The Coodabeen Champions Competition

The Coodabeen Champions    Competition

Round Sixteen:
Pick a player from each club to appear in a cameo role in the TV you think most appropriate.


From: J Wallace
Date: Sat Jul 13, 2002 01:35:13 PM Australia/Melbourne

Jamie Wallace


From: karl and jodie hendy
Date: Sun Jul 14, 2002 02:30:47 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon
This is our first entry in your competition even though we are avid listeners of your show. We have come to the conclusion that there are two things we must do to get our entry on the radio. The first is to complain that we have not won the competiton before so please accept that as our mandatory gripe.
The second is to totally ignore that this weeks competition is to name one player from each team in a TV show. Accordingly we have used movies,musicals, advertisements and lotto drws as well as full teams. We have also given more thatn one alternetive for certain teams. We trust this is satisfactory.

Adelaide and Port Adelaide The players in the brawl Good guys,bad guys

Brisbane Lions Jason Akermanis Media watch

CarltonCraig BradleySurvivor

Carlton The teamHuey's Cooking Adventures B/c they'll get the wooden spoon

Carlton The teamThe Powerball draw B/c it is boring to watch and just so hard to win.

CollingwoodNathan Buckley First Blood

Essendon James HirdThe man in the Iron mask

Fremantle Trent Croad The Price is Right

Geelong Gary Ablett Jnr Jesus Christ Superstar

HawthornNathan Thompson Flying High

Kangaroos Wayne CareyMen behaving badly

Kangaroos The team Family and Friends (that is all that is going to their games at Manuka Oval)

Melbourne David ShwartzKath and Kim (a great show that isn't on anymore)

RichmondMatthew Richardson The Vita Brits ad ("kick it to me, kick it to me")

St Kilda The team All saintsv St Kilda Grant ThomasJust shoot me!

Sydney Tony Lockett Reality bites

West CoastGlen Jakovich Home and Away (it has been going for ages and still looks like getting another season)

Western BulldogsNathan BrownThe Osbournes (bad language and rude gestures are acceptable in that family)

Regards

Karl and Jodie Hendy


From: Justin Hanrahan
Date: Mon Jul 15, 2002 08:46:58 AM Australia/Melbourne

Adelaide - Andrew McLeod - A football match broadcast live on free to airagainst Port Adelaide (or any, non-Collingwood team)
Brisbane - Michael Voss - A football match played in Melbourne broadcast live to viewers outside Melbourne.
Collingwood - Nathan Buckley - A broadcast of a match meaningless to more than 90% of the footballing public on Pay TV only.
Carlton - A broadcast of a match meaningless to more than 90% of the footballing public on Pay TV only.
Essendon - James Hird - A broadcast of a match meaningless to more than 90% of the footballing public on Pay TV only.
Freo -Peter Bell - A football match broadcast live on free to air against West Coast (or any, non-Collingwood team)
Geelong - Gary Ablett - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstate
Kangaroos - David King - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstatev Hawthorn - Shane Crawford - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstate
Melbourne - David Neitz - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstate
Port Adelaide - Warren Tredrea - A football match broadcast live on free to airagainst Adelaide (or any, non-Collingwood team)
Richmond - Brad Ottens - A broadcast of a match meaningless to more than 90% of the footballing public on Pay TV only
St Kilda - Peter Everitt - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstate
Sydney - Barry Hall - A football match played in Melbourne broadcast live to viewers outside Melbourne
West Coast - Ben Cousins - A football match broadcast live on free to air against Freo (or any, non-Collingwood team)
Western Bulldogs - Luke Darcy - A football match broadcast live on free to air from interstate

Justin Hanrahan


From: Cheryl Harvey
Date: Mon Jul 15, 2002 12:24:49 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon,

Just a couple of ones that seem obvious to me!

WCE: Lynch aka 'the big unit' in THE INCREDIBLE HULK

Collingwood: Eddie & Nathan in THE ADVENTURES OF LOIS & CLARK (you choose who is who?)

Kangaroos: Glen Archer (as guest star) in SEX IN THE CITY

Richmond: Matthew Richardson in LOST IN SPACE (to all Tiger fans, a true space cadet!)

Carlton: Brendon Fevola in FREDDY KRUGER'S NIGHTMARES (after Lance who's next?)

Adelaide & Port Power: The entire teams in CHEERS (they all have previous experience in a bar room setting!)

Bulldogs: Tony Liberatore in LAND OF THE GIANTS (would not need the special effects!)

Essendon: Gary Moorcroft in THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY (a dead ringer for a Danny stand in)

St. Kilda: Steven Milne in LEAVE IT TO BEAVER (always in the right place)

Sydney: Bustling Barry Hall in SMACKDOWN

Brisbane: Jason Akermanis in BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (just too easy!!!)

Melbourne: David Schwarze in LAUGH IN (already a winner with a pie routine!)

Cheryl Harvey


From: Paul booth
Date: Mon Jul 15, 2002 03:41:39 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon,

Adelaide - Riccuito - Blue Heeler's - Would like to see him taking care of the local's in the pub's car park

Brisbane - D. White - Room for improvement - we all know darrell has boundless potential just need someone qualified to give it a bit of a touch up.

Carlton - Bradley - Survivor - He just wont leave.

Collingwood-Buckley-Who wants to ba a millionaire- just another way to beat the salary cap.

Essendon- Hird- Magic's Greatest Secrets- Hird is the masked magician

Fremantle - Pavlich - hot property - let the bidding begin

Geelong- T. McGrath -Stinger's - plays the part of a murdered sports star, but this isnt the first time he has appeared as this on t.v

Hawthorn - Crawford - temptation island - appears as a guest single.

Kangaroos - Spider Burton- Totally wild -demonstrating the many talents of the spider to all the young kiddie's

Melbourne -Schwarz-Buffy the vampire slayer-wouldnt we just love to see schwarter hip and shouldering some blood riddled vampire.

Port -J.Carr - Getaway- he hears these words every week from what ever poor star player he has started to harrass

Richmond -Richardson-weakest link- matthew plays the scape goat for the group being told goodbye first and danny is replacing cornelia

St Kilda -N.Riewoldt -young lions -appears just to see what it feels like to be a young lion and to get used to the tag.

Sydney -B.Hall -The Bill- appears as a soccer hooligan the bill just cant quite capture.

Western Bullie's -T.Libretore -Pizza - plays a very aggressive and surrly(But easily confused) pizza delivery boy.

west Coast - team effort -afl 9 -it would be a rarity to see these guys on any show in the eastern states let alone during an actual game.

Cheers,

Paul Booth


From: Paul Martin

Welcome back Simon,

As we are strolling down a made for Television path this week,please consider this a virtual visual e-mail and If read out,give itthetwang of a Hollywoodgossip / Entertainment show host, it undoubtedly deserves.

This week onEccentric Thespians, v We go out to the Fort Courage studios on Royal Paradeand speak with producer John "Chief Smoking Boar" Elliotand askwhether this years low ratings have affected the morale of the cast and crew on the set of F-Troop.

Former Weakest Link directorDamian Drum warnsthat a re run of last years Power without Glory would not be good for the industry.

We discussa possible merger of the strugglingBulldog and Triple A studios with the making of Kangaroo Palace.

An exclusive with the industries most sort after man, formerly known asNumber 18, about his last role in TheDismissal and hisexpectations with Seachange.

Then confrontactorsNathan "Dura lex, sed lex (the law is hard, but it is law)" Buckleyand Cameron "noli me tangere (do not touch me)" Lingabout their controversial roles inI, Claudius.

But coming up next, I'll chat live with Clive Waterhouse about those surfing scenes in Gidget, did he actually surf that wave or was it just clever computerised imagery?

We'll find out after the break, you're watching ET and I'm Paul Martin.


From: Arthur Pashos

Geelong TV Show...Star Wars Player..Garry Ablett...in episode 14 (which coincides with his greatest tally of goals) he is referred to as 'Ownlee-One-Ablett', who single handedly destroys the Dark Side.(that being the Ayres reign at Geelong.

Adelaide TV Show...Getaway Person...Gary Ayres..this is what ALL Geelong supporters were screaming as he boards the last Ansett flight bound for Adelaide. v Collingwood TV Show...Dateline Player...Mark Richardson...he has a starring role simply because his arse (career) has been on the line at Collingwood for over 100 games. v Brisbane TV Show...Mastermind Player...Jason Akermanis..hired NOT to compare or invited as a contestant but merely as the bloke who switches on the light which focusses on the contestant.

Fremantle TV Show...The Magic Boomerang Player..Matthew Pavlich..The scene opens with Matthew hurtling his magic boomerang, which results in those in close proximity to 'freeze'...Matthew then goes around trying on team jumpers in order to see which jumper best suits.

Hawthorn TV Show...Hi-5 Player...Shane Crawford..about his intellectual & show biz capabilities.

Carlton TV Show...The Young & the Restless. Players...Any of those brash young drunks who continually get caught drinking, fighting, assaulting or causing any disturbance.

St.Kilda TV Show...Home Shopping Coach...Grant Thomas...his delivery would be ideal for those who are awake at that time.

Essendon TV Show..Bananas In Pyjamas. Player..Steven Allessio...he would be well suited as the third banana, afterall, he moves about as quick!!!

Richmond TV Show...My Favouirte Martian Player...Matthew Richardson...playing the lead role of Uncle Martin, Richo, uses his power to disappear, which would be an inviting concept for him at the moment.

North Melbourne TV SHow..The Osbournes Player...'Spider' Burton..could play the role of the straight, frustrated, non smoking, non drinking, non involvement in any drugs, decent, church attending neighbour to the Osbourne's. Based on the 70's sitcom...'Love Thy Neighbour'

West Coast Eagles TV Show...Happy Days Player...Peter Matera's character is based on the Fonz, where he relives the glorious (happy) days when the Eagles were a force & won flags to his band of teammates who will never share that experience.

Port Adelaide TV Show..Lost in Space Coach...Mark Williams..takes on the role of Doc. Zachary Smith, the grumpy & obnoxious one...particulary when they were in the shit.

Sydney TV Show...E Street Player...Tony Lockett...takes on the guest appearance as a former great on a former number one program...now on at 4:00 AM.

Footscray TV Show Person...David Smorgon who has taken over from John Michael 'Hollywood' Houson. David ships all possible investors for the club to the island, where Miser Meanie (Wayne Jackson) continually ceases any ambition or production Smorgon can muster.

Melbourne TV Show...Out Back with Troy Dan Coach...Neil Daniher...Neil travels with Troy to the outback where they share bush experiences, swap yarns, perform that 'Troy dance', partake in a bit of roo or pig shootin', all in absolute good ol' Aussie humour & elocution.

Umpires... TV Show...F-Troop Any umpire could play the role of Vanderbelt superbly!!!!!!

Arthur Pashos


From: stuart mcarthur
Date: Mon Jul 15, 2002 11:37:08 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon,

As you grow older and more mature, you get less sarcastic and more philosophical. But until then......

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND Episode: Professor discovers telephone cable... The Professor (Danny Frawley) discovers a telephone cable in the sand. He severs it so AT&T will send repairmen to the island. The skipper (Matty Richardson) is on watch for the repair boat, but decides to go fishing and hands the job over to trusty Gilligan (David Rodan). Rodan nods off at the exact moment the repair boat arrives. Richo returns, sees the fixed cable, and starts whacking Rodan over the head with his hat.

MONTY PYTHON

Richmond midfielders form a chorus on stage dressed in duffel coats and beanies. Matty Richardson walks on, stage front. They start singing (to I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK)

All: We're at Tigerland and we're okay We play the game in a passionate way

Matty: I take big marks I kick some goals They reckon I'm a star One day I'll play in a premiership Just like my dear papa

All: He spits the dummy He duffs set shots He gives his teammates hell One day he'll play in a premiership for Coburg - VFL

MONDAY FOXTEL AUSKICK ROUNDUP

I reckon Tony would be perfect as that talking football

BEWITCHED

Disillusioned client (played by Richmond fan) "That's it! I'm leaving!"

Darren (Clinton Casey) "Sam, we'll lose the account! What'll we do?"

Samantha (played by Danny Frawley) "Ummm...I know! It's all MY fault!"

Client "Okay I'll stay"

(The horror the horror)

Stuart McArthur

PS: Not that this will help my chances or anything but I'm writing from a cafe in the Tribeca precinct, just under the Brooklyn Bridge. (gee it's eerie without those towers)

PPS: Jeff - don't you reckon Benny Gale's absence has been overlooked in explaining the Tiges demise? He was the only leader we had. That and the fact we've just come off a tough year.

cheers - Stuart McArthur


From: Colin Johnstone
Date: Tue Jul 16, 2002 10:15:00 AM Australia/Melbourne

My cameo role is for Adelaide's nude nut Nigel Smart to appear in Ch.9's new series Smallville.
Smart could be cast as the evil unknown twin brother of Lex Luther who was also caught in the corn field when the meteor shower hit the town of Smallville.
Smart has been in Adelaideville where he has been operating his evil father Lionel "the pesticide king" Luther's Fertilizer Plant at Adelaideville. Smart returns from Adelaideville to confront his unsuspecting brother Lex and take control of the failing smallville plant under directions from his father. The Bald Brothers have a fence off to the death as there can only be one Luther sibling.

Great Show Boys!!

Colin Johnstone (Bayswater)


From: danny blay

Adelaide Mark Ricciuto The Bill The Crow Captain makes a guest appearance as a common barroom thug, which may contribute to concerns about type casting. Watch for a sublime performance when Roo pleads with PC Reg Hollis, "But he started it!"

Brisbane Jason Akermanis The Simpsons The wacky northerner finds himself in a shootout with Homer, trying to outdo each other by allowing bizarre remarks to bypass their brains.

Carlton Matthew Lappin Keno Carltons Invisible Man presents a program that lasts for as long each week as his own performances on the field.

Collingwood Scott Burns Rolf Harris Animal Hospital Scotty finds himself at the wrong end of the vets scalpel after being mistaken for a stray mongrel. Written, produced, directed and starring Eddie McGuire. Strong Language.

Essendon Kevin Sheedy James Hird The Kumars at Number 42 M*A*S*H* The old bloke insists that he always knows better, and nobody around him has the courage to disagree. Look for Sheeds famous line, "I have a humorous anecdote." Hawkeye is concerned for Jimmy, who, after recently suffering horrific injuries on the front line, is eager to get back to his platoon. This is the famous episode when Hawkeye exclaims, "Listen, kid, the name of this unit is what happened to your face!" Hot Lips Heffernan finds herself in a compromising position with Geelongs Ronnie Frank Burns, while Major Henry Sheedy goes off the rails. Again.

Fremantle Matthew Pavlich The Fresh Prince of Bel Air The youngster is convinced he is in demand from all quarters, but is he just delusional?

Geelong Ben Graham A Touch of Frost Fans continue to give the Cat Captain the cold shoulder.

Hawthorn Shane Crawford Buffy the Vampire Slayer Crawf continues to prove that looks are more important than performance, especially when surrounded by losers.

Kangaroos Glenn Archer Kelly Stevens, Wayne Carey, Ricky Nixon and Glenn Archer Wayne Carey Friends for Dinner Hens, Ducks, Chickens and Swine (SBS) Chicago Hope A BBQ at the home of a player turns horribly wrong. Some nudity. A strange bunch gets themselves into a serious mess, to the delight of audiences (and media) far and wide. Adult themes. A struggling American football team becomes interested in a disgraced star from Down Under.

Melbourne David Schwarz Victor Paul Home Shopping With all the extra time on his hands, The Ox continues to flitter away his cash, while insisting that another quaddy is just around the corner.

Port Adelaide Chad Cornes Kath & Kim Cornes, the younger, continues to make audiences cringe due to his outer-suburban behaviour, while Daddy isnt happy. "Look at moi, Chad, look at moi!"

Richmond Matthew Richardson Royce Vardy Just Shoot Me! Judge Judy/Men Behaving Badly/ Totally Wild Weekend Matty can only think of one response to the thought of having to play another game with the losers around him and wants out. The bad boy of Tigerland stars in this triple header that was made for him.

St Kilda The Entire List 60 Minutes The time dedicated to competitive footy.

Sydney Rodney Eade The Trap Door Rocket finds himself in perilous situation. Did he jump, or was he pushed?

West Coast Phillip Matera The Osbournes It seems every fan claims to have been there when Ozzy Matera bit the head off a bird. They all hate him, yet, strangely, they can't look away...

Western Bulldogs Tony Liberatore Queer as Folk In their professional lives, some people do the strangest things. Some violence.

danny blay


Matthew Laing

Hi coodabeens, (been a while, sorry, that's my fault) (partially)

This weeek's viewing highlights

Weeknights at 5, join Mark Bickley, new host of Bick's Catchphrase. Sunday night Movie Ground Hog Day, starring Matthew Richardson. Special guest Adam Simpson joins his long lost cousins Bart and Lisa on The Simpsons. Luke Darcy stars as the enemy in an all new JAG. At 6:30am join in with Gavin Wanganeen for another episode of Yoga TV. Nathan Buckley makes an appearance on Judge Judy and takes the law into his own hands and expects to get off. Peter Everitt is the guest host of Who wants to be a Bogan? Dean rioli makes a guest appearance on The Fat. The Secret Life of Us Footballing Types includes many players (all not to secretlyhaving a crack at Claudia Karvan). Welcome Back Libba. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. From the ED Sullivan Theatre in New York it's The Late Show with David Sierakowski. Nathan Brown appears as Browny the Pizza Boy on a new range of Pizza Hut commercials. Tony Modra makes a comeback in "What's Cooking?" in which he replies, 'I don't give a stuff until I've finished my surf and I'm feeling hungry'

Matty Laing
Yarra Valley Old Boys


Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 15:44:42 +1000
From: mh@seafordps.vic.edu.au

1.Port Warren Tredrae Rick Jason Combat
2.Brisbane Michael Voss Bud Ricks Flipper
3.Collingwood Josh Fraser Eb Dawson Green Acres
4.Adelaide Kane Johnson Maynard G Krebs Dobie Gillis
5.Melbourne Travis Johstone Hodgo The Restless Years
6.Geelong Aaron Lord Granville Open all hours
7.WCE Ash McIntosh Jack Harper On the buses
8.Essendon James Hird John WGB Steed The Avengers
9.Hawthorn Nathan Thompson Jim Bowie The Adventures of JB
10.Nth Melb Micky Martin Joe Rockhead The Flintstones
11.Bulldogs Tony Liberatore Louis LeBeau Hogans heroes
12.Fremantle Peter Bell Craw Get Smart
13.Sydney Mick O'Loughlin Kaseem Jungle Jim
14.Richmond Wayne campbell Captain PeacockAre you being servedv 15.St.Kilda Spider Everit Frank Spencer Some mothers do havem
16.Carlton Brent Ratten Vanderbilt F Troop
Regards,
Hassa from Beaumaris


From: shag@alphalink.com.au

Dear Simon,

Poetic license is the phrase that comes to mind with this entry...

Team / Player / TV show / Why?

1. Adelaide / Nigel Smart / '"Celebrity" Who Dares Wins' / (With guest host Matty Scarlet filling in for Mike Whitney) - as an encore to Nigel's previous stunts, (refer 'walking over hot coals' incident), see Nigel walk through a wall of fire wearing nothong but a pair of flannel pyjamas, see him shave his head with a chainsaw...etc.

2. Brisbane / Aker / 'Bledisloe Cup Coverage' / after his "rugby" comments, Aker will, no doubt, be in the side for the 2nd leg

3. Carlton / Whole Team / 'Room for Improvement' / see Stephen Kernahan is invited by the Carlton Board to "do a makeover" of John Elliott's place, which includes the installation of locks that ensure Elliott cannot escape once he returns.

4. Collingwood / N. Buckley, C. Tarrant, N. Davis, & S. Rocca / 'Who wants to be a millionairre" / hosted by Eddie Maguire, this version of the show includes a million-dollar questions such as "who is the President of Collingwood?", in an attempt to avoid salary cap pressures next season - mind you, Rocca gets the above question wrong, and falls back to $1000

5. Essendon / J. Watson / 'Great Expectations' / The guy's not even in the draft, yet, the tag "superstar" is being bandied about in various media outlets

6. Freo / Matthew Pavlich / 'Home Shopping Show' / his services are currently up for grabs on ebay.com as well.

7. Geelong / Cameron Ling / 'Video Hits' or 'Caught on Camera' / re-video charge

8. Hawthorn / Ben Dixon & Shane Crawford / 'The Villa' / both of these guys will be seen on the dance-bar of an Ibiza night spot at 3am & both will fancy their chances.

9. Kangaroos / Wayne Carey / 'Getaway' / was last seen scarpering from a small town in regional NSW

10. Melbourne / David Schwartz / 'Jenny Craig Ad' / After dieting on the 4 major food groups (McDonalds, KFC, Red Rooster & Hungry Jacks) for 6 months, The Ox will be continuing the long tradition of ex-footballers, Dipper & Jacko; some big shoes to fill, but they will be filled well

11. Port / Team / 'Happy Days' / after a great season so far these guys will be featured, with Matty Primus as the Fonz, the Cornes boys as Ralph Malph, and Warren Tredrea as Pottsie.

12. Richmond / Richo / 'The Osbournes' & 'Jerry Springer' / at least when Richo swears, it will blend in with the rest of the dialogue

13. Sydney / Peter Filandia / 'The Naked Chef' / I hope the host is wearing trousers as Peter demonstrates some of his favourite delicacies

14. St. Kilda / Milne / 'Malcolm in the Middle' / Pint-sized Milne stands in as a body double for Frankie Muniz

15. Eagles / Ben Cousins / 'Celebrity Squares' / Put him in the middle and he'll perform in any arena

16. Bulldogs / Libba / 'Fantasy Island' / Features as Tattoo's twin brother. See Tattoo run off in the distance yelling "the pain...the pain..." as Libba tags him around the vessell.

17. Tribunal / Bryan Collis / 'Judge Judy' / Collis is seen in the background taking notes about consistency

Regards,

Shags (the entrant formerly known as Anthony Edmonds)


From: "John O'Connell"
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 04:32:43 AM Australia/Melbourne

While not strictly following the requirement of a player from each club I am at least making a very concise contribution.

Matthew Knights and Matthew Richardson to appear in Kath and Kim. Matthew Knights will arrange a blind date between Richo and Sharon (character played by Magda S.). Knighter has arranged for them to meet at a bar. Richo will be seated at the bar and Sharon will be wearing a red off the shoulder dress so that Richo can recognise her. Richo notices a lady in a red dress enter from the far side of the bar. Richo gets up from his bar stool and heads towards the approaching woman. When he is able to make a better picture of the woman throgugh the dimly lit bar, a look of disgust comes over his face. He throws his hands in the air and instead of greeting Sharon he wheels around and heads sulkingly back to the bar muttering expletives.

One advantage for the producer and director who casts Richo in this role is that he will not need any acting training and it should take only one take to get it in the can, after all Richo's had plenty of practice.

John O'Connell


From: Cheryl Critchley
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 11:53:10 AM Australia/Melbourne

I think the Tigers have already put in a few good cameo appearances on the field this year, but that's another story...

ADELAIDE: Darren Jarman - Korg 2000 BC - he looks like a caveman
BRISBANE: Richard Hadley - World Series Cricket
CARLTON: Kouta - RPH - his injuries would keep them going all year Matthew Lappin - Pot of Gold - hopeless when acting for a free
COLLINGWOOD: Nathan Buckley - ER - plenty of blood to splash around Carl Steinfort/Shane O'Bree (with beards) - Catweazel
ESSENDON: Matthew Lloyd - The Brady Bunch - he's even daggier than them Paul Salmon - The Golden Girls
BULLDOGS: Wade Skipper - Gilligan's Island
GEELONG: Gary Ablett jnr - Steptoe and Son Ronnie Burns - Countdown
HAWTHORN: Adrian Cox - Kojak
MELBOURNE: Clint Bizzell - Bewitched (he was under Fiona Horne's spell)
NORTH: Mick Martyn - The Osbournes - he'd scare them
PORT: Gavin Wangeneen - Homicide - because he gets away with murder
ST KILDA: Peter Everitt - Kath & Kim - he'd fit right in
RICHMOND: Matthew Richardson - Australia's funniest home videos - say no more
WEST COAST: Chad Morrison, Chad Fletcher, Ashley Sampi, Kane Munro, Kasey Green, Zachary Beeck, Quinten Lynch - The Bold and the Beautiful
FREO: Dale Kickett - The Leyland Brothers - he's seen more of Australia than them
SYDNEY: Tony Lockett - The Brady Brides - It's never as good the second time around Paul Kelly - Countdown of course!

Go Tigers,
Cheryl Critchley


From: Joe Kirby
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 11:28:23 AM Australia/Melbourne

Gday Simon,

While I will never forgive you for your horrendous oversights of the past, especially the Book Title & Author debacle I just cant help myself.

I look forward to seeing the return of "Different Strokes" with David Rodan starring (Yeah I know it's not a cameo) as Arnold.

Cheers,
Joe Kirby


From: steven watson

G'day Guys,

Some TV cameos for this weeks competition;

let the blood run free nathan buckley

a current affair anthony stevens

restless years dale kickett

good times- jason johnson (jj)

cheers matty lappin

fat albert tony lockett

skippy mark 'roo' riccuito

spiderman peter everitt

the brady bunch greg stafford peter burgoyne bobby (robert) murphy

steptoe and son gary ablett

superman clark keating

happy days richie (cunningham) vandenberg

Eight is enough david schwarz

home and away entire west coast team (because those 2 words mean such a difference)

Thanks,

Steven Watson


From: Glenn Rogers
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 01:38:38 PM Australia/Melbourne

Saverio Rocca - Big Brother
Wayne Carey - Secret life of Us, Changing Rooms, McLeod's Daughters
Peter Everitt - Malcolm in the Middle
Ray Hall - Everyone Loves Raymond
Lance Whitnall - Blue Heelers

Nathan Buckley - The Footy Show (would be nice if he ONLY ever made a cameo appearance)

Glenn From Balmain via Newport


From: Greg Hoysted
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 04:38:47 PM Australia/Melbourne

To whom it may concern,
I think I know why Richo receives such a vitriolic response when he judges the comp. At least with Simon, we're ready for the injustice. With Richo we hold out the faint hope for somethibng fairer and more equitable.

Adelaide Nigel Smart The Pretender Mr Rains (He would be great as the bald guy who towed around the oxygen cylinder with the squeaky wheel.)

Brisbane Jason Akermanis Beauty and the Beast "Beast" (He has started to sound like a shock jock so why not follow their typical career path?)

Carlton Craig Bradley M.A.S.H. Radar (Mash strung out a 3 year war into 15. Gary Burghoff was playing a teenager when he was 45. Bradley is perfect.)

Collingwood Nick Davis Monarch of the Glen Lexie (Can't make up his mind whether or not to commit.)

Essendon Dustin Fletcher Inspector Gadget Gadget (Longest arms and legs in the competition.)

Fremantle Matthew Pavelic 6 Million Dollar Man Steve Austin (Lots fo clubs want to rebuild him and make him better/richer than he was before.)

Geelong Matthew Scarlett The Goodies Bill Oddie (Looks too short and a bit of a fashion victim but gets the job done.)

Hawthorn Adrian Cox The Bill Any generic skinhead (Looks the part and tough enough to be threatening.)

AAA Kangaroos Digby Morell Life Support Todd (I don't know why, he just strikes me as a potential DIY guy with an offbeat sense of humour.)

Melbourne Alastair Nicholson MDA Jason Donovan's character (An absolute dead ringer.)

Port Adelaide Chad Cornes Pepsi Extreme sports any competitor (Acts without thought or fear of consequences.)

Richmond Joel Bowden SouthPark Kenny (The ultimate scapegoat.)

St Kilda Steven Milne Bob The Builder Dizzy (We all go round in circles trying to follow him.)

Sydney Barry Hall The Bill (see Adrian Cox) (The Bill turns over lots of parts so they need plenty of villians.)

West Coast Eagles Ashley McIntosh The Simpsons Ranier Wolfcastle (Same physique and haircut.)

Western Bulldogs Tony Liberatore The Sopranos Any "Don" (I wouldn't cross him.)

Greg and Sue (who has the remote control) Hoysted


From: Mark Smith

Dear Simon,

Adelaide Ben Hart Sebastian from Brideshead Revisited:good looking, always looks like he's "doin it easy"

Brisbane: Jason Akermanis Terry from the Sullivans: a little bit wild compared to his brothers. Favorite line: "Oh mum I didn't do it......really"

Carlton: Matty Lappin (I started it all last year, I may as well go with it again) dare I say it Gilligan from Gilligan's Island. Favorite Line "sorry skipper"

Collingwood: Nathan Buckley Norman Gunston - the little Aussie Bleeder

Essendon: Dean Rioli David Letterman 'cos he moves in a different time zone

Footscray: Scott West Eddie McGuire 'cos he's in everything

Hawthorn: Shaun Rehn Bruce Spence from any late night repeat of crappy Oz films from the seventies. Doesn't get the parts he used to

Geelong: Ben Graham: Captain Stubing from the Love Boat. incompetent captain whose team still does well in spite of his inadequacies.

Melbourne: Jeff White: Sophie Lee from Cartoon Corner: changed the complexion of the show once he arrived. We were attracted to watch something we previously couldn't be bothered with

West Coast: Dean Jakovich: Chandler from "the Bill" Doesn't make to too many friends but gets the job done, always a suspicion of shady past (steroids?)

Port Adelaide: Chad Cornes JohnSaffron (SBS Music Jamboree) a little bit naughty and precocious talent yet see the best of.

Richmond: Brad Ottens - Laura from Twin Peaks. Looked good early but went out of the picture.

StKilda: Justin Kochitske - kid on pier with dad at the end of every Seachange "you'll learn son, you'll learn"

Sydney: Barry Hall : Jethro from Beverley Hillbillies - bit of a hick in the big city.

North Melbourne: Glen Archer - Dad from "hey dad". Someone was always getting up to mischief in his house while he was home.

Regards Mark Smith


From: David Phillips
Date: Wed Jul 17, 2002 11:17:41 PM Australia/Melbourne

This is how the real AFL TV rights should be fought.

ADELAIDE; NIGEL SMART; GET SMART Nigel, son of Max and 99,stars in this new version of the 60's spy spoof. Special Guest Star Malcolm Blight as The Chief.

BRISBANE; JASON AKERMANIS; THE TONIGHT SHOW He reckons he can do everything else! Heeeeeeres Akker.

CARLTON; MATTY LAPPIN; CHEERS Naah Too Easy

CARLTON; CRAIG BRADLEY; THE GOLDEN GIRLS Braddles to play Blanche's current love interest.

COLLINGWOOD; LEON DAVIS; THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR Neon Leon is cool as. Watch for MIB III!

ESSENDON; DAMIEN PEVERILL; ANGEL The resemblance to the vampires is too coincidental. A natural. Watch for the karaoke scene!

FREMANTLE; JEFF FARMER; BUFFY The Wizard weaves his black magic in an attempt too woo Willow from her lesbian ways.

GEELONG; MATTHEW SCARLETT; STARSKY AND HUTCH A natural for the role of Huggy Bear's white honky side kick.A lot of interest was shown from the team at MOD SQUAD

HAWTHORN; SHANE CRAWFORD; GILLIGANS ISLAND He would not be the skipper of this team, but still the star! Imagin him in that little white sailors hat.

KANGAROOS; WAYNE CAREY; THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW "I've been sleeping with my vice captains wife" naah that's too easy KANGAROOS; MICK MARTYN; BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Mick as the host, beauties include Ita Butrossse, Caroline Wilssson and Adam Heusskess. Lisssten carefully.

MELBOURNE; TRAVIS JOHNSTONE; BAYWATCH TJ joins CJ and Mitch for the latest version, Baywatch in Beaumauris.

PORT ADELAIDE; MATTHEW PRIMUS; GIGANTOR Bigger than big, stonger than strong, although this week on the internet that could have so many meanings.

RICHMOND; WAYNE CAMPBELL; HR PUFNSTUFF We all know when Jimmy grew up, left Living Island, he changed his name to Wayne and joined the tiges. This September he returns to save Fweddie the Flute and catch up with Pufnstuff, Cling (Cameron?) and Clang etc.

ST.KILDA; STEPHEN MILNE; DENNIS THE MENACE An obvious choice. Special guest star Kevin Sheedy as Mr. Wilson

SYDNEY; BARRY HALL; MINDER In the tradition of Terry and in the footsteps of Ray, Bazza becomes Arfur's newest business associate.Lookout London.

WESTERN BULLDOGS; TONY LIBERATORE; DIFF'RENT STROKES See Libba play Arnold..."watchyoutalkin'aboutwallace?"

WEST COAST; Sorry simon i've run out of ideas. When DAVID SIERAKOWSKI played for us we used to call him Ray (the hair). So he can host CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT. Another interstater to cut Dennis Walter's lunch.

from
Dave Phillips


From: Fiona & Brett Turner

Hi Team,
Just a note on the players t.v. shows past and present special mention for Essendon, they get a movie because there is no place like home:

Adelaide: Riscutto The A team
Brisbane: Voss Jag
Carlton: Bradley Dad's Army
Collingwood: BuckleyEd
Essendon: Rioli The wizard of Oz
Freemantle: Croad Home & Away
Geelong: Ablett Fresh Prince of Bel Air
Hawthorn: CrawfordNeighbors
Kangaroos:Carey Sex in the city
Melbourne: NeitzHogans Heros
Port Adelaide:Wanganeen Secret life of us
Richmond: RichardsonF Troop
St Kilda:The whole side All Saints
Sydney: Hall Raw is War wwf
Westcoast Eagles: Cousinsperfect match
Western Bulldogs: BrownThe Bill


From: "Cowan, Michael"
Date: Thu Jul 18, 2002 09:19:32 AM Australia/Melbourne

Simon,

A little of brief but what the hell!

Adelaide - Mark Riccuitto: The Sopranos just as Tony's henchmen, some of his best work is done in the hotel carpark.

Lions - Michael Voss: The Bionic Man: They rebuilt him in three weeks & plays a half for best on ground!

Carlton - Craig Bradley: Bellbird A great Australian classic that never looked like ending

Collingwood - Eddie McGuire: Hogan's Hero's Col. Klink (Wayne Jackson) thinks that he runs Stalag 13 (AFL) when we all know that Hogan (McGuire) controls it with the help of Newkirk (Buckley) and Kinch (Malthouse)

Essendon - Joe Misiti: The Fugitive everyone is looking for him but can never tag him.

Fremantle - Pavlich: Who wants to make me a millionare? Pavlich knows the million dollar question but who will get to ask it - Connolly, Williams, Ayres, Malthouse or Brittan?

Geelong - Ablett/Bartel/Kelly/Enright/Corey: Hi-5 The young kids full of energy and enthusiasm with adrenaline to burn!

Hawthorn - Daniel Chick: The Littlest Hobo.The often repeated saga of will he/won't he find his way home.

Kangaroos - Martyn/Archer/Stevens/Blakey: Dad's Army. Everyone knows how the plot (game plan) goes but it still pulls in the rating (match) points.

Melbourne - McDonald/Whelan/Walsh/Bruce: Six Feet Under. A cast of unknowns who carry an underrated but critically acclaimed show.

Port Adelaide - Gavin Wanganeen: The Road Runner The coyote (every other AFL player) can never catch him with the ball.

Richmond: The List: Backyard Blitz where the entire list is torn down and rebuilt on a minimum budget (by the supporters).

St. Kilda - Rod Butterss: Spin City The utimate sell job on a club with a history too hard to sell.

Sydney - Paul Kelly: The Bill A great star in a show that has lost its appeal and is now being partnered with new talent not up to the standard of his old co-stars.

West Coast - Ben Cousins: Sunday Afternoon Arts show. A classy program which no one ever gets to see.

Western Bulldogs - Brad Johnson: Dennis the Menace The kid with the cheeky grin who annoys the hell out of his neigbours ( opposition)

Regards

Michael Cowan


From: john sutton

carlton: matty lappin channel 7 news (running amok)

collingwood n buckley 7:30 show (blood bank to sponsor maggies. give blood today)

adelaide m ricciutttio channel 7 (adel) news (pub brawl/police investigate the ramsgate)

brisbane aker local news (I kneed a new groin/ I'll join broncos)

kangas d king channel 9 news (smacks a hot dog vendor)

essington j hird this day tonight (rescues cat from tree)

richmond adam fiora channel 10 news (traffic incident)

swans bbbb hall channel 7 (syd) news (not sure how to take the fruit salad quote from tribunal/is he tough or is he carmen miranda?)

fremantle d kickett local 6 o'clock news(WA) (retires. excellent opportunity to show highlights of that derby game)

eagles b.cousins all local news programs (any excuse to get his bonce on the telly in perth)

saints p everitt lateline (accidentally locked in at luna park. police found him in hall of mirrors having a GHLAH)

geelong b graham prime news ( why we will beat bombers/ shown in a RAAF plane at avalon)

melbourne d schwarz sbs news (gets black eye in lygon st bar after retirement bash)

bulldogs n brown today (I was the first to finger now everyone is doing it)

port adelaide j poulton nightly news (SA) (kicking that goal after the siren)

hawthorns crawford a current affair (mixing glamour with footy/my figure secrets)

because footy is news

john sutton


From: Bob Crain

Dear Simon
Hope you had a nice time last weekend, dont worry the Comp was bias, inconsistent and poorly judged, just like you never left.

I think you have been set up with this weeks Comp. Tony gave a brief that would require at least a 2-page entry even from the most minimalist of entrants. On account of this I have been forced to enter via snail mail this week, I hope it gets there on time. I know you dont like attachments. Good Luck

ADELAIDE B. BURTON GOMER PYLE GOMER One look says Goooly Shucks Well Ill be Sarg

BRISBANE A. LYNCH MIAMI VICE SONNY CROCKETT Got the looks, got the moves but tends to push the bad guys around a lot mostly from the back.

CARLTON B. FEVOLA CHEERS NORM Hi Norm

COLWOOD J. CLEMENT HOGANS HEROES LE BEAU French and a bit of a sneaky type

ESSENDON G. MOORCROFT THE SIMPSONS BART SIMPSON Bart Simpson is Gary Moorcroft

FREMANTLE D. METROPOLIS COMEDY COMPANY CON THE FRUITER CUP A LA DAYS

GEELONG R. BURNS 3rd ROCK FROM THE SUN HARRY No idea and not sure about that either

HAWTHORN S. CRAWFORD BAYWATCH HE BELONGS

KANGAROOS M. BURTON ADAMS FAMILY LYRCH You Rang

MELBOURNE D. SCHWARZ BONANZA HOSS Gone but not forgotten

PT. ADELAIDE C. CORNES HERCULES YOULIS Not a God but a good man to have at the Ramsgate

RICHMOND M. RICHARDSON HOME IMPROVEMENT TIM THE TOOLMAN Cute, funny, has all the right gear but not to good at what he is supposed to be good at.

St KILDA P. EVERITT SEINFELD KRAMER The resemblance is startling both physically and mentally

SYDNEY B. HALL WWF SMACKDOWN HIMSELF The future is now

WESTERN BULLDOGS D. GIANSIRACUSA EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND RAYMOND Everybody loves Daniel but for no particular reason

WEST COAST P & P MATERA FRASIER F & N CRANE Both very good but a bit nutty.

Regards, Bob the Yank


From: David

Hi Simon

Trust you had a good time at the snow. I have a couple of contributions to this weeks comp

> 1/ SEX AND THE CITY New Cast List

? Sarah Jessica Parker's character Carrrie Bradshaw to be played by SHANE CRAWFORD

Kim Cattrall's character Samantha Jones to be played by JAMES HIRD

Cynthia Nixon's character Miranda Hobbes to be played by NATHAN BURKE

Kristin Davis' character Charlotte York to be played by MATTY LAPPIN

Synopsis : Join our four modern men as the discuss their lives and loves at their weekly gatherings at the Duke of Wellington hotel where publican Brian "The Whale" Roberts, mixes and serves their favourite cocktail, "The Cosmopolitan"

2/THE SUPERANNUATION GUARANTEE I think that Mick Martin would be a perfect replacement for Bernie Fraser in delivering the superannuation commercials.

I am feeling like some lowly side on a loosing streak as I have not been read out or mentioned since round 7. That was when you read out my criticism of you only reading out entries by the now called "Banks Street Eight". Have made mental note to never criticise you again.

cheers

David Bean


From: Rosanne Monahan

Dear Simon

I am a long time listener, first time entrant. Hope you had a lovely time in the snow and made some snowmen I have to say we missed you as that person who did the quiz was a poor imitation of you and I think it is very unfair and not nice how some people are so rude to you.

Check out this weeks TV Guide with Stars on Parade

Andrew McLeod Adelaide Mr Squiggle See Andrew manipulate that ball it is as if he is a puppet and has that ball on a string

Jason Akimanis Brisbane Dennis the Menace Jason, that little scamp is back from summer camp where he played lots of sports i.e. rugby grade 4, soccer its now back to school but is the school ready for him

B Fevola Carlton The Sweeny Is this it for our star has his past finally caught up with him will it be reviewed that he has spoken to the law before or is all forgiven

Nathan Buckley Collingwood The Goodies In a controversial move Nathan has joined the gang and is taking over some of Tims roles watch for the skit on beenz meenz heenzî and yes they are real beans.

James Hird Essendon Charmed James makes a special quest appearance as a White Light (you know like Leo those ones who walk on water and have the hand to heal)

Matthew Pavlich Fremantle Temptation Island Pavlich is sent to a tropical retreat, here he must undergo a serious of mathematic tests and look out for the geographic pop quiz

Ronnie Burns Geelong MTV Ronnie is back and is back from the dead has he changed from when he hosted that top music show of the 70s will age weary him

Shane Crawford Hawthorn Bay Watch With Shanes good looks and physique he should feel right at home with the other babes. Look for the swimsuit oops or should we say lack of swimsuits

Jess Sinclair Kangaroos The Saint Jess has joined this show as the new Saint

David Schwarz Melbourne Fantasy Island See David in his fantasy of playing 350 games, winning half dozen bronlow medals and a couple of premierships (thank god its only a dream)

Chad Cornes Port Adelaide Mastermind Mastermind is back and is in a new format the first guest is Chad Cornes and his chosen subject is Etiquette of the 18th Century watch for the surprise choice of who he choses as his phone a friend and lifeline (a clue is its all in the familyî)

Matthew Richardson Richmond Lost in Space Matthew is lost and in a big way is trying to get to Alpha Centaur but keeps being stopped by Senior NASA officials see what happens when he tries to climb aboard the Jupiter this week and is blocked

Robert Harvey St Kilda ER Robert is back and is already stamping his authority, but what will happen next will shock you as Robert is once again challenged by the re-occurring nightmare of that fateful hunting trip to that large green paddock.

Nick Daffy Sydney Chances The girls are starting to get worried they have not seen Nick for awhile and think he might be missing. Join the girls on their journey as they go where no Sydney fan has been before (Rugby)

Tony Liberatori Western Bulldogs The A Team In a surprise shift from WWF, Tony has a recurring role as the Enforcer who knows the secrets of the A Team and is out to get them.

Peter Matera/ West Coast Red Dwarf Peter has meowed in as the replacement for Cat (some think he should have got the role originally as he is probably as old as Cat is.

Love

Rosanne Monahan


From: "Sewell, Phillip"
Date: Thu Jul 18, 2002 02:50:39 PM Australia/Melbourne

Barry Hall Syd. Walker (Walker Texas Ranger)

Jason Akermanis Bris. The Futurtive

Nigel Smart Adl. Lex Luthar (smallville)

Peter Matera Wc Doctor Spock

Matthew Lloyd Ess Remmington Steele

Matthew Scarlett Gee Epstien (Welcome back Cotter)

Shane Crawford Haw. Gordon Tracey (Thunderbirds)

Darren Gasper Rich. Hair Bear.

Scott Camporeale Carl. Nick Gianopoulous ( Accropolis Now)

Steven Milne STK Blues Clues

Che Cocky Collins PA Boney

Trent Croad Freo Eddie McGuire (Who wants to be a millionaire)

Sav Rocca NM Herman Munster (The Munsters)

Tony Liberatore Foots Tattoo (Fantacy Island)

Anthony Rocca Coll Doug Mulray ( Beauty and the Beast)

Andrew Leoncelli Melb. Ridge (Bold and the beautiful)

Phil from Sunbury.


From David McNiece

ADELAIDE Mark Ricciutto- Robert de Niro's role in Taxi Driver-You talking to me

BRISBANE Jason Akermanis-As Lou Richards on the World of Sport Footy Panel saying whatever comes into his head first.

CARLTON Corey McKernan-My Names McKernan, What's Yours? Andrew McKay- Harry's Practice

COLLINGWOOD Nathan Buckley- The Untouchables or replacing Keirin Perkins on the "Kick it to me" ads Scott Cummings- Lucky Grylls in Bargearse

ESSENDON Michael Long- Reg Lindsays Country Hour

FREMANTLE Matthew Pavlich- Australia's Most Wanted Dale Kickett-Changing Rooms

GEELONG Bartels,Kelly, Ablett jnr- Robbie,Ernie & Chip in My Three Sons

HAWTHORN Daniel Chick-Who wants to be a millionaire (Fastest finger first) Adrian Cox- Mr Freeze in Batman The whole forward line- Fashion parade shows on Foxtel

MELBOURNE Chris Lamb- Hymie from Get Smart

NORF MELBOURNE Micky Martyn- Doug Mulray's replacement on Beauty and the Beast or as an identical twin brother to Ridge in the Bold And The Beautiful

PORT ADELAIDE The Cornes Brothers and Keith Ellis- Smackdown/Wrestlemania (work the crowd into a frenzy)

RICHMOND The whole side- Lost In Space

ST KILDA Robert Harvey-Any medical show where someone is having an operation

SYDNEY Barry Hall-Shirty the slightly aggressive bear from The Late Show, or World Championship Wrestling

WEST COAST EAGLES Troy Wilson Experience- Countdown Chartbusters Segment

WESTERN BULLDOGS Chris Grant- Milton The Monster

WAYNE CAREY-Diceman, what number the dice lands on is what club he finishes up at. Maybe a cameo as Jake from Melrose Place


From: John Clements
Date: Thu Jul 18, 2002 04:14:19 PM Australia/Melbourne

hi simon, most wise and worthy judge,

The pre show advertising would be the give away. Eddie spruiking " watch out for our first million dollar winner ever."

"Tonight our contestants come from a variety of positions. We have Nathan Buckley from Collingwood in Victoria, Anthony Rocca from Collingwood West in Victoria, Chris Tarrant from Abbottsford East and Jarrod Molloy from Victoria Park in Melbourne."

The show would run as follows:

E: "So Nathan what do you do for a Living?" N: Play football ($100)
E: " Where at?
N: "Collingwood" ($1000)
E: " where's that?'
N: Can I 50/50? answer: Melbourne ($100,000)
E: Have you ever lost your temper?
N: Only when provoked ($500,000)
E: Now for one million dollars can you answer the following question: "What is the Salary Cap"?

A. Something unknown of in Essendon
B. A Nuisance
C. An accounting Challenge
D. All of the above

After phoning friend Ian Collins from Docklands, Nathan Settles on D and becomes Australia's first Millionaire winner quickly followed by the other contestants.

from 3366 Faction

John Clements and Paul Russo


From: Dianne Douvitsas

Guys,

Have had to use my partenrs account she won't mind...........

Great show, keep on talking.

Joe Jakob

Adelaide Mark Riccutio Skippy Roo joins Sonny as Skippy's sidekick. Producers felt a bit more grunt was needed

Brisbane Martin Pike Kojak Replacement for 1 episode as Kojak swallowed his lollipop and is in hospital

Carlton Scott Camporeale Pizza Delivery boy ( has the looks of a Lygon St specialist)

Collingwood Nick Davis The Young & The Restless An obvious inclusion in any role given the years events

Essendon James Herd Happy Days Clean Cut friend of Ritchie Cunningham

Fremantle Matthew Pavlich The Munster's Hermans Munster's Younger Brother

Geelong Ronnie Burns Hi-5 With his moves, he'd fit right in

Hawthorn Daniel Chick Buffy (pre hair cut days) Long haired, finger missing creature needing slaying by Buffy and crew

Kangaroos Mickey Martin The Addams Family Uncle Festers Twin Brother

Melbourne Travis Johnstone The Simpson's With hair like that, he appears as replacement for Sideshow Bob

Port Adelaide Matthew PrimusBaywatch Australian rival for David Hasselhoffs character

Richmond Matthew Richardson Home + Away Could be a petulant friend of any of the characters in the show

St.Kilda Steve LawrencePower RangersThe ill fated Red,White & Black power ranger, good pedigree just didnt quite make it

Sydney Barry Hall The Bill Villan type lingering either in a pub, back lane or inside Sunhill police station

West Coast Ben Cousins The Bold & The Beautiful Just an obvious inclusion

Western Bulldogs Tony Liberatore Smallville Sidekick to Lex Luthors character


From: Timothy Laurence Wood

Dear Coodabeens

What would happen if the footballers wnet one step further and became the stars of the shows. Here are some ideas:


- M*A*R*S*H - The crows Ben Marsh joins Hawkeye, Trapper and the gang.
- The Oprah Whitnal Show Join big Lance for an hour of light hearted conversation.
- Stein-feld American Sitcom starring Collingwoods Carl Steinfort, featuring special guest Collingwood funnyman Mick Malthouse.
- Barrys Practice Join Dr. Barry Hall as he wrestles with household animals.
- The Kingsley Hunter Steve Irwin searches the Australian outback for Bulldog Kingsley Hunter.
- Judge Judd-y Join the eagles Chris Judd during lunch time for a half hour of courtroom drama.

Other ideas include Malcolm Michael in the Middle, Everybody loves Ronnie and Russell Robertsons Hypothecticals. Cheers,

Tim Wood, Yarrambat.


From: KyselaO
Date: Thu Jul 18, 2002 07:01:16 PM Australia/Melbourne

Si

In the time-honoured tradition I've deviated from the Competition's loose requirements this week, declaring 3AW football personalities eligible for


The Young & The Restless Matthew Pavlich
Spin City Jason Akermanis
Rage Dale Kickett
Home Improvement Robert Walls
Media Watch Spider Everitt and
David Schwartz
Business Sunday Trent Croad
Changing Rooms The Ferrett
Hi 5 Gary Ablett Jnr
ER Cameron Ling
This Is Your Life (as subject, not host) Dennis Commetti
The Logies (as subject and host) Dennis Commetti
Christmas Eve At The Bowl (as whatever he wants) Dennis Commetti
The Brownlow Medal Count (host) Dennis Commetti
Channel 9 News Sport (let him read the whole lot) Dennis Commetti vThe Melbourne Cup Coverage (host, caller) Dennis Commetti
60 Minutes (in Commetti, out Carlton) Dennis Commetti
Question Time Dennis Commetti (as the newly elected member for Bennelong)

Oliver Kysela


From: Paul Martin

Simon, (please disregard the previous, unless of course it ranks as a mentionable, hee, hee.)

Recently our football seasonwas again"blessed" with a couple ofgames of one day cricket. ShaneCrawford andPunter, (ironic name? No. Sogiven of course, forhis long bombs from 75 out),wereon the Tele. giving thecricketing lads some promotional assistance. So on hearing that this weeks competition was to be,yawn, ho-hum, "simple and straight forward",I thought......................mmmmm. Name a show and put a player in a cameo role..............................answer limited to one6 ball Brett Lee over. 1st. Ball: Nathan "Let the blood run free" Buckley.............Lee turns,... runs in.......... Oh...short... but not punished by a very watchful batsman. 2nd. Ball: Barry "Homicide" Hall............................................. Lee...in from the lockett end.......Oh, that'svery quick, and short again......the umpire has a goodlook.......no....another dot ball. 3rd. Ball: Magilla Gorilla....... matthew pavlich................................ for sale, but this time by silent auction!!...................That's a better rhythm,great line and length....yes the captains happy with that one. 4th. Ball: Danger Island / Banana Splits................Jason "uh-oh chongo" Akermanis, as the wow kappow, chongo, in thisideal, NON-speaking role..... Now that'savery cleverly disguised slower ball. Looking at the replay, yes beautifully bowled out of the back of the hand. 5th. Ball: Chances..................... mark ricciuto............. as alex taylor, No? Hey, you tell him he can't have the role! ....... Whoops, that's a full toss. Surprised the batsman butthere'sno runs. Thebowler mustconcentrate here, one ball to go, it couldbeconsecutive maidens. 6th. Ball: Red Dwarf........spider everitt...........as dave lister....for the dreadlocks not the rimmer quote of"you've got less brains than aRhesus monkey during the first course of anethnicwedding banquet". shane crawford ........ as the cat....... "You're totally egocentric, you flee at the first sign oftrouble, you always look outfor Number One, you're vain, you're narcissistic and you're self-obsessed". Cat: "Hey, you just listed all my best features"! glenn manton............ as the dry humoured computer, holly. and simon whelan...........as the much loved andhated,rimmer.........A hologram of the late arnold rimmer possibly the most a-retentive man who ever lived......................... Oh, full, fast.....yorked him! ....That's clean bowled!

(Mmmmmm, on reflection, maybe not a good idea after all.)

From the: "I want the AFL field umpires team of the centuryto be:DICK, HEAD, and CRAPP". - Action Faction. (formerly Paul Martin).


ROBYN CORBOY

AdelaideMark RicciutoCheers - Australian version -set in the bar andcarpark of "The Swinging Arms"

Hotel.Where "everyone knows your name". BrisbaneJason AkermanisGeoffrey Robertson's Hypotheticals -Puts panelists in the position ofimagingthey play for theWallabies or beingsomeone whoseopinion actually matters.

Carlton Lance WitnallThe Fat- Lance relates his latest experience on the Farm.

Collingwood - Nathan Buckley CSI (Collingwood Scientific Investigators) - Using state of the art forensic evidence the team clearsBucks of any impropriety. Look for the twist at the end involving Cameron Ling and the OJSimpsoncase.

EssendonJames HirdRPA -seedoctors restore James' golden boy looks after his "car accident" facial injuries.

Geelong Mark ThompsonThe Osbournes - Ozzy teaches Bomber the "F" word.

Fremantle Matthew PavlichWho Wants to be a Millionnaire - For one million dollars, Eddy asks "Which club wil you play for in 2003, A- Collingwood B - Collingwood etc etc.

Hawthorn Nathan ThompsonThe Bold and the Beautiful - Scandal within the B & B community as Nathan's locks are ruffledduring a game. See the first on field styling performedat an AFL game.

KangaroosWayne CareyBig Brother Uncut - Fortunately, there were no cameras in the house during this episode.

MelbourneDavid SwartzBurkes Backyard - Don visits David in retirement - at his mum's house.

Port Adelaide - Warren Tredrea Smallville - Warren guest stars as Clarks older brother who seemsunaffected by Kryptonite.

Richmond Matthew RIchardson - Changing Rooms - This week we have toguess what colours Suzie and the team choose forRicho's bedroom(from black and yellow to Navy Blue or Red, White & Blue, maybeblue and white vertical stripes?)

Swans Paul Kelly Sixty Minutes - Paul explains how this is the cumulativeamount oftime you wouldneed to deduct off the end of this years Swans games for them to bein the eight.

Western Bulldogs - Luke Darcy - Hot Auctions - To solve their financial problems the Bullies put their most valuable asset on themarket - watch the bids fly!

West Coast - Troy WilsonHome & Away - See Troy descend fromconfident and assured performertobumbling comic reliefas the team bus leaves Perthfor Summer Bay.

Recommended viewing - The Simpsons - Bart & Lisa become jealous of their previously unnoticed brother Adam. Rex the Runt (SBS 18/7) - Is this a typo? The West Wing - Scott recalls his early days at Whitten Oval. Ed - Series final -Ed is torn between the three loves of his life (Popularity, Collingwood &Nathan). Malcolm in the Middle - Leigh starts Mal Michael in the centre.

I'mtired.

GC TWO - Deniliquin


Scottiedodds@aol.com

G'day fellas

I'm afraid I might have gotten a little carried away.

This week's viewing on the AFL channel:

Monday:
6.30 A Current Affair with Wayne Carey

7.00 Fraiser - Starring Frasier Gehrig.
Rod Buttress asks Frasier and Nyles to co-direct the end of season Players Revenue, but Fraiser has a falling out with Nyles over which show they should perform HMS Pinafore or Il Travotore. Martin says they should settle things by tossing a coin.

7.30 Great Conspiracies: John Elliott reveals the plans of QUIT and the Anti-Cancer Council that will give Carlton the wooden spoon and make Princes Park a non-smoking venue.

8.30 Movie: Twins - Trent Croad and Jeff Farmer star as identical twins separated at birth who accidentally meet while playing for Fremantle. Only their coach can tell them apart.

10.30 The Jerry Springer Show - Famous Love Triangles: Eddie McQuire and Tania Minnico discuss their love for Nathan Buckley.

11.30 TV Classics: Captain Scarlett - When Bomber Thompson and the Mysterons on the match committee drop Ben Graham to the seconds Matthew is promoted to Captain.

Tuesday:
6.30 A Current Affair with Wayne Carey

7.00 Fraiser - Frasier has a falling out with team who want to do either Mamma Mia or The Wizard of Oz. Martin says they should settle it by having a vote.

7.30 Great Conspiracies: Alister Lynch reveals Leigh Matthews plans for world domination. Includes previously unseen footage of the entire French Parliament singing the Brisbane Lions song.

8.30 Movie: MIB2 - Mr Smith and Mr Jones are back together in the last footy jumper they will ever wear. Joel Smith and Aussie Jones find themselves playing in the same side again after both being traded to Carlton, together they are the Men in Blue.

10.30 The Panel - Jeff Geischen and Rowan Sawers discussed the best and worst umpiring decisions of the week.

11.30 TV Classics: The Patty Duke Show -Stars Trent Croad and Jeff Farmer as identical cousins.

Wednesday:
6.30 A Current Affair with Wayne Carey

7.00 Fraiser - Frasier has a falling out with Nyles over who is the better Tenors, Pavarotti, Careras & Domingo or Jakovich, McKenna & Worsfold. Martin couldn't care less.

7.30 Great Conspiracies: John Elliott uncovers Wayne Jackson and the AFL's plans to prevent Carlton winning the flag every year in tonights episode called "The Salary Cap."

8.30 Movie: Sleepy Hollow - The ghost of a Headless Horseman rides up and down the Geelong Freeway but everyone is more concerned about making sure the Cats into the finals.

10.30 Smallville - Starring Andrew McLoud as Clark Kent & Nigel Smart as Lex Luthor So that someone else in the Smallville Crows can get some Brownlow votes Lex places kryptonite in Clark's jock strap with hilarious results.

11.30 TV Classics: Gillian's Island - Stars Danny Frawley as Gillian, Clinton Casey as The Skipper & Matty Richardson as Ginger. Zany long running adventures of a group of castaways stranded on an uncharted desert isle after the cruise ship the SS Richmond runs ground (again).

Thursday
6.30 A Current Affair with Wayne Carey

7.00 Fraiser - Frasier has a falling out with Eddie (the Dog) when he casts Spider Everitt as Toto. Martin takes his own life.

7.30 Great Conspiracies: Eddie McQuire exposes the plot by AFL umpires and the Tribunal to deprive Nathan Buckley of a Brownlow Medal.

8.30 The Gutnicks at Number 42: Sit-com/Chat show
When young Joe fails to get elected as club president, his parents bulldoze the synagogue in the back yard and build a television studio, so he can try his luck as a chat show host. Tonight's guests David Schwartz Mum discusses cooking Kosher meals on match days, and David Schwartz talks about eating Kosher meals on match days.

9.30 Full Frontal: Comedy with Matthew Primus

10.30 TV Classics: Star Trek - Bones finds out that Barry Hall is really a Klingon, but before he can tell anyone the Rocket Eade selfdestructs.

Friday
6.30 The Affair's Over - can the media leave me alone with Wayne Carey (Final)

7.00 Fraiser - For Martin's Funeral Frasier books Jakovich, McKenna and Worsfold, but has a falling out with Daphne who has booked Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

7.30 The Simpsons - Voices of James Hird (Marge), Matthew Lloyd (Homer), Mark McVeigh (Bart), John Barnes (Moe), Graeme McMahon (Mayor Quimby) Kevin Sheedy (Mr Burns) & Mark Harvey (Smithers). Springfield's star netballer Marge is hurt when Bart accidentally sprays her with hydrochloric acid. The Burns Bombers team look like missing the play-offs and Mayor Quimby tries to replace Mr Burns as Team Manager with Smithers until Marge returns to the side in a specially designed helmet.

8.28 Great Conspiracies: John Elliot looks at Who framed Matty Lappin

8.30 Wallace and Gromit: Stars Terry Wallace and David 'Gromit' Smorgon. When Gromit can't make the weekly player match payments, Wallace gets the team to accept cheese instead of cash.

Rgds
Garry Scott
Chadstone


John and Diane Lyon

Dear Coodabeens, is this any good?

Adelaide: Nigel Smart - Get Smart

Bris: Justin Leppitsch - Happy Days (moonlighting as Ralph Malph)

Carl: Brendan Fevola - The Bill (has he paid for the damage yet?)

Coll: Nathan Buckley - Judge Judy (then he'd get a real sentence!)

Ess: Matthew Lloyd - Burke's Backyard (he's the AFL's best gardener, by far...)

Freo: Matthew Pavlich - Hot Property (an obvious fit)

Geel: Ronnie Burns - The Simpsons (as Mr Burns) / Popstars (doing Smiley?)

Haw: Shane Crawford - Popstars (where else?)

Melb: Clint Bizzell - Buffy (time he had another witch in his life)

North: Wayne Carey - Leave it to Beaver (doesn't he look like Wally?)

Port: Damian Hardwick - Malcolm in the Middle (as Francis - can you tell them apart?)

Rich: Matthew Richardson - The New Price is Right (about half, I reckon)

Syd: Barry Hall - Beauty and the Beast (a natural double)

St.K.: the whole club - All Saints / Room for Improvement

W. C.: Glen Jakovich - The Incredible Hulk (both on steroids!)

W.B.: Libba - Ground Force (bth are in 'n' under...)


From: Dr Ken Dowd
Date: Thu Jul 18, 2002 11:28:39 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Coodabeens,
After the judging schemozzle of last week,it is obvious that I have to tailor my entry according to whoever is judging this week's competition.

*Tony (no nonsense,line & length):-Player:Wayne Carey Show:Celebrity Big Brother Role:The intruder *Jeff (prefers obtuse & cryptic):-Oft cried out in jest-not a Holden (yet 'Bruiser' is the star).

*Simon (Doesn't mind it offbeat,as long as it was good):My team of celebrities that every network has,from the backline:-
B: The Weatherman National News Anchor Finance reporter
HB: Talk Show host Current Affairs Host Movie Show host
C: The late night Evangelist THE NETWORK STAR(C) Game show host
HF: Former Network star Tonight Show host Pop guru (Bobs up occasionally with something special)
F: Aerobics host THE SOAPIE STAR The Vet
Ruck:The 'Lanky Yank' Rover:Travel reporter R/R(run with role):Consumer Affairs reporter
I/C:Warehoused stars poached from other networks (rarely get a run)

From Ken Dowd


From: paul prole
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 12:38:06 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon,

Only four players came to mind for this topic, and yep, the're all from the sixties!

Bobby Skilton - The Hathaways

John Nicholls - Division 4

John Newman - Divorce Court

Peter McKenna - Sunnyside Up

Regards,

Paul Prole


From: "Treseder, Peter"
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 01:17:33 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Coodabeens, (Notice the generic greeting, following the nature of Jeff's opening comments last week, re Simon not being there)

The TV will never be as good as this.

AAA Kangaroos - Brent Harvey as "Sonny" in "Skippy" - Nothing like having a grown up look like a 13 year old, also there is the Kangaroo link

Adelaide - Nigel Smart as Uncle Fester, two great bald performers

Brisbane - Jason Akermanis - As the latest addition to professional wrestling - A mouth, look and attitude truly belongs in "sports entertainment" with the Rock, Hulk Hogan and Triple H

Carlton - Craig Bradley - "Golden Girls" - Love interest for any of the "girls" I am sure that would appreciate an older man

Collingwood - Nathan Buckley in "Everybody Loves Nathan" - Eddie McGuire makes a cameo appearance as Nathan's doting obbsessing mother.

Essendon - James Hird as Captain James T Kirk from the starship Enterprise - Everyone wants a captain that is cool under pressure and lets his actions do the talking when neccessary.

Fremantle - Matthew Pavlich, given the talk of drafting and contracts Matthew will star in "Who wants to be a Millionairre"

Geelong - Steven King and David Clarke will revie the roles of "Bob" and "Cookie" in a new production of A Country Practice"

Hawthorn - Shane Crawford will take on the role as "Gopher" in a new version of the "Love Boat" - he has the words, the looks maybe he could succeed where Gopher failed so many times

Melbourne - "The Sopranos" are forced to re-evaluate the "family" business, when the Leoncelli's come to town

Port Adelaide - The "Cornes" family comes to TV in answer to "The Osbournes" - language, gestures the Cornes boys have the lot and dad isn't too shabby either.

Richmond - Casting was exceptionally difficult at Tigerland due to the many roles that Richo could play - Gilligan, Larraby, Homer Simpson, Corporal Agarn, Darren Stevens, Major Healey, Nudge, Potsy, Gomer Pyle, Boss Hogg, Manuel

St Kilda - Again casting proves difficult when all players apart from Robert Harvey applied for the role of Basil Fawlty, how ever in the end it went to the tall and lanky Spider Everitt

Sydney - Barry Hall as the Incredible Hulk - don't make him angry, you won't like him if he is angry. (ask Matty Primus)

West Coast - Glenn Jakovich as Hymie in new Get Smart production - one word describes both - robotic

Western Bulldogs - Libba in a choice of roles, Tattoo from Fantasy Island or "Lofty" from "it ain't half hot mum"

Peter Treseder


From: tim gee
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 01:48:29 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear that happy chappy Simon,

Hey Hey its Saturday, Coodabeens day, Hoobloodyray!

The comp, the comp, Robert Klomp likes the comp!

Hee Bee Jee Bee, Ive gotta talk about Tee Vee.

Melrose Place, in your face, bring on the pace, Abletts young ace!

F Troop, gets the boot in the clacker, roll on young Kraker.

TV news, someone spews, keep talkin Andrew Bews.

Theres something about Mary, take a bow, Mr Carey.

The Winners like a sinner, come on in Mr Grinter.

Bob the Builder is a turd, can you hammer Mr Hird?

Welcome Back Cotter, now go away! Youve been replaced by Jonathon Hay!

Water Rats, what a load of Crap! Make it better by adding Mr Plapp

Theres a bear in there, a chair as well, everyone clap, its Jason Snell!

Lovely, Chuvely, crack the bubbly,

On the docks, under the clocks, Waiting for Godot is one retired Ox

The final show, is about to go, call it yellow, call it blue, call it red if you will, do not, however, call it Dew.

There you go Mr Whelan, I hope you like the feelin.

Have fun in the sun

Timmy G

===== Tim Goddard


From: Luke Gillies

Simon,

The Fox Footy Channels answer to Channel Tens hit comedy The Osbournes would no doubt be The Lappins

In 'The Lappins' Ring leader Mathew Lappin and flat mates Brendon Fevola and Ryan Houlihan, are followed around by a camera crew, who tape the sometimes controversial yet always entertaining lives of the Carlton Trio.

As per The Osbournes every second word begins with F and most scenes descend into argument.Highlights of the show would include;

-The three waking up after a hard night in Chapple Street and try to piece together what they did and whether or not it is necessary to avoid John Elliott/Media as they arrive at Optus Oval for training.

-The three lead by Lappin hanging abuse on team mate Jimmy Plunkett for having Red Hair

-Following the three walking home from a King Street Nightclub down Sydney Road swearing at, and abusing passes buy and vandalising small shrubs

-Arguing over whose turn it is to walk up the shops to get the Milk, then deciding that everyone is too hung over, thus settling on the expired Milk thats already in the fridge as according to Matty Lappin Its a good hang over cure

Luke Gillies

Yarra Valley Old Boys


From: LnnLuc@aol.com

Dear Coodabeens

CAMEO APPEARANCES

BRISBANE - JASON AKERMANIS - 'UNDERCOVER ANGELS'

After a series of bizarre statements, the Angels attempt to reunite Jason with reality.

COLLINGWOOD - NATHAN BUCKLEY - 'ALL SAINTS'

Nathan discusses with Dr. Mitch Stevens just why an elbow to the head is far more dangerous than rubbing blood onto a jumper.

FREMANTLE - MATTHEW PAVLICH - "ANTIQUES ROADSHOW' (CABLE TV)

Flying Start Management approach the shows panel of experts to find the value of a 20 year old centre half back they found in a Woodville shop in 1999.

HAWTHORN -SHANE CRAWFORD -'DAWSONS CREEK'

Good looking and 28 years old. Shane is perfect to play an average 15 year old with suitable teenage angst.

PORT ADELAIDE- MATTHEW PRIMUS - 'BAYWATCH'

Matthew is a cameo, oiled up and dressed in Speedos with the Baywatch team. Should nip in the bud any attempts to use Matthew as a gay icon on the Internet.

GEELONG - BEN GRAHAM -'McLEODS DAUGHTERS'

Ben agrees to a cameo because the show is about real people, real problems, real utes and real beaut sheilas.

RICHMOND - MATTHEW RICHARDSON - 'GEOFFREY ROBERTSON'S HYPOTHETICAL

Episode title "China, the Olympics and Human Rights".

When token sports person Matthew Richardson is asked his thoughts on Red China, Matthew replies "never use it with a blue tablecloth". Matthew is edited out of the remaining portion of the show.

ST KILDA - ROB BUTTERSS - 'BURKES BACKYARD'

Rod appears on the show and discusses his love of nature and who some trees should be woodchipped.

SWANS - TONY LOCKETT - 'SIX FEET UNDER'

Pluggers cameo involves him pretending to be a corpse, propped up in the corner of the funeral home doing nothing for the entire show. Very much like his comeback with the Swans.

From:

Paul Lucas


From: Peter Cox
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 03:59:26 PM Australia/Melbourne

Adelaide Ben Hart Celebrity Big Brother Low-profile contestant, will survive into last few rounds by doing the team thing.

Brisbane Daniel Bradshaw Sex and the city Carrie's Australian cousin.

Carlton Andy McKay Always Greener Guest appearance as country vet.

Collingwood Nathan Buckley National Nine News It worked for Tim Watson didn't it?

Essendon James Hird ST Enterprise Goodie-Goodie captain has been befriending hostile aliens for years.

Fremantle Matty Pavlich Who wants to be a millionaire? Doesn't he? Innovative way for Eddie to fit him into salary cap for next year. Has previous brainiac Freo contestant "Christopher" & Kim Beazley, as life-lines.

Geelong Joel Corey Friends It's the name, obviously.

Hawthorn Adrian Cox Smallville Dead ringer for Lex Luthor character.

Kangaroos Johnny Blakey Survivor Endurance only surpassed by Sir Craig.

Melbourne Matthew Whelan Ground Force Hear he's a bit of a wrecker.

Port Power Josh Francou Law and Order Wouldn't want to have to arrest this baddie.

Richmond Ray Hall Everybody Loves Raymond They sure do at Tigerland!

StKilda Aaron Hamill Secret Life of Us Prominent St Kilda identity, an upper torso to make Claudia Karvan swoon.

Sydney Plugger Hot Auctions Plugger moves out of Sydney, in search of the quiet life.

West Coast Ben Cousins The Great Outdoors Guest appearance showing his secret WA hideaway that even Ernie hasn't visited.

Doggies Libba Inspector Montalbano (SBS) Diminutive Italian gent cited for foul play; protests innocence.

-- Peter Cox


From: Travis Bull
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 04:11:45 PM Australia/Melbourne

Entry By: Travis Bull

Saints Stewie loewe, Robert Harvey - Aerobics Oz Style (The same old people doing the same old thing every week)

Hawks - Daniel Chick (Miami Vice)

Richmond - Matthew Richardson - (TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes)

Carlton - Craig Bradley (SuperGran)

Melbourne - Travis Johnstone (Dr Who) Fit in nicely wrapped in a giant hand knitted scarf

Freemantle - Mathew Pavlich (Knightrider)

Adelaide - Mark Bickley (Happy Days) would slot into the cast nicely as a replacement for Potsey Webber

Brisbane - Jason Akermanis (Being John Malkovich) imagine it Jason Akermanis surrounded by Jason Akermanis and Jason Akermanis.

Western Bulldogs - Mathew Croft (Cop Shop) Obviously a villain

Essendon - Kevin Sheedy (Hey Dad) how good would a conversation be between him and Betty

Sydney - Barry Hall (The A-Team)

North Melbourne - Spider Burton (The Colin Carpenter Show)

Collingwood - Mick Malthouse (The Muppets) Obviously as one of the two old guys that sit in the balcony and heckle, other old guy Denis Pagan

West Coast - Peter Matera (Shirl's Neighborhood)

Geelong - Tom Harley (Dawson's Creek)

Port Adelaide - Mathew Primus (Good Morning Australia with Bert Newton) could see him sitting across from Big Kev discussing the virtues of the non toxic oven cleaner.


From: Melanie Bach

When the end draws nigh on a career on the ground Many of the gents mentioned below will be television bound

Wayne Carey appears as a guest performer in....... The Scarlet Pimpernel

They seek him here They seek him there Those footy clubs, they seek him everywhere!

Phil Matera appears in Escape of the Artful Dodger.....for dodging the tribunal by the skin of his teeth

Damien Monkhurst as Lurch's long lost cousin in The Addams Family

Andrew McLeod has a dramatic sex change operationfor his appearancein McLeod's Daughters

Brad Ottens, Andy Mills and probably most of the Richmond Football Club (maybe this explains how they've been playing) in Sunday Sunrise

Nathan Buckley replaces Grissom in CSI. Where does all that blood come from?

Richo goes back to his roots becoming a host for Play School where he can perfect his spitting the dummy

Wayne Carey and Anthony Stevens have it out on Jerry Springer, "Really Bad Reunions" show

This is just a sample of what lies in store for some of the big names Keep glued to the screen for more of the same


From: grant and christine

Dear Simon,

Here are our suggestions for TV appearances for each Club

Nathan Buckley.Who wants to be a Millionaire, again.

Glen JackovitchChanging roomsGlen decorates David Neitzs house and paints the bedroom Yellow and Blue with a pastel Eagle motif.

David NeitzChanging rooms is seen trying to decorate Glen Jackovitchs room. Does a great job but unfortunately hes in the wrong house

Barry HallRaw is War as Kanes evil Brother..masked of course

Jason Akermanis.Jerry Springer Episode title–I want to tell you to your face..I wont play with you!”

Young Abblett..Highway to heaven ..As Son of GOD

Shane Crawford.. Home and away.Sam is invited to play for the Yabby Creek FC and meets Shane at training

Andrew McLoud..Burkes Backyard. The episode where Andrew kicks a ball with Don forcing him to miss the Grandfinal with a torn ligament

Gavin Wanganeen..PlaySchoolspecial subject –how to get what you want by pretending”

Troy Cook.Guest star in Crocodile Hunter. One episode only. OOps

Fraser Gehrig..Jesse Raphael show episode titled – I had it all but now its all gone”

Michael RichardsonRickyLakeepisodetitled –Gifted footballers say..Why wont they kick it to us. We are people to”

Glen MantonHome Shopping network Body Jewellry

Tony LiberatoreEastenders as conman who will do anything it takes

James HirdBlue Heelers as incorruptible honest policeman. Gets killed off for being too honest. Sarge becomes the suspect

Anthony Stevens..The fifth Wiggle. One episode leads to a long term contract and a career in Childrens television

Grant and Christine

Wodonga


From: Wendy Randall HARRY'S PRACTICE * * * * 4 Star Entertainment

Come and see all the animals on Harry's Practice

Join Harry as he does the rounds at the local zoo where a wounded Hawk called "Thommo" and an extroverted magpie called Rocca leap spectacularly onto his shoulders and compete for scraps thrown from their handlers.

Will the Eagles soar to dizzying heights or will their wings be clipped? Harry concludes that they are territorial and best suited in their own environment.

See him duel and try and tame a flamboyantex-circus lion called, "Acker" who shows off by walking on his two front paws. Harry tries to get close enough to cure his skin condition.

Watch how Harry unsuccessfully tries to reintroduce a wild buck kangaroo called "Carey" to the mob and how they violently turn on him. There are many offers from interstatemenageriesrivalling to take "Carey" for their own which finally solves all of Harry's problems.

Tune in to seehowHarry uses Pavlov's behaviour modification techniques on an erratic arachnid called "Spider" His mission is to control Spider's aggressive tendencies such as throwing discarded beer cans at passersby.

While standing in the Crows cage Harry explains whythey fight when theyget near the bars

A highlight is the return to the local Swan flock of legend "Plugger" replacing a young exuberant Swan named Baz who was outed from the enclosure after becoming upset and gouging the keeper's face

And we come across the zoo mascot, a pudgy little bulldog called "Libba", who has an odd penchant for wrestling people to the ground, clawing and biting and savaging his victims. Harry's diagnosis, "INCURABLE.... PUT DOWN!"

Stay entranced as young frisky feline Cats romp around with Harry; baulking, weaving and having a ball. Watch Harry's amazed face as heobserves themperforming the trick of climbing to the top ofa ladder.

Thebiggest challenge of Harry's career is tofearlessly enter the Tigers den. Harry has even offered his services for free!!! How willHarry lift them out of their pathoson their slideto rock bottom? Will he tame the rogue tiger "Richo" who relentlessly savages the cubs in the pack? Can he resurrect the battle-scarred former leader of the pack, "Knighta" to his former glory? WillHarry in turn be savaged and mauled to never hold a stethoscope again?

Stay tuned for entertainment galore as Harry weaves his powerful magic and rises to meet the challenges ahead.


Hi folks, here's my entry for this round. One question. Are we allowed to have movies. If not, I've listed an alternative below it for Port Adelaide and the Bulldogs.

Adelaide Andrew McLeod McLeods Daughters

Brisbane Martin Pike Survivor

Carlton Matthew Lappin Home and away -His acting is good enough

Collingwood S. OBree and C. Steinfort The Cutting Edge

Essendon Jordon Bannister Upstairs, Downstairs

Fremantle Andrew Shipp Water Rats

Geelong Gary Ablett Junior Star Trek: The next generation

Hawthorn Shane Crawford Pardise Beach

Kangaroos Wayne Carey Temptation Island

Melbourne Darren Jolley Happy Days

Port Adelaide Jarred Poulton (Last action hero) or Saved by the bell

Richmond Matthew Richarson Where are they now

St Kilda Matt Maguire Who Wants to be a Millionaire

Sydney Barry Hall Jerry Springer

West Coast Michael Gardiner The Great Outdoors

Western Bulldogs Matthew Croft Simon Garlick (Karate Kid) -Like Daniel LaRusso, he always takes on much larger opponents. Surprise Chef

Danny Hawksworth


From: Basil
Date: Fri Jul 19, 2002 08:57:23 PM Australia/Melbourne

Dear Simon,

I chose my cameos to star in Australian soaps: v ADELAIDE - MARK RICCUITO - ACROPOLIS NOW Joins the cast as Effie's love interest. Only seen for one episode.

BRISBANE - JASON ACKERMANIS - SOLO ONE Revives the role of a former Brisbane FC president. As Snr Constable Gary Hogan, if a problem needs to be aired, just call Solo One.

CARLTON - MATTHEW LAPPIN - ALVIN PURPLE Stars in the television series re-make of Alvin Purple. Matthews faking ability secures him the role of Alvins' brother Theodore.

COLLINGWWOD - SIMON PRESTIGIACOMO - THE LAST OF THE AUSTRALIANS A cameo role as Ted Cooke's favourite Collingwood player.

ESSENDON - MATTHEW LLOYD - E STREET as Father Matt, brother to Rev Bob.

FREMANTLE - JEFF FARMER - BONEY. Jeff capitalises on his new found popularity and stars in this short detective series. Episode 1 - Who stole the Draft Picks?

GEELONG - GARY ABLETT JUNIOR - HEY DAD Yes............... well..............

HAWTHORN - SHANE CRAWFORD - CHANCES Shane's cheek gets him a long way.

KANGAROOS - DAVID KING - NEIGHBOURS Cameo role when he runs a mobile Kebab caravan, parked at the entrance to Ramsey Street. Role finishes when beat up by drunken footballers.

MELBOURNE - DAVID SCHWARTZ - MOTHER AND SON David is magnificent as the serious son who keeps his Mother in the dark.

PORT ADELAIDE - DARRYL WAKELIN - SONS AND DAUGHTERS Returns home to search for long lost twin.

RICHMOND - MATTHEW RICHARDSON - FRONTLINE Cameo as reporter who has problems working with other staff.

ST KILDA - PETER EVERITT - COP SHOP Plays the role of sleazy detective named PP. Sells time share apartments in Fiji whilst on duty.

SYDNEY - MATTHEW NICKS - HOME AND AWAY To apiese the Sydney Gay market, plays Alfs secret gay lover.

WESTERN BULLDOGS - TONY LIBERATORE - NO 96 As the new owner of the delicatessen appropriately named Libba's.

WEST COAST EAGLES- BEN COUSINS- THE SECRET LIFE OF US. Plays the role of a depressed footballer who just can't seem to win in Melbourne.

AFL - WAYNE JACKSON - SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO A cameo role as a villain called John Elliott. Steals Skippy and threatens to sell her to the pet food factory. Fortunately Sonny uncovers plot and Skippy ties up Wayne's character with ropes until the police come.

Thanks for last weeks mention. Basil Czerwaniw


The Coodabeen Champions    Competition