Report him ump, he said something about your sister,
I heard him'
Thanks
Russell McIntosh
Date: Wed, 30 May 2001 22:27:56 +1000
From: Jennifer Ludington
David Ludington
Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 07:40:47 +1000
From: gary.essex@au.pwcglobal.com
It was about 1983 or 1984, whenever the "big telly" was put up at the MCG.
We were having a few tins (as you could back then) watching Carlton play
someone. It was late in the game and the Blues were being trounced. My
Carlton mate - never a great Alex Marcou fan - suddenly let rip. "You've
only had two kicks Marcou.....and one of them was on the replay"
Gary
Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 08:27:31 +1000
From: Spa-country
Attended the "G" at the weekend for the Collingwood/Stkilda Game and was
feeling pretty low for most of the day until we took control in last
Quarter. Was seated in front of this lady in her mid 40's who was a
Stkilda fan, but utterly disappointed with her team. The crunch came in
the last Quarter when Fraser Gehrig went down with his upper leg injury
(groin) to which from behind us came
"God, they don't know what pain is, if only they could give birth, throw
him the footy and lets see him push that out" needless to say we had a
good laugh, only for her to continue, "I bet he'll be out for weeks, I
was up and walking the same day after my last"
Keep up the good work fellows....................
Dale Callahan
Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 13:00:47 +1000
From: BHansen@greens.com.au
This quote arises from my recent attandance at an Amateurs game.
You know where when the abuse comes from acrosss the boundary it is
presented in the best grammatical manner without any expletives or
profanities.
In this particular instance Old Scothch were down against Marcellin in the
3rd quarter and the over officious play controller was making sure that his
impact on the game would not go unoticed when it was yelled out from the
terraces.
you're only and umpire because you were too short to be a parking officer !
Regards
Date: 30 May 2001 21:45:04 MDT
From: michael hogg
subject matter - no.18...(umpire hanley)
this is because you're bald isn't it? after one of many, many, many, many bad
decisions against the pies, does't this always happen against collingwood? we
never get a fair go!!!
subject matter - no.18...(paul licuria)
licuria - is that turnover in italian?
subject matter - no.18...(triple a roos)
you're a dickhead (heard at many a collingwood v kangas game)
Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 20:15:28 +1000
From: The Fence Painter
1) One of the funniest things heard at the footy was on that fateful day
at Waverley when St. Kilda managed to devise a defeat by the team from
Hawthorn after having lead by a "whopping" 63 points. While still 27
points in front and in response to some increasingly pointed and over
zealous Hawthorn cheering, I was heard to remark, "Oh, yeah! Have a look
at the scoreboard!!" This, I must admit, was not terribly hilarious at
the time, but looking back with retrospective hindsight, I think it
turned out to be a very funny thing to say.
2)İ You will recall the day at Optus Oval some few season ago when an
undisciplined Police Horse unburdened itself on the playing arena. This
caused some delay in the commencement of the match, not to mention some
disquiet in the crowd. Various suggestions were forthcoming as to what
should be done to rectify the situation, the best of which was "Why don't
you shovel it up and put a white shirt on it! It'd be better than the
mongrel we had last week!"
Stephen Mulholland
Date: Thu, 31 May 2001 21:03:54 +1000
From: Reeds of Leopold
Scene:
Kardinia Park last Saturday.Cats v Tigers.
Kingy has just been awarded a second shot at goal , without the ball
being bounced.We (hooped affair devotees)are going off!You little ripper
we yell., or words to that effect.
''We CANT win now.....WE'VE LOST THE GEESH FACTOR"".................
Took me a couple of seconds to realise that he was referring to Geeshan
the umpy director , and his charges in white had deserted the tiges...
Go Cats..
Gerard of Leopold.
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 09:36:33 +1000
From: "Treseder, Peter"
Simon,
It wasn't a joke but the following comment made by one age challenge women
to another was as follows
"No wonder it costs so much to go to the footy these days, look at the size
of that thing"
The "that thing" she was refering to was team banner (run through). Many of
the surrounding spectators managed to contain their amusement, however many
did not.
Peter "Trash" Treseder
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 10:13:40 +1000
From: Jac & Pete
The scene: The Gee 1990's. Ball and players (including Craig Lambert who
had had his usual 30 possessions against us) run out of bounds in front
of the members. In the dead quiet before the throw-in a loud voice in the
crowd yells (with due deference to Craig and his mother we're
sure) HEY LAMBERT, TAKE OFF YOUR MASK , YOU'RE SCARING THE
CHILDREN.
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 11:09:56 +1000
From: Ben Davies
In my experience, these two take the cake:
1. Unidentified Richmond Supporter, 1980 Grand Final:
"Richmond - The Team of the 80s!"
2. Unidentified Collingwood Supporter, 1990 Grand Final:
"Collingwood - The Team of the 90s!"
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 11:12:34 +1000
From: Keith Payne
Heard upon the return of Tony Liberatore from one of his periods of enforced
absence....
"Been playing golf, Tony. Bet you play off SCRATCH."
The other one (about 2yrs ago) wasn't meant to be funny I am sure. I watched
he opposition team take about eight possessions to go from deep in the back
pocket to deep in the forward pocket. The comment from behind was "Ooh, this
is looking good." Even if I had been deprived of my senses for a week and
had been led into the stadium blindfolded, I would have known we were
playing GEELONG.
Keith Payne
Date: Fri, 01 Jun 2001 11:41:56 +1000
From: Matthew Zappulla
Two suggestions this week.
1) I was at a Blues vs Bombers game at Waverley in the early 90's. Everyone
is boisterous before the siren, but after the first bounce a hush goes down
over the crowd. Within the first 5 seconds Michael Long gets taken high in
the centre circle. A bloke leaps up in front of me and yells:
"He's been doing it all day!"
Carlton and Essendon supporters alike erupt into laughter.
2)Friday Night game between Carlton and North in the Mid 90's and a
frustrated North supporter seeing his team constantly chip the ball around
the back line can't take it anymore, screaming at his team "Where are you
going?". Some joker yells back almost instantaneously - "Australian
Lighting", which cracks up the whole of Bay 11. This was at the height of
the time when the Ollie Martin ads with the same catch cry was circulating
commercial TV. Mmmm, I suppose you just had to be there at the time.....
Love your work!
Matthew Zappulla
(mattandgen@hotmail.com)
Ph: 0412 47 4293
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 11:47:35 +1000 (EST)
From: "[iso-8859-1] Birman Paul"
Last week I attended the football with my buddy Darren
(aka Dr Bitch - don't ask).
We are mad Carlton supporters and attend every week.
Admittedly, Darren (or the Doc as he likes to be
called) had had a few on the way to the ground and
continued once seated.
Carlton was getting flogged in the first half and
Darren and myself had plenty to say. However, the
opposition bloke behind us was above barracking at the
footy and told us to shut it. We ignored him and
continued to barrack. Again, in a more forceful tone
he instructed us to shut it. I then let he know we
come to the footy to support our team and that was
what we were going to do.
He went pretty quiet in the second half as Carlton
started to come back however he came to life when the
mighty Kouta took a mark. "Kouta, you bloody poofta,
go home to your boyfriend." That was just a rad rag
to Doc.
Doc turns around and in the loudest possible voice
inquires how this gentleman was so sure Kouta was a
homosexual. The guy ignores him so Doc suggested that
he must have strong links to the gay community if he
was so sure and that the shirt he had chosen to wear
that day fortified the assumption.
Every time a Carlton player completed a good piece of
play (and there were plenty of them in the second
half), the Doc queried that player's sexual preference
with the guy. Doc suggesting the skill levels were
pretty good regardless of whether they attend dance
parties with the guy or not.
Rest assured the guy remained very quiet for the rest
of the game and allowed us to barrack. You will be
happy to learn the Doc and the gay expert shook hands
at the end of the day. A very funny incident for all
concerned.
Regards
Paul B Birman
Date: Fri, 01 Jun 2001 04:22:06
From: adrian taylor
You know how you don't normally ENDORSE a free kick given to the opposition.
OK, you may actually agree with it by remaining silent, but you never
concede them an even break.
Interesting twist on this during the third quarter of the Friday night clash
from last round between the Kangaroos and Carlton.
Our Blues had been on the wrong end of some SHOCKING decisions in the first
half, including a free kick tally of about 8 to 1 favoring the rampant Roos
in the second quarter.
Then, towards the end of the third quarter, with the Blues charging back
into the match, Corey McKernan appeared to take a clean grab in a pack about
25 metres out from goal, only to have the umpire wave play on and then call
for a ball up - to the predicatable chorus of boos from the Kangaroo
supporters.
Which prompted the following response from a Blues fan:
"Now you know how WE feel".
Adrian Taylor
Date: Fri, 01 Jun 2001 05:03:23 -0000
From: barry tyrrell
This falls into the unintentionally funny category.
I took my ten year old nephew, Jacob, to watch Carlton play The Kangaroos
last Friday. We went partly as a birthday present for Jake, but more
importantly toİcontinue his indoctrination as a Carlton supporter.
As everyone knows, you need to pick games that are winnable, to
strengthen the commitment and kepp the young fella's interest going. Last
year I took Jake along to what I thought was a gimme' game against
Collingwood (round 1), only to see us get a flogging.
Last Friday night I felt pretty confident. But things went wrong early
and just before half time we looked GORNE. I was trying to keep Jake's
(and mine of course ) spirits up, and I pointed out "Crazy Joe" Fevola.
He was loosing his opponent and running back into space in front of goal,
whn there was a stoppage in play. Jake frowned as he sat silently and
contemplated the situation.
Finally he had it figured and with a serious expression he turned to me
and said " Now all they have to do is get the ball and kick it to him."
Out of the mouths of babes.......
Richard Tyrrell
Date: Fri, 01 Jun 2001 15:40:57 +1000
From: John Clements
conversation between Swan and freo Supporter from last week's debacle at
quarter time."The wind's pretty stiff, do you fancy taking the boat out
onto the Harbour?"
Freo supporter asking swan supporter: "Is it golden goal rule or a penalty
shoot out.
Comment between two Saints supporters last week while leaving Colonial when
6 goals up at Half time." Great game. Are you going home by train or car?"
from faction 33/66 aka Pratt/Breen.
Paul Russo and John Clements
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 14:34:40 +1000
From: Ken.Williamson@dhs.vic.gov.au
Collingwood supporter, half time in the MCC Long Room, lamenting his team's
performance against St Kilda:
"To think I gave up a day at the trots for this!"
Ken Williamson
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 17:31:49 +1000
From: grant
Before I relate my true story which probably won't win cause its not
really funny or that witty either I would like to say that last weeks
quiz missed the ultimate comeback "Yeah well, when you won your flag all
the real men were away at the war!!!(pick one it doesnt matter cause they
are interchangable)
Grant and Christine
Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 20:51:49 +1000
From: John and Mandy Toohey
MOTHERS DAY THREE YEARS AGO, BULLDOGS v KANGAROOS (BULLYROOS!) PRINCES
PARK :
"McCARTNEY, YOU WOULD BE THE WORSE PLAYER GOIN'
ROUND....................(PREGNANT PAUSE).. .................EXCEPT PETER
MANN'S STILL RUNNING AROUND FOR FREO."
Mandy Toohey
Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2001 07:21:11 +1000
From: Rob & Toni
AT THE RICHMOND V ESS. GAME THIS YEAR , A BLOKE BARRACKING FOR THE TIGERS
YELLED TO CRAIG BIDDESCOMBE " TAKE YA SELF OFF BIDDERSCOMBE ''. AFTER
ONE OF HIS MANY CLANGERS IN THE FIRST QUARTER. HIS MATE AND FELLOW TIGER
SUPPORTER NOTICED DUNCAN KELLEWAY TALKING TO CRAIG AFTER HIS INDESCRETION
; HE ADDED " DONT JUST TELL HIM DUNC'İ JAW - HIM''.
ROB CRONIN
Date: 02 Jun 2001 12:51:38 +1000
From: lutetia@iprimus.com.au
I know that this is a late entry,but I could not help but send it in.
I attended the Dogs v Roos game and behind us was a South African lad who
decided to follow the Roos.
Anyway, centre wing and D Twomey came streaming out to the boundary
line trying to take a diving grab, but in the process dropped the ball
and made a fool out of himself. The ball fell over the line , at this
point the drunken magpie fan rose to his feet and screamed "your as good
as your old man Twomey, and he was bloody hopeless".hope the year isn`t
to far back.
p.s. love the show
Glenn from Newport.
However his form over the last three weeks has been a lot better. This
coincided with a major event in Scott's life which was pointed out to me
on Saturday night against Hawthorn.
David Bean
Parkdale
or another Tiger this year at the Essendon-
Richmond debacle to the entire Tiger team as they
left the ground "I wish I could find a toilet
paper as soft"
Glen Waverley
Aspendale
Moonee Ponds
Albury
Bill Hansen
Love the show
Mentone
The outer is packed.I am with my 15 year old daughter and my 15 yr old
nephew.
We are standing near the big scoreboard as close as you can ''stand'' to
the old windsock.
Four 20 something tigers fans are lamenting ....asciduously...very
loudly.
''You white maggott '' etc etc ....then one screams out ..C'mon Tiges
..you can still do it !!!...Then Kingy gets a 50M to boot., and with that
the immortal line is screemed in horror and disbelief......
yours hooped !
Flemington
I remember at Victoria Park where my Dad and I used to always go that I
would always blame the umpire for the pies getting beaten and Dad with a
wiser head on his shoulders would always say " nah son they just weren't
good enough today".
Two ANZAC games ago I took my Dad (now 71 years old) to the MCG when the
bombers won and I remember Dad blaming the umpires, to which I remember
saying with a huge grin "Nah Dad, they just werent good enough today"
The circle of life huh!
Wodonga
HECKLER
Throughout the evening we kept hearing him valiantly applauding his adopted
team with comments such as 'go Rooboys' and 'who is that aborigine?'.
But what we really enjoyed was a comment in the beginning of the last quarter
when the Doggies had mounted a small comeback.
The lad was so tense and excited that he yelled out 'Come on Aussies !!!!!!'