The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Five:
In the spirit of the Kangaroo's Deep Purple show, come up with a benefit concert lineup for the club of your choice.
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 11:22:26 +1000
Re next weeks competition about benefit concerts to be cancelled
Carlton - judging by the footage of an apparent disagreement between Wayne
Britain & Craig Bradley lst week and their abysmal start to the season it could
only be The Moody Blues.
Love the show
Regards
Richard Marks
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 15:20:45 +1000
TEAMS THAT COULD HOLD CONCERTS WITH SPECIAL GROUPS;
CARLTON-- Their acts are the MOODY BLUES, followed by the BLUES BROTHERS.
ESSENDON-- Their acts include the SCREAMING JETS followed by the B-52s.
I hope you enjoy these entries, and keep up the good work on the radio.
JOSEPH FIELD
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 20:33:35 +1000
Coodabeens,
It's been a long time but you may remember me as the "When playing the
Eagles you've still got a chance, if you kick to the man playing on Murray
Rance". I've been listening all these years but have only just got the
internet on, so I've been looking through all the magic sights, like
Coodabeens, Kiss-On-Line, Western Bulldogs and Melbourne Storm. Anyway this
week's comp got me thinking and have come up with a Benefit Concert for the
Western Bulldogs.
Stage Set Up
Act 1 In the tradition of the Aussie Battler you could have The Uncanny
Xmen open up in moccies and jeans so that the majority of
the audience can get dressed up just like the good old
days in 1980 with KISS.
Act 2 Bill Haley and the Comets, they were a big hit around the mid 50's
and although haven't tasted that sort of success in the
last 48 years, the faithful would be more than happy
to see them break through just one more time.
Act 3 Back near the end of the 90's, the Bulldogs climbed from obscurity
to take the world by storm (Go STORM), only to be revealed as
pretenders, they had a few stars, but the support
from the rest of the bulldog band couldn't get them over
the line. Sounds alot like that band from the 80's MILLI
VANILLI.
Great Show
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 22:48:21 +1000
As I (like many others, after last Saturday's lamentable effort at
adjudication) have finally caught on as to what is required to win this squalid
little competition, here is my entry for this week:
-Well, similar entries have won every other week this season, so why isn't this
one worth a chance?
Andrew McKie
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 22:42:11 +1000 ]
Hi all
Congratulations on the ratings
I suggest a a benefit concert for the umpires:
The Wiggles singing "Three Blind Mice" followed by Ray Charles, Jose Feleciano
and Andreas Botchelli all supported by the Royal Victorian Society for the
Blind Orchestra (guest conductor - Jeff Lynne)
Then the players all get together for a stirring rendition of "Stuck in the
middle with you (fools to the left of me, jokers to the right!)"
Regards
A bitter twisted Richmond supporter
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 09:56:02 -0400 (EDT)
Hi Gentlemen
I've been following Collingwood almost as long as 'Digger''. (well it seems
that long sometimes)
I have selected a band or singer for each club and a brief reason
highlighting why each performer is appropriate. I think you'll find however
that most are pretty self-explanatory. In alphabetical order:
ADELAIDE: 'THE HOOTERS' sing "All You Zombies"(To those cerebrally challenged
supporters)
and finally, one for all those die-hard Fitzroy supporters who refuse to let
their team rest in peace.
So there you go, that is my team for 'Benefit Of The Century'. I am sure
you'll agree that it is "A Good Ordinary Lineup"
Regards
Phillip
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 23:25:39 +1000
DEAR SIMON,
Well, if you thought there was plenty of correspondence entered into re the
Sophie Gosper controversy, just wait until you open this week^"s mailbag!
All whinge records will be broken plus a record number of website hits by
people checking to ensure their entry got through!
Can you please, a week in advance, let people know whether the rational
Simon (who gives the best entry an honourable mention and gives the prize to
a reasonable entry) or the irrational Simon (who is irrational) will judge
the comp next week; or no Simon at all (so Jeff from Kilsyth can submit an
entry!)
I assume the irrational one is on the air today, so I must digress. Ian
Cover and I barracked for the Eagles for the first time in our lives last
Saturday night. Reason = protecting Geelong"s 23 wins in a row record. The
Eagles were our last chance (THAT is why we let them have Ben Cousins under
the "Father played for another team^' rule). You see, had the Lions beaten
the Eagles they would have had two home games and then gone for the record
against Collingwood in round 8. The Pies have mucked things up for Geelong
at every possible opportunity. First off, they finished our run in 1953 by
drawing against us in game 24 of the streak. Next, they luckily beat us in
the 1980 /81 prelims. Then in 1993, the Cats could"ve almost nearly won the
flag but we needed the Pies to beat Adelaide to get us into the finals. The
Pies let us down. Then in 1994, we need the Pies to beat the Eagles in the
first final to give us the week^"s rest. Micky McGuane dropped a mark on the
siren. So the Maggies cost Geelong back to back 93/94 flags without a word
of exaggeration. I trust this was irrelevant enough.
But, just in case the OTHER SIMON turns up on May 04, here is my "real'
entry:
The Pies are the club in trouble (no, I am not bitter and twisted!).
Desperate times will cause desperate actions and Collingwood will embark on
an education program for players and fans.
Doug Long
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 10:21:50 +0800
Dear Coodabeens
Having been around during the 70's my memory is dulled. I searched the net
for some clues - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young was a starting point as they
had various members with the ability to go missing for long periods. I felt
though that St Kilda and Western Bulldogs should conbine for a benefit
concert featuring the Missing Links. This CD promotion is featured in the
November 1999 Timewarp Top 10. There is something about the descriptioon of
the spin-off bands that seems to say it all for the bullies and the saints 3
or 4 decades on from their halycon days.
MISSING LINKS - DRIVING YOU INSANE (CD)
Chris Watts
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 13:22:36 +1000
P. T. Barnum presents;
Greg and Sue Hoysted
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 22:35:06 +1000
ADELAIDE - REDGUM Dominated local scene for so long, but their best is surely past them now.
BRISBANE - ALAN PARSONS PROJECT OR TOTO Great talent, but clearly a manufactured product.
COLLINGWOOD - PIRAHNA They think theyíre the real thing, but just donít cut it when it matters.
CARLTON - THE DALY WILSON BIG BAND Bold, Brassy, but a bit heavy in the wind section.
ESSERDON - FRANK ZAPPA AND THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION - Somewhat eccentric group, but an innovative leader.
FREMANTLE - PAINTERS AND DOCKERS - Even Nude School would be better than there club song.
GEELONG - THE DINGOS Just gotta hear Brod Smith sing Way Out West one more time. Livin' and workin on the land
KANGAROOS - THE SEEKERS - They just keep coming back. New club song could be I Know I'll Never Find Another (you know who) you.
HAWTHORN - JOE COCKER Brilliant on his day, but unpredictable. Can put in a shocker.
MELBOURNE - JOHN ENGLISH AND SIMON GALLAHER,OR THE LONDON POPS ORCHESTRA Doing a montage of Gilbert and Sullivan Or a stirring rendition of Land of Hope and Glory.
PORT ADELAIDE - THE STARS Great Adelaide pub band. Flashy lead riffs, but never quite made it on the big stage.
RICHMOND _THE BEACH BOYS - Seem to have the goods, but just cant play live.
ST. KILDA - JAMES REYNE - Pin up boy from Mt Eliza, but no-one can make any sense of what he's on about.
SWANS - JEFF DUFF AND KUSH - Just soooo Sydney. Their version of (Stewart) McArthur Park is a must.
WEST COAST -THE DUGITES- Solid performer who goes well in the west.Just not too popular in the eastern states.
WESTERN BULLDOGS - BILL & BOYD - They wrote the quintessential Australian disaster song.
Regards
Michael Walker
Date: Sun, 28 Apr 2002 14:31:13 +0000
Hi Guys,
As I'm in Bangkok, I didn't hear the program last week so I hope I haven't
broken any rules.
The real issue for the sides requiring aid is that they don't appear in
blockbusters or particularly at finals time. The key is not to just have a
one-off concert, this situation calls for funds raised through the release
of a smash hit single followed by doing a Band-Aid style concert.
So here it is folks,'ìDo they know itís finals time?' co-performed by (Sir)
Greg Champion and the haves of the competition Eddie, Big Jack (to give
smokey effect in the video clip), Sheeds, Vossy, Hirdy, even get Ernie and
Molly in for cameos, tell them to leave their egos at the door.
...sung to the tune of 'Do they know its Christmas?'
It's finals time
But say a prayer
And there wonít be any streamers in Barkly St this Finals time
Feed the Dohohogs (Dogs)
BRIDGE:
(All proceeds from record sales to the Doggies/Saints foundation)
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 10:35:23 +1000
HAWTHORN FOOTBALL CLUB
BENEFIT CONCERT
at the
Nar Nar Goon Mechanics Hall
Thursday, May 9th
7-30pm
Compere: Katrina from "Big Brother"
Featuring all overseas artists who have donated their time to the HFC.
GERI HALLIWELL
SHIRLEY BASSEY
BARBRA STREISAND
INTERVAL:-
ABBA
FINALE I Do, I Do, I Do as Shane Crawford struts his stuff & the females
stand as one to sing with gusto, in unison with Abba.
Volunteers needed to carry the blanket around to collect donations at the end
of
the evening.
Trish Elliott
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 12:22:54 +1000
After six weeks of blanket promotion St.Kilda has sold 20,000
tickets at $100 a pop to the "Kylie,Barnsey & Farnsey - Save The Saints"
concert to be held on a Friday night at Colonial. Twenty Hours before the
gates open St.Kilda President Rod Butters appears on the Footy Show with the
following statement:
"The Board of the St.Kilda Football Club wishes to announce that
due to unexpected circumstances some changes to tomorrow night's benefit are
being made. Unfortunately Jimmy has a severe case of tonsillitis, John has
an urgent and unforseen family matter to attend to, and Kylie has done a
hammy. However Molly and Michael are working feverishly to assemble a
line-up that will more than match our advertised event. Also, and we would
like to thank those 20,000 Saints fans who have purchased their non
refundable tickets, the venue has been changed to Moorabin as it is not
feasible to use Colonial for a crowd of under 25,000."
The next night Saints fans brave a 12 degree rainy night at
Linton Street to watch James Freud,Mark Holden and MEO 245 go through their
paces.
At shows end President Butters thanks the artists and organisers
for a world class performance and tells the assembled faithful that the 2
million dollars raised will be used prudently to " Process debt and begin
work on a State of the Art medical centre... moving forward."
Regards
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 12:58:37 +1000
Dear Coodabeens,
New line -up for the Kangaroos benefit concert:
1. Mariah CAREY
Host of the show: Stan GRANT
Line up for a West Coast benefit concert
1. The Troy Wilson Experience with Rolf Harris
Line up for a Melbourne benefit concert
1. Barbara Streisand
Line up for the Umpires benefit concert
1. Stevie Wonder
Best Wishes
Peter OSullivan
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 13:42:02 +1000
I was thinking of a few options for this weeks competition that were a bit
off-brief, as one has to be to get a ...'good entries were submitted by...'
'an honourable mention'...'an actual read'....'the weekly winner is', or the
even more prestigious 'sorry "insert name" I think this should have actually
won', when I found myself getting so far off-brief that I was actually
on-brief again.
Thinking that this approach may be just novel enough to be 'mentioned in
despatches', I thought I'd take the risk.
My entry is as follows:
AAA Kangaroos
Blockbuster-ettes [Carlton/Collingwood/Essendon/Richmond]
Geelong
Hawthorn
Melbourne
St Kilda
Western Bulldogs
Interstate Clubs
Michael from Mentone
Michael Fry
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 17:54:30 +1000
Hi Simon,
I think clubs should go with acts that represent their playing lists
Adelaide - Savage Garden......big for a couple of years but where are
they now?
fradam@magpies.net
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 23:02:12 +0000
Just a little list of songs which provides a time-line of the short life span
of a prospective St.Kilda coach. Maybe all of now unemcumbered coaches should
get together and start toe-tapping to this ensemble of eighties classics (If
they can find a large enough venue) :
Song 1 : The Flying Lizards with : Money (Thats what I want)
Surely money could be the only motivation to coach St.Kilda.
Song 2 : Mike & The Mechanics with : All I need is a miracle.
Pre-Season - After taking training for the first time.
Song 3 : Duran Duran with : A view to a kill.
Round 3 - Everyone outside the club can see it coming, and everyone within
except the coach.
Song 4 : Huey Lewis & The News with : I want a new drug.
Round 5 - After five rounds a stronger seditive will be required, not to
mention hair replacement ointment.
Song 5 : Flock of Seagulls with : I ran.
Round 10 - After 10 rounds this is the advised route for a St.Kilda coach to
take. Seldom heeded though A LA Malcolm Blight.(Sorry for the use of the Peter
Landy patented A LA but it's been long enough now, surely)
Regards,
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 09:33:21 +1000
Hi Simon
I support the Essendon Football Club
1/ We have $ 5 million in the bank.
2/ We are currently undertaking extensive renovations to the players training
facilities at Windy Hill.
3/ We have the highest membership of any Victorian based club.
4/ On top of our membership we have the largest supporter base in
Australia.
5/ We have 16 premierships flags.
We will never have to hold a benefit concert featuring an ageing heavy metal
band from the 70s and an ex leader singer from a rock band from the 80s.
Nor will we have to cancel the said concert when no one wants to attend.
DO PEOPLE STILL SAY WE ARE ARROGANT ????????????????
cheers
David Bean
Date: Mon, 29 Apr 2002 17:18:25 -0700 (PDT)
Memo to Clinton Casey.
After a massive communication breakdown we can finally
advise that Elvis will NOT be appearing in Wagga this
month.
Carlton remain confident that their concert following
the last game they play this year on September 1st
featuring "The Pretenders" will still go ahead despite
the lack of fire-control equipment in the social club.
The night will be highlighted by a rousing performance
of "I shot the sherriff" by the Blues Players with
Matty (crimestoppers) Lappin on air guitar.
David
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 12:17:25 +1000
Dear Simon,
This probably won't rate but you don't know how hard it is to slave over
these comps; toss and turn each night wondering if your best is good enough
so I thought to hell with it I'll just be average and see what happens!!
ST KILDA BENEFIT CONCERT sponsored by Johnson and Johnson
Name: "BAND AID" Slogan: "We try to keep people together"
Starring: Bands who have been let down by their stars.
Darren Hayes...........Was to be Savage Garden but merger was voted on and
both parties decided to go it alone.
The Who.........Unfortunately Keith Moon is OUT indefinately.
Bardot........Showed promise as youngsters but obviously have issues so will
nominate for the draft.
Scandal'us.......Potential replacements for Bardot when trade week comes
around.
The Osmonds.......Strapping, wholesome fit young guys who were buoyed by the
fact Pura milk was a major sponsor!
Main Attraction: THE JACKSON FOUR..... But star recruit could be wooed back
with the promise of a new young team to work with.
Cheryl Harvey
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 04:02:05 +0000
Simon, just because I touched a nerve last week you TORE UP MY ENTRY!
Since when does accidentally touching the umpire incur an automatic
suspension?
The last time I was that devastated was when your wife's brother-in-law
started chatting up that bridesmaid (you know - the blonde one) while I was
up at the mike reading out the telegrams. AND he polished off MY bombe
alaska. (and wasn't it him who pinched the last bottle of Chateau Lafite
1971 from the bridal table while you were up dancing to Carwash, and I was
out tying empty 750ml Fosters cans to the bumber bars?)
Covey said this week's comp was impossible to be off-brief about - a taunt
we laugh in the face of (but he's right, damn him)
The Bulldogs should book the Radiators, so Tony can round up family,
friends, and DFBNs (discarded Footscray-nurtured Brownlow medallists) to
help them break the Braybrook RSL Club attendance record.
regards
Stuart McArthur
I'll tell you why they got rid of Leon Cameron, Tony. Because when you're 4
goals down, he kicks straight to Chick. Now tell us why you got rid of
Helen from Healesville.
And since Jane Harris raised the ugly topic of Gilligan, I remember who
played Gilligan in the original Gilligan entry - Matty Lappin.
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 16:42:28 +1000
Gday Simon,
As I have nothing better to do, I yet again decided against my better judgement
to be spurned again. I feel like a battered spouse who cant bring myself to
leave as I wait for you to finally treat me well.
Hold on, I cant let you keep doing this to me. I'm leaving you - forever.
Well - okay - maybe I'll be back next week. Consider my entry for this week to
be The Simon Whelan Football Club ( Kangaroos) announces Joe Kirby (Deep
Purple) as the headline act at the S.W.F.C benefit. That's correct - cancelled.
Heartbrokenly yours,
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 03:08:49 -0700 (PDT)
The night of nights will begin with the very skilled Ryan Houlihan reciting a monlouge entitled "O;Inconsistancy". Not knowing what to think of this, the audience soon begins to laugh at the video footage of the highly skilled tagger and defender Mick Mansfeild attempting (and missing) goal after goal after goal.....
after this, we will see a dramatic skit starring Matty Lappin & Merro, entitled "a night out at the pub...again" kepp your eyes peeled for cameos by Houla and young Brendan Fevola.
Next, we will hear a short speech by Glenn Manton, entitled "MY GRANDFINAL...with the blues" This speech will be riddled with phraes such as "pond-scum bombers" & "Sheedy can.....(profanities removed because this is a G rated evening) himself"
the Dramatic arts will continue a poem by Lance Whitnall entitled "I'm not kicking goals because Britt's got me in the Backline".
We'll move on to a musical theme now with the Blue boys giving us their rendition of the clubs theme song. Sadly the youn'uns such as Beasy, Davies, Waite, Thornton and Bray are forced to revert to humming because tragically, they are yet to learn the club song.
The night drawing to an end, it's over to that infant Braddles to attempt to woo the hostile crowd with his rendition of "forever young"---a duet with young Macca.
The evening ends with a profound apology from Wayne Brittain. The Blues have devoted so much of their time (ehhhm) to playing brilliant footy that they have had no time to prepare for their footy benifit!
The end....go blue boys (get well soon Hickey,Aggot, Campo, Corey and Pup) GO BLUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still love you!
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 2002 20:04:36 +1000
Being a Richmond supporter thought it would be good to relive the Glory Years for music the Eighties and bring back sum great acts with songs from the stellar year of 1982 (Our last Grand Final appearance). So here is the line-up and what songs they will be playing (Starts on high but then, as you all know, it's been a long time since the Tigers played in the Big One)
1st Survivor Eye Of The Tiger
2nd Midnight Oil Power And The Passion
3rd Inxs Don't Change
4th Billy Joel Pressure
5th John Cougar Mellencamp Hurt's So Good
6th Australian Crawl Downhearted
Regards
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 08:13:07 +1000
From: Johnpts
Hi Guys Richard Marks
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 11:01:03 +1000
In accordance with instructions for this week's competition I would like
to submit the following which specifically addresses the competition
criteria and therefore totally discounts me from any chance of winning
given that the pre requisite for winning seems to be one of 3 of the
following;
1. Having attended Simon Whelan's wedding and/or being a long time
friend of the aforementioned Mr Whelan
2. Submitting an entry with no relevance at all to the competition
task (if this is the case I submit my answer for this week as The Polar
Bears)
3. Having the surname or knowing someone with the surname Critchley.
Otherwise I submit my entry as follows in accordance with instruction to
name the band or musical act headlining each clubs benefit concert.
Adelaide Nana Mouskouri A festival of
muliticultural folk music.
Brisbane Savage Garden Priority draft selection
from local talent (alternative was the Four Kinsmen featuring Fairley
Arrow)
Carlton Joe Dolce Performing a new
2002 rendition of his hit classic Shaddupa you face
Collingwood Ted Mulry Gang Band members and fans
could have mullet measuring competition after the concert.
Essendon Bardot In line with theme
of disbanding under achievers.
Fremantle Painters & Dockers For obvious
reasons
Geelong The Bushwackers An evening of fun times and square
dancing with the odd Yeeha or 2 (support act Billy Ray Cyrus)
Hawthorn Bucks Fizz Look for the after
concert fight between band members and players for the bottle of hair
bleach.
Kangaroos Exempt.
Melbourne Royal Australian Opera Performing
Mozart's Marriage of Figaro at a venue to be announce a la the Melbourne
Footy Club Social Club
Port Adelaide The Police Only performing 2
songs as we definitley do not need over policing at this venue.
Richmond Adrian Gurvitz (Gotta write a
classic .. gotta write it in an attic) Solid performer in early 80's done
nothing since.
St Kilda The Bee Gees In
accordance with strict "Disco only" regulation imposed at the club since
1976.
Sydney The Village People Guaranteed a crowd
in this town.
West Coast The Beach Boys Performing revamped
version of old hit, new title Surfin W.A.
Western Bulldogs Rose Tattoo Angry Anderson at
home with these fans (venue to be Skinner Reserve)
Darren Wharton
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 13:20:08 +1000
The Geelong Football Club will announce today, a " PLEASANT FAMILY FUNSTER
FUNDRAISER AFTERNOON/NIGHT" to enhance the position of the club. In keeping
with the 'big country town" flavour it will combine good old fashion
hospitality with "Big Smoke" entertainment. It will begin at 2.15 PM and
finish at 8.15 PM sharp. While most of the line-up is still under wraps I am
able to divulge just some of events and special guests.It will be held on a
nice pleasant Geelong Sunday Afternoon.Host-Bill Brownless.
It promises to provide six hours of " Wool to Wool entertainment" and past
and present players will abound..
Venue= Geelong Football Ground.
The entry fee not only gets you in, but includes the chance to rename the
Geelong Ground by filling out the form provided.Neat!.
Naturally, the C.W.L (Country Womens League) and the C.W.A. (Country Womens Association) will have their fantastic stalls and
it's great to see that old League/Association rivalry.
The afternoon will begin with a "Learner Driver Education Video", which will
be of community interest and be of great benefit to about half of the
Geelong Senior Football Team.
"Peter from Peterborough" will speak on "Discipline and Youth Today", which
will be of community interest and be of great benefit to about half of the
Geelong Senior Football Team.
"The Wiggles" will be special guests, which will be of community interest
and be the source of great excitment to about half of the Geelong Senior
Football Team.
Later in the day will see some "cabaret" acts. Naturally "BARNSEY" and
"DIESEL" will be there. Unbelieveable!!!!!!.
"BARNSEY" --Yes, John Barnes will recall his glory days at the club with
some "tall" stories and funny anecdotes
"DIESEL" Greg Williams will perform his original hit-"This is how you push
an umpire!". Fantastic.
Ray Card will host a segment entitled "Hits and No Memories".
Paul Couch will muse over current football issues with a totally unique idea
called - "On The Couch". Interesting !!!!!!
Mark Bairstow will return to the club for a special appearance and sing a
song written about an unraced 2 year old filly
just new into his stable. The song is called "A Horse with No Name". Hope
it's a hit, Mark.
There will be a "Very Special" reunion by a famous trio. Yes, all three
together again,--"BUDDHA, GOD and LORD".
Only in Geelong is that possible. And some people say WE are slow down this
way.!!!!!!!
At 7PM,there will be a performance "live" from the highway at Lara featuring
our old favourite Gary Sidebottom, with a moving rendition of "I'M ON THE
ROAD TO NOWHERE". This event will be brought to us by the Year 8
video/television production class at a local secondary school,and they will
attempt to demonstrate that one can actually watch the same vision all the
way back in Geelong at the same time.You mean watch it "live" in two
different places at the same time?.Yer,right?All the best guys!!!!.
But, if that is not enough,be entertained by buskers, stalls, spinning
wheels, craft classes, wool classing, wine tasting, knitting classes, poetry
readings, a display of handbags from a distant era, and free entry to a
seminar on "How to purchase the best real estate on the Surf Coast". Wow!!!.
There will also be a debate on whether flouride should be placed in Corio Bay and Rex Hunt will give free classes on how to yell...
"....YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT's
(son)".
If that is not your 'cup of tea" sit back and relax to the haunting sound of
local band "Sleepy Hollow and The Hollowettes".
There will be the mandatory face painting for the kids and of course local
surf clubs will be sourcing new members. Unreal !!!
But in true Geelong tradition, the wonderful day will finish at 8.15 PM
sharp, which will be in the communities interest and of great benefit to
about half of the Geelong Senior Football Team .
Signing off for now and looking foward to seeing you here on the day,
"CATMAN" for Cat News (Proud sponsers of "THE CATAS" TROPHY)
Kevin McAloon
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 14:08:17 +1000
PRESS RELEASE
The revolutionary council of FACTION 3366 would like to deny all reports
that a
fatwah has been placed on Simon Whelan. Even though our quality entries
have been ignored over the last few weeks, the council would like to
express that it is 100% behind Simon maintaining his position as chief
judge. Contrary to all reports we believe Simon's recent judgements have
been exemplary. Please accept our humble entry for this week :
SWANS FOOTY AID : Featuring Danny La Rue, Carlotta and Les Girls in a
"Priscilla Queen of the Desert" stage show.
SAINTS FOOTY AID : Re-opening of the Saints Disco featuring live bands
including Brian Mannix and the Uncanny X Men, Billy Miller and the Ferrets,
and the entire Saints playing list. Hosted by Micheal Roberts and Molly
Meldrum.
After 10pm the Saints players will huddle together down one end of the
disco to demonstrate the new craze "The Flood".
Faction 3366 Paul Russo/John Clements
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 15:30:06 +1000
Geelong could employ the services of the All England Boys Choir and title
the show ' a Choir for the Messiah'. Fans would gather at the Lyric (former
church) nightclub in their hundreds and have a peaceful benefit concert to
bring the Messiah (GA snr) back to Kardinia/shell/bayec/skilled Park in a
development role capacity. Theme for the evening could be 'O Gazza where art
thou?'
Regards
Hayden McDonnell
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 13:01:01 +0000
Dear Simon,
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 02:00:49 +1000
So Simon.
Hold Your Head Up
Dsus4 D C6 Dsus4 D Dsus4 Gbb5 Gbb5bb3
E------5--5--5-----5----5--5--5----5-------5-5-5-----5----5------7-7-----5-----
And if it's bad don't let it get you down you can take it.
D............................F..........
2nd verse same as first:
2nd chorus same and first:
This song will be used all year to promote the up and coming Linton Street Save Our Saints rock concert, to beheld on Grand Final Day. Along with "hold your head up" by Argent, you will hear: "Hocus Pocus", by Focus. "Magic" by Pilot. "Don't give up on us" by David Soul. "Numbered Days" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. "Just like Heaven" and "Trust" by the Cure. "The futures so bright, I gotta wear shades" by Timbuk3. and are currenly negotiating with "New Order". The day will concluding with an old fashion Saturday nite DISCO, with DJ Patrick "born to be alive" Hernandez. Cheers
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 10:29:20 +1000
Dear Coodabeens,
The Care Factor Football Club
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 13:43:09 +1000
As you know, the teams could only afford performers via their supporter
base.
So I've come up with a comparison that should give each Team a profit
margin.
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 19:48:02 +1000
Dear Simon,
When anyone mentions football and entertainment two words comes to mind
- COMPLETE CRAP! After all, football is responsible for, amongst other
travesties, Angry Anderson in the Bat Mobile. (In fact, the very
existence of the Bat Mobile is a travesty, but that's another story).
So it seems logical that any AFL club looking for a fund-raiser would
pick the crappiest form of entertainment ever invented - THE CIRCUS!
Just picture this. A worn out old tent pitched in the grounds of
Caribbean Gardens on Stud Road. The flea-bitten animals from the
Gardens' zoo being used in the acts. Derek J. warming up the audience
(flogging his home-made CDs during intermission). Two-bit Reserves
players (advertised as All Your Favourite Players in Attendance)
running the side shows. And how about this for a cast of characters:
* Carl Steinfort as The Bearded Lady
I'd pay my $2.50 to see that!
(PS - I couldn't enter last week and explain my Oscar analogy, so here
it is. Marissa Tomei won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for My Cousin
Vinnie. The rumour is she wasn't the winner but Jack Palance, who is
old and senile, read out the wrong name when he presented it).
Maree from Brunswick
Date: Thu, 02 May 2002 20:49:26 +1000
Simon, Freo Dockers headline concert warm up acts Marty Rhone REO Speedwagon followed by a two hour extravaganza by W.A's best export to the Eastern states since Swan Lager..................... SUPERNOUGHT !!!! singing I like it both ways followed by She's too hot to touch The versions would alternate between radio version, house version, disco adaptation, acoustic version and the Grand Finale, a live version done by Trent Croad with all the players providing backing vocals.
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 10:07:59 +1000
The Board of the Melbourne Football Club presents:
"The Old Boys are Back in Town!"
John McClelland
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 11:37:19 +1000
Simon,
I think if the Saints were to hold a benifit concert this week, in light of the
relative age of the senior line up would probably read something like this:
4:30 PM Hosts B1 and B2 get the show rolling
Patrick Hill
Date: Wed, 01 May 2002 19:49:04 +1000
Eight Down, Only One Left
BENEFIT CONCERT
Come along and help the team celebrate another successful season with great live
acts including:-
Dennis Walter
Performing hits such as
The Holy City
Star of Bethlehem
And many others
Daryl Somers
Performing anything by Frank Sinatra
The Hawking Brothers Band
Performing
The Melbourne Bitter Song &
Bus Stop (actions by Gary Sidebottom)
All *proceeds of the day go to ensure the continued survival of the Geelong
Football Club.
When: Saturday 14th September 2002 @ 2.00pm
Venue: Colac and Otway Artificial Insemination Arena
Formerly Cement Works Park
Formerly Skilled Engineering Stadium
Formerly Baytec Stadium
Formerly Shell Stadium
Formerly Kardinia Park
The first eight people through the gates go into the draw to "Name the home
Ground" competition. The lucky winner for each home game will pull out the
lucky
sponsors name, which will adorn the Colac and Otway Artificial Insemination
Arena for the entirety of that home game.
*Proceeds are deemed to be monies in excess of $350-00 for payment of
performers
and $500,000-00 for the players? trip away fund.
Potential sponsors for next season?s home games include: Swan Hill Institute of
Technology, Philip Island Surf Shop etc.
Eight Down, Only One Left remains the intellectual property of all felines with
nine lives.
3980 faction
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 12:49:14 -0500
Why not kill two birds with the one stone and hold a joint benefit to
help some of our favorite performers unfortunately relegated to the
"where are they now" file. The Kangaroos could play a charity match
against our team of hand-picked performers also in need of a leg-up.
There would also be no worries about providing half time entertainment:
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 12:55:20 +1000
Simon, as I have 0 from 4 with mentions this year I have decided that
taking the competition "one week at a time" is not working. Although
there have been numerous "positives" to take out of my past entries I
believe it is time to try another approach. I have therefore decided to
omit "the topic" (or tropic as Tim Webster would refer to it) and bring
in "vaguely topical" for his first game. I believe this will increase my
chances of a mention.
However what do I propose for this weeks competition.
Well we all know the West Coast generally don't have trouble getting
sponsorship but should they do, they should consider a mid-year turnout
at Rottnest Island with the much-loved band The Troy-Wilson Experience.
The event would be lavishly advertised on all free-to-air networks with
an offer by all current players to chauffeur gig patrons across to
"Rotto" on their private boats. Should there be an unlikely lack of
interest the marketing manager shall ring the West Australian newspaper
and announce that Ben Cousins will be making a guest appearance at the
gig to sing a heart-warming rendition of "Love Me Tender".
If this doesn't bring the ladies across and the ensuing male hangers-on
I do not know what will.
Darren Brookes
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 13:29:42 +1000
Adelaide - Art Garfunkel (after was hoping to get Simon and
Garfunkel, but Paul Simon had 'artisitic differences' with Gary
Ayres).
Brisbane - Beach Boys (cancelled). It seems a similar problem to
Adelaide, with Leigh Matthews and Brian Wilson just clashing on the
involvement of the team in the chorus for Good Vibrations.
Collingwood - Cold Chisel. Also cancelled. Malthouse not happy with
band's over reliance on frontman Jimmy Barnes.
Carlton - Blues Brothers 2000 cast.. not cancelled, but while okay
concert, not as good as the '80's version.
North Melbourne (featuring Sav Rocca) - INXS featuring Jon Stevens.
Still a hard working band, but not quite the same.
Hawthorn - Harry Connick Jr - cancelled. Unfortunately Harry
cancelled as he was quite angry and confused by the trade of Trent
Croad to Fremantle.
Geelong - Julian Lennon. Cancelled - caught in traffic. Geelong
board not worried - he only had one hit, and that wasn't all that
good anyway.
Richmond - Sting. Cancelled. Sting had originally mistaken the
endangered Bengal tigers. When Sting found out this was not the
case, Danny Frawley called on Brad Ottens to secure the deal, but
deal unfortunately still fell through.
Melbourne - Billy Joel and Elton John. Concert cancelled due to lack
of demand. Promoters blamed this on the timing of benefit, being
during the middle of the ski season.
Fremantle - Harry Connick Jr. Snapped him up as soon as they
realised the Hawthorn deal fell through.
Hope this helps you with the current state of things in the benefit
concert world.
The Paul Hughes & Paul O'Doherty Trent Croad Retraction Faction.
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 13:37:05 +1000
Dear Simon,
So many opportunities, so much forgotten talent.
AAA Kangaroos - The show would open with "The Artist Formerly Known as
Prince" to remember "The Club Formerly Known as North Melbourne", followed
by "Highway" nee "Sherbet" and "Icehouse" nee "Flowers".
Adelaide - The concert billboards would list, "The Church" and the "The
Black Crows"
Brisbane - Kicking off with "The Korgis", performing "Everyone Must Lose
Sometime", followed by "Tight Fit" with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" and "Elton
John" with the "Lion King"
Carlton - "Blues Brothers", "Shocking Blue", "Blue Monday" and of course
those boys in blue, "The Police", who could be handy to have on hand if
Fevola and Lappin get out of hand.
Collingwood - Rather than a concert, the Pies will put on a version of
England's "Last Night at The Proms", where everyone thrusts out their chests
with pride, remembering how it was when the "empire" was all conquering and
talking about how the future is going to be so great. Sadly reality will
set in and they will once again discover that talk is cheap and performance
is the only thing that matters.
Essendon - Bardot, if anyone is able to do something with an entity that is maybe not up to scratch (ie. Wallis, Barnes, Merrett) it will be Kevin
Sheedy.
Fremantle - Given Freo's win against Richmond and then the thumping they
took from Geelong, "Flash in the Pan" could perform along with the reformed
"Monkees". The Monkees were created to stop the dominance of the Beatles,
can the same be said about Freo and West Coast?
Geelong - With the Cat's thumping recent wins performers could be "Take
That", "Sweet",and "UK Squeeze" performing "Cool For Cats". Keeping the
feline flavour other performers could be "Pussyfoot" and "Cat Stevens"
Hawthorn - The Stranglers could sing their hit "Gold and Brown", supported
by "The Monitors" singing "Why Can't We Be Playing in the 80's"
Melbourne - Culture Club, nothing more need be said.
Port Adelaide - "Oingo Boingo" because they are the best words to describe
the Power's habit of chipping/bouncing the ball around in the backline until
they can move forward.
Richmond - Given the Tigers performances recently the following should take
the stage, "Dame Edna-Everidge", "Marilyn" and "Boy George". They may be
men but they perform like girls. They could then be followed by the yellow
and black Christian group, "Striper", they need help wherever they can get
it.
St Kilda - One flag makes them the ideal candidate for a concert by the
lesser remembered one hit wonders, Scat Brothers, Meeko, Quarterflash, The
Quick, Player 1, Rocky Burnette, Judy Tzuke, M, The Dugites, Transvision
Vamp, Harpo, Bob Welch, Drummond, Billy Squire the list could go on forever.
(Can you and the other Coodabeens name the hits from these performers?)
Sydney - A performance of "Swan Lake" is probably appropriate as it could give the city some culture.
West Coast - An obvious choice is the "Eagles", but they should be supported
by "The Beach Boys", the "Mamas and the Papas" and "Jan & Dean" to give the
night a real "West Coast" feel.
Western Bulldogs - The Bulldogs could have acts like the "Easybeats", "Dire
Straits", "Motley Crew", "Ship of Fools", "BAD" (Big Audio Dynamite),
winding up with the Angels performing "Will we ever get out of this place?"
and AC/DC's "It's A Long Way To The Top"
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 13:52:22 +1000
WAVERLEY AID
- The Waverley Park Memorial Concert.
A huge benefit concert will be held at Waverley Park to raise money for
struggling clubs and maybe, just maybe, raise enough money to save the old
ground from rapacious property developers.
Kiss, David Bowie, U2 and every other big-ticket rock act that has ever
performed at The Park will be invited back as the headline acts for this
once-in-a-lifetime extravaganza. Not only will it be a huge money-spinner, it
will also be a nostalgic trip down memory lane, reliving all of our favourite
Waverley moments. A 'last chance' for the fans to bid farewell to the ground
that produced so many fond memories.
In order to create a feeling of Waverley-nostalgia, several special supporting
acts will also appear at the concert, including:
Jim Stynes - Will appear on stage before the show to draw the winner
of the lucky door prize; This prize will consist of a ticket upgrade for the
lucky winner which will entitle them to sit 15 rows closer to the stage.
Angry Anderson - Will drive the "Batmobile" onto the stage and sing
"Bound for Glory", after arriving in Peter Hudson's helicopter.
Ossie Osborne - Will perform a brief cameo in which he will bite the
head of a pigeon. Whilst on stage, he will be joined by Doug Booth, who will
bite the head off a stray dog.
A single front row seat in prime viewing position will be left empty
for the entire concert. On the seat will be a sign indicating that it was
reserved for one Gary Sidebottom.
The spectacular finale of the show will be a fitting send-off for the old
ground. At the end of the final encore number by Kiss, a symbolic siren will
sound and Gary Buckenara and Kerry Goode will kick giant exploding footballs off the stage into the crowd. The lights will then be turned off early and the
sprinklers accidentally come on.
Kiss will then launch into their customary end-of-show destruction of
Instruments with a twist. Given the impending fate of the stadium, the fans
will also be encouraged to follow the example of Kiss and rip out all their
seats and tear down the remaining stands, thus saving the AFL several million
dollars in demolition costs which can instead be diverted to needy Victorian
clubs. In another respectful observance of tradition, only one gate out of the
car park will be opened after the show, thus ensuring that the fans will be
sufficiently aggro to get the job done properly.
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 04:23:17 +0000
Western Bulldogs and St kilda Saints Football Clubs in association with Paul Daniety Productions Present
"One Hit WONDERS"
Never before have so many one hit wonders gathered in the one place to honor two of Footballs own "One Hit Wonders". They come from all areas Music, Cinema, Sport, TV in a pilgrimage to Waverly Park to raise Money for this great cause and get together for a One off Spectacular.
Hosted by:
With an all star line UP:
Dave Doben
With Special Guests:
And for the kids special appearances from
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 14:49:01 +1000
St Kilda Gala All-Star Benefit Concert - Addendum to Scheduled Program
The following artists are unable to perform the advertised material due to
injury or suspension:
Rolf Harris Jake The Peg. Knee reconstruction 15 weeks.
The following artists will perform as advertised:
Russell Morris ÷ The Real Thing
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 17:14:21 +1000
Please find my suggested headlining act for each football team's benefit
concert.
Adelaide - Greg Champion, after all he wouldn't even mind leaving a
Crow's home game at three quarter time to make sure the gig started on
time.
Brisbane - Harry Belafonte; a few choruses of "Day-O, six foot, seven
foot, eight foot bunch," to get the old Gorilla's fans onside.
Or why not Bevan from Young Talent Time, I'm sure he's doing a few gigs
at Jupiter's anyway, so it won't be far to travel.
Carlton - Demis Roussos, an act that resonates right through Lygon
Street.
Collingwood - Devo; their recent admission of inserting subliminal
messaging in their songs could give the Pies yet another outlet to
preach their message to the masses.
Essendon - N'sync, after all we've got to nurture the new "Young Female"
demographic any chance we get.
Fremantle - The Eagles, hopefully West Coast fans will mistake it for a
game of footy and ensure better ticket sales than anything Freo could
put together.
Geelong - The Dixie Chicks; a little bit country, a little bit city, but
not quite either.
Hawthorn - A Seekers reunion show; everyone can sit around with their
rugs over their knees, enjoying the occasional cup of tea from their
thermos, and rock and roll and ride to the music all night long.
North Melbourne - The Little River Band; they tried to go on after their
lead singer left but we somehow never quite the same again.
Melbourne - Anyone really as long as you hold the concert at Mt Hotham
in July, it'll be an absolute sell out.
Port Adelaide - Natalie Imbruglia; reached the highest highs of the
local scene, but found the transition to the big time a little bit
harder than expected.
Richmond - KISS; stormed into the eighties, have been pretty much a
novelty act ever since, but you try telling that to their fans.
St. Kilda - The Rat Pack; sure they've cleaned up around the edges a
little, they're playing a classy joint, but they'd rather be playing in
the biggest dive in town, and getting drunk with their pals.
Sydney - A rock star look-alike variety show spectacular; something with
plenty of glitz, show biz and fireworks, but when it boils down to it,
there's no heart or soul and they don't look much like the real thing
anyway.
West Coast - An Elvis impersonation show that specialises in his later,
really bad costume period.
Western Bulldogs - Super-nought.
Christopher Hardie
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 22:23:14 +1000
Some performers and the clubs they would most likely be asked to save:
Adelaide Crows: KISS
Adelaide must remain as one of the few cities in the world where KISS would
still be guaranteed to perform in front of a sellout crowd and be taken
seriously for the following reasons:
1) The collective noun for both the KISS and Adelaide Crows fan base is a
"shame' of fans
2) Both failed to fill Waverly to capacity
3) Adelaide night-spots still allow denim, and a KISS t-shirt will gain
access to the members enclosure at Morphetville.
4) Both command over-policed venues
5) Fans over 30 enjoy dressing up like their stars when they go to see them
play.
6) Both cause audiences to go absolutely bunta (sic).
Melbourne: The Three Tenors
Slogan: We Give You The Three Tenors, You Give Us The Three $10ers
Donation Conditions: No tins. EFTPOS only, all cards welcome.
Venue: MCG (MCC members admitted free still havent learned why it came to
this)
Oliver Kysela
Date: Fri, 03 May 2002 22:54:05 +1000
Tydewater
Andrew Walby
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 00:06:01 +1000
Who ate the St Kilda Football Club? After returning from a month
overseas starved of footy action, I hit Collo Stadium to see my team
take on Sydney only to discover that the boys in red, white and black
had been replaced by actual boys!! Kept having to devil in the Footy
Record to find out who all these youngsters were that were going around
instead of Harves, Burkey and Loewe. It would be interesting to know
how many of them have to pay full price to get into the match.
Anyhow, it behoves St Kilda Football Club to put on a benefit concert to
acknowledge the effort of those kiddies from the Under 16s who've been
giving their all for the club even though it is well past their bed time.
After much deliberation, HANSON would be eliminated from consideration
on the grounds they are too highbrow for the likes of Xavier Clarke,
Chris Oliver, Matt Maguire, Leigh Montanga and the boy Del Santo.
Eventually the club settles on a line up to appropriately thank the baby
Saints: Warm up band - THE TWEENIES - followed by those unparalleled
funsters - THE WIGGLES.
Go Saints
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 00:43:25 +1000
ONE MEGA PERFORMANCE ONLY
A NIGHT WITH THE STARS
UNDER THE STARS
AT THE GROUND WHERE
THE STARS CAME OUT TO PLAY
The Concert for the People of The Eastern Suburbs
CONCERT IN THE ROUND
SEE THE ACTION ON THE BIG SCREEN IN
ALL YOUR FAVOURITE STARS
ADELAIDE - THE PRETENDERS
CARLTON - THE MOODY BLUES
COLLINGWOOD - MIKE & THE MECHANICS
(All I Need Is A Miracle Tour)
ESSENDON - THE SCREAMING JETS
FREMANTLE - SUPERNAUT
GEELONG - Hi 5
(Young Performers Make Their Mark Tour)
HAWTHORN - THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY
KANGAROOS - INXS
(Our Leader's Gone But We're Still Playing Tour)
MELBOURNE - MADNESS
(Welcome to the House of Fun Tour)
PORT ADELAIDE - MARK WILLIAMS
(Show No Mercy Tour)
RICHMOND - THE EASYBEATS
ST KILDA - THE ANGELS
(Am I Ever Going To Win A Game Again Tour)
SYDNEY - FLASH IN THE PAN
WEST COAST - THE EAGLES
WESTERN BULLOGS - DIRE STRAITS
(Money For Nothing Tour)
SPECIAL HALF-TIME APPEARANCE
BRISBANE - 10cc*
*Depending on weather conditions
Date: Sat, 04 May 2002 08:08:27 +1000
Dear Simon,
Here are a few ideas for benefit concerts for most of the teams. I have an
all Australian theme.
ADELAIDE: Double billing of Sister Janet Mead and Greg Champion
CARLTON: John Williamson with "Hey True Blue" supported by Tony
Barber
COLLINGWOOD: Black Feather with "Boppin the Blues" and Mental as Anything
(no explanations
required)
FREMANTLE: The Painters and Dockers and The Atlantics playing that
well
known surf hit
"Bombora"
GEELONG: Triple billing of Barry Crocker, Denis Walter and of
course Daryl
Somers.
KANGAROOS: Johnny Farnham of course and Rolf Harris singing "Tie
me
Kangaroo Down Sport"
MELBOURNE: Bryan May and the ABC Show Band
ST. KILDA: The 70's punk band The Saints and The Easybeats
SYDNEY: Mike Brady with "Up there Cazaly" ably supported by Warwick
Capper
WEST COAST: Daddy Cool with "Eagle Rock" and Russell Morris with
"Wings of
an Eagle"
WESTERN BULLDOGS: The Dingoes with "Way out West" supported by 3AW's own
-
Ernie
And I've found a performer in case the umpires need a benefit concert. Peter
Posa singing "White Rabbit"!
Wendy Dow
From: Johnpts
From: JOSEPH FIELD
From: smith family
Set the stage up at the Barkly Street end facing the Geelong Road end. That
way the wind will carry the sound to the people standing on the bridge that
can't afford to get in or arrive late.
Brian SMITH
From: Andrew McKie
crap
From: vsa
Jeffrey Ferguson
From: Pkadimitriadis@aol.com
BRISBANE:'KATRINA AND THE WAVES' sing "Walking On Sunshine" (The phenomenal
winning streak)
CARLTON: 'MENTAL AS ANYTHING' sing "Too Many Times" (Premierships and public
drunkeness)
COLLINGWOOD :'BONNIE TYLER' sings "It's A Heartache" (Excluding season 1990
of course)
ESSENDON: 'BLACK SABBATH' sing "Fairies Wear Boots" (Anzac Day 2002)
FREMANTLE: 'BROS' sing "When Will I Be Famous" (Lack of any notable success)
GEELONG: 'THE PLATTERS' sing "The Great Pretender" (Sorry Cove they fail to
deliver too often)
HAWTHORN: 'THE STRANGLERS' sing "Gold And Brown" (A positive statement for
'those colours')
KANGAROOS: 'AC/DC' sing "Dirty Deeds" (Pre-season 2002)
MELBOURNE: 'THE CURE' sing "In Between Days" (Or is it years for those Dees)
PORT ADELAIDE: 'THE EAGLES' sing "New Kid In Town" (They are but Johnny come
lately's)
RICHMOND: 'CHEAP TRICK' sing "The Dream Police" (See Geelong re: false hope)
ST.KILDA: 'SHAKIN' STEVENS' sings "You Drive Me Crazy" (The less said, the
better)
SYDNEY: 'LOVIN' SPOONFUL' sing "Do You Believe In Magic" (Recruiting Plugger
again)
WEST COAST: 'THE DINGOES' sing "Way Out West" (Where the rain don't fall and
knees buckle)
WESTERN BULLDOGS:'SIMPLY RED' sing "Money's Too Tight To Mention" (Bullies
always do it hard)
'KYLIE' sings "Can't Get You Out Of My Head"
From: D Long
To this end, the Maggies will create a company entitled "Correct Grammar R
Us' who will form a rock band called "EX-specially for YOUS' for the big
gig. EX-pecially for YOUS will sing all their classics (including "don"t
ARKS me wot I am finking' and "I ain"t never gonna use bad grammar no
more'). The back up singers will be the several players chiming in with the
occasional, "Corr Blimey'. This clever marketing scheme will successfully
target the top end of town. Another money spinner on the night will be ^"Pin
the 50 Bucks on Bucks' (all contestants to be blindfolded except umpires).
At the end of the fund raiser, Correct Grammar R Us will say "a big FANKS to
YOUS ALL'
From: Chris Watts
Haven't been able to pick up the show on the net for the last few weeks,
however, managed to hit the right buttons this morning.
This entry should do well:
It isn't original
It is of doubtful relevance.
The complete recordings of Australia's wildest 60s band. For the first time
on CD, everything the band ever recorded, including never before released
classic tracks from spin-off bands The Showmen & Running Jumping Standing
Still. Extensive 40 page booklet featuring interviews with all original
members. Digipak case.
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
The AFL Aid Concert.
In the spirit of AFL rules about the draft and equalisation funds, each
club will be able to nominate one act for this benefit concert. Funds
dispersal will be based on noise from the crowd as measured by the
tigers' "Roar Meter".
The concert will start at different times and venues around Australia
and these will not be sufficiently well advertised for fans to figure
out where and when to be there.
NOMINATED ACTS
ADELAIDE That mob of blue body painted naked street theatre artists
from the fringe festival.
BRISBANE Fleetwood Mac (I know they're a west coast sound but they
were relocated from England and with some handy draft choices made
it big in their second home.)
CARLTON Aida (Complete with camels and pyramids as previously
performed at Princess Park.)
COLLINGWOOD The sex pistols (So everyone can be equally offended.)
ESSENDON The three tenors (Smug and overrated.)
FREMANTLE Boys2men (Some teen band that noone really notices.)
GEELONG Little River Band
HAWTHORN Harry Connick Junior (Smooth, but is he the real thing?)
KANGAROOS Uncanny Xmen (It's uncanny that they keep surviving.)
MELBOURNE Fat Boy Slim (See Tony's comments regarding Peter Vardy
last week.)
PORT ADELAIDE Black Sabbath (The "real" heavy metal.)
RICHMOND Survivor (Obvious but necessary.)
ST KILDA The Party Boys ('nuff said.)
SYDNEY Frankie Goes To Hollywood (Fits the city image.)
WEST COAST EAGLES The Eagles (Who else could it be?)
WESTERN BULLDOGS Smash Mouth (Special request by Libba.)
From: MHamilton&MWalker
From: Rob A
There's no sign of the Saints
At finals time
We let in the Dons for the GF Parade
And in our world of plenty
We can spread a smile of joy (cheesy grin, with teeth sparkle from Eddie
here)
Throw your arms around the Gee (MCG)
At finals time
Pray for the Dogs as one
At finals time it's hard
But when you're having fun
Theres a team at Whitten Oval
And its getting ready for next year
Where the only flood tactics being used
Are the Bullies downing the beers
And the finals siren that rings
Signifies their wishful dreams
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
Feed the Dohohogs (Dogs)
Let them know its finals time
Give to the Saints too
Let them know its finals time again
The greatest gift theyll get this year is pick 1.
The poor Doggies are just not blessed
The aforementioned player wont turn out best
Do they know its finals time out West?
Let them know itís finals time
Give to the Saints too
Let them know itís finals time again
Heres to you raise a glass to what Hirdys done
Heres to them sitting at the Rising Sun
Do they know its finals time out West?
From: trish.elliott@parliament.vic.gov.au
(to boost her morale after her elimination)
Introduction: It's Raining Men (parade by the players)
Then, Shake your bootie, cutie (dedicated to Shane Crawford and Ben Dixon)
Gold Finger (well, half at least) (dedicated to Daniel Chick)
Yesterday when I was Young
(for Jason Dunstall, Gary Ayres, Michael Tuck, Peter Knights & Terry Wallace)
People- We Need People (duet with Ian Dicker)
The Way We Were - "Dipper" Robert Dipierdiemenico
( -either in player context or body-shape context)
Ladies a plate please for supper in the supper room.
Drawing of lucky door tickets:-
1st prize - dinner for two at the Cricket Club Hotel, Cowwarr
2nd prize - personally engraved Don Scott hand bag
(Resume seats by 9-20pm for second half of the program.)
Money, Money, Money (dedicated to Brendon Gale & the Players Assocn.)
Super Trouper (dedicated to one of the favourite sons, Dermott Brereton)
Why did it have to be me? Trent Croad (guest appearance in Docker uniform)
Neighbouring poultry farmers have donated the prizes for the chook raffles.
From: paul prole
Paul Prole
From: Peter O'Sullivan
2. Cat STEVENS
3. B.B. KING
4. Paul McCARTNEY
5. Wilson PICKETT
2. Liza Minnelli
3. The Three Tenors
2. Jose Feliciano
3. Ray Charles
From: Fry Michael
* The Wiggles, as they try to wiggle their way out of another
situation threatening its existence.
* They intend to fly various international stars out on Emirates
Airlines use TAC sponsored limosine transport to and from their Crown Casino
sponsored accommodation, which is (Big L) Liberal-ly stocked with Fosters
products.
* The clubs have budgeted to lose no more than $250,000 apiece through
this fund raising venture, which has been underwritten by the AFL with the
promise of the maximum (12) exclusive blockbuster matches between the four
clubs each year for the next decade.
* A weekly raffle to have the chance to choose the name of the stadium
that week.
* Dr Harry and Katrina Warren: You got to have some entertainment to
keep their loyal members (cats, dogs, budgies, etc) amused!!
* A lolly drive - intermingled packs of Chocloates and Boiled Lollies
to mirror its performances on alternate years.
* Rock Steady: Ahh...brings back memories of Thursday nights at the
Beauy (Beaumaris Hotel - 70's era), with all players in attendance.
* The Hyde Street Band playing 'Sons of the 'Scrays' continuously in
the Toorak/South Yarra environs, until people pay them sufficiently to move
on.
* The AFL Commission: A highlights package of any meeting (I think
they run their own competition between meetings to see who can think up and,
even more difficult, justify, greater benefits to the interstate clubs,
particularly those up north)
From: Adam Ellerton
Brisbane - Powderfinger......They're good but does anyone really care
Carlton - The Seekers.....Playing list of a similar vintage
Collingwood - ABBA......Very catchy and popular and every 10 years have
a resurgence
Essendon - Sherbert.....Popular but not liked or respected.
Fremantle - Human Nature......Always show promise but never deliver
Geelong - The Captain and Tenile.......Watchable on TV but you wouldn't
pay money to see them
Hawthorn - Backstreet Boys...... Look pretty but arn't grammy winning
material
AAA Kangaroos - ACDC..........Bon Scott has gone to Wagga but yet they
kick on
Melbourne - Bing Crosby.......Big in their time but now just a distant
memory
Port Adelaide - Bjorn Again.......Collingwood cover band
Richmond - Bon Jovi.........Make a good appearance every now and then
but for the most part stay away pleasing everyone
St Kilda - Joe Dulce.......One hit wonder
Sydney - Banarama.........get the job done but it aint pretty
West Coast - Fatboy slim...........nobody actually knows whats going on
but it's successful
Western Bulldogs - Oasis.....Have a reputation for disturbances while
flying which fits in well at Whitten Oval
From: dicko5@mail.dodo.net.au
David Dickson
From: David
A few points to consider
From: Davey
Due to the recent questions over your teams senior
level player performance, Milli-Vanilli will be unable
to attend your benefit concert.
Benalla
From: Cheryl Harvey
From: stuart mcarthur
From: Joe Kirby
Joe
From: janelle mcnaughton
From: Jenny Klaster
Darren Retallick
Richmond - Billy Fields, will only be permitted to sing the one song over &over - Bad habits
From: Darren_Wharton@tac.vic.gov.au
From: Kevin McAloon
From: paul russo
From: Hayden.McDonnell@bendigobank.com.au
Colbinabbin Football Club
From: Bob Crain
Firstly, we veteran competition contributors understand that you have to encourage the Rookie, younger second year kids and new draftee contributors. We know that you can not afford to reward the veteran contributors to early in the season leaving the yourself to depend on kids to bring you home in those crucial final rounds but seriously. ,
........ Well on to this weeks comp, There is an obvious "Headline Act" for each team's Footy Aid Concert, which is as we know an American tradition. I could go on about the Americanization of Australian Rules Football but I'll leave that for another week. Here they are from the top,
ADELAIDE - Going with a modern, upbeat, trendy sort of group which is not really adaptable to Adelaide they bring in Counting Crows who open with a very deep number Perfect Blue Buildings which goes right over the heads of a majority of the audience, but who cares it's Adelaide. ,
BRISBANE- Needing no real help go for a local act with a lot of flash but no real substance Kylie Minogue. CARLTON- Goes with a team defining soft, aristocratic, veteran blusey type Joni Mitchell. ,
COLLINGWOOD- Financed by Eddie the Maggpies throw a huge tent over Victoria Park and go for Big Lights, Big Sound, Big Stage, Blockbuster Bands Fleetwood Mac, Canned Heat and Killing Hiedi. Unfortunately the police close the show before it starts due to unruley crowd behaviour outside the venue. Eddie apoligizes to the members and blames it on "over policing" ,
ESSENDON- Provide a "members only" banquet style function calling it "Supporter Aid" and headline the gala event with the Jefferson Airplane (not Starship) and backed up by Benny and the Jets. ,
FREMANTLE- Desperate to prove to thier supporters that they are a club on the move light up Swan River Park with Boyz to Men, The Scared Wierd Little Guys, and a special guest apperance by the Troy Wilson Band. ,
GEELONG- Go Country with Lee Kerrnaghan who opens with his hit Cat Town, (note to Greg you may be able to do something with that "livin in a Cat Town" but you will have to finish it yourself). ,
HAWTHORN- In their Heart Aid Show at the Kooyong Tennis Center the Hawks go for glitz with the Manpower Show backed up by the entire Senior Team who go the full monty. The newspaper headlines after the following weeks loss to Adelaide read "All show No go" under a picutre of 42 barred butts. ,
AAA KANGAROOS- Having already failed at this once go for an absolute guaranteed act whose last apperance in Australia drew a worldwide TV audience in the billions, a no holds bared performer without peer Nickki Webster. ,
MELBOURNE- When only an established blue blood group of true British background, who speak the Queen's English, are card carrying members of the MCG or recripcol club, who ski in the winter and summer on the coast will do, get the Rolling Stones who will no doubt open with Sympthy for the Demons. ,
PORT ADELAIDE- Fight tooth and nail, pay the big bucks and achieve the flip flop of the century when Greg Champion dressed in teal and blue comes out to headline the Port Aid Concert. ,
RICHMOND- Doesn't go for a real act who can go for broke, (much like their current list), and not wanting to alienate the membership, go for a family event, and even though Ravi Shankar's rendition of Eye of the Tiger with Kamal on vocals was a pretty stiring number it was a pretty ordinary event (much like their current list). ,
ST. KILDA- Who are becomming expert at throwing big bucks at flash in the pan players, coaches and administrators go for broke and bring in All Saints however the crowd is appalled when the girls don't know the words to When the Saints Come Marching In. ,
SYDNEY- Seeking to lure a greater cross section of the Sydney community to the club, the Swans go for Elton John, Boy George, and K.D. Lang and just for effect they all arrive on stage in a Commonwealth Government Pool Car. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). ,
WESTERN BULLDOGS- Staring at an 0 and 9 start, season over and little to look forward to the Doggies grasp at one last straw and hold a Block Party for their supporters and the guests of honor are the entire cast of Big Brother including Daimen. ,
WEST COAST EAGLES- With the sun going down in the West a cagey group of veterans stroll on to the stage and proceed to belt out a 20 minute version of Hotel California and leave with a dedication to those Victorians who still can't embrace the National Competition - Get Over It. LONG LIVE THE EAGLES. ,
Regards ,
Bob the Yank
From: Paul Martin
the judging of the competition to date; round one: you borrow a box from Pandora. round two: on opening the said box you reveal a can. round three: you open the can and scatter the worms. round four: you attempt to hide amongst the feeding pigeons. This week? I must warn you all, beware the frenzied feeLIONS. With an ironic sense of poor timing, St.Kilda will soon announce that they have a new club song. No Simon, when the club does eventually win their next game they will still come "marching in". Their new song will be played at all games NOT won. We will be advised their new song was specifically designed to fill that uncomfortable silence after a draw, actually all St.Kilda players will now walk around the ground, warming down until the conclusion of the winners club song. Then IMMEDIATELY link arms and launch into their traditional "didn't win again" song, the old classic by Argent,
B------8--8--8-----7----5--5--5----8-------8-8-8-----7----8------8-8-----8-----
G------7--7--7-----7----5--5--5----7-------7-7-7-----7----7------5-5-----5-----
D------7--7--7-----7----5--5--5----7-------7-7-7-----7----7------5-5-----5-----
A------5--5--5-----5----0--0--0----5-------5-5-5-----5----5------5-5-----5-----
E----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And if it hurts don't let them see you cry you can make it.
Hold your head up woahhh
.......D............................F..........
And hold your head up woahhh
......D.............................F..........
And hold your head up woahhh
........A..............................
And hold your head high
And if they stare just let them burn their eyes on your moving.
And if they shout don't let it change a thing that you're doing.
Hold your head up woahhh
And hold your head up woahhh
And hold your head up woahhh
And hold your head high
Paul Martin.
From: Care Factor
Although this relates very much to last weeks competition, I failed to enter
due to the fact that I thought that my entry would have been picked up by
many of your regular entrants and thus aired on your show, but alas the nick
name I came up with (in traditional Lou fashion) was not used so here it is.
Cameron Ling (Geelong) Ring a ding Ling
I just thought it was as plain as the nose on your face.
From: Clarke Gary
It goes like this;
CARLTON ROOS
Tom Jones Bob Jones
ESSENDON ST KILDA
Abba Babba
COLLINGWOOD SYDNEY
Michael Jackson Wayne Jackson
ADELAIDE PORT ADELAIDE
Lou Reed Chopper Read
BRISBANE GEELONG
Donna Summer Daryl Somers
HAWTHORN MELBOURNE
Morris,Cotton Maurice, Blackburn
Keays Co.
RICHMOND BULLDOGS
Tina Arena Frank Farina
W/COAST FREMANTLE
Pat Boone David Boon
Hope you get a
laugh,
Gary Clark
From: Maree & Dave
* Libba as The Token Midget
* Brett Burton and Jason Akermanis as The Trapize Artists
* Craig Bradley as The Half Man/Half Woman
* John Worsfold as The Lion Tamer
* Harry Madden, Andrew Jarmen and Jacko as The Clowns
* Dean Rioli as The Fat Man
* Kouta as The Muscle Man
* And last but not least, Matty Lappin as The Ringmaster (had to get
him in somewhere)
From: Sharon
Big John from Leopold
From: John McClelland
A musical tribute to the triumphant return of our Board, loosely based on
the celebrations following the relief of Mafeking. Robert Flower will be
conspicuous in the performance (please note that he may lip-sync).
Afterwards the Board will be available to sign autographs, and will address
members on the topics: "Rich dad, Rich son" and "How to be born at the top".
From: Patrick & Tara Hill
4:45 PM Hi 5 do a set of all their favourites.
5:30 PM Special Apperance by Bob the Builder
6:00 PM Milk and cookies, followed by a short nap time.
6:30 PM Big Bird reads the audience a story
7:00 PM The Wiggles come on to rock joint.
7:45 PM Grand Finale with the Wiggle joined by all their friends for a big
sing along
8:00 PM Concert ends, home to bed as it is a school night.
From: Keith_Bateman@gwf.com.au
From: Cheryl Critchley
Backs: Cash Backman, Ray Burgess, Doug Parkinson
Half Backs: Brian Cadd, Roger Hampson, Norman Gunston
Centres: Jade Hurley, Issy Dye, Jon Blackman
Half Forwards: Rockwell T. James, Stevie Wright, Brian Mannix
Forwards: Annett Allison, Denise Drysdale, Kerry-Anne Kennerley.
Followers: The three Moir sisters.
Go Tigers
Cheryl Critchley
From: Darren Brookes
From: Paul Hughes
From: "Treseder, Peter"
From: Ben Davies
From: Travis Bull
Yahoo Serious & Pat Cash
Entire Cast of the First Police Academy Film
Makaley Kaulkin
Ray Parker Jr - Singing his one and only hit the Ghostbusters theme
Bobby Mcferen
Milo & Otis
Jacko(singing his hit I'm an Individual)
The band that sung 99 Red Balloons, you know the German band
The talking Football appearing on Foxtel at the minute (sorry Mr Leonard)
Red Simonds (Special Cross to the Shafted studios)
The guy that sung the Theme from Greatest American Hero
Brendan Favola
Russell Morris
Stan Zamenek
Nikki Webster
Peter Taylor, The Blakely Twins, The Batmobile from the waverly grand final, The Music Men & The little fat kid from Hey Dad, Teddy Hopkins
The teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jar Jar Binks, The A team, Pokemon &
Transformers
From: Jonathan P Hall
John Farnham Selection from Whispering Jack album. Laryngitis 1 week.
Normie Rowe & Ron Casey Que Sera Sera. Striking 4 weeks.
David Bowie Ziggy Stardust. Positive Drug Test 10 weeks.
Mama Cass New World Coming. Food poisoning Doubtful.v
Elvis Presley Wooden Heart. Chest Season.
Buddy Holly That'll Be The Day. Everything Unlikely.
Kylie Minogue I Should Be So Lucky. Buttocks Test.
Boy George Karma Chameleon. Scrotum Indefinite.
Jose Feleciano ^ Light My Fire. Burns 8 weeks.
Meatloaf You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth. Gouging 6 weeks.
From: Chris Hardie
From: Oliver Kysela
From: "Walby, Andrew"
Bank Of France
Fabulaires
Young Homebuyers
Eternal Struggle Between Good And Evil
Manic Rockers From Hell
The Possum Hunters
The Important Brothers
From: Jenny of Brunswick
From: Cam Ward
WAVERLEY 2002
Sunday, September 29
TWO MASSIVE STAGES
PLAYERS AND PERFORMERS APPEARING TOGETHER
From: The Dow Family