The unofficial publication of the Coodabeen Champions (ex Cavendish Bugle, ex Trumpet)

The Coodabeens- making every post 5’10"

Vol 1 No. 3. August 2001 © Written & Edited by Tim Goddard.

In Art as in Football as in Literature, the performances of the present are best-judged in times post. Current climes, in many instances, cloud one’s judgement. In the olden days, the following were looked upon as such; Reubens liked to paint nude chicks, Michelangelo tarted up churches, Turner liked burning boats, Picasso ugly women, Dostyevcsky was a long winded convict, Jane Austin was not a happy camper whilst William Shakespeare was a writer with poor taste in fashion.

How can we ever expect to really judge our footballers and their acts without the benefit of a retrospecto-meter. It would be folly to try. This has not stopped footballers turning their experiences into words, with the greatest example being -

It is well known that the Austin Jones’s Diaries have been a major success since their release. The summation of the plight of the modern male is beautifully divulged. Love, rejection, work, play, alcohol, sex, gambling, workplace relationships and family expectations are all interwoven into a story, a story of a man trying to find his place in the world, and his one true love. A world full of judgemental friends, prying family and life coaches who waft through his life like the smoke off another Stuyvo Red.

So successful has his first foray into literature been, that talks of a movie have intensified, as AAP reports

Talk of a movie is already underway with the casting of Noah Taylor as Austin, Jack Thompson (Stan), Russell Crowe (Tim) and Gary McDonald (Blighty) as the coaches. John Clarke has been offered the role of both Andrew Plympton and Rod Butteress as President. His bevy of Dames, including Cameron Diaz and Susie Porter (vying for his tender heart) are permanent fixtures at the Saints Disco. Filming is due to begin shortly.

Just prior to the release of the movie it is expected Austin will change his surname to Texas. AAP.

The Carlton Great, Percy Jones, has just completed his latest Dickensque masterpiece, Great Remonstrations.

Percy reveals the hours of practice required to ensure the match day performances are perfect. His fully illustrated choreographic moves are truly unique. Other players featured include; Crackers Keenan, Jacko, Dermott Brereton and Michael Martin to name a few.

Despite rumours to the contrary, Looka still lives on the second floor.

We all know that Jeff Richardson is the ‘Captain’ of the Coodabeens. What I would like to know is why he badmouths an integral part of the team each time he is out injured? Simon may be accident prone, but I fail to see why this would result in a public slag-fest.

Richo’s outburst last week was scathing in the extreme. Such derogatory words have rarely been heard on such a family friendly show. The Trumpet calls for a full, on air apology.

It’s the listener’s job to defame Simon Whelan, not his fellow panel members.

Is it true that Anthony gently weeps when he sees his Big(Brother) Sav in the Northerners strip?

"I offer my resignation, valid from seasons end" stated a disgraced Cameron Schwab at a packed press conference. His grave error of omitting Torch’s name from the AFL website ended his reign as the Website Head. Torch, for those who don’t know, dobbed a sausage with his first roost of the agate in the then VFL.

The AFL appointed the worldwide accounting firm, Full & Frank to undertake an audit of all clubs.

4AW works a lot better. Four! On the same theme, did 3LO have to drop the LO for fear of being sued by a Yankee singer?

Even though The Trumpet revealed the true relationship between Simon Whelan and many of his correspondi(?), the insipid nepotism continues at pace.

A recent talk fest debunked many footballing myths. The most amazing revelation was the use of some 1,463 adjectives compared to only 642 verbs. Reasons for the huge discrepancy are not known. The most often used words were disgrace, AFL, goat, zucchini, sucks, turf, arrogant, colonial and Mungindi.

A very close and personal friend of the author still cringes over a ordinary speech made two years ago and apologises to all in attendance.

Imagine living at Unit 5, Number 5, Fifth street, Five Ways.

Tim Goddard 0418 309 343. Go the Cats, go the Seagulls!