The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Four:
Where have all the nicknames gone? The Galloping Gasometer , the Flying Doormat
In the style of Lou Richards please, coin some new nicknames for not more than five current players.
Date: Sat, 20 Apr 2002 11:47:55 +1000
Lou Richard3s Nicknames
1. for Lou's penchant for current television shows (i.e Rene 2The Incredible
Hulk' Kink)
Saverio 2Big Brother' Rocca
2. for his likening players to physical features (i.e. Mick 2The Galloping
Gasometer' Nolan)
Tony 2The Boxing Wallaby' Liberatore
3. for his noticing physical features (i.e. Bruce 2The Flying Doormat' Doull)
Nathan 2The Birdman' Brown
4. for his awareness of current matters (i.e. I may have made this one up!!)
Nic 2I Want To Play For More Clubs Than Dad' Davis
Grant Fitzgerald
Date: Sat, 20 Apr 2002 15:02:47 +1000
With the team of century and the back-to-back premiers reunion done and dusted
big Jack was looking for new ways to fleece some more hard earned out of the
true blue supporters. The black tie affair this time was to pass on the
nicknames of greats of the 80's to the current team. Lou Richards to MC. From
the back line:
Out: Warren "Wow" Jones. In: Glen "How" Manton - How can forwards possibly
kick goals against this man?
Out: David "The Hyphen" Rhys-Jones. In: Anthony "the semi column" Koutafides -
Just like a semi-column finishing off a beatifully written sonnet this man
really knows how to finish off a game
Out: Wayne "The Dominator" Johnson. In: Darren "The Denominator" Hulme -
Always found under the packs.
Out: Alex "Marcel" Marcou. In: Brendan "Marcel" Fevola - Like Marcel Marceau
is a master of his craft
Out: Bruce "The Flying Doormat" Doull. In: Nigel "The Flying Doormat" Lappin -
A little untidy in looks but can really fly (Also statistical reasons of
increased winning probability)
The night was all set to be a roaring success until it was leaked on channel
Eddy (some time between "who wants to be an Eddy", "The Eddy Show" and "Friday
night Eddy") that Lou was actually still very bitter and twisted about the
Harmes boundary line incident and his real plans for the night were:
Out: Warren "Wow" Jones. In: Glen "How" Manton - How does he get away with
scragging forwards every time they go for the ball?
Out: David "The Hyphen" Rhys-Jones. In: Anthony "the semi column" Koutafides -
Just like a semi-column no one really knows where he should best be used
Out: Wayne "The Dominator" Johnson. In: Darren "The Denominator" Hulme -
Always found under performing
Out: Alex "Marcel" Marcou. In: Brendan "Marcel" Fevola - Like Marcel Marceau,
looks like the real thing - but is only an illusion
Out: Bruce "The Flying Doormat" Doull. In: Nigel "The Flying Barmat" Lappin -
Grant Sheldon
Date: Sat, 20 Apr 2002 19:33:04 +1000
Firstly I would like to mark my competition debut by giving myself a nickname:
Trevor Chappell
As for nicknames, I would like to nominate "Fish" for Carl Steinford. This is
based on his resemblance to Troy McClure in Troy's starring comeback role in
the musical "Stop the Planet of the Apes - I want to get off!". The episode
based on his resemblance to Troy McClure in Troy's starring comeback role in
the musical "Stop the Planet of the Apes - I want to get off!". The episode
was called "A Fish Called Selma" due to Troy's unusual sexual fetish involving
aquatic creatures.
Regards,
Paul Critchley
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 01:11:03 +1000
Hi guys,
Well it's my belief most of the games famous past nicknames must have been
penned at the eleventh hour, a Sunday night, just making the deadline for
Mondays non broadsheet paper. So I thought I would put myself in character,
watch as many of the rounds games as possible, prime myself at the Phoenix,
then concern myself with the editors demand of 5 new nicknames.
So, here I sit, paper in the Olivetti, fan spinning, ala night stalker and
write:
a.. Damien Hardwick - "The Accountant", blah, blah, blah. No! Page ripped
from typewriter and tossed into waste paper basket.
b.. Damien Hardwick - "The Reconciler", because every player he's been
matched up with knows the whole day becomes a "trial of balance"........
Boom,Boom.
c.. James Hird - "Argus", not only does he have eyes only for the ball but
the rest of his 100 eyes are used to read the play.
d.. Antoni Grover - generally plays in defence but does run forward to kick a
goal, a real menace. "The Merchant of Menace". But must keep producing or Freo
will be chasing "their pound of flesh".
e.. Sav "wolfman" Rocca came the calls from the outer last year. This year?
It must be "The Surfboard". Come match day he looks as though he's been waxed.
f.. Finally Michael Voss, "The Stalagmite", game by game, season after
season, he just keeps growing.....in status.
Regards, Paul Martin.
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 10:10:07 +1000
Five current player nicknames in the Lou Richards tradition.
1. Nick Davis (Coll) - "Harvey Norman" - 12 months, no interest.
2. Troy Wilson (WCE) - "The Big Willy"
3. David Neitz (Melb) - "The messy one" - as opposed to neater.
4. Johncock (Adel) - "Johncock" - how funny is that?
5. Matty Lappin (Carl) - "Darryl" - bit long winded this one but I
thought lappin is the rabbit or bunny and Darryl Cullinan is Shane Warne's
world famous bunny so therefore Darryl. Also by mentioning Matty Lappin I
am enhancing my winning chances.
Cheers
Brendan O"Brien
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 11:32:57 +1000
The Umbilical Brothers; Fletcher (to) Wellman (to) Misiti
The Marks (Marx) Brothers;
* Gary Moorcroft, (Groucho) has got a touch of the 'angries' about
him,
* Chris Tarrant (Chico) can be a bit all over the shop,
* Jeff Farmer (Harpo) not as quiet as harpo but is 'instrumental' to
the line up (In Aussie fashion Jeff's nickname is the antithesis of his
character (ie Gavin 'Rowdy' Brown and a red-head being nicknamed 'Bluey'),
* Brett Burton (Zeppo) Can take the big marks but goes missing for
long periods of time; and
* Winston Abraham (Gummo) the forgotten brother.
The Three Stooges:
* Daryn Cresswell (Mo) the leader of the pack, always getting the
better of his 'brothers',
* Shannon Motlop (Larry) always tries to get better of Mo - always
fails in the end
* Mick Martyn (Curly) bald, ugly and loved for those curious
expressions
Michael from Mentone
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 12:11:17 +1000
Dear Simon
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 12:20:03 +1000
A group of friends and myself are always at the Tigers games and each year
try to incorporate the new guys in the club with appropriate nicknames so
they are not all my originals alas!
Greg Stafford: We couldn't go past the fact that everyone yelled out 'Go
Staff' so after a particularly good goal against Collingwood we decided was
a golden moment...hence was born 'Golden Staff' (may he never disappear!)
Andrew Krakouer: Fast becoming a cult figure at the Tiges but 'Fire' and
'Whatta' were common links, a fella yelled out Yassar...and I guess its
stuck due to the unfortunate link with his Palestinian counterpart being
referred to jokingly as Krakouerfat!!!! (If this is racial villification-I
apologise).
Andrew McLeod: Now known to us as 'Mick Jagger' due is part to a Crow
supporter last year yelling out to a pack 'Hey you; get offa McLeod'!!!
Damien Peverill: Dubbed by the media as the 'Human Glove' our little band of
Tiger supporters refer to him as the 'Craw' no not the 'Craw'... the 'CRAW'!
Paul Licuria: Now I know he's won a Copeland (how?) but due to his
indiscretions in the past few weeks we have now knighted him as the '19th
Man' and as any of you know it's always handy to have an extra player
allowed on the field!
Cheryl Harvey
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 14:42:46 +1000
Dear Simon,
In this day of overt commercialism I believe it is prescient to remind
ourselves of the contribution of both Lou and the great Uncle Doug
and pose the following.
GIVE THE SPONSORS NICKNAMES!
Ala:
"Henry" Nissan Pulsar.
Bill "The ex Royal" Ferg.
"Blethyn" Budget Eyewear.
Tatts "Libba" Pokies (Scratch & Win!)
Regards,
Shorengro AKA Paul Prole
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 14:51:15 +1000
In keeping with Mr Leonard's strict instruction of this week's competition
I wish to submit the following entry for players nicknames.
Mark Richardson (Coll) Almost
Darren Gaspar Paddle Pop Lion
Plugger Lockett Plunger
James Hird Ford Pills
Gavin Wanganeen Oscar
Regards,
Darren Wharton
Date: Sun, 21 Apr 2002 16:28:52 +1000
This is my first go at the coodabeens comp after many years listening to you
blokes, so here we go.
Jack McNeilly. Wangaratta Victoria,
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 20:29:19 +1000
Hi Simon,The discussions concerning Joyce and Nietzsche are evidence that the
program is at last attracting a better class of ubermensch.
As for the aphorism re ST KILDA their performance last Sunday
brings to mind the famous AC DC aphorism ITS A LONG WAY TO THE TOP IF YOU WANT
TO ROCK AND ROLL.I wouldnt think there will be many(if any) Saints wearing
Blue Suede Shoes for the next Decade or so.
Simon your tolerance of off brief matters only serves to
encourage people to send them into you.It is well nigh impossible to resist the
temptation to do so.
Now onto the topic I offer the following comments; it is worthy to note that
the most famous nickname ever in my mind was given to the BROWNLOW WINNING
player CHICKEN SMALLHORN.in the absence of a special breed of chicken;which I
am reliably informed informed there is not and unless there is some connection
with our old merry melodies friend FOGHORN LEGHORN (for which information I am
indebted to my interstate vet);Why would you ever give him this nickname with
the multitude of opportunities presented with his surname for alternate
nicknames ? Not only was he courageous but chickens dont and not only never
have had but never will have horns.I have formed the view that his nickname was
cryptic and bearing this in mind I now give you my cryptic clues to the
nicknames of five current players.Please guess each nickname and identify the
player
PLAYER ONE Traditional seaside fare:O K: The slogan and a chant from
disgruntled wharfies.(Geelong)
PLAYER TWO How do you say that? :you say thats how to say his name :yez it is(
Melbourne).
PLYER THREE A free spirit :a dasher :an ideal match for a mixer(Geelong )
PLAYER FOURMals pal :Ants finally find a home (Collingwood)
PLAYER FIVE pale paddys masterpiece(Brisbane)
Answers or should I say solutions shall be forwarded within 48 hours by Email
John Max McCaffrey
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 15:02:37 +0000
Dear Simon,
I know you like SHORT entries that are ON brief, and are non-Saints-bashing,
so...
Player: Matty Richardson
Regards,
But(sorry Simon) also...
What does integrity mean?
Has anybody here
.......what the Saints need now
"We're at the Bourke Street Mall
Has anybody here
"Ask not what St Kilda can do for you
Has anybody here
.....vision sweet vision
"We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin
What does perspective mean?
cheer up Simon
Stuart McArthur
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 12:31:53 +1000
In answer to your question 'Where have all the nicknames gone,' any fool knows that they are stored up in the brain of Rex Hunt, for the purpose of spitting out into the microphone during exciting passages of football in such a manner as to make his commentary virtually incomprehensible.
Steven King 'The Hemingway of the Horror Genre'
Kingsley Hunter 'Kinsley Amis, sorry Hunter Thompson, I'm sorry, make that ....
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 17:21:21 +1000
Simon,
I'm not sure Lou would know all the words but I like to think he'd
apprecieate the alliteration.
Greg (and not quite as much Sue as some people might think) Hoysted
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 21:14:07 +1000
matty lappin, the jumping drink card
fevola the hydrant
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 2002 23:59:02 -0500
Hi Si (or should I say "the Wrecker"),
With names like Graham Johncock (Ad), Clancy Rudeforth (WC - I kid you
not), Henry Playfair (Geel), Chance Bateman (Haw) and Tarkyn Lockyer
(Coll), I'd argue that we don't actually NEED nicknames...
Having said that, here's a few to toss around the park:
Matthew Lloyd: The Crash Test Dummy (looks like one, has the personality
of one).
Go (Toothless) Tigers,
PS. If I ever get to win this competition I hope you see fit to
acknowledge the dominance of one Croydon High School. Previous winners
Stuart McArthur (teacher), Maree Critchley (student) and myself
(student) all hail from that illustrious instution in Croydon Rd,
Croydon. Who needs all those wanky private schools?
Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2002 11:55:56 +0000
Dear Simon, I know this was Tony's idea but really the players already have plenty of nicknames you can hear them being yelled out all around the outer. One of the most pouplar ones I have heard, which one fellow seemed to apply to many of the players on the team he was barracking for (Hawthorn I think), was WAP. I asked him (even though he seemed a little tippsy) who he was refering to and he said "the whole damn team was weak as piss" I suppose it was a team nick name. Anyway back to the comp...No one can compete with Rex when it comes to nicknames but here are 5 (yes I can count to five on either hand) for some of the participants who have the most impact on the game:
1. Ray "don't touch me" Kelsy. 3. Martin "let's not go to the video" Ellis. 5. Jeff "good decision" Geschien. 7. Gavin "I'll decide the outcome of this game" Dore. 9. Mark "retally the Brownlow odds" McKenzie.
Well I could go on and on but....Oh Oh just one more, Shane "I'm supposed to be running the tribunal not fronting it" Maguire
Regards
Bob the Yank
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 08:31:38 +1000
DEAR SIMON,
The week I began with linking the name of an AFL President (wont say which
one!) and the world's most cruel despot (all in good fun; no harm intended).
Regrettably, I had to drop this idea due to the threat of legal action ... by the despot!
So on to subject two: The AAA Kangaroos or Paganís Phalanx
(if you read this out on air, please pronounce it slowly and explain the
phalanx means a body of troops in close array)
PS: Enjoyes hearing Tony Leonard on Saturday night calling the Dogs game do
the look away now routine for final score in the Swans game which was in
half hour delay on the telly. So we all faithfully shut our ears. Then,
while we listened to 3AW and watched a thrilling last quarter on TV, Tony
gave us the Swans final score another 5 times without warning. Highly
amusing stuff!
PPS: Just think what Rex could do with all the material that comes in this
week.
PPPS: Theyíve clearly shown the ANZAC spirit. Let the Pies and the Dons have
the Anzac Day game forever; and, in true ANZAC spirit (sacrificing ones own
gain for the sake of others), they can split the proceeds from the game
amongst all the others clubs.
Doug Long
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 12:04:41 +1000
I've listened to you guys whenever I can (working Saturday mornings until
recently) for years but am still a competition virgin. It's time to lose
it........and win it!!
Nicknames?(no more than 5 players)
Firstly; in the genre of Peter "Macedonian Marvel" Daicos: At Tigerland we have
"The Precocious Polynesian" David Rodan (18 years of age, 36 years of upper leg
development).
Hardly known in previous roles but has found his niche in defence; Melbourne
defender "Osama bin Nicholson".
"The Dashing Doona" Dustin Fletcher - There's no escaping him - He is the
"dutch oven of defence"
Moving away from the common "Spider" tag: Matthew Burton is big enough to have
some real estate named after him. But what's appropriate? Perhaps he could
become "The Nimble Nebula"
and
Quite unpretentious but comes into his own when heat is applied: Brisbane's
Shaun Hart; "The Expeditious Aubergine"
(This nickname has the advantage of being "dumb-downed" to "The speedy
Egg-plant" for wider marketing purposes)
Great program guys.
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 18:11:42 +1000
Hi,again,this is the second instalment,the first part being forwarded last monday evening when I aired my obsession for the reason behind chicken smallhorns nickname.
Well both Roy Wright and Geoff Leek reckon its because he had small legs. But my ponytailed mate PADDY THE ADDY from Albert park blames the Inghams their relentless T.V. campaignwhich has the slogan I FEEL LIKE CHICKEN TONIGHT I have pointed out to paddy that the link he draws may be untenable but he says there was no way they could run a campaign with the catch cry I FEEL LIKE SMALLHORN TONIGHT Mind you I was compelled to remind Paddy that he had for many years believed that the notorious film the story of O was a documentary about Octagonal which film he wrongly believed had been produced with the assistance of the Inghams the cryptic answers to mondays puzzle now follow
1 OYSTERS KILPATRICK
JOHN MAX MCCAFFREY
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 18:44:13 +1000
Dear Simon, Regards,
Debra O'Mara
Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 21:29:01 +1000
Dear Simon,
Nicknames go with class and stature or age, Troy "all I want for christmas is an AFL contract" Wilson. James "the flying Frenchman" CLEMENT. Ben "Superboot" Graham. Matthew "Steelwool " Scarlet "The knock out king" Shane Wakelin In conclusion I'm a first time player and a cats supporter. GO CATS!!!
STANLEY .B.
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 10:15:49 +1000
Hi Simon
You ask where have all the nicknames gone ? Hasn't Rex Hunt stolen them
all.
Anyway I do have two for Anthony Rocca
1/ The Big Bad Wolf : cause he huffs and he puffs
2/ Puffing Billy : for the same reason
and one for Adam Ramanauskas
1/ The Lithuanian Livewire
Cheers
David Bean
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 00:30:49 +0000
Entry By: NBBTBAS (Nicholson's Brought Back the Beard Appreciation Society)
Hi Coodabeens,
Here are my 5 Nicknames for this weeks comp. All are from Melbourne as they
try to "Clean Up" sorry about the pun guys. Pretty Bad huh.
Travis Johnstone - The Tyranical Toilet brush
Alistair Nicholson(gonna get a mention in every entry until he shaves it
off) - The mattered Feather duster
Nathan D Brown - The electrostatic cloth
Shane Wowoden - The poroxide perfectionist
David Neitz - Blistering broom Closet
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 11:08:21 +1000
The current litigious environment has called for a new method of selecting
nick names.
I dropped off to 43 'Stick the Comp up your arse Street', South Melbourne
(thanks The Bush Battler) an envelope containing some 120 nick names.
Each club should have a similar bag full of nick names too. All a player
needs to do is to reach into the bag and the name drawn out is there's.
Easy. No double dipping is allowed and it is best undertaken after training
on a Thursday night.
As an example, all you need to do is pass the envelope around to the others
and let them draw a name out. It's simple and clean family fun. Go on,
give it a lash! I have attached at the bottom of this letter many of the
nick names contained in the bag for your convenience.
By the way, if you can't recall who your best man actually was, all you need
to do is ask the audience. Give them two names, for example, Stuart
McArthur and Cheryl Critchley, assign each a 1900 number and put it to the
audience. Give them a week to call in and then, and only then will you know
for certain who you best man was. This is the only way to be certain.
Best wishes
Tim Goddard
(Curl)
Nick Names:
The Emanacipated Herring, Snake dunny, The Tiger, Boffer, Shagger, Bottle
Dog, The Parading Pheasant, Toaster, Ambivalence, Vinyl, The Rack, The
Sucking, Stooge, Phone Head, Rusty Nuts, Stiff Nuts, Glue Pot, Nails,
Underpants, Knickers, Snot Rag, Blurter, Freckle, Carpet, Bolivia, Peanut
Butter, Hash Block, Bin Boy, Paper cut, Tractor, Kebab, Dopey, Nuff Nuff,
Crew Cut, Salt'n'Pepper,Rose Petal, Cam Shaft, Oliver Reed, Lawnmower,
Dancing Drongo, V8, Knackers, Blue Steak, Parsnip, Jungle Monkey, Pumpkin
Smuggler, Vulcan Conray, Laptop, Dick Ring, Mucus Brain, Saturn, Dog Rooter,
Gang Nail, B-Double, Skid Marks, Gladdy, Rain Tank, Tea Cup, Axe Grinder
Mung Bean, Plastic Nuts, Botswana, Squid Lips, Ear Wax, Acetone, Neddy, Lord
Fluffyarse, Cape Shank, Bucket Brain, Scrote, FUB, Bell ringer, Arse Wipe,
Coat Hanger, The Towering Turd, Dope, Frog Legs, Wall Street, Snip, Paper
Bag, Shiny Arse, Seaweed, Dugong, Kirra, Neck Pencil, Esky Lid, Shark Bait,
Bush Fire, Tree Hugger, Hippy Turd, Toffy Arse, Nipple Twister, Greg the
Stop Sign, Elbow juice, China, Eleanor, Kevin, Taffy, Datsun 120Y, Polo
Poof, Dribble Guts , Fence Bolt.
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 01:33:41 +1000
Simon,
Obviously our entries of the past 2 weeks have been relevant and high quality -
because we haven't got a mention! Once again we'll stick to the topic and hope
for another non-mention as recognition of our work.
Michael Voss - should be known as "Queensland" - beautiful one day, perfect the
next.
James Hird - should be called "Osama" - everyone's trying to pick him up but no
one can find him. (on a tacky note he is also the head bomber)
Brisbane should be the "laxettes" - they always come out to play happy and
well.
Melbourne are the "sleepers" of the competition - they "put out so many
ZZZZZZZZs each week " - yZe, neitZ, schwarZ, biZZell and sZondy.
Jac and Pete Kilgour
Date: Wed, 18 Apr 2001 22:26:14 +1000
I attend Hawthorn games regulary and I have developed various nicknames for the
existing players.
Before I outline these nicknames, a comical varification had to be approved by
the Great man called Rex Hunt and the Saturday Afternoon Football Panel. This
was conducted a few weeks ago. The response from the Panel was positive but I
have not heard Rex or the Team use these names yet.
The nicknames that can be used on your program or with the Football Team are:
1. Johnny Barker: THE SMILING ASSASSIN or SIMON THE IRRESISTABLE.
Reasons being: Johnny Barker looks so charming and innocent and you would
never think he would do any damage to the opposition. Evey Hawthorn or
oppositions supporters believe that a Nick Holland or a Nathan Thompson kicking
all the goals but before you know it Johnny Barker has kicked five or six
goals. And you have to question yourself and say when did he do that. Johnny
Barker reminds me of Simon Irresistable the Kaos Agent from Get Smart. If you
looked into his eyes you would think what an adorable lovely man because he is
always smiling but on the inside he is ruthless and he could do a lot of damage
to the enemy.
2. Johnathon Hay: THE PRESIDENT.
Reasons being: Without Johnthon Hay in the backline the Hawks are always
loosing and he provides some stability into the team. And guess what Hawthorn
has only one game out four and Johnathon Hay missed two of those games.
3. Ben Dixson: The MESSAIH.
Reasons being: Everytime that Ben Dixson decides to grow his hair and when he
does not shave he tends to look like the MESSAIH. He also has this nickname
attached to him bc he kicked the winning goal against Carlton last year after
the final siren. And there is only one man that can do it in this side and
that is the MESSAIH. And at the time when he kicked that goal he had not
shaved or cut his hair.
There is a byline to this nickname. When I mentioned this nickname to Rex Hunt
he stated that he would take the MESSAIH out fishing on Good Friday to see if
he walks on water. Personally, I think he can do all those miracles and still
play good football and he looks like the MESSAIH.
4. Ben Graham: THE MUMMY.
Everytime that THE MUMMY gets a possession all the Hawthorn Supporters cringe
and hold their breath because they don't know what he is going to do with the
ball. As the ball is on his hand or foot his vision becomes very blury and he
runs like a mummy bc he does not know where to go and dispose the ball. His
hands and legs are flying everywhere.
The final byline on this nickname is; When I mentioned this nickname to the
Boys especially Clinton Grybus the laughter could not be contained in the box.
I would like to know if these nickname were funny then why hasn't the Football
Team used them yet? If the Football Team isn't using these nicknames
throughout their call then The COODABEENS may use them.
Ps: A regular listener but a first time entrant. Keep up the good work.
Kind Regards,
Rosemary Maimonis
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 15:50:44 +1000
Dear Simon,
At first glance this subject looked too easy and limiting entries to just 5
players was going to be tough.
I was right it was tough not because of the ease of finding appropriate
descriptions but because all the players look the same. Here is a challenge
for you and the other Coodabeens. Go through the official AFL 2002 team
photos and put a black line through all the players that have the standard
neat haircut that your grandmother would think was "nice". Now put a black
mark through all those that DO NOT have facial hair.
What are you left with? Not much! A couple of beardos, a few nude nuts and
some who have been in a good paddock for a while.
So here are my nominations which could be a little "off brief" but that has
never hurt in the past.
Craig Bradley - "U2" - Appeared in the 80's and was a star, dominated in the
nineties and is still going strong today.
Kevin Bartlett (2002 Version) - "Ritchie" - As in Cunningham, KB is the
lost twin of Hollywood director Ron Howard.
David Bourke - "Collins" - As in the submarine, eventually people find out
he is useless
Simon Black - "Eddie" - As in McGuire, because he is seen with the ball more
than Eddie is seen on TV.
Essendon V Collingwood games - "Logies" - Instead of blockbuster, they are
always built up to be something special, but usually turn out to be a bore
that goes on too long.
Thanks for the acknowledement last week but a "read" is always nice.
Peter Treseder
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 15:59:08 +1000
1. The Process (Matty Lloyd because he always go through the same process
when he is shooting for goal).
2. The Beautiful Mind (Anthony Rocca - because he is good at probability -
he has a good probability of getting a goal when shooting from outside 50m).
3. The Bo Derek ( James Hird or Michael Voss - because they always get
rated 10).
4. The FatBoy Slim (Tony Lockett for obvious reasons)
5. The Digger (Sheik Ahmed Bin Saeed Al-Maktoum -Emirates boss - for almost
getting to toss the coin on Anzac Day).
From Faction 3366 - (Paul Russo/John Clements)
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 17:12:14 +1000
Simon, instead of players having nicknames wouldn't it be great to flick
through the paper before the weekend games and see a listing of which
commentators are going to call the games. Forget the players, I want to
see who is commentating.
Therefore I propose some nicknames for the current crop of rokkie
commentators
Peter "OHHHH-NOOOO" Daicos
Darren Brookes
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 17:47:45 +1000
Hi Guys,
For my five players and nominated nicknames:
A pair from the crows:
The new collingwood prodigy:
An obvious one from Geelong:
And the most pressing issue regarding AFL nicknames right now:
Christopher Hardie
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 18:44:22 +1000
Dear Si
A disturbing trend has emerged. I'm 'none from three this time in work',
and have performed a review of my recent entries to see if it reveals any
answers as to why the form guide reads 0,0 and 0. I have concluded that my
entries have been too good for the competition for the following reasons:
1) I have actually taken into account the topic of the competition in my
Rounds 1-3 entries, and
2) I have conducted research prior to preparing and submitting my entries.
Clearly, I have been side-tracked by futile objectives such as credibility
and accuracy, and I promise this won't happen again.
Some nick-names:
1) Joel "Cheques" Smith (likes to bounce)
Oliver "Volkswagen" Kysela (stats: 0,0,0: Not quite an Audi)
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 19:55:47 +1000
Hi Simon,
My entry is very lazy coz hey with your judging, why bother with a good
entry.
Anyway here it is.
I've gone with the theme of nicknaming players after other famous
people, ie Matthew Elliott is nicknamed Herb after Herb Elliott.
Kane Johnson - nicknamed Jason after Jason Johnson.
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 22:05:06 +1000
1. Because he was the incumbent 'head of the flock' at the time the Son of God
arrived, Ben Graham should now be known as 'John the Baptist'.
2. Because he is forever looking sourly downfield in disgust after yet another
dishonoured lead (particularly after chasing the ball over the boundary line
somewhere between wing & half forward), Matthew Richardson will now be known as
'Primrose Dunlop' in honour of another who was famously dishonoured.
3. In honour of his 'dogged' (sic) persistence, his universal recognition as
the ultimate pest, and above all his longevity despite severe limitations in
talent and (at times) taste, Tony Liberatore will hence be known as 'Dan
Presser' or 'Frank Walker from Bargain Tiles'.
4. The irony of Max Hudghton's neck injury last weekend was that some Geelong
supporters in the crowd were of the opinion that if he hadn't hurt it in the
marking incident, it would have been terribly sore anyway the next day after
watching the ball repeatedly sail over his head through the goals. As (given
the current form of the hapless Saints) this phenomenon is likely to occur
quite often to poor Max this season, he could be christened 'Gladstone Small'
in honour of the inevitable degeneration of his neck muscles, or 'Factor 30'
due to him having to apply sunscreen to his tonsils to stop them from getting
sunburnt.
5. After his much publicised amputation during the off season, Daniel Chick
will now be known as 'Mickey Rourke', the star of '9 1/2 Weeks'.
Andrew McKie
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 2002 22:43:10 +1000
Nicknames for 5 current "players".
Greg Champion = the itinerant troubadour
Simon "Adolph" Whelan = the great dictator ("he gets away with
murder"...such as the way he dealt with my on brief entry to last weeks
competition...completely ignoring it!)
Tony Leonard = the tragic historian (sorry about tonight's result...maybe
Big Jack was right)
Ian Cover = the other tragic historian (exactly when was that last
premiership?)
Jeff Richardson = the tragic historian of the modern era (ie the past 20
years)
Andrew Walby
From: Grant Fitzgerald
From: Grant Sheldon
From: Paul Critchley
From: Paul Martin
From: Brendan O'Brien
From: Fry Michael
From: Default User
All of the usual competition controversies have come up so far this year
except your bias against Gilligan's Island entries. We're up to Round 4
already so let's get that one on the agenda. Because of the 5 - only
brief I've rolled 7 Islanders into 5 and luckily this makes them sound
more "Louish" :
Nathan Buckley - The Skippering Professor - because he's in charge of
an inexperienced, bumbling crew and is an expert at making things out of
crap.
Eddie McGuire - Thurston Howell the Third - because he likes playing
Millionaire, doing deals and pretending he's got no conflicts of
interest.
Nick Davis - Lovey - Thurston's determinded to get a lifetime commitment
out of him.
Chris Tarrant - The Scrumptious Maryanne Ginger Coconut Cream Pie -
stands around looking pretty and gets the Pies fans all excited with his
amazing creations
best wishes
Jane Harris
From: Cheryl Harvey
From: paul gruyters
From: Darren_Wharton@tac.vic.gov.au
Because he almost took that mark and he
almost kicked that goal
BUT HE NEVER ACTUALLY DOES
Because he's a dead ringer for the Paddle Pop Lion
Because
Tim Webster said so in about 1995.
Produces with regularity
The
award he should get every time he
stages for a free.
From: JACK MCNEILLY
Lou Richards nick names.
Hot lips Houlihan (carlton)
The General Francou.
The Doctor Livingston, also carlton.
The Stealth Bomber, Blake Cracella.
and finally The Galloping Gas bottle, Primus.
Keep up the good work boys.
From: Mccaffco
From: stuart mcarthur
Nickname: Rubik
(been puzzling people for years)
Stuart McArthur.
I dunno what integrity means...
What does process mean?
I dunno what process means...
What does foolhardy mean?
I dunno what that is...
What does coaching St Kilda mean?
I think it^"s when somebody^"s sick.
seen my old friend Stan?
Can you tell me where he^"s gone?
I thought I saw him
at the Lobster Cave with Rexy
as the Saints keep marching on
is vision sweet vision
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
The '97 Grand Final motorcade is coming past here
I can see many players
Something's happened here
We understand there's been an undermining
We don't know who but something is wrong here
something is terribly wrong
We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin
Moorabbin, St Kilda......
Coach Alves, undermined by senior players, was sacked today at 1pm
Eastern standard time"
seen my old friend Timmy?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him
cutting oranges for the Hammerheads
as the Saints keep marching on
Ask what anyone could do with St Kilda
Some people see what is and ask why
St Kilda sees what isn^"t and says "bye"
We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin
Coach Watson, under great personal strain, resigned today, 1pm Eastern
standard time.
seen my old friend Malcolm?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
Playing golf
on his own
in the dunes down at Sorrento
while the Saints keep marching on
it's the only thing that there's just too little of
"Malcolm Blight has been sacked??
Is that possible??
Oh my God!
Get him on the phone, get him! get him!
Break his arm if you have to! just get him!"
Moorabbin, St Kilda.....
Coach Blight was sacked today at 1pm Eastern standard time"
.......what the Saints need now is vision sweet vision
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
I dunno what perspective means...
What does commitment mean?
I dunno what commitment means...
What does contract mean?
I dunno what that is..
What does coaching St Kilda mean?
.........I think it's when somebody's sick.
From: Richard Hall
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
What the hell happened? The best entry won! This might start a whole new
trend. By the way, thanks for the "read", as you can see we're still
sharing the email address so it wasn't too traumatic.
NICKNAMES
Simon Whelan The Capricious Comp-troller
Tony Leonard The Loquacious Locomotive.
Greg Champion The Terpsichorean Traveller.
Ian Cover The Moorabool Mouthpiece.
Jeff Richardson The Punt Road Pacifier
From: Dobson
From: Cheryl Critchley
Matthew Richardson (God love him): Chewbacca (from Star Wars).
Tony Liberatore: Whenever he gets near the ball you could yell: "Da
plane, Da plane" ala Tattoo from Fantasy Island.
Darren Gaspar: Arnold Horshack (from Welcome Back Kotter).
Graham Johncock: Gra Gra (I know what you were thinking!)
Cheryl Critchley
From: Bob Crain
From: D Long
The following are five of the players who listen to Pagan's Pep Talks,
Paganís Phrases, Pagans Protests, Pagans Prologues and Pagans Proverbs.
Mick Martin: Pagans Padlock
Leigh Colbert: Pagans Phantom
Adam Simpson: Pagans Postman (because he delivers on a regular basis)
Byron Pickett: Pagans Posse (because he IS a one man posse!)
and, finally
Spider Burton: Paganís Pretzel
From: donna davies
Thanks.
Geoff "Joffa" Davies
Attwood (near Westmeadows)
From: Mccaffco
2 WHOSE SAY YZE
3..BICCARDI RICCARDI
4.PANTS FRASER
5.VOSS.
From: "Debra O'Mara"
A nickname for Matty Alllen : Dot Com Good early, poor form since and generally over priced.
From: gibsonbice
From: David
From: Travis Bull
From: Tim Goddard
From: Jac & Pete
From: Rosemary
From: "Treseder, Peter" PTreseder@mail.stasuper.com.au
From: paul russo
From: Darren Brookes darren.brookes@kiandra.com
Eddie "No conflicts here" McGuire
Dermott" yeah, the kid can play" Brereton
Garry "who'd be stupid enough to draft a 30 year old" Lyon
Tim "I only wear a nice tie, don't expect me to remember any names"
Webster
Windsor
From: Chris Hardie Christopher.Hardie@Kiandra.com
Tyson Edwards - The left ear.
Tyson Stenglein - The right ear.
Mark McGough - The Beautiful Mind, or Amadeus (i.e. child prodigy).
Mathew McCarthy - The Red under the Bed.
Gary Ablett Jnr - The Second Coming, The Tidal Traipsing Toddler, The
New Testament, George Burns Jnr (a la the 'Oh God' movies), The
Immaculate Infant, The Prodigal Progeny, The Trinity in 29.
From: KyselaO KyselaO@CountryRoad.com.au
2) Umpire Darren "Cash" Goldspink (can't bounce)
3) Matty "Cousteau" Lloyd (loves to take a dive)
4) Kevin "EFTPOS" Sheedy (doesn't mind a swipe)
5) Ben "Chumbawamba" Nelson (he gets knocked down (2s), but he gets up again
(1s))
From: Adam Ellerton
Chris Johnson - nicknamed Kane after Kane Johnson.
Braddie Johnson - nicknamed Chris after Chris Johnson.
Mark Johnson - nicknamed Braddie after Braddie Johnson.
Jason Johnson - nicknamed Mark after Mark Johnson.
From: Andrew McKie
From: "Walby, Andrew"