The Trumpet

The unofficial publication of the Coodabeen Champions (ex Cavendish Bugle, Trumpet, Manangatang Horn, Omeo Oboe, French (Is.) Horn)

The Coodabeens- Benthic lifeforms in the river of life

The editorial team at The Trumpet is pleased to bring you the inaugural Trumpet Awards. As with all awards, each has their equivalent of the Gold Logie, and we at The Trumpet dare not go against award show protocol. This being the case, we are pleased to announce The Gilligan.

The Gilligan goes to person who ‘Shoodabeen a Winner’ if not for the efforts of Simon ‘objectivity my arse’ Whelan.

Whilst they may be the first in a series of annual Awards, The Trumpet in no way endorses anything the Coodabeens say or do, in fact, we hope they are exposed as charlatans and media frauds. Without further ado;

The Gilligan: Congrats to The Bush Battler for an outstanding effort.

The Fletcher Christian Award: Grant Thomas (he always had Captain Bligh(t) in his sights).

Gary Sidebottom Award: Torch McGee, for being left off the ‘first kick is a goal’ list.

The Apollo Creed Award: The Geelong Football Club (Gentlemen —box).

The Troy Ugle Award: the erratic Simon Whelan.

The ‘Nepotism is alive and well’ Award: Stuart McArthur, who on all available evidence, was the best man at Simon’s

wedding ensuring he was mentioned at every available opportunity.

The Transsexual Award: Greg and Sue Hoystead - who are in fact one of the same.

The Stock, Aitken and Waterman Award: Greg ‘songster’ Champion for his dedicated approach to writing another ‘That’s the thing about football’.

The ‘Toys out of the Cot’ Award for the most angry Coach: Anyone who needs a padded coaches box must surely win, congrats to Rodney ‘Rocket Salad’ Eade.

The Paul Feltham Award for the coach who will never be heard of again: The disappearance of Ken Judge from the football world may even eclipse the great Paul ‘Toowoomba Tigers’ Feltham.

The Larry Emdur Award for the Coodabeen most likely to host a game show: Given Tony Leonard’s penchant for all things ‘medja’, he is a prime candidate to host the upcoming return series of ‘Almost Anything Goes’. Despite rumours flooding the industry, Jackie McDonald will not be the co-host.

The Patch Award for the most one-eyed Coodabeen: Ian Cover MLC. (Methodist Ladies College)

The Tom Brokeshaw Award: Who else, but the Captain of the good ship Coodabeen Champions, Jeff ‘salty dog’ Richardson.

The Stalag 13, Hogan’s Heroes Award: Bob ‘the yank’ Crane.

The Captain Mainwaring (in honour of both the Dad’s Army and Denis Cometti who persisted in saying Main-wearing and not the tried and tested ‘Mannering’) Award: The ‘Big Dipper’, whose masterful use of the English language was used as a template for the Tele-tubbies.

The Jeff Kennet Award for the player who wakes up every morning and says; "I can’t believe it. I’m out of the game. I used to be adored, now I’m a history lesson": A tie between Gary ‘Buddha’ Hocking and Darren ’foobball’ Jarman. Two absolute champions — gone.

The Grapes of Wrath Award: Peter ‘are things really better in the west?’ Bell.

The Mary Robinson Award for having the most international impact: Jim Stynes, who may well end up in the UN one day.

The John Cougar Melloncamp Award for the entrant whose name may well be a song one-day: ‘Jac and Pete’ ( a little ditty).

Siimon Renyolds Award: GleNN from Newport.

The Marlon Brando in Apocolypse now Award: Kevin Sheedy

The Monica Attard Award for the best Coodabeen Correspondent: Peter ‘Spider’ Everitt for his honesty and candour.

The Timothy McVeigh Award: S13 (with Faction 3366 as co-conspirators).

The Billy Bell’s Pub Brewery Award for the biggest bunch of piss heads: Under the guidance of their President, Carlton wins hands down,

The Knack Award for one win wonders: Fremantle - Dock on!

The Metamucil Award for regularity: a tie between Doug Long, Matt Laing, Cheryl Critchley and Geoff from Kilsyth.

The ‘didn’t he win a Brownlow?’ Award: Peter Treseder

The Craven A Award: Darren ‘Gasper’ Gasper.

The ‘Bank Street Five’ Award for the ‘Wild Card’ winners: You know who you are.

I am sure all those in attendance would like to thank the group blokes who make up the Coodabeens for having a yak every Saturday morn and letting us listen in. Just as vegemite goes with toast, Saturday morning and the Coodabeens are another of life’s inseparable condiments on the brekky table of life.

Well done chaps, jolly good show!

One last thing, beware of Tony’s tips for the Spring Racing Carnival, they are truly unique.

Tim Goddard. Keep the Seagulls where they are!