The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Seven:
A prodigal returns
Paul Salmon's return to Essendon was warmly greeted by Bomber supporters last Friday night.
Choose a player from your club who hasn't played since 1995, and tell us why and how he would slot into the current list.
From: Cheryl Harvey
I remember it well, 1995, the last time feral Tiger supporters like myself could stand up and ferociously cheer on a rampaging team. One of tenacious, terrifying tackles; a team typifying the Tigers of old.
Cheryl Harvey
From: gibsonbice
Dear Simon,
Long time Geelong supporter and to see one person come back.
It could only be MARK BAIRSTOW.
He would be brilliant for preparing us for finals through his time with the horses. For once we would be able to be up and running on top of the ground in September.
STEVE B
Date: Sun, 12 May 2002 23:04:30 +1000
G'day Simon (the Saints were robbed!)
Richmond would have the perfect match to the Fish's comeback......
In '95 he was unpredictable, he had no right foot and went missing for long
periods........
He's been booed at every Sydney game since.....
But Stewie Maxfield would fit quite nicely on the wing just now!
Glen Burgin. Essendon. Go Tigers!
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 00:43:05 +1000
As a North Melbourne Supporter I would have to bring back Alex Ischenko we
require a big ruckman who will contest and put his body on the line and if he
wants we could put him down forward and play pagans paddocks and if any backman wanted to rub him up the wrong way then the ambo won,t have far to travel at
the "G".
However if I was a Carlton supporter I think we would require the whole of the
Fitzroy Football Club because they could play more capable with a team of VFL
level reservists as to our Current 1st in the AFL!!!
Brett Turner
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 12:15:52 +1000
David Polkinghorne would slot nicely back into Hawthorn's current list.
Being the first player to 'dob' in another at the tribunal he could have a
specific on field role of pointing out blood rule violations, centre square
infringements, and anything worthy of bringing to the umpires attention. It
would not matter if he didn't get a stat as in this role he would be worth a
couple of goals to the Hawks which would bring polite applause from the
supporters. He could act like a fourth umpire except in brown and gold in a
sort of Judas like role.
Brendan O'Brien
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 14:41:45 +1000
Shane Ellen
Enough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Matt Laing
Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 18:05:34 +1000
With the return of the Fish, perhaps it is time to bury the hatchet and bring
back Sheeds' favourite number 9 in Dereck Kickett who surely would love the
chance to don the red & black again. It would be wonderful to see him run
through the guard of honour (to the polite applause of the Essendon crowd) and
the banner, shaking hands with Sheeds (ala EJ & the Hawk) in a touching moment
of reconciliation.
For the Grand Final against Brisbane we could also bring back Dale Kickett &
Ronnie Andrews and not wait for the hotel carpark.
PS. At Collingwood they could invite back all the past Presidents to parade in
front of the polite applause of the press gallery who have used the headline
"Magpie Chief Hits Out."
Darrell Nash
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
Hi Simon,
Greg (and the well travelled Sue) Hoysted
From: Caroline Scurry
Dear Simon and the other Coodabeens,
I have not entered a quiz since the days when the prize was a voucher at the ABC shop, and I never did get my Patsy Biscoe album. But this week I just couldn't resist.
A player from 1995 who I would like back at my club. I was thinking maybe any of the following:
But then, that's too many isn't it, so maybe any of the following. Please note, these players are wanted injury free only:
There were a few others that year but I don't think Andy McKay needs replacing, and maybe Braddles is a little slow, but he's still Braddles. Ang can still woof, but the 95 woof was better than the 02 version, so I could maybe settle for him.
And then there were some who if they were in their 95 form they'd be pretty handy, unfortunately blokes like Brad Pearce only ever had a 95 form.
So maybe I could settle for three of the finest umpires: Peter Carey, Darren Goldspink and Hayden Kennedy.
But no, I couldn't tease myself by watching the sweet sixteen team run around again. So I have decided that no matter how he played in 95, that version of Corey McKernan would have to be better than the current Oh 2! player.
PS: Can someone ask Mr Leonard to investigate the rumour that not only can Corey not see too well in the night games, he also can't tell the difference between the tub of Grippo and the can of WD40.
Jim 'I spent all my money on a social club ticket' Mulholland
Mega Trim
G'day Simon,
Cheers
From: stuart mcarthur
Subject: the polite "Salmon" clap
Dear Simon,
You'd hear the polite MCC-style "Salmon" clap if Prince Charles ever decided
to revisit the happier days of 1995 by returning to the sports field after
his recent stretch of anni horribili.
The politeness of the clap would show Justin "Prince" Charles that footy
fans forgive but dont forget.
Another Tiger who I think last played in 1995 that the Tiges might find a
spot for is Matty Richardson.
Stuart McArthur
Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 11:39:21 +1000
1.ADELAIDE: Wayne Weidermann - So he can help the boys at the Ramsgate next
time around.
2.BRISBANE: Richard Champion - Someone to fire up karaoke nights with Leigh
Matthews.
3.CARLTON: Earl Spalding - With the king gone we need some royalty so why not
the Earl of Optus oval.
4.COLLINGWOOD: Damien Monkhorst - It would be interesting to see how he went
with ostietus pubis.
5.ESSENDON: David Calthorpe - They are lacking pace through the midfield.
6.FREMANTLE: Scott Chisholm - Can take us to meet the relatives on a mid season
trip to england during the ashes.
7.GEELONG: Billy Brownless - So we can check the weight capacity of the NRMA
help buggy.
8.HAWTHORN: Simon Crawshay - To bring back the porno hairstyle look.
9.MELBOURNE: Craig Nettlebeck - To bring Katrina Warren to collingwood games so
she can treat the animal enclosure.
10.KANGAROOS: Wayne Carey - they need a win and i need a drinkcard.
11.RICHMOND: Scott Turner - Someone not afraid to go and ko someone and get the
hard ball ,take note W.Campbell.
12.ST.KILDA: Jamie Shanahan - So he can finally kick a goal and i can collect
my $100.
13.SYDNEY: Peter Filandia - A real hard nut, leads Port Melbournes hard ball
gets.
14.WEST COAST: Ian Downsbourgh - Rex would like to see how Mrs Downsbroughs boy
is.
15.WESTERN BULLDOGS: James Cook - Will help Chris Grant with the kicking yips.
16.FITZROY: Mark Zanotti - Trade him to Port Adelaide because he can work down
at the docks.
Coach : Mike Nunan.
Thanks for your time hope to hear ths on the radio on Saturday GO TIGERS
Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 23:46:36 +1000
Dear Simon,
We haven't seen Muttiah Murilitharan at the MCG since Boxing Day '95 and I
believe he would fit in at Essendon. They have been putting a positive spin on
things for years and with the damaged shoulder he could join the other walking
wounded at Windy Hill. He would be an enigmatic half forward flank, only
kicking bags against the ordinary sides when the umpire could assist him,
similar to back home in Colombo
Regards Mark Smith
Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 13:31:31 +1000
Dear Simon,
1995 is still a blur to me after Stuart McArthur organised your 5th wedding
anniversary party at Bombay Rock. It was quite a master stroke organising
for the club to be reopened for the auspicious occasion, however, if my
memory serves me correctly, this is what transpired. It was even a greater
stroke of luck that I found myself gyrating to Smoke on the Water at 2 am
after stumbling across the do some hours earlier.
Having endured a long and lonely day at the G watching the not so mighty
Cats being taught a footballing lesson form the Optus lads, I felt like a
quiet ale. So, a quiet ale I had. And had. And had. And had. And had.
After these ales, I was a bit peckish and wandered through the city looking
for a feed. "Indian!" I said, "I feel like a good feed of Indian" I said
again only to reaffirm my love of a curry and passion for repeating a good
idea adnauseum.
Well, you could only imagine my surprise when I came across the Indian
version of the Hard Rock Cafe, Melbourne's own Bombay Rock. Yummo.
Entering the establishment I was asked wether I knew that the cafe had been
booked for a private function. "Too right" I said, "afterall, if I didn't
know the function was on, why else would I be here". "Enter" said the boof.
Now here comes the strange bit. Far from being a temple of Indian cuisine
and sitar playing Guru's, I found myself surrounded by a mass of thirty
something's guzzling Ben Ean and Fosters Lager like it was going out of
fashion. It was only when I heard some Scottish bloke (that's you Stuart
McArthur) reminiscing about a wedding he had not actually been invited to
but acting and speaking as if he was the best man that I realised that it
was indeed a private function. Surprise, surprise.
This was quite intriguing I thought, as did the amassed mass. It seemed
like a good gig, the beer was on the house and given the excitement that
filled the room, I could hardly leave. So I didn't.
Now you may be wondering what this has to do with this weeks competition? A
very good question. Well, given the year of the bash was 1995, and the
total coincidence that this correspondence is being written to the fellow
whose anniversary party it was, and the fact that this weeks competition in
some way relates to 1995, how could I not mention it? It was a memorable
night, from all reports, despite the goings on some hours earlier at a
famous sporting venue.
It would be folly not to mention a player given the above, as it is a truly
remarkable coincidence. (That party could have been for anyone!).
Greg Williams played for Carlton that day, and he was BOG. Now, if he never
left Geelong to go to Sydney, he would not have played for Carlton that day,
he would have played for Geelong. In fact, if he never left Geelong, he
would have played in the 1989, 1992 and the 1994 Grand finals too. And if
he did play in those, Geelong would have won them all, and most in between I
reckon.
So, if Greg Williams did play for Geelong, and if Geelong did win the 1995
GF (their fourth in 6 years!), and given Geelong's lack of experience in the
centre at the moment, who else would you bring back? Greg Williams to
Geelong, that's who!
Cheers
Tim g
PS By the way, who was the band playing that night Simon?
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 12:25:30 +1000
Dear Simon,
It's a tough call which player to bring back from 95 down at Punt Road. Given
the current lack of talls Robert Schaefer and Adam Slater both came into
consideration to add to their 11 & 1 games respectively. Given the number of
games Scaeher missed due to injury he would fit better into the current line-up
but he was pipped at the post by an old favourite, Michael 'Butch' Gale. Given
the current climate of economic rationalization, and, critisism about the
Tigers lack of grunt in the midfield, I figured he could fill the dual role of
on-baller and runner. Given his experience in both roles at Tigerland he would
be an excellent option as a player, runner and cost saving. Welcome back Butch.
Cheers,
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 13:52:48 +1000
Hello Simon,
While we are waiting for Jesus (Son of God) to put on a few more pound and
inches, then bag goals like his old man, I think it's time we got Mark
"Jacko" Jackson back in the goal square.
It's a move we'll have to make quickly as he has recently purchased a home
in Sydney and no doubt Rocket will have an eye on him.
The thing is Jacko might be past it, but put him in the goal square and let
him carry on like a complete prat, it will create a diversion from the
general play. And having seen a couple of Geelong games this year, they need
all the distractions from play they can get.
Regards,
Glenn from Balmain near Newport
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 15:04:40 +1000
Dear Simon,
Polite applause would be given to the entire 1995 Melbourne side returning to
the MCG.
In fact, polite applause would be given to any Melbourne side returning.
Very VERY polite applause would be reserved only for Robbie Flower taking a run
down the members wing.
Regards,
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 17:22:00 +1000
As a Kangaroos supporter I am frustrated with our efforts in the midfield.
Some players such as Grant, Harvey, Clayton, Motlop, etc have been running
around the past couple of week without manning up and not going in to get
the hard ball. Obviously they aren't doing this well enough.
What they need is someone to make a shock comback to show the boys exactly
how this should be done. I say to Denis Pagan and the selection commitee
"BRING BACK PAUL SPARGO". Before long our midfield will keep their "picking
up" to the nightclubs where it belongs. And the only "hard ball" they will
get is when they pick up the medicine ball in the gym.
Paul Spargo will inspire the lads to live and die by the term.... "It's not
whether you win or lose, it's how your hair and biceps look".
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 20:24:51 +1000
Rod Grinter
Then let John Elliot say we dont count
The only count John will hear is 8, 9 ,10 You're out
Gary Bourke
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 22:01:40 +1000
This is a whole team, each of whom would deserve a polite clap if they
reappeared for the first time since 1995 - for the very good reason given
below.
BACKS
HALF BACKS
CENTRE
HALF FORWARDS
FORWARDS
FOLLOWERS
RESERVES
EMERGENCIES
Regards
Hugh Saunders
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 13:32:28 +0000
Dear Simon Being a Yank I don't have much knowledge about footy history but I do know there is some confusion about my team the AAA Kangaroos. I heard on the radio that the Kangaroos are in plague porportions and that they are going to send in the army to cull them, but at work they keep telling me that the Kangaroos are GONE. What is it plague porportions or near extinction??? Is that what the big boost in the budget for defense was all about, using the army to cull Kangaroos? If we had a few of the old Roos back I'm sure the few members that we seem to have would be happy to put them up in their homes much like some of those nice demonstrators were doing in WA with those "yatch people". We would not only welcome them back with a polite appluase but would welcome them with open arms, we don't want to see any old Kangaroos being culled. Old Roos like Mark "the refridgerator" Roberts, Schwatter, Danilchinko, "Fruity" Allison (you know he played for 10 years and was never manned up, why was that?), Darren "the Croc" Crocker (he was a "Player of the Year" you know), Pikey (what ever happened to Pikey?), Winston "black magic" Abraham, Craig Sholl, the Rock, the Horse, the Roo Boy, Tim McGraw, Peter Bell (he won the best and fairest not to long ago what happened to him?), Tony Lenoard, and Glenn Freeborn (remember those fourth quarter goals in the Grand Final, what happened to him?). Surely they are not going to cull all those old Kangaroos, we could sure use them now. I think I should write to my Congressman and see if they can't have a second look at this Kangaroo cull, I'm sure the club could find a place for those old Roos down at Arden St. Regards
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 11:33:23 +1000
The most obvious addition to a Melbourne side today would be another
key-position backman. That man would happen to be the ex-welshman(?) Sean
Wight who retired at the end of Melbourne's up-and-down 1995 season. While
he could certainly help out Ellis and Nicholson in taking another tall-key
position forward, he could also fill the current AFL Competition's void -
there are no players out there with moustaches. As far as I am concerned,
Sean Wight had one of the most neatly trimmed and barbered moustaches in the
league at the time.
At the moment the Dees are probably not short on small tough back pocket
players (Whelan, Walsh, Brown), but other Demon favourites who retired in
1995, in Graeme Yeats and pinch-hitter Peter "Brownlow" Rhode would
certainly be welcomed back to the side.
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 11:50:53 +1000
Hi Simon
How clever ! How very clever it was for Greg & Sue Hoysted to included two women (Lara Croft & Margaret Thatcher ) in their Ramsgate representative side so they get mentioned. Obviously it more clever than my side that included 3 women (Helen of Troy, Joan of Arc and Buffy the Vampire Slayer ) AND DIDN'T GET MENTIONED . It is SO obvious that unless your name is Stuart McArther, Cheryl Harvey, Greg & Sue Hoystead, Cheryl Harvey, Maree Critchley, Cheryl Critchley, Tim Goddard, Doug Long or Bob the Yank, you stand very little chance of being recognised. And so to this weeks comp. I am going to bring out of retirement umpire Glenn "Jesse" James, he of the exaggerated 15m penalty and the fastest book in the west. Umpire James has reported you Simon on the following hideous charge. "Unduly rough bias and blatant favouritism in the judging of the Coodabeens competition" Bondy has referred to his statistical data and believes on Rick Lewis' evidence you will be found guilty and the following penalty is to apply. You are to be strapped into an armchair with devices attached to your eyelids to keep them open (a la Malcolm McDowell in "A Clockwork Orange" ) and for two days be made to watch continuous replay's of the Round 5 St Kilda vs Sydney match. Don't waste your money appealing ! I can hear the polite applause from the other competition entrants now. Cheers
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 12:35:59 +1000
Dear Simon,
This week's topic is competition valium! James Last at the
Grammys!
How about: Cheryl Kernot attending a Democrats acknowledge
past leaders function.
Night Jon Boy.
Regards Paul Prole.
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 16:31:35 +1000
The following players left Richmond after the 1995 season
Of these, the only ones worthy of polite applause on their return would be Francis, Maxfield and Murphy. The others are best forgotten, along with Steve O'Dwyer and Paul Hudson.
Of course there was one other memorable departure at the end of 1995...John Northey. No polite applause for Swooper!
Andrew Walby
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 17:20:45 +1000
* Always guaranteed a polite round of applause, but never too
much!! as to warrant attracting attention and him looking into the crowd.
* Always guaranteed a polite round of applause, no matter what
he does (and he seems to get a lot of uncontested marks)
* Plays back pocket and has buried many a flashy
forward.........well he has buried every position actually.
* I suppose he plays for Collingwood (with those black and
white colours)
* Does create some problems though - do you do polite applause
when he drops a chest mark in the goal square? Or is that sucking up too
much?
You would get polite applause for the whole back line:
Grim Reaper, Beelzebub, The Tax Auditor
Boyd Eggleston
From: shag@alphalink.com.au
- please note: a generous degree of poetic license has been taken with this entry....
The following are some past players from each club (circa 1995 * - refer poetic licence clause above) that would be handy in each team's current side.
Adelaide - Mark 'the weed' Weiderman, purely for the fact that his inclusion would help perpetuate the image that all Crow Eaters are still bogans.
Brisbane - John McCarthy - although he was a dual premiership player for Hawthorn, his inclusion in the 2002 team would significantly lower the average skill level of the current list. Don't worry about the free draft concessions that Brisbane get, if we enforce the rule that the current side had to play McCarthy every week, this would soon bring them back to the field.
Carlton - Greg Williams - If Williams could just touch-up another umpire, we could see if he gets 9 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 weeks, or a slap on the wrist. Whatever the outcome, we could then use this as the new benchmark for future-such incidents, rather than comparing every time an umpire gets in the way of a player to the exorbitant 9 weeks Diesel got back in the 90's.
Collingwood - Dermott Brereton - they need someone who can run through a pack, and at the same time add little to the team, and get severely overpaid - other candidates S. Rocca, A. Rocca, R. Olarenshaw
Essendon - Greg Anderson - refer Adelaide theory above
Fitzroy - Paul Roos - Roos could probably play on his own in 2002 and still perform better than the entire 1995 Fitzroy list managed
Fremantle - Spider Burton - without a doubt, the best 'genuine 7-footer' currently playing
Geelong - Billy Brownless & John Barnes - with the average age at Geelong being about 17 at the minute, Geelong require a couple of blokes at the club who know their way around the Geelong nightclub circuit, and score a few free drink cards for the youngsters.
Hawthorn - Rob Dickson - Australian survivor - Rob could play off the bench - the club just require the cash
Kangaroos - Slammin' Sammy Kekovitch - not to play, but as President. He would raise the profile of the fledgling club, fire a few punches, and at least the club would go down fighting
Melbourne - Mark 'Jacko' Jackson - Melbourne miss the pizzazz and flair of Farmer, and Jacko could fill the rather large hole left in the Dees forward line, although if he ever gives up Jenny Craig, it might be a tight fit
Port Adelaide - Nathan Buckley - just as Buckley left Brisbane to "play finals footy" at Collingwood (and subsequently hasn't played a final), if Buckley went back to Port Adelaide, it might just stuff them up for the finals. And let's face it, would anyone really turn up to see Port v Brisbane at 'the G' in the last day in September - good for footy!
Richmond - Matthew Richardson - although still a current player with the'Tiges", it seems that they would be better off if they had Richo now with all the great "potential" he was displaying in about 1995. At least then they would have something to look forward to, rather than having the disappointment of having a player who has never quite lived up to early expectations.
St Kilda - Michael Roberts - The Saints, just like The Cats, lack the necessary experience after hours in the nightclubs - an area in which they were clearly leading the stats in the 80's with Robbo, Trevor Barker & co
Sydney - John Ironmonger - this would free-up Goodes from the rucking duties, plonk him in the forward line next to Doyle to take a few contested grabs in the goal square. However, if Rocket Eade wanted to continue with the flooding, you could pop Ironmonger and his neanderthal godless in a hole in the defensive 50. This would sort out 2 spots in the "flood zone" - one taken by Big-John, and the other by his enormous forehead.
Western Bulldogs - Alastair Lynch - the Bullies require someone who can accuse the opposition of choking (a la 'hand to the throat - choking' gesture used by Lynch versus the Doggies in Brisbane in the late 90's). Lynch could play in the backline as the designated "man-on-the-mark". Lynch would take the focus off the doggies choking in front of goals, and put the pressure on the opposition players when kicking for goals. Lynch could even play this role when suffering bouts of chronic fatigue.
West Coast - Laurie Kean - with the old Cult heroes of the Eagles now all gone, such as Peter Sumich, Brett Heady, Chris Lewis etc... the Eagles require a new hero, and could rival Spider Burton as the best genuine 7-footer in the league
Cheers,
Anthony Edmonds
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 21:24:37 +1000
I couldn’t decide which player was the more valuable player from 1995, so I
put them in as a tie:
1. PETER CAVEN:
In 1995, Plugger was squashing fullbacks at whim but in 2002 the only thing
he’s squashing are blades of grass on the Bus Stop Oval.
WHY: To help Plugger regain his old glory. Give him a focus from the past.
Help him get his eye in when going for the ball. Who else but the man that
helped him inspire the appearance of the now infamous four legged SCG
porker.
HOW: Through the pre-season draft. The Swans love an "oldy". Being 32 years
of age makes Caven the ideal Swans recruiting age. Failing this. I’d just
get him to turn up at training and have Plugger chase him around.
2. DARREN GASPAR
For the last two years, Darren has achieved fame by being selected in the
All Australian team. This fame has to stop now. Ego too large. Get him back
to the Swans immediately!
WHY: The Mission. The Swans need a fullback and Darren’s bubble needs
bursting.
HOW: By means of an intricate trade.
The Swans trade Cabramatta to Footscray. The Bulldogs take advantage of the
increased Vietnamese population and sign up half whilst having a pork roll
drive (it used to be lamingtons but hey, you have to change with the times).
The Western Bulldogs now flushed with funds, offer to purchase Optus Oval
and rent it back to Carlton. Elliott happily sells Optus without consulting
the Board.
Elliott (to please the Board) purchases and then builds a retirement
village on the site of the Arden Street Oval. It will cater for the Carlton
Administration and Senior players. Kangaroos to train in the Elliott
Pavillion.
Through the sale of Arden Street, The North Melbourne Football Club achieves
financial security, and trade Carey and his baggage to Richmond. The Tiges
plan to utilise the King in a dual role – Player and Marriage Guidance
Coach.
In return, Richmond trades Gaspar and Stafford to the Swans. The Swans now
have a new fullback and Stafford can continue his football career as the
“ruckman with potential”. He fits in well with many other Swans players with
the “potential” tag.
Gaspar misses out on third All Australian selection. Mission accomplished.
Regards
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 22:18:18 -0500
TIGERS BRING BACK THE BIG GUNS
Go Tiges,
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 00:01:56 +1000
DEAR SIMON,
Well! Itís obvious WHO we should bring back! But ìpolite clappingî and
ìYaablettî are pretty much mutually exclusive. This petty ìpolite clappingî
legal clause threatened to put a damper on my week (not helped by the Cats
getting flogged on Saturday).
That night, I went off to the Inventors meeting on a downer. ìWhy not
Gazza?î was all I could think. To make matters worse, my brilliant invention
was overlooked in favour of:
1. The ultragobstopper long life lolly; and
2. The crowd sedative spray for use by Police at rowdy demonstrations
I cried myself to sleep (like this: boo hoo, boo hoo, zzzzzzzz) for several
nights in a row. Then, one morning, the answer suddenly came to me. Those
second rate inventor blokes can be more useful than they realise.
Letís get Gary Ablett senior back to play with his son. Young Gazza can be
in and under - feeding out accurate handballs. The old guy will be taking
speccies and kicking a big bag of sausage rolls. The capacity crowd of
diehard Cat fans will each be silenced by a mouthful of ultragobstopper.
And, having being severely subdued by copious amounts of crowd sedative
spray, a polite clap will be all that they will be able to muster.
QED: Polite clapping and Yaablett
You have the contacts, Simon! Please make it happen!
Doug Long
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 10:06:44 +1000
Simon,
Given the theory put forward by Stuart McArthur last week, about which Simon
will judge this week, I decided to hedge my bets and be 50% on brief and 50%
off brief.
AAA Kangaroos - Cory McKernan - Even his current form could help the triple
A's
Adelaide - Greg Anderson - Comes complete with the hair of the time
Brisbane - Fitzroy Football Club - Polite applause as recognition for past
services to Brisbane
Carlton - Ian Collins - If "Collo" was still in charge, Carlton's home
ground would be Colonial and Optus would have been sold at a profit.
Collingwood - Damian Monkhurst - Polite applause if he could actually manage
to do something worth polite applause
Essendon - Dean Wallis - Every other player is loved by the fans so nothing
like an old favourite for fans to use as an outlet for their frustration
Fremantle - Alan Bond - At least he brought success to Fremantle even though
success wasn't had at Fremantle
Geelong - Mark Yeates - Always handy at centre bounces to run off the wing
towards any player who may have been targeted for "special" attention
Hawthorn - Jeff Kennett - When Jeff was the main man the club was successful
Melbourne - Gary Lyon - Not for his skills, but for his ability to be a step
ladder for team mates so that they can take the mark of the year. (Smith,
Farmer)
Port Adelaide - Brad Ottens - If not for the national competition he would
have always been a SA "Magpie"
Richmond - Scott Turner - No one at Tigerland has any "animal" in them so
his appearance would give fans something to celebrate.
St Kilda - Micheal Roberts - A role model for sensibiltity and traditional
St Kilda values
Sydney - Peter Caven - Intra club practise matches might be the incentive
that Plugger needs to get back into form
West Coast - Peter Wilson - Like a "cork in the ocean" could bob up at any
time.
Western Bulldogs - Any of the following Brownlow rejects Quinlan, Wilson,
Hardie, Dempsey, Round.
Peter Treseder
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 11:41:33 +1000
Si
We need to look no further than the original Salmon deal itself.
The return of Paul Salmon to Essendon is not in the spirit of the original
trade's objectives, and should deem the original complicated "everyone's a
winner" deal null and void, triggering an immediate reversal of the original
trade (to be known in all future contracts as "The Salmon Clause"). This
would result in Barnard bouncing back to Hawthorn, and D.Jarman deemed to be
out of retirement and on the first plane back to Glenferrie, fulfilling the
still ongoing fantasy of all Hawthorn supporters of Jarman wearing the brown
and gold again, and being rushed straight back into the side for the
equivalent term of Salmon's comeback.
Sadly, this time not everyone is a winner, with victim Wellman forced to
sell up and head back to Adelaide.
Oliver Kysela
Si, it went unnoticed that last week was the first week in 2 seasons and 7
rounds that I did not submit an entry courtesy of a untidely scheduled
examination by The Securities Institute, and in doing so became the
Coodabeens Competition's equivalent of Marcus Ashcroft, holding the record
for the longest unbroken sequence of contributions. Suprised Bondy didn't
pick this up.
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 13:40:40 +1000
Simon,
I looked at the AFL Record books and thought of an entire team that one
would definitely like to see playing again:
You may guess the link:
BACKS: Chris Johnson, Stephen Paxman, Mark Zanotti
Go Lions!!!!
Regards
Glenn Smooker
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 13:38:36 +1000
My player would have to be former Melbourne star Centre-Half BAck, Paul
Prymke.
6 Feet 5 in the old,strong centre-half back with a crook back. What the
Melbourne club lacks in the spine is a strong CHB who is injury
prone.......a la the mighty Ingo in the twilight of his career.
Obviously Robert Dickson would slot back into the HAwthorn side after his
Survivor victory, another camera shy veteran,whom Ben Dixon appears to have
modelled himself on.
David Cloke could engender a bit of Father/Son culture back at Collingwood.
The Brisbane's could re-enlist Ray Windsor, the specialist "Unsealer" to
get the Lions over the line in ever rare tight finishes. Could get Peter
Landy back to call him kicking another "unsealer" against the West Coast
Eagles.
Finally, with the dearth of talls on the ground at Richmond, the great
Richard (F)Lounder could be coaxed back to the club to fill the breach.
>From David McNiece
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 22:23:33 -0700
As an Essendon supporter I would want to see Julian Kirzner back in the current
line-up to bolster the loss of Matthew Lloyd. Kirzner was the ultimate
"coodabeen champion" and master of the "hanger", and brought many a Reserves
game to life. With Paul Salmon now in the team, Kirzner would have a 6'10" step-ladder to climb on to pull down the big one in the forward pocket. If
still in 1995 form he would then probably miss the shot for goal, or if more
than 40 metres out, not even make the distance, but he would certainly take
away "Mark of the Year" status from "Rock-head brother number 2" and that's a
good thing for football.
John Hill, Santa Barbara, USA
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 15:54:26 +1000
Simon, in attempt to gain Brownlow attention in the last few years we
have seen an influx of certain trends, namely blonde hair, dreadlocks
and now "the facial mop" or beard . I therefore propose my player who
could step into the Carlton side immediately, residing on the wing to be
Vinnie "The Cat" Cattogio.
You can see it now according to Rex "Christou kicks long to Camporeale,
he spots the big Mop of hair out wide. Cattogio grabs the ball, takes a
bounce, his afro blowing the wind. He straightens up and looks for
Fevola on the lead".
Its hard to believe Thomastown, Lalor and Epping are not Carlton's
current recruiting zone
Darren Brookes
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 16:01:54 +1000
Dear Salmon Whelan (is there anyone out there?)
Collingwood - Mick McGuane
>From Faction 3366 (we are still here even if you are not, and we enjoy our
entries- last weeks was a cracker)
Date: Fri, 17 May 2002 06:14:13 +0000
There are two stand outs to return to Football after retiring in 1995.
The AFL and the AFL Umpires association are pleased to announce the comeback
of two of it's stalwarts:
JJ RUSSO 221 Games (1982 - 1995)
Come along and get reacquainted with two familiar faces in there first game
back this weekend at the MCG when Collingwood face Carlton. We know you
loved them and didn't really get a chance to show your appreciation before they retired so where bringing them back.
Come along as we replay some of their funniest decisions on the big screen.
Laugh along as Gavan Crosicca get's pinged. Yell out all your favorite catch
cries as Gary Pert gives away another free in front of goal. Watch as Steve
Kernihan tells them both to go and get him 2 beers.
After the pre-match get ready to really show these two how you feel about
them. During the game there will be plenty of shockers to keep even the more
placid Collingwood and Carlton Fan Happy.
Join in the fun afterwards as the umpires do a lap of honor to celebrate
there fantastic return after giving 48 free kicks in the game.
Date: Sun May 12, 2002 02:12:35 PM Australia/Sydney
In the cauldron like atmosphere of Colonial where even the pidgeon's breath can be heard reverberating around the steel lid that is controversially referred to as "the roof", one man springs to mind.
A man who epitomises courage; courage to drag himself up by the boot laces, brace himself and charge into the fray and have a RHG. A man, who by his own admission was not one of the elite; no indeed; far from the bright lights, fast cars, large pay packets and disco palaces did this man stand tall. Toe to toe with the enemy, willingly going where no man had gone before to bring about the demise of his foe.
Perplexed by his identity? You shouldn't be, it is no other but SCOTTY TURNER!!!
Yes that evergreen stalwart in the Tiger defensive line who took on the might of the Bombers in that 1995 final spectacular and won! Not gifted with elegant kicking style or blessed with gazelle like movement he had that 'je ne say quoi' of a man possessed!
Ah yes I can hear the hush fall on the crowd at Colonial if Scotty returned to the fold, making that cumbersome run fron full back and flinging out those spider like hands to arrest a young pretender and claim the ball. The applause would unfold around the ground with a reverent 'yep'. We would all be proud to witness the comeback of an old warhorse pensioned off far too early. We would even hear the MCC members, I think, whisper God Bless you Scotty, good to have you back!
Date: Sun, 12 May 2002 20:39:35 +1000
From: Glen Burgin
Thank goodness he went North and we kept Chris Naish!!!!
"Get a kick!" "Where's ya right foot?" "Soft"
From: Fiona & Brett Turner
From: Brendan O'Brien
From: Himanshu Kackar
ADELAIDE CROWS
Yarra Valley Old Boys
(p.s Kicked a bag last week in the magoos, should be right this week to hear
the show)
From: Darrell Nash
Date: Mon May 13, 2002 05:18:56 PM Australia/Sydney
At the risk of sounding paranoid, did you deliberately design this comp
to exclude us? We were in the UK for April - September 1995 whilst I
played league cricket in Yorkshire. I didn't see who played AFL that
year so I can't comment on who'd be applauded if they came back now.
However,
In England in 1995, the West Indies toured after just having been beaten
in a home series for the first time in over 20 years (by Mark Taylor's
side.) They were on the rebound when playing the poms and expected to
blow them away. In fact, the series was drawn 2 all and this result was
seen as even more of a disaster by West Indians than the loss to
Australia had been. The "new Botham" Dominic Cork took a hat trick in
one match, 7 for in another and made a couple of rapid 70s. His
performances since have confirmed just how far the Windies have fallen
so my suggestion for a team of players who would be applauded if they
returned to the field now would be as follows,
Greenidge, Haynes, Gomes, Richards Kallicharan, Lloyd, Dujon, Marshall,
Roberts, Holding, Garner and Harper (12th).
Wouldn't you love to go along to the "G" and see them against Steve
Waugh's boys?
Stephen Silvagni,
Greg Williams,
Stephen Kernahan,
Earl Spalding,
Mil Hanna,
Michael Sexton,
Fraser Brown,
Dean Rice,
Matthew Hogg,
Peter Dean,
or even Harry Madden.
Brett Ratten (although the 2002 model is pretty darn good, maybe I could settle for his 1995 elbow),
Scott Camporeale,
Matthew Allan (he may not have played much, but at least he could walk),
or even Anthony Koutafides.
Obviously you are unaware that the recruiting of Paul Salmon is the first step in a long line of old/new recruits to Essendon in which we actually get Paul Salmon to play for free and make some room in the salary cap to accommodate the real stars, Hird, Lloyd etc.
Essendon are also going to re recruit Aboriginal Superstars Willie Dick, Derek Kickett and Michael Long and are also in negotiation with Bill Twoomey from Collingwood.
Salmon has promised to play for free if the goal to goal line reads
Salmon
Long
Dick
Kickett
Twoomey
Kevin Nolan (Old Bump Terry Daniher up from King to God Squad)
(hope I'm alone with that gag)
From: Mr michael gregory
Umpires :Peter Carey , Gavin Dore, Greg Scroop.
Michael Gregory.
From: Mark Smith
From: Tim Goddard
From: Joe Kirby
Joe
From: Glenn Rogers
From: Geoff Jones
Geoff Jones
From: David Smith
From: Gary bourke
Rupanyup
From: HUGH SAUNDERS
Lord Home (pronounced Hume), Harold Wilson, Paul Eddington
Lovelace Watkins, Phil Harris, Charlie Rich
Kenny Everett, James Herriott, Dean Martin
Ginger Rogers, Dame Pattie Menzies, Lana Turner
Peter Cook, Burl Ives, Dick Bentley
Pancho Gonzalez, Juan Fangio, Mickey Mantle
Max Factor, Andrew Olle, Tony Lock, Butterfly McQueen ("Gone With The Wind")
Yitzak Rabin, Douglas "Wrong Way" Corrigan (He was refused permission to become
the first man to fly from New York across the Atlantic so he lodged a flight
plan to fly to California but actually flew to Ireland. Sounds like a good man
to confuse the other coach.)
What all these players have in common and the reason why they should get a
polite clap if they reappeared is that they all died in 1995.
From: Bob Crain
Bob the Yank
From: G Powell
From: David
David Bean
From: paul prole
From: "Walby, Andrew"
- Matthew DUNDAS (2)
- Wayne HERNAMAN (8)
- Matthew FRANCIS (13)...we could do with another ruckman (unfortunately he was too injury-prone)
- Stevan JACKSON (16)...we could do with another tall up forward (unfortunately he was no good at the Eagles either)
- Jamie ELLIOTT (20)
- Robert SCHAEFER (24)
- Stuart MAXFIELD (27)...we could do with a pacy wingman (unfortunately opportunities for carpenters are greater in Sydney, or so he was told)
- Justin MURPHY (34)...we could do with a Premiership player
- Simon EASTAUGH (38)
- Mark McQUEEN (42)
- Adam SLATER (43)
From: Boyd Eggleston
Date: Thu, 16 May 2002 21:25:33 +1000
From: Basil & Sophie
Basil Czerwaniw
From: Cheryl Critchley
The administration of the Richmond Football Club acknowledges that this
season has not exactly gone according to plan.
Injuries to key players, bad umpiring and the media's outrageous beatup
of Matthew Richardson's contract negotiations have not helped.
The Club would like to put the following on the record: Danny Frawley
has the full support of the Board.
Having said that, we have decided to sack him and bring back Paul
Sproule.
The Club is also proud to announce it has managed to secure the services
of some of our other favorite sons. We have decided to replace:
*Clinton Casey with Alan Bond.
*Brad Ottens with Richard Lounder.
*Matthew Richardson with Mark Jackson.
*Wayne Campbell with Anthony Banik.
*Leon Cameron with Mal Brown.
*The Cheer Squad with the Tigerettes.
The Richmond Football Club is confident the above measures will turn
around our fortunes on and off the field this season.
More details from our new PR consultant Tottie Goldsmith.
Cheryl Critchley
From: D Long
From: "Treseder, Peter"
From: KyselaO
From: "Smooker, Glenn"
H/BACKS: Stephen Stretch, John McCarthy, Matthew Dent
C/W: Jason Baldwin, John Rombotis, Doug Hawkins
H/FWDS: Martin Pike, James Manson, John Barker
FWDS: Jarrod Molloy, Jef Hogg, Brett Chandler
RUCKS: Brett Cook, Brad Boyd
ROVER: Simon Atkins
I/CHGE: Simon Hawking, Jeremy Guard, Darren Holmes, Danny Morton
EMERG: Frank Bizzotto, Athony Mellington, Peter Bird
smooker@hn.ozemail.com.au
From: David Mcniece
From: John and Sandy Hill
From: Darren Brookes
From: paul russo
from Faction 3366 (would a name change help)
Our list of flashy players, given away and performed worse at their new
club. The applause from supporters for the returning players is in
appreciation for their achievement in lowering the skill level at their new
club.
East Fremantle -Brian Peake
Hawthorn- Mark Scott and Tony King (remember the Russell Greene swap)
Melbourne - Darren Bennett - would be a flood breaker now - but only for
ten seconds a game
Swans - Barry Mitchell
St Kilda - Craig Devonport - (especially sweet when the new club is Carlton)
Bulldogs - Brad Hardie
From: Travis Bull
J VAN BEEK 56 GAMES (1991 - 1995)
40 to Carlton, 8 to Collingwood.