The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Fifteen:
If you're lookinmg for knowledge
Go to the College
Setting each round to verse has been one of the many surprising benefits of the new arrangements for footy on TV
Here's your chance to audition for the big time; turn this round into poetry
From: Matt 2000
This was written as a result of the fierce clash on Friday night of round 14 2002, between two of the VFL/AFLs greatest ever rivals Carlton and Richmond
This song (titled Just Like the Tigers of Old) is to be sung to the tune of Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler.
Did you ever know that youre pathetic?
You were done again by those mighty Blues,
I would hate to be Danny Frawley,
And God knows Id hate to be in your shoes.
Did I ever tell you that history repeats itself?
Just like the final of 82,
Youve always been Carltons inferior,
At Princess Park and at the •G too.
Youd better realise that youre in deep strife,
Because the baggers are behind by only 2,
Its too late to shape up at tigerland,
Oh, the wooden spoon belongs to you.”
Dorry Bercham (Carlton member for 13 consecutive years)
From: stuart mcarthur
Dear Simon,
ODE TO MATTY LAPPIN (TIGES V BLUES)
The night was flamin freezin as we headed to the G
cheers
stuart mcarthur
Date: Sun, 07 Jul 2002 22:44:46 +1000
Dear Simon,
Narrated by Leonard Teal or Bud Tingwall:To the accompanyment of some Angelo Badalementi film score with a lush string arrangement
Well it's Friday night
who's up for a stoush
its the blues and tigers
that should be grouse
Forget about Kernot and all of that stuff
It's the footy we want and we want it real rough
with Lappin flyin' and Richo dyin'
at the end of the night it's the tiges a cryin'
Sat'dy comes around real soon
those Catters won't win the wooden spoon,
the Hawkers soon show Roosey whose boss
while the Bombers don't quite have a loss
Hirdy showed guts and Lloydy the same
but as James said after, the only winner was the game.
The pies were strutting their stuff at Fupball Park
and had notched up a win by the time it was dark
Demons were up playing in the hot sun,
perhaps some some supporters who weren't at the snow
had come up from Noosa to take in the show
The Sainters were tough, the Sainters were bold
but the mighty roo boys outplayed them I'm told
All in all our great game was showcased, right across this wide brown land
The closeness of the games by order from Eddie just had to be planned.
(Music welling up)
So as you go about your weekly chores
Just remember it's a week a way
No flooding, no packing the backline, no more bores
footys back in town, lets see the big men play!
Mark Smith
Date: Mon, 08 Jul 2002 10:12:04 +1000
i saw the best footballer of my generation destroyed by madness, frustrated hysterical reported,
dragging himself through the forward line at night looking for some angry fix,
knuckleheaded hipster burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo of the MCG lights,
who knee re-constructed and overweight and bored sat up punting in the supernatural brightness of pub t.a.b.s leaning across the tops ofcounters contemplating quaddies,
who kicked a bag in 94 at the g and with garry lyon up forward staggering the carlton blues illuminated,
who passed through the afl with radiant eyes hallucinatingscreamers and practice match tragedy among scholars of war
who was expelled by the tribunal for a shirtfront which would have gone unremarked ten or even five years ago
and so on
r hall
ps if you see rohan connoly tell him he's a dickhead!
From: Cheryl Harvey
Friday at the 'G'
Richmond fans lamented
The one that got away
When Richo became demented!
Carlton danced and cheered
They dared to celebrate
A point, a win but alas...
A wooden spoon is still your fate!
Melbourne on the road,
The sunshine state they go
Lions in their lair
Turned out to be no show.
West Coast headed south
To claim the cats own turf
By the bay it seemed familiar
But it sure as hell weren't Perth!
Roos and Saints beneath the roof
Grant..your year is done,
To all Australian selectors
Put Brent into the 71!
Swans and Hawks,
Maggies and Crows
Some big birds fell...
And so did Croad!!
We said farewell;
To a Fremantle Docker,
And the Power delivered
A Subi SHOCKER!!!
So the week is over,
And so is the shame
But we'll be back next week
For the love of the game!
Cheryl Harvey
Date: Mon, 08 Jul 2002 17:19:14 +1000
Hi Guys,
The AFL's historians have all turned grey,
with round 14's home and away.
Lets see if I've got it right,
with the shorts of Lions and Tigers both being white.
It's now five in a row for those Kardinia Kittens,
and the Dogs and the Don's draw, while playing with mittens.
Port win at Su-blah-co, now that's a story,
and what of Richo? Get him to have a good look at Corey.
Kanga's now head the teams out of the eight,
Freo, Swans, Tigers, Saints and Blues, no need to contemplate.
Croad claims Barnaby is one french fry short of a happy meal,
while in hospital, awaiting what scans might reveal.
And Crows cool Pies, but no joy did come.
Well, not until later and at Wimbledon.
Cheers for now,
from Ken Dowd. drkdowd@iprimus.com.au
There was movement at the Station,
for the word had got around,
that 'The Ox' was going to give the game away.
We sent young Tony Mithen
to get the lowdown on the scene,
but Ralph Horowitz stood firmly in his way.
Dave went to tell his mates;
'Mith' found out almost too late,
but he got there just in time to get a 'bite'.
Well,Ralph felt pretty miffed,
he grabbed 'Mith' just by the lift,
and said,"I'll have that tape for my show tonight".
But Tone's eyes,they filled with hate,
he said "Don't push me mate",
and Pow !,Boom Crash Opera ! It was on !
The players heard the sound
of Ralphie's body hit the ground
and Tony with his precious tape had gone.
And to this very day,
his peers can still be heard to say,
that this tale should be told across the land;
It established for evermore,
that all is fair in love and war,
on the day our Tony Mithen made his stand.
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
Dear Simon,
ODE TO ROUND 14
On Saturday Hawks were too good for the Swans,
And Cats beat the Eagles without magic wands.
But Saturday night was the highlight because
Lloydy and Hirdy returned to what was.
The doggies were fierce and Kretiuk tough,
But all of Grant's efforts were not quite enough.
The Cauldron of Fear proved just that for Croad,
As Dew, French and Tredrea helped share out the load.
On Sunday the travellers upset their hosts,
The Demons so mighty, had Lions on toast.
The Pies fell on Crow park with withering bursts
Of goals great and lively like good old Geoff Hurst's.
So what's left to tell you but of Simon's Saints?
Who shone for two quarters as if they were greats.
Reality hit with the second half score,
But Simon we know you'll be back there for more.
So goodbye to Schwarter, to Kickett and Snell.
We all want to praise you for doing so well.
We cherish the memories of you at your peak.
And watch as our heroes excite us next week.
Greg and Sue Hoysted
From: shag@alphalink.com.au
With the end of the world cup & Wimbledon, the focus is now back to
footy. Here's my lot for this week:
As the round ball makes way for the world's greatest game,
We've forgotten about Rivaldo, Rinaldo and same.
Soccer's influence is here - there's no crime in footy more heinous,
Now Aker's berating his team-mate, while Leppa dives like Louganis.
As Frawley goes greyer and waits for the 23rd round.
Richo's dropping the "f" word to his mates up the ground,
Richmond's foul play sees them fall short of the Blues,
While Richo's foul mouth sees him back to the two's.
Good-bye to Schwarta and Kickett as they give the game up,
But more tears were shed in the West, as Freo lost "The Fat Rats Clacker
Cup".
The Demons beat Brisbane just to mess up our tips,
While the Swans and the Eagles continued their "interstate yips".
Hird lethargically holds up the EJ Whitten cup,
If Plough says "footy's the winner" once more, I think I'll spew up.
The Kanga's take care of the lacklustre Saints,
As the Pies cause a blood rush, I think Eddie might faint.
As our memories grow dim on Round 14 and beyond,
Thoughts about footy are forgotten as Lleyton's screaming "C'mon!"
The game is evolving, though one constant in footy there'll be...
The damned tribunal's decisions and it's inconsistency!
From Shags (the entrant formerly known as Anthony Edmonds)
From: The artist formerly known as "one of the Mobil Boys". ramondobb@iprimus.com.au
Gidday fellas, still love your work.
After Plugger and the Big Fish made shock comebacks this year, I thought "what the hell, if these relics from the 80's can do it, I'll give it a go as well". So here it is, my comeback entry to the Comp - I hope I can still mix it with the modern day competition entrants.
The Channel 9 weekly wrap up of the round poem for Round 14
It started on Friday night when the Tigers met the Blues,
Both sides were so bad, youd have thought it was the Twos,
Finally Carlton fell in, whilst Richo entertained us with his trademark sooky la la.
Satdee nite at Colonial and the Doggies were home and hosed,
Then a charity on the siren for Lloydy, coz as usual he posed,
But the Dogs at least had half a laugh when Pretty Boy choked and missed
The two games on Saturday arvo were on Fox and Ten, so at Nine we dont give a toss,
They ended with the two interstate sides both having another Victorian loss,
According to all of usat Nine, both games were absolute shockers.
Apparently Port ventured to Subi, the infamous "house of pain",
Chocko and his boys were intent on ending the Westies' 2002 reign,
And so they did in style, with Port powering home to crush the hapless Dockers.
On Sunday the Saints had a goal from Milne worthy of the World Cup,
But did it help them win the game over the Roos?
After getting off to a flyer, the Lions were overrun with Neitz kicking seven,
His haul of goals helping the Demons go from the depths of hell to heaven,
Thus making the move of their home game to Brizzie worth every zacka.
The Pies went hard at Footy Park with a long awaited B.O.G. from Bucks,
To give his team a win and stick it up those Adelaide sucks,
I dont think anyone minded that we didnt show the first quarter.
All in all, it was another big week of footy for the all conquering Network Nine,
And thank you very much, the ratings are doing just fine,
So tune in to Nine again next week, because you know you oughta.
Thanks guys,
Ramon Dobb.
From: Cheryl Critchley
1) I love a sunburnt Matthews,
A face of popping veins,
Of wide eyes disbelieving,
As a goal drought saw them tamed.
The Dees found wide open spaces,
And kicked goals, one, two three,
Their coach yelled with excitement
The Demons have won for me!
2) Australians all let us rejoice,
The Bombers didn't win,
Poor Lloydy missed that final shot
And copped it on the chin.
His team abounds with nature's gifts,
Of talent rich and rare,
But at every stage, at any age,
Those wankers are hard to bear.
3) *Let me preface this one by saying I love him and wouldn't trade him
for five Matthew Lloyds.
There was a wild colonial boy
And Richo was his name
Of poor but honest parents
He was born to play the game
A mark, a kick, a goal or two
He really had it all
But when he spat the dummy
He couldn't find the ball
On Friday night he lost the plot
And hardly got a touch
He blamed it on his teammates
Who didn't like it much
When Rodan fluffed a handpass
From Richo to the square
the wild colonial Tassie boy
Gave him an evil stare
Then in the final quarter
The Tiges nearly had that lead back
Until that bloody Richo
Climbed all over Whitnall's back
Those poor long suffering Tiger fans
let out a painful scream
Those hopeless Blues had beaten us
Now we're the league's worst team
The moreal of this story
Is simple but it's true
If Richo held his temper
We might have beaten those Blues!
Go Tiges,
From: D Long
DEAR SIMON,
Simple Simon saw a pieman entering the comp;
Said the pieman Treat me special, just like Robert Klomp;
Then said Simon, Are you one of my most favoured eight?;
Said the pieman, No, Im not I guess I know my fate!;
These rhymes should be performed to suitable television footage
1. (Mary had a little lamb)
Melbourne had a little Lamb;
He grew up really quick;
A vital tiggy touch wood free;
Left Lambie feeling sick;
Justin Leppitsch kicked a goal;
Which put the game in doubt;
But then Lamb got a vital kick;
To help his team win out;
2. (Humpty Dumpty)
Pretty James Hird followed the ball;
Pretty James Hird had a great fall;
All the Dons surgeons and all the Dons men;
Last week put Hirdie together again;
3.
Sing a song of sadness
4.
Number Eighteen Number Eighteen Quite contrary how does your old team go;
The Roos are new - the kids came through and now theyve won one in a row;
5.
There was a crooked team who kept kicking crooked kicks;
Their crooked little handballs put them in the bottom six;
A loss against the Blues pushed them further down the list;
Now they are kicking themselves - no, wait a sec, they missed;
6.(Twinkle, twinkle little star)
Richo cost his team the game;
Then accepted all the blame;
As a country well go far;
When this occurs in Canber-ra;
7. (Pop goes the weasel)
Half a game of going nowhere like slow moving treacle;
After that their bubble just burst Pop goes the Eagles;
8. (Georgie Porgie)
Poor Fremantle my oh my no-one said they did not try;
But when Port came out to play poor Fremantle fell away;
9. (This old man)
This old dog played on Lloyd;
He saw Matthew get annoyed;
With a hit smack paddy whack tickle on the bone;
Lloyd was never left alone;
10. (Polly put the kettle on)
Lloydie put the big glove on;
Lloydie put the big glove on;
Lloydie put the big glove on;
Go out to play;
Sook and take it off again;
Sook and take it off again;
Sook and take it off again;
Your kick went astray;
11. (Finishing off the segment with a look at the ladder)
Hey diddle diddle the Cats in the middle;
And Port are over the moon;
The Sainter Boys let a good chance slip;
And the Tiges made a bid for the spoon.
Doug Long
moppa@geelong.hotkey.net.au
Simon
Our Jumpin' Jack is gonna set the crowd, gonna set the crowd on fire.
He's playing this week on Peter Knights,
they take their marks much higher.
There's a back pocket ex-rover with him down there
causing resting rovers lots of despair
He's the main reason KB has lost all his hair
He is IAN NANKERVIS
Ian Nankervis
The coach was so happy that he had more than the one Nankervis in his side
the fans near the windsock throw their arms in the air
'cause they zig zag around and then go wide
The ball gets to Mick Turner who goes for a run
Kicks the ball to Larry, who is close to the ton
He kicks the goal and the Cats they have won
Thanks to IAN NANKERVIS
Ian.....Ian..... Nankervisssssssssssssss.........
Big John from Leopold
From: david@afw.net.au
Hi Simon
ODE TO ROUND 14
There wasmovementin thepressbox for the word had got around
That the colt from Tigerland had cracked the sads
And stood with hands on hips after a wayward pass from Knights
So all the scribes had gathered to the fray
All the tried and notedwriters from tabloids near and far
Had mustered all poised with poison pens
For jorno's love a story about a sulking superstar
And the editors read the copy with delight.
Down at Sleepy Hollow the young Cats they ran amuck
TheEaglesagain were grounded away from home
At the home of football the Hawks took on the Swans
And the feathers flew as this bird of prey took hold
Overat Subiaco, it was the Dockers against the Power
The anchormen trying for Derek's last heave-hoe
But few can stop the Port boys when their spark is fairly up
As they crushed the Cauldron of Pain who-do
Thenthe nighttime fell and Colonial's roof creaked shut
The Bombers saw the Bulldogs bare their teeth
With Hird and Lloyd back it should have been a treat
But the boys from the west had come to say their piece
It waslevelmost the night but then the Bombers kicked away
The fat lady sang that would be the final score
ThenDoggies hit the front but Matthew got the ball
His errant kick leaving it a well fought draw.
Sunday dawned in Brisbane where the Demons sold there soles
Taking on the Lions in a home game not at the "G"
It all lookedto be over but the Melbourne boys stood tall
And caused the biggest upset of the week
Back at Docklands Stadium Loewe did his best to rattle Mick
As the Saints and the Roos slugged it out in style
At the 3/4 time huddle Grantyelledat them too loud
Andthe Kangas handed them a big defeat.
Four and twenty blackbirds, the Magpies and the Crows
Played the rounds last game at Football Park
But it was the Pies who did the crowing winning ever stoush
Except the one Eddie had in the carpark
So now its all over the Power are still on top
And travelling along very nicely indeed
At the other end despite their win we find the hapless Blue's
The wooden spoon still well within their keep
I hope its not too long
cheers
David Bean
From: Travis Bull
Friday night and Richmond were ahead
And should have listened to what the knowledgeable yet slightly over emphasizing Dermie said
From the Mean streets of Richmond they came
And called each other some funny old names
Richo jostled, bumped, bashed and acted like a goon.
But Carlton came up with the 4 points and for Richmond maybe the spoon.
Saturday turned out to be weird day for all
Especially those awake for the football
Lleyton was through to the Wimbledon final
Many stayed home and played the Burt bacarach vinyl
and remembered the old days, the past glories and more
and remembered when in the second half the eagles did score
And as for the Hawks and swans it was a game for the footy buff.
I didn't see the game, so I'll make up some stuff
Chick ran amuck and so did Kelly for the swans
That brings us to the next game the dogs v the dons.
The doggies and Dons had a fairytale ending
Though Lloyd's kicking not wrist needed some mending.
And speaking of fairytales and great bits of writing.
Shakespeare would have turned the TV off it was so frightening (almost as bad as this so called bush poetry)
"Never has there beeneth a game of such woe than Port Adelaide taking on lowly Freo"
Melbourne v Brisbane was a delight
Neitz showed us some of his goalkicking might
The Dees came back from 39 points in a rears
And I think that decision against lamb in the last ended an umpiring career
Collingwood & North wins
were a credit to our great sport
Just to give me a chance of winning
I'll keep my entry short.
Travis Bull
From Paul Lucas - Montrose
The clash of the wooden spooners at the MCG,
A match that I'd walk miles not to see,
But who's that grumpy man with the frown,
It's Richo, it's Richo the Tigers number one clown
A draw for the Doggies and Bombers at night
Five big ones for Lloydee, it just don't seem right,
The game was as tough as you'd see in this great land,
But at least Steve Kretiuk could still try to shake Lloyd's hand
Stone the Crows, Adelaide just laid down to die,
But according to Cornes and KG, the supporters shouldn't cry,
You can't blame the boys, they played with style and flair,
No, just blame that Victorian, the one called Garry Ayre(s).
So Freo lost to the Power, but the game I did not see,
I searched and searched for hours but not a sniff on Free to Air TV,
But I think its good training to watch the game on cable,
Cause in 10 years time, free to air will be a distant fable
The Dee's beat the Lions now ain't that a shame,
We don't need the Ox for our shot at September fame,
We got the 4 points and picked up the 300 grand,
So we invested it in the short term money market in US dollars and Kruger Rands
The Hawks snatched the victory and used up all their luck
Leaving Paul Roos thinking that this coaching caper sucks,
While down at Sleepy Hollow the West Coast Canaries barely made a peep,
It appears that they can't win unless playing on their own dung heap
So the Saints lost to the Roos, it's enough to make you sigh,
Ever get the feeling you won't see a flag before you die,
Now Rods backing Grant for the next 10 years,
Now thats every fans nightmare and all of their fears
Paul Lucas
From: damienjoyce@hotmail.com
Verse smerse, this is the Channel Ten Limerick's
Richmond v Carlton
On Friday night the Tigers played the Blues
and it was Richo's dummy spits that were all the news
fans faces turned red
Danny Frawley went off his head
and said next week, your in the magoos!!
Hawthorn v Sydney
It was a windy day at the MCG
as the Hawks and Swans went tete-a-tete
A.Cox had ablinder
Dunkleys a great grinder
and whatever happened to Peter Gee?
Geelong v West Coast
The Cats were looking to continue their streak
against the Eagles, who when away are meek
and it was the Cats on the prowl
making big Whoosa scowl
but don't worry, you're at home next week!
Essendon v Western Bulldogs
It was a big game by the docks
Dons and Doggies, two final eight 'locks'
it was the game of the year
no thanks, no more beer
as I think I've peed in my jocks
Port Adelaide v Fremantle
Fortress Subi was under fire
cos Ports runners just don't tire
Dew kicked a bag
Kickett put up the white flag
and a Cornes raised the locals ire
Melbourne v Brisbane
Up to the snow the Demons fans went
so to the Lions a home game was lent
Yet the Dees still won
now their shares are worth a ton
as the three-hundred gees helps pay the rent
Adelaide v Collingwood
It was a blockbuster battle over at Footy Park
but for the Pies it was a bit of a lark
and Buckley is back
the Crows are off-track
and McGuires calling got another poor mark
St.Kilda v Kangaroos
The Saints provided another great ride
as they led early, before North turned the tide
Milne kicked a ripper
how slim is Dipper
and remember, North is a very good side.
Damien Joyce, NORTH OLD BOYS
From: Kevin McAloon
The Coodabeens Competition--- Round 14 in review as preview of Friday night Football Rd 15.
As narrated by Mr. Bud Tingwell.
The Toothless Tigesfaced theBitter Blues
as we munched on meat and spaghetti,
and on our own Channel Nine
you can hear his voice fine
but can you see Denis Commetti?.
And down at Geelong, the cattery were strong
As they shooed the Eagles away,
While God had a rest
The rest did their best
But really it was the Lords day.
And at the MCG, the Hawks met the Swans
Second game for Coach Roos in the box,
And as hard as they tried
Alas, the Swans cried
They couldnt stop Vandenberg and Cox.
The Power ventured west
And showed their very best
As Fremantle produced a shocker
And we said thanks and well done
To a favourite son
Dale Kickett, An original Docker.
And back under the roof
We didnt need any proof
As returning stars brought the crowd to a roar,
And in a classic contest
We saw the very best
That produced a memorable draw,
And the Dees they did roam
Just to play at home
Their win was nice and Neitz
After such a bad loss
The Lions do need Voss
As they do not like defeats,
And the Pies are running hot
Adding the Crows to their lot
And for September they surely are ready
But what worries me,
And the press gallery,
Is where their going to put Eddie?.
And the all-conquering Roos
Gave ST. Kilda the blues
After a consistent performance all day,
ïCause the big Spider-Roo
Came up and said Boo!!!
And frightened Saint-Spider away.
So stay here on Nine
Where the coverage is fine,
And there are no conflicts or lies,
And theres no truth in the rumour
That some people humour
Were now known as Channel Pies!!!
Written by Kevin McAloon.
From: david@afw.net.au
Hi Simon (please throw out previous entry sent in error)
ODE TO ROUND 14
There wasmovementin thepressbox for the word had got around
That the colt from Tigerland had cracked the sads
And stood with hands on hips after a wayward pass from Knights
So all the scribes had gathered to the fray
All the tried and notedwriters from tabloids near and far
Had mustered all poised with poison pens
For jorno's love a story about a sulking superstar
And the editors read the copy with delight.
Down at Sleepy Hollow the young Cats they ran amuck
TheEaglesagain were grounded away from home
At the home of football the Hawks took on the Swans
And the feathers flew as this bird of prey took hold
Overat Subiaco, it was the Dockers against the Power
The anchormen trying for Derek's last heave-hoe
But few can stop the Port boys when their spark is fairly up
As they crushed the fabled Cauldron of Pain who-do
Thennightime fell at Colonial, the roof creaked slowly shut
The Bombers saw the Bulldogs bare their teeth
With Hird and Lloyd returning it should have been a breeze
But the boys from the west had come to say their piece
It wasclose all night but then the Bombers kicked away
The fat lady sang that would be the final score
ThentheDoggies hit the front but Matthew got the ball
His errant kick leaving it a well fought draw.
Sunday dawned in Brisbane the Demons sold there soles
Taking on the Lions in a home game not at the "G"
It all lookedto be over but the Melbourne boys stood tall
And caused the biggest upset of the week
Back at Docklands StadiumStewietried torattle Mick
As the Saints and the Roos slugged it out in style
At the 3/4 time huddle Grantyelledat them too loud
Andthe Kangas handed them a big defeat.
Four and twenty blackbirds, the Magpies and the Crows
Played the rounds last game at Football Park
But it was the Pies who did the crowing winning ever stoush
Except the one Eddie had in the carpark
So now its all over the Power are still on top
And travelling along very nicely indeed
At the other end despite their win we find the hapless Blue's
The wooden spoon still well within their keep
I hope its not too long
cheers
David Bean
From: Chris.Geehman@sewl.com.au
Hi Fellas
I don't know if my "verse" meets the criteria for this weeks competition but
seeing as I've written it you may as well have a look.
Footy on tele is quite neat
Being warm and in a comfortable seat.
But with all the good things there is a catch
How come the replay takes longer than the match?
Convenience is a factor too, you see
Cos on Friday it took half an hour from the Freeway to the
'G'.
And waiting to get out caused me some friction
Especially when I was made to go in the opposite direction.
Now being at the ground of course
I stand the chance of copping a wayward pie & sauce
While being at home lacks "the atmosphere"
At least I don't get to wear someone's beer.
The TV provides expert commentators for us
Who get paid for stating the bloody obvious
But at other times they cannot see
What seem very clear to you and me.
But at the match itself the experts do abound
Providing helpful advice for everyone around
Often it is humorous, but it can be pretty raw
And they use words my kids have never heard before.
At the ground you can see where the play should go
Which is something the TV cannot really show
And at home there's another thing you don't get to do
At half-time I don't have to queue for the loo.
Regards to you all
CHRIS GEEHMAN
From: Peter Cox
Carlton remains undefeated after their second home game at the MCG this year. In honour of that achievement, here's a little medley:
There was an young coach named Wayney Britt-(ag)ain,
Some folks said he'd never win again,
Matty Lappin jumped over the moon,
As the Blues ran away with the spoon,
Which Little Beau-mont,
Didn't want,
But all the trainers and all the medical staff,
Couldn't put Campo's nose together again,
Kouta, Kouta, you're a star,
How we wonder where you are,
But Old McKernan had a plan,
E-I-E-I-O,
"I'll just play like Stephen Kernahan",
E-I-E-I-O,
Kick a goal here and kick a goal there,
Poor old Richo; it just ain't fair,
So well done Wayney Britt-(ag)ain,
Let's win again!
Analysis: Highlights of the match were the cloud over Wayne Brittain's ability to lead the Blues out of the wilderness, Matty Lappin's speccie, Scott Camporeale's broken nose, the anticipation of Kouta's return against Melbourne, Richo's dummy spit during a hiding from Simon Beaumont and Corey's helicoptic punt that floated through for a major.
-- Peter Cox
From: "Treseder, Peter"
Simon,
The Blues beat the Tigers by one point
Richo has been dropped to the two's
They're now going with youth
But we all know the truth
No one wants to be in Spud's shoes
Geelong and the Eagles smell finals
The West Coasters could make the top four
The Cats didn't kick well
But inspired by Snell
Victory's easy when your opponents don't score
Port Power transversed the Nullabor
A win in the west was their quest
If you were a Docker
The result was a shocker
And now Port is ahead of the rest
The stars were back for the Bombers
Mark after mark, Lloydy took
The scores were the same
It was a great game
Regardless of Steve Kretiuk
In an effort to top up their coffers
The Demons packed up and went north
Most "experts" did mock
The result was a shock
So "experts" should mutliply, go forth
Collingwood won in Adelaide
It's not easy to win over there
Buckley was best
The Pies pass a test
Though in fact do you really care
At Colonial the Saints met the Kangas
A Sainters win, it has been a long wait
The professional Roos
Do not like to lose
And now their a chance for the eight
Sydney came south to meet Hawthorn
To seek another win for old "Roosie"
The wind it did blow
The Swans had a go
But couldn't beat a team of blonde "floosies"
The comp this week doth inspireth me
To put this week's results into verse
Simon builds up the tension
Will I get a mention
Or will I just get bitter and curse
Peter Treseder
From: tracy.mark.w@edumail.vic.gov.au
There was movement down at Optus
For the word had got around
That after defeating the Toothless Tigers
Self belief had there been found
Under the roof at Docklands
The Bombers and Dogs fought grand
Hirdy used his head all night
And Lloydy lent a hand
Down the road at Kardinia Park
Kelly ambushed the West Coast Eagle
He clipped their wings and they were grounded
They floundered and looked unregal
Roosy came back down to earth
When the Hawks overpowered his team
Rocket said "Get used to it mate"
"For coaching is not a dream"
Once again at Colonial Stadium
The Saints lost to the Roos
They got in front and then went down
Who'd want to be in Thomas's shoes?
Over the border at Foopball Park
The Pies henpecked the Crows
Eddies call was full of bias
As everybody knows
Up at the Gabba the Dees fought hard
And the Lions went to water
The Dees did well, coz it's hard to win
At home without big Schwarta
Finally over in the Golden West
Every Freo supporter mourns
A big defeat, at the hands
Of Burgoyne, Tredrea and Cornes
Oh what a round it was again
It never ceases to amaze
That only in a few short days
We'll use the same clichZØs
Mark Tracy
From: Margaretanne Hood
Dear Simon
A Bush Footy Ballad or "Where the F#$% is Richo?"
Thursday night the grounds ablaze
Utes and trays, a 44 is goin' too
Luke warm showers, pies and beers,
But there's a noted "no show",
"Where the f $%# is Richo?"
Some kick to kick, we lead out fast
A yard or two in front.
But as it usually does
The ball flies wide or high or low
"Where the f$%* is Richo?"
Saturday before the game
We read the walls
About a champion team,
Shouts and pats and out we go, then
"Where the f#$% is Richo?"
Out on the ground
We run around
Bush footy at its best.
But a blue is on , a bit of biffo,
"Where the f #$% is Richo?"
We trudge off the ground
Belated cheers, car horns sound
Supporters loyal still.
Another loss, 5 in a row
"Where the f#$% is Richo?"
Sunday morning the usual drills,
Recovery work, a few beers still
The finals a statistical chance
If we have a red hot go, but
"Where the f$%# is Richo?"
A familiar ute arrives
The plates tell you his name.
Our champion is here
A sheepish grin, a nervous cough
"Hey Richo - just f#$% off!!"
From: Adam Ellerton
Hi Simon
I thought I'd do my Channel 9 spin on last Sundays game, St Kilda v Kangaroos
Many champions have made their presence felt at this great stadium. The likes of Hird have performed many a marvelous feet. Today it's the Saints home and one man rules. He's big, he's strong, he's powerful. He roams around knowing that this is his territory, where he is king. Today the saints may lose but this man will give it his all and represent his club with distinction. Enter his path at your own peril for this man is Massive Merv and his territory is the food court. So just watch it MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam Ellerton
From: tim gee
Dear Simon,
I dont know why I bother. The brain lurches for
some brilliant idea week after week after week after
week, all for what? The Coodabeens- the glass is
always half empty.
I spose Ill give it another lash. Nothing to lose.
Little to gain. Disappointment the most likely
outcome.
A ditty about the weekends round of matches. Any
round. Any week.
It will start after this sentence if I can be bothered
submitting myself to some more gut wrenching pain.
Uncle Doug to do the voice over.
If youre sitting pretty, listen to this ditty. The
weekends over and so is the round. Port handed the
dockers a pounding whilst Richo was left floundering.
Geelong had a win, Kretiuks behaviour was akin to a
sin.
A testimonial at Colonial. A thumping for the Crows,
this poor lad cop a pie in his nose. Buckley had a
blinder, Terry Wallace a reminder of the pain.
Melbourne went north, Lethal went horse.
This old man he played one, he played one brilliant
one. With a nick, knack, paddy whack, give the Roos a
home, this weeks round is brought to you by Patra,
Ballantynes and Fourn Twenty, the great Australian
Pie. Woof Woof.
The end. Nothing more to add. I may have a listen,
it may cheer me up for the first hour. Pain
thereafter. The agony of it all. Socrates summed it
up the best
Bye for now
Tim Goddard
From: Basil Czerwaniw
Dear Simon,
I've recovered after two weeks of depression when my last entry was not even mentioned on the web page. It's hard being from NSW. One wonders how far the anti NSW McGuire tentacles reach?
I'll try again with another entry......................... If I win the weekly prize, please donate it to the Melbourne homeless.
A cauldron of passion,
Heaving chests and pounding hearts.
The bumps, the hits, the shirtfronts.
You snort the air as your temples thump your vision out of focus.
It's grabbing a collar when what you really want to do is to just beat them into submission.
You've waited for this moment.
You're not waiting anymore.
The Colonial Stadium queue, get in early or else!!
Basil Czerwaniw.
From: D.Snowdon@latrobe.edu.au
Hi coodabeens, this is a first time entry for the comp but I can't guarantee that things will improve with experience.
Thanks, Darren
Round Fifteen:
Round Fifteen will be a cracker, plenty of skill, passion and spite
You wont want to miss a second, particularly Sunday and Friday night
At the ground or in your living room? The choice is yours and mine
But there will be action aplenty, and youll see most of it on Nine.
Friday night the Hawks and Dogs fight, to keep finals hopes alive
The action starts at 8:30pmÄoops, I mean 7:45!
The Bullies desperately need to win, theyll revert to any trick
But Kretiuk will have to change his ways, that wont work on Daniel Chick.
Saturday, the Roos at home in Manuka, no more failed SCG flings
Now the Kangas play games in Canberra, theyre both used to those sorts of things.
But the Dockers want to forget last week, poor Croad cant even remember
This is not new for the Freo boys, they forget every September.
Back in Melbourne its Eddies mob, verses the Cats of Geelong
Who wants to be in the finals? Will Eds Pies be on song?
Or will Eddie watch on in horror, as the youthful Cats climb higher?
And did we forget to mention, Collingwood President Eddie McGuire?
The Lions return to Melbourne town, with Richmond in their sights
The coverage will be adequate, but not as good as Friday nights
The Tiger Army will be out in force, their favourite player is on show
Look up Melways map 18 F12 - thats where theyll need to go.
Lleyton Hewitt to play for the Crows? The speculation is way off the mark
But Adelaide are odds-on to backhand the Sainters at Football Park
If St. Kilda fail in South Australia, Grant Thomas wont give them a spray
Hell call a players meeting in the car park, and let the locals have their say
The Swannies host the Power on Sunday, it will be a one-sided affair
With the crowd sparse and interest low, heck we dont even want to be there.
But after some swift negotiations, and the threat of hatchet men
Well show Eddies mob on Saturday, and this game will be on network Ten.
Last week the Dees win at home in Brisbane, now its Colonial away
At least this game is not at Optus, their supporters dont know the way.
But Carlton fans will be out in droves, as Koutas comeback begins
The aim - avoid the wooden spoon, but avoid more than five wins.
In Perth the Eagles love the House of Pain, they havent lost there yet
But the Bombers have and for Hird and Lloyd, it was a day to forget
Now Hirdy is fit but the mental scars, will they have a role to play?
His opponent will test him with a mask of his own, it will look like Mark McVeigh.
So by Sunday night another round ends, the victors triumph fair and square
If your team went down on cable, remember - best things in life are free-to-air
So dont worry about your clubs finances, or crowd figures in decline
Because there will be action aplenty, and youll see most of it on Nine.
Darren Snowdon
From: Andrew.Walby@wh.org.au
There was movement down at Jolimont
For the word had gone around
The worst teams in the competition
Were about to hit the ground
The game dragged on throughout the night
One team would win the spoon
As Richo's night was ruined by mates
It couldn't end too soon
The Corey kicked a bag of five
He's playing better this year
And up bobbed Matty Lappin
The Bluebloods raised a cheer
Without big Tony or little Wayne
The Swans would struggle down here
The Hawk's two Coxes were the difference
Poor Torch, it's been a long year
The Coasters flew East to play the Cats
They played them down at Skilled
The game was tight right to the end
For the Eags it's the weather that killed
The Dons and Dogs they played a draw
That glove it can't be fair
Like first slip in a baseball glove
There are rules about what you wear
Port won again, this time in Perth
They really showed their wares
Complaining Mark went "blah, blah, blah"
As if anybody cares
The Dees flew North to play at home
All the bookies said they'd lose
But they didn't count on Neitz up front
And the Lions to bicker and abuse
The Roos and Saints on Sunday arvo
That Reiwoldt he's a winner
Blown away in quarter four
Not Saints, they're really sinners
"Adelaide's blackbirds baked by Pies"
The Age must listen to your show
A biased call we got from Ed
Tim Lane he warned us so
Andrew Walby
From:
Down at Richmond things were pretty crook
The biggest problem is that bloody big sook
By Tuesday the coach would tell
Richo's going back to the VFL
The Cats had a win they were certainly great
Now the big test can they stay in the eight
The Hawks came to play they didn't give a bugger
The Swans can't blame this one on Rocket & Plugger
Over at Freo Dale kickett retired
But on the same night Port was on fire
On Saturday night Hird was handy
It was a draw in the end Dogs best was Bandy
After the game the press made a stand
About Critters treatment of poor Lloydy's hand
During the week Schwarz pulled the pin
Who would've thought the Demons could win
But they went to the Gabba and had a real crack
Now the Brisbane fans must be saying Vossy come back
The Magpies had a win with the big forward Rocca
The Crows were flat and they put in a shocker
The Roos were too quick with Harvey & co
They made the Saints look far too slow
Karen Smith
From: bach.melanie.j@edumail.vic.gov.au
I'm writing to you Mr McGuire
While my poetry pen is on fire
You're looking for a new man to do the poetry call
I think I've got the hang of this game called Foodball
Friday night at the G saw Richo's infamous dummy spit
Sending Tiger supporters, coaches and media into a fit
The Blues and the Tigers both fought valiantly
With a rejuvenated McKernan helping the Blues to a one point victory
The Eagles journeyed to a stadium called Skill
Where they were blasted by a fierce Geelong chill
Whiz kid Kelly kept Geelong in the game
When the siren went the Eagles had only themselves to blame
Roos and his Swannies coming off one in a row
Took on the inconsistent Hawks in a windy MCG blow
Things ere looking grim and the Hawks were in a tangle
Until Chrome dome Cox slotted one through from an impossible angle
The Bombers versus Doggies clash was an absolute ripper
This bone jarring contest was settled by Lloyd's left slipper
With a minute to go the Doggies only had to steady and look
But they turned it over much to the chagrin of Steve Kolynuik
In the battle between Freo and Port
A crunching tackle left Croad distraught
It was Dew who led Port to a comfortable win
Bagging six big ones with Brownlow votes going to him
The Saints at half-time were in total control
But the fierce North running game was taking its toll
A tongue lashing was given at three quarter time
The Saints couldn't respond to get over the line
With the Adelaide crowd giving Collingwood plenty of curry
The Pies quickly silenced them with an eight goal flurry
And although the Crows came storming back
The mercurial Buckley finally blunted their late attack
And finally it was the Demons who swapped their home match
To the Gabba they went with a running game hatched
After a slow start the Dees were 22 points clear
And it was the Schwartzless Demons in the upset of the year
If you are looking for a bush poet, don't stress
You can't do much better than me, just phone SBS
Les Murray
crainbob@hotmail.com
BUSH TRIP
In Round 14 we took a wild ride down at Colonial they wrote off the Tiges
Richo spit the dummy and for that he was droppedafter 5 lousy years that's all he's copped.
The Blues had a win as narrow as could be but a win is a win could be the last one they see.
A stalemate was the best the Bombers could do Lloyd got slapped but Hirdy got thru.
Some might say that the Doggies were stiff but if Lloyd kicked straight they'd really be miffed.
The Saints came marching for a half as they do but half not enough when you battle the Roos.
Those AAA Kangas came back with a vengence when you play the Kangas you better mean business.
The Dees caused a ruckas up there at the Gabba home thatfield advantage was nothin but blabber.
Mid season slump or are the Dees for real can't tell at this juncture don't know how I feel.
For the first time this season invaders conquered the West, Power came to play and some say they're the best.
Then we sent off Kickett a player so good with power, grace and class for 5 clubs he stood.
Two Birdys went at it at the ole' MCG when the feathers had cleared the Hawks flew free.
No Lockett no Schwass but we still had to play the finals are possible I heard Schwaby say.
The Weagles chanced the Kiddy-Cats down in Sleepy Hollow but away from Slavaco the Weagles are shallow.
The wind was a blowin and howlin a gale that made it hard scorin but the Cats didn't fail.
Another bird fight in the City of Churches the Maggies slapped the Crows right off their perches.
June's almost over and the Magpies can dance the Crows are finished don't give them a chance.
So we slapped and we kicked and we punched and we hit Round 14 was done on the bit.
I could go on but I don't think I will this whole damn thingis nothing but swill.
I've played every round but still yet to win but injured or dyin' I'll still send 'em in.
Bob the Yank
Date: Sat Jul 06, 2002 02:37:15 PM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Sun Jul 07, 2002 01:18:01 AM Australia/Melbourne
to see three dozen drongoes kick a ball round after tea
The first mob couldn't kick a goal to save their bleedin hides
The others were the laughin stock of all the bleedin sides
Now well into this bitter match with nothin in the scores
Stone the crows! Above the pack a thin blue angel soars
He marks the pill and dummies back, then takes off on a run
He has a bounce, then gives it off, then takes it back for fun
He does a cocky loop-de-loop, then cartwheels round the flank
He dishes out a high-five o'er the fence to my mate Frank
Then backwards like an umpy does this feller dash to goal
fair dinkum we go nutty when he back-flips over Joel
He then delivers to a cobber in a better posi
and watches nonchalantly as said cobber bags the sausage
The blueboys won but I will treasure to me dyin' day
the sweet spectacularity of Matty Lappin's play.
From: Mark Smith
From: Richard Hall
greenwich village
n.y., n.y.
Date: Mon Jul 08, 2002 01:30:46 PM Australia/Melbourne
From: Paul Martin
Paul Martin.
Date: Tue Jul 09, 2002 04:23:06 PM Australia/Melbourne
You're forcing me to break a strict taboo here. (By the way, apologies
for having to sneak in a world cup phoodball reference.)
So round 14's over and what have we learned?
The Tigers are broken the Blues have returned.
Mad Richo just spat it but Corey was great,
And Lappin's last quarter was not quite too late.
Date: Tue Jul 09, 2002 08:57:13 PM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Wed Jul 10, 2002 11:59:27 AM Australia/Melbourne
Cheryl Critchley
Date: Wed Jul 10, 2002 05:29:23 PM Australia/Melbourne
As a 2002 winner, I was going to refrain from entering late in the year (despite making no promises since last years entertaining misquote), but just couldnt help myself on this topic.
All these are slightly altered nursery rhymes (the original only mentioned where necessary and the semicolon refers to the end of a line [in case the meter doesnt translate in the email])
Here is an unrelated example to begin with:
Elvis has just broken the record for the most number ones in England. Time for another remix.
Time to take a retrospective look at round 14...............1976!
Get Champs to tune up the six string to the tune of Viva Las Vegas.
Cove, hope you enjoy
Date: Thu Jul 11, 2002 03:16:12 PM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 02:15:23 AM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 08:56:30 AM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 09:23:30 AM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 09:51:15 AM Australia/Melbourne
Lake Boga
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 11:31:42 AM Australia/Melbourne
Not really a complete run-down of the round but I thought that Richo's
performance on Friday night was the stand out that demanded an appropriate
bush poetry response.
It really works best using the vernacular language which may not be so good
for radio but which you might be able to adapt and still retain the feeling.
Dave Anderson
Benalla
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 12:31:11 PM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 01:30:50 PM Australia/Melbourne
Date: Fri Jul 12, 2002 01:46:51 PM Australia/Melbourne
Set the current round to verse, a la Channel Nine...