The Trumpet

The unofficial publication of the Coodabeen Champions.

The Coodabeens- taking audiences for granted

Vol 1 No. 1. August 2001

Editors note: Welcome to The Trumpet, the unofficial publication of the Coodabeens and a lame attempt at winning the competition.

Simon Whelan, as we all know, mentions the same people week after week irregardless of the quality of the entries. This week The Trumpet uncovers the true identities of his favourites.

Greg (and Sue) Hoysted — In-laws

Stuart McArthur — Best man at wedding

Glenn from Newport - business partner

Bob the Yank — Another in-law who moved back home but his memory still lingers

Faction 3366 — Old school foes whom he bullied.

All of the others who receive a regular mention know who they are.

It is believed that his weeks entry is all about arm bands, but does anyone know the origin of them and why they are worn on the left arm? The secret lies below (well, over).

If Geelong had a cause, that cause would be,

not about plants, animals or stock

Nor even dolphins, whales, sugar or clocks,

Not even the war, nor even the Sun

But something more terrible, morbid and glum

The cause of Geelong

is explained below.

It’s sad, then happy, then sad again

It holds memories, myths and lies

It’s about an ordinary, regular guy.

Edward the Great, Teddy the Curse

Left the game long ago,

in the back of a hearse

He died whilst playing (on the Half back flank)

Against the Maggies

September 4, 1928

The death was sad, as sad as deaths can be

Teddy was loved, yet hated by three

The three were crazy,

as crazy as the sun

They murdered poor Eddie,

through the barrel of a gun

‘BANG’! went the rifle

‘Bada Ping !’ rang the shot.

‘Whoosh’ flew the arrow

Off blew his arm

‘Left one. Good shot!’

Motionless he lay

Ted. Dead.

From that day on,

September 4 till now

Clubs have used the

Geelong sacred cow,

to promote their cause, death or song,

by wearing arm bands (green, black or blue)

The stripes you see,

the hoops of Geelong

Are a tribute to poor Teddy,

Arm less and gone

To those who copy

Geelong do not mind

Each armband worn,

Is in memory, in kind

A kind like Teddy, Edward or Ed

It matters not,

As long as they’re dead.

(Although it must be the left arm)

This week we sit down and chew the fat with the resident hippie of the Coodabeens, Greg ‘songster’ Champion.

T: Greg, you live in Lennox Head, do you surf?

GC: No.

T: That’s pretty stupid. Have you ever found what your looking for?

GC: Yes. It’s always in the last place I look.

T: Is it true you use two orifices for your so called ‘mouth trumpet’?

GC: Despite rumours, no. Although I can do a good tuber.

T: Why are goats so hard to draw?

GC: Not as hard as a lettuce.

T: Are you a vegetarian?

GC: Yes.

T : Why?

GC: It’s a lifestyle choice, man.

T: Have you hugged a tree lately?

GC: Everyday.

T: You really are a hippie from Adelaide.

GC: South Australian made, man.

T: Thanks for your time.

GC: No worries. Do you want a drag?

In ground breaking research, eminent scientists from Yale have found, that despite anecdotal evidence, football is not a funny game. "Having researched this topic for many years, we have come to the conclusion that football is far from humorous. The impact of a side winning or losing impacted heavily on the psyche of many of the participants. In fact, very little humour was found at all. Football is simply not funny, never has been."

In next weeks edition of the ill feted Trumpet, look out for an exclusive interview with Ian Cover, another lame competition entry and maybe even the name of the editor.

Go the cats, go the seagulls!