Cavendish Bugle

The unofficial publication of the Coodabeen Champions (ex The Trumpet)

The Coodabeens- limited only by talent

Vol 1 No. 2. August 2001 Written & Edited by Tim Goddard.

This week we sit down with the public servant, Ian Cover. You make have noticed that Ian’s surname is pronounced in a strange manner, Co-ver, instead of the more traditional pronunciation of Cover — Cov-er. It’s on this point that I opened the banter.

CB: Gidday Ian. Why Co-ver?

IC: Because.

CB: Repeat the following, savage.

IC: Savage.

CB: Louise Savage

IC: Louise Sav-age

CB: Gate

IC: Gate

CB: Gabriel Gate

IC: Gabriel Ga-tey

CB: Death

IC: Death

CB: Michael Death

IC: Michael De-ath

CB: Do you see the problem here?

IC: No, surname’s are different.

CB: I agree, Savage and Death probably have a case for being changed. Gate and Cover I think not.

IC: Look, I dunno. It just is.

CB: Don’t you like cricket.

IC: I do actually.

CB: When was the last time Steve Waugh hit a Co-ver drive?

IC: Look, it’s just the way you pronounce it. It’s a French thing. Ask Gabriel.

CB: Sure. Do you prefer salted or unsalted butter?

IC: Unsalted Girgar. It’s great.

CB: Thanks for your time.

IC: It’s okay, it’s alright. Go the Cats.

Densabar, Bali. Nov 6.

In tragic circumstances seven AFL players are in critical condition after swallowing several Celery Caps. It is believed that the recreational drugs is popular amongst professional footballers and are common within all AFL clubs.

Whilst their names have not yet been released, it is believed they were on an end of season football trip.

In other footy trip news, several Port Adelaide players voluntarily removed themselves from a Port Lincoln hotel and retired to bed early. This fracas was caused after two stubby holders went missing (allegedly). The AFL is investigating.

The Geelong Football Club are sick and tired of rumours beginning without the Club receiving prior notice a spokesperson stated yesterday. "It makes rumours null and void it we don’t know about them". The AFL is investigating.

Late last night all Melbourne board members voted in unison to close the meeting at 12.10am.

Given the Footy Show is called the Footy Show yet it cannot show any footy, what will it call itself next year? I once saw a late nighter on SBS called Jack High and the only kitty I saw was on the floor of a lovely Bilbao terrace. What fate the Footy Show?

With the recent proliferation of AFL players having hair product on their hair during games, a leading sports scientist believes it may enhance performance. "Whilst I cannot be sure about my research, I believe it may stop hair getting in players eyes". The AFL is investigating.

It is good to see that Ben Allen used the oldest motivational tool in the shed last week we he stated that he only rated 10 of his players. It makes it a bit hard on selection night when you are choosing blokes who can’t play over blokes who can’t play. A great dilemma.

The Poms are being thrashed at cricket, a second rate author and Lord is imprisoned for perjury, they can’t play rugby even with the help of the Welsh, Scots or Irish and shortly their summer will come to a close plunging the country into short days,

long nights and rain. No matter how much the Pound (₤) is worth compared to the Aussie Battler, I wouldn’t be a Pom for all the Quokkas on Rottnest Island.

"When was the last time you saw Jai Turima barge through a pack or Deeks kick one from sixty" stated a startled Billy Brownless after it was revealed that he would not have been drafted using current day athletic measurements. "Athletes are self indulgent, tax payer funded bludgers. Footy players eke out a living chasing a pill. We fund athletes". The AFL is investigating.

The only reason the Maggies are getting a mention is that I believe it is law to mention Collingwood at least twice in any football publication, however trivial. Jail averted.

Byron Bay police arrested Greg Champion and Tony Leonard yesterday after taking part in an illegal busking performance. The impromptu display of musical talent (or lack thereof in Mr Leonard’s case) severely disrupted a local Tai Chi and Feng Shui display.

It seems from eyewitness reports that all was well until, "a big fellow, limping quite badly, decided to belt out Stairway to Heaven. It was shocking and caused two push bike accidents and my mung beans to wilt" stated a horrified onlooker.

It is expected they will be released on bail and will defend their charges of public nuisance. Both were unavailable for comment. The AFL seemed non-plussed over the issue but will investigate nonetheless.

A major sporting body requires the services of experienced investigators. Commonalities should include fiscal prudence, moral compassing, infrastructural leverage, experience in professional service delivery and the gift of the gab. Call 8675 309 for details.

Tim Goddard 0418 309 343. Go the Cats, go the Seagulls!