Competition 20 May 2000 - Unprovable football theories
|
My theory disproves many of my colleagues' beliefs, for I feel that:
even if Essendon recruited Wayne Carey, Nathan Buckley, Matthew Richardson, Danny Southern, Tony Liberatore, Peter Matera, Phil Matera, Tony Modra, Darren Jarman, and resurrected the careers of Dermott Brereton, Gary Ablett - even Kevin Bartlett - my theory is that Darren Bewick would still be the most hated man in Red and Black, and therefore, the AFL. Jeff From Kilsyth Gday Boys Some more unprovables for you: Vin Cattoggio had a regular hairdresser who cut his hair during his career Greg Healy wore a helmet to keep his toupe in place Umpires have actually gotten worst since the introduction of 3 umpires and miss more free kicks than ever GREG KNIGHT I have a few Unproven theories; 1. If umpire Peter Carey hadn't of marked the footy in the Freo, St.kilda game last year, would anyone ever talk about that game. 2. If Fitzroy was still in the league would they be able to make the finals, considering how much Ex Fitzroy talent is going around. Peter Williamson Dear Simon, Here is an addition from the 33 66 faction entry from my cohort Paul Russo. Hopefully our efforts, much like my beloved bloods, will not be in vain this week. I've already called Bill Ferg to make sure the grain fed beef contained the right amount of marbling! Anyways here's the entry: Theory One: That our faction would be known as the 35 66 if the TAC was involved in club sponsorship back in 1935. That is because the Collingwood connected driver who mowed down South's Bob Pratt days before the Grand Final, effectively allowing Collingwood to pinch another G.F victory, may have been better educated to avoid his quarry or at least demerited off the roads. Theory Two: That Allen Aylett was behind South recruiting the very tough but not brilliantly skilled Des Tuddenham as coach for the 1978 season. One of tuddy's first decisions was to recruit the brilliantly skilled but not so very tough Nifty Neville Fields from Esssendon. In return The Dons got rights over the entire Daniher family. They even got back the one we kept ie Anthony. ( perhaps another competiton- "Trades of the Century" ) End result for the bloods was two poor seasons and exile to Sydney Preliminary Final, September 18th 1999 Essendon V Carlton Just suppose 'Mercs' Mercuri had off kicked that goal, and if Dean 'Wally' Wallis had off realised his age he would not have played on, then Essendon would've gone on to win the Premiership, suffer the hangover they so richly deserved and right now be having a very poor season sitting 5th on the ladder with 7 wins and 4 losses. Instead they are 11 zip (pending Fridays danger game against St Kilda) and boring the pants off all non Dons. Tom Hennessy Dear Simon, I have studied which team SHOULD HAVE WON THE FLAG for each year since the war. In most cases, a good case can be made for the official premier being beaten. The notable exceptions are – Hawthorn in 1988; Essendon in 1985 and 2000!!!!! The teams that SHOULD have won the flag in each year have been promoted to premiers in my “seasonally adjusted” premiership table. A study of Carlton’s 10 flags reveal the following: 1945 – The Blues hierarchy somehow engineered WW2 so as to render the MCG unusable for finals. This led to Princes Park being the venue for the 1945 GF where Carlton played South Melbourne. If the venue didn’t seal it, the bloodbath surely did. The Swans should have been 1945 premiers. 1947 – The blues won against the Bombers by a point (again). Essendon had 30 scoring shots to Carlton’s 21 (just imagine the “inside 50” stats on that day). A very dubious win. 1968 – In the GF, Carlton kicked only 7 goals on the day but still won. No team who kicks 7 goals in the GF could ever deserve to be premiers. 1970 – Collingwood were clearly the dominant side that year. Had they kicked straight, the game would have been over at half time. Had they not suffered injuries on the day, they would have won. 1972 - Richmond kicked 22 goals in the GF and no team scoring this many goals should be denied the flag - also the Tigers had three more scoring shots than the Blues 1979 - Just check Wayne Harmes hand as he collected his medallion – definite signs of fence graze on the right knuckle. This should be submitted as evidence. The most doubtful flag of all time! 1981/82 - Had David Parkin been overlooked (and he should have been – being a Hawthorn bloke!), they would not have won either of these flags. And why should a team that lost all their matches to Essendon from 1981 through to 1985 (many by big margins) be even considered as a worthy premier in this period? 1987 - It was obvious that Dunstall’s injury cost the Hawks four in a row from 1986-1989 1995 - This has me stumped. It is the one and only BIG GF win by the Blues. I only hope that loyal Cat supporter Ian Cover can come up with an incident during the game that MAY HAVE turned things around for the Cats that day. So, if Ian can fill in the gap below, my theory will be complete: In the 1995 GF, IF ONLY: (Ian to insert words here), then the Cats would have won the flag. So, in seasonally adjusted terms, the Blues have not won a flag in their tragic history since the war; and must be regarded as one of the most disappointing teams of the past 50 years. This is my unprovable (but very logical) theory. Doug Long Simon, Where to start? Where to start?
Adam If Mick Malthouse had been in contact with Bogart Lo and Ka Oticum instead of Kung Fu Tse (Confucius) , he'd still be coaching West Coast. Uncle Jack FOOTBALL MYTHS : A CHAMPION TEAM WILL ALWAYS BEAT A TEAM OF CHAMPIONS. Wrong ! Throughout AFL/VFL history a champion team is often beaten by one or two champions playing for the opposition who bob up at the right time. 1970: Ted Hopkins beats Collingwood. 1979: Boundary umpire beats Collingwood. 1980s to 1990s: Geelong make four Grand Finals due to one Gary Ablett. 1996: Would Sydney have made the GF had it not been for one Tony Lockett. 1997/8:Would Adelaide have won their two premierships if it were not for one D.Jarman and A. McCleod. 1996/99 : Would the AAA Kangaroos have come anywhere winning their two flags if it were not for that player whose name I can't mention but who is always bracketed with the Kangaroos ? From Paul Russo (3366 Faction) Hi Coodabeens, My favorite unprovable footy theory is this: The Carlton match committee of 1965-68 cost us the 1999 Flag! The 'logic' is as follows: That the Carlton match committee played John Lloyd for 21 more games (29 games from 1965-67) in anticipation of the 50 game father son rule to come in during the 1990's. In anticipation of John having a son 11 years after playing for Carlton. In anticipation of picking Matthew up as a father-son pick. In anticipation of Carlton realising Matthew's full potential as a footballer. In anticipation of Mathew kicking 4 goals and giving out 2 goal assists to allow Carlton a 1 point 1999 grand final victory! We was robbed!!!! Jamie Sanderson
Dear Simon, My entry for this week is as follows: From Wayne Jackson - The drop in membership for Hawthorn and St Kilda cannot be linked to their moving from VFL Park (sometimes referred to as Waverley) to the MCG and Colonial respectively. - That the fixturing of games has led to a drop in crowd attendances. - That the dropping of the reserves competition, and playing football on days other than Saturday, at times other than a 2.00 pm start time have led to a decline in the grassroots support for football. From Ian Collins - That the closing of the roof at Colonial is having any impact of the grass growing in a normal manner From Matt Cronin - That this entry is the best entry. If this entry doesn't win, you can't prove that it is not!! - That the 27th of May is my birthday and that I won't be upset if I don't win - That just because I live in Eltham that I must live in a mudbrick house My fate is in your hands, Sincerely, Matt Cronin Simon Being an old Fitzroy supporter, one incident that vividly sticks in my mind is a game against the Adelaide Crows at Football Park. Late in the last quarter "little" Jimmy Wynd was penalised for what appeared to be a perfect tackle against the Crows David Marshall (the Dynamo man). Fitzroy fans and TV commentators alike watched in disbelief as the free went against "little" Jimmy and the Crows goaled. That was one of about 4 dubious frees they got in time-on. It seems to me that if the ump. had been doing his job properly,the noose that the AFL were tightening around Fitzroys' neck may have been loosened a bit and Fitzroy may still be with us today. A football theory that will never be proven. Your sincerely Trevor Staples. The skill of Kicking has deteriorated over the years and this is due to the type of leather being produced for footballs and shoes. Over the years I've watched the skill of kicking the pill deterioriate to such an extent that for most AFL players 35 metres out in front of goals is a 50/50 chance of scoring anything let alone a goal. Those players that can still kick have special boots made from tougher cows !! Smooth supple leather make the balls harder to kick : Cattle are no longer allowed to roam free in Alpine areas toughening up their skins rather they are kept in feed lots, the leather is too soft. It's like wearing lederhosen on a leather couch : you just slide off at any angle. We need to develop a specific breed of football cow (cloning would be acceptable) from whom we could gain superior leather not that smooth stuff used on the leather armchairs in the Long Room but rather the rougher tougher leather, like the stuff used to tie back the ponytails of the 70's retro Collingwood supporters. We could have an adopt a calf policy where supporters could rear a cow from which players boots could be made later. Footballs would also need to be made from the tougher leather. That is my theory : ( Hope Ian enjoyed his night in Horsham) Gary Bourke Unexplained Footy Theories Would Stan Magro have ever caught Kevin Bartlett in the Punt Road forward pocket in the 1980 Grand Final even if it had been a draw and a replay? Would Collingwood have won the 1979 Grand Final if the Indian/Pakistani bookmakers had paid off the field umpire rather than the boundary umpire? (believing that boundaries were more important than fielders!) If Allan Jeans had been more tolerant of Garry Ablett's talents would Hawthorn have played in (and won?) every Grand Final from 1983 to 1995, thus depriving West Coast of their flags and meaning Adelaide would have been the first non-Victorian club to win a premiership? If personal computers had been developed in 1970, would Collingwood have won the Grand Final as Teddy Hopkins would have been keeping the stats for Ron Barassi rather than kicking four goals for him. Regards, Michael Cowan Simon For many years I have entered Coodabeens competitions. Ive entered under aliases, faction names and real names. Ive entered with partners, Ive been cut from teams and re drafted by others. I am a self professed stayer who in football parlance would have played a few games at North in the 50's. With this wealth of knowledge, letter me pose a few hypotheticals for this weeks competition, that have stuck in my craw for a long time. Would Essendon have lost the 1983 Grand Final if Kevin Sheedy hadnt dropped Ron Andrews ? and as a follow on Would Essendon have lost the 1983 Grand Final if Colin Robertson hadnt dropped Timmy Watson ? Also, a perennial favourite of the coodabeens, you should all want to know. Would Tony Francis have won the Brownlow Medal in his first year if he hadnt kicked Murray Rance ? And two final options What would football be like if Ron Barassi didnt leave Melbourne ? and What would have happened if Tom Willis decided to play hockey ? Yours in football Phil Thomas On behalf of "What happened to the Fort Report ?" Faction Gents, The last time I entered your footy comp was when first prize was a greasy parmagania at Johnny Kanis' Pub. Despite being a constant entrant in those days, I too wore the bridesmaid boquet on several occassions. In those days, my claim to fame was suggesting a competition for a team of dud brothers which was inspired by a child hood living next door to Larry Watson. Though suggesting the concept, I still couldn't win. The last Coodabeen comp I entered was in those dark old ABC days when you ran the "Mountain Tops" competition which I actually won for my rendition of an Aussie Crawl epic. The only problem was that there was no actual prize involved. Fortunately, the recent e-mail entry concept has allowed old timers such as myself to enter your competitions once again. Despite not being involved in the comps, I just want to let you know that I listen whenever possible and still gain a great laugh from the Saturday morning banter. Anyway enough of the rhetoric. Here is my Unprovable Football Theory: When Carlton lead StKilda by 5 points at the 28th minute mark of the final quarter and the ball is deep into the Saints forward line, 99.9% of football supporters could not give a tinkers cusp whether Con from Parkville wins 2 Grand Final tickets (supplied by the fizzy can company) if the Blues hold on for victory. Regards Glenn Smooker Gday Boys, After much deliberation from the followers of football in this work offfice our unprovable football theories are as follows: The boards at most of the clubs don't watch football as they are to busy with their own business or religions but give them a chance to bag the players or the coach and they are available to drop everything to discuss. The coach knows exactly why players are out of position chasing kicks and doing the wrong thing after the offender has kicked a goal.It was always Ian Collins was a better applicant for Wayne Jackson's job but the commision is full of Collingwood supporters. Angry Anderson was a late inclusion to sing/squeal out of tune at the 91? Grand Final as Rose Tattoo had a show at the Sandown Hotel and Ratcat were hung as, and couldn't walk straight. Angry waved down the bat mobile as it was on the way down Springvale Road to The Glen for promotional purposes as he was totally opposed to walking to the game and refused to get out when he arrived at Waverly. Hawthorn actually like Carlton as a club for the great deal Ian Collins arranged for Optus Oval and would be happy to pay compensation to Carlton for moving their match this wekend in the form of electrical whitegoods to the tune of $40,000 Freemantle actually knew what they were doing getting rid of Bell, Abraham, Burton as to gain the sympathy support in away games in Melbourne. Coaches run out on the ground at quarter & 3 quarter time to show the fans they are still fit and could play if required (i.e Danny Frawley , Mick Malthouse Ken Judge) The Herald-Sun cant get all footballers to strike a stupid pose for photos The AFL knows what they are doing by not playing games Saturday afternoons. Thanks Boys Greg Knight Dear Coodabeens, Being a Geelong Supporter, I have as many unprovable theories as David Duchovny on the X-Files..... We will start with GF loses.... Geelong would have won the 92 GF if Peter Matera snapped his hammy the first time he ran down the members wing that day..... Geelong would have won the 92 and 94 GF's if only boom recruit Stephen Hooper could have played footy.... Geelong would have won the 89 GF if Dermie would have accepted his fate and gone down like a sack of potatoes.... Geelong's financial plight..... Geelong would be one of the financial powerhouses if.....the phrase "Pyramid Scheme" had never reached the shores of Corio Bay.... Geelong would be one of the financial powerhouses if....Garry Hocking had changed his name to "Y2K fix" rather than "Whiskers" last year..... Geelong would be one of the financial powerhouses if....Brian Cook hosted "The Footy Show" and "Who wants to be a Millionaire" Gary Ablett.... Would have been the leading all time goalkicker if he hadn't thrashed Gary Ayres in the 89 GF. Would have been the leading all time goalkicker if Billy Brownless would have never stopped at that damn silo. Regards Paul (Clayton) Jaysopn Daniels(ex St Kilda ,Sydney,St Kilda could kick on the run If Bruce McAvaney lets go with the "special"comment in the third quarter that team is home Andrew Dunkley has be kicking on his opposite foot all his career as knowone could look that ungamely. Freemantle could be a good side but the injury list always has good players on it (WAFL good players) Kevin Sheedy believes in voodoo and thinks all the star players will fall over if he actually admits that he has got a great team. Tony Shaw is trying to take over from Dancin Dougie Hawkins as "The Game's" resident idiot (oops proved that last week) In the year 2020 Rex Hunt will still be calling football after 9 bypasses and 12 singing lessons to try and hit the old note that he loves to sing at the end of the game " It's OVEeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" And Daics will be sitting by his side laughing and still letting go with "Whoaaaaaaaaaaa" Keep up the good work Greg Knight Mike Fordred Greensborough An oft told story down at Glenferrie concerns two recent superstars of the game, namely Dermot Brereton and Gary Ablett. In the early 80's, as we all know, both Brereton and Ablett were young up and comers on the Hawthorn list. The story goes that the Hawk brains trust was at odds on who they would retain and who they would drop off the list - Brereton or Ablett. As we all know, Gary got the flick, went bush for awhile and Dermie, went on to become a Hawk legend. This has led me to consider the theory: What might have happened if the Hawk hierarchy had got it the other way around? Would Dermie have : - kicked five goals in his first game? - kicked 8 goals in a losing Grand Final? - played in 7 successive Grand Finals? - been awarded 5 premiership medals and become a footy superstar? - developed into a media megastar? - hosted his own weekly footy show? - run a televised membership rally on that show? - invite club captains to take phone calls from prospective members? - set up a fake interview with an opposition station contracted captain? - and finally, given any reason for Nathan Buckley to drop the magic word in front of three million people? Some may argue that I'm drawing a long bow to my theory but I reckon poor Nathan Buckley has got every right to be jolly well dirty on those Hawthorn selectors back in 1981. If they had only picked Gary........!! But alas, we will never, ever know!! hey boys, here are a couple of my unproveable theories... *Sav Rocca will always kick goals when Anthony is there. *Every team should have a crumbing aborigine (eg Farmer, Burns, Neon Leon) *No one likes Bruce McAvaney *The AFL puts games on sundays so kids in juniors comps can't go *Mike Sheahan just wants publicity *Collingwood supporters are really smart *At the moment Collingwood supporters are dreading the coming games against Port and the Saints as they don't want the barrage of baging at school if we lose (eg ME!!!) *Damien Adkins thinks he is the best at the world when he dodges 84 players and gets cleaned up every time eg Contessa *Dean Rioli needs to lose weight *Simon will always have an excuse if St.Kilda loses Michael Hogg I hold the following thruths to be self-evident: Season 1982 was the driest on record with not one drop of rain falling in Melbourne on a Saturday afternoon. (This was back in the days when football was played in Melbourne on Saturday afternoons - what a concept!) This enabled the black and yellow excitement machine to use its pace and develop its dry weather skills, completely neglecting its wet weather skills. Then it rained - only once and only for 5 minutes, but right at the very start of the 1982 Grand Final. This enabled Carlton to kick the first three goals of the match, the eventual margin at the final siren. If it hadn't have rained, the Tiges would obviously have won the flag, however, there is a much bigger picture here:
Ian Lewis, Briar Hill. Dear Coodabeens, Every celebrity in the world recently, if they're not dating Natalie Imbruglia, has been giving advice to Tim Watson. Which explains the following unreported response from Tim to his critics after the Port Adelaide match - "You've written me off, you've questioned my skills, and you've doubted my personal worth. You've stripped me of my dignity and you've rent my life asunder. But now I say to my critics, each and every one of you - you made ONE mistake. You left a toenail. And gentlemen, be warned. THE TOENAIL IS FIGHTING BACK! ***Unproveable theories -
Stuart McArthur PS: Drew Morphett said before the replay of the West Coast/Collingwood game that in recent weeks, West Coast have been winning alternately and losing alternately. Is doing both together an amazing coincidence, or is it common?
Adrian Jackson (ex one of The Telecom Boys, if you can remember that far back). What if..... My entry can be paralleled with the shooting of Lee Harvey Oswald. What if ....Jack Ruby had not killed Oswald, would the world now know the identity of the true killer of JFK? September 1983, a warm spring Saturday afternoon. It's the qualifying final at the MCG, Fitzroy v Hawthorn. A sensational second half of football saw the mighty Roys recover to lead with a few minutes remaining in the match. Superboot was heroic, kicking goal after goal after goal!!! What if....Michael Nettlefold had not been pinned for carrying the ball over the boundry line, would Fitzroy have gone on to win the big one..and still be around today. The answer to both these what ifs, will never be known, not even if Oliver Stone produces another film and Russell Crowe play Bernie. Have a great show. Nic still one eyed Fitzroy. |
Home | Competition | Dukes of depth |Guru Bob